Damaged

by Jody Holford

  “Just a little?”

  The steam from the shower was making the room warm. Maddi stepped back from him, pulled her shirt over her head, and tossed it behind. The temperature of the room went up even more. This time, Noah stepped into her, done with the easy seduction. She’d achieved the desired response and now he wanted more. Maddi giggled as he reached for her running pants, and the sound shot straight to his gut.

  When he finally got them both into the shower, without falling over, he watched the water cascade over her body. His chest tightened to the point of uncomfortable.

  “Noah?” she asked, looking up at him with her hair plastered to her head, her eyes reading him. Captivated, he watched the water trail over her breasts before moving his gaze up to her eyes.

  “Hmm?”

  Her gaze shifted from passion to uncertainty. He knew better than to push so he just stood watching her, letting the water pour over them. Maddi blinked and the uncertainty was gone. Something was up, but she stepped forward and made him forget to ask what was on her mind.

  Noah’s stupid grin was getting on Maddi’s nerves.

  “You’re ridiculous.” She grumbled and ran her hand back and forth over the leather of the arm rest in his truck.

  “And you’re fidgeting.” He smiled then reached over to take her hand. She kept her fingers stiff and he laughed.

  “Why is this so amusing to you?” she asked impatiently.

  “Well, I don’t know that it’s funny, but it’s amusing to think you’re this irritated by the fact that you don’t have a getaway car.”

  “You cheated.”

  “I don’t know if you can cheat at rock-paper-scissors. I won fair and square. You agreed. I win, I pick you up. You win, you drive. You’re a very sore loser,” he teased.

  Noah turned down his quiet street, waved to an older man walking an extremely large black poodle, then turned into his driveway. Cutting the engine, he turned to Maddi. He undid his own seat belt, then hers, angled his body toward her, and held her hand. All signs of joking were gone. “Maddi, if you don’t feel comfortable, I’ll take you home myself.”

  “You’re the host.”

  “It’s not that kind of thing, honey. It’s just some friends and my sister. No one is going to care if I make an excuse and say I have to get you home.”

  He looked so sincere and, really, she was more nervous about meeting his friends than she was about the fact that she didn’t have a car. Bringing her hand to his lips, Noah held her gaze and kissed her palm. It tickled, but she didn’t laugh.

  “I’m being silly,” she said, though her stomach was in knots. His other hand cupped her cheek. It was hard to think when he was always touching her. It was distracting.

  “It’s not silly. You’re nervous,” he corrected, earning a look of surprise from her. “I know this is hard for you, but you’re here and I’m really glad. After this and the opening at Seamless, you’re going to be a regular social butterfly.”

  Maddi rolled her eyes and pulled her hand from his grasp, grabbed her overnight bag, which she’d brought in case she didn’t have a panic attack and made him take her home. Noah laughed as she got out of the car and slammed the door. He caught up to her at his front door.

  “I asked you about it. I didn’t say I was going. That we were going. I haven’t decided. I don’t even have anything to wear.”

  Don’t think about that as well. She could function if she put everything in separate compartments and dealt with one thing at a time. BBQ. Noah. Work. Jason. Seamless. It was getting harder to keep all of the lines from blurring into each other.

  “I’m sure Nat has something you can borrow,” he answered.

  He always had answers she thought as he let them into his house. His home was charming, and she couldn’t deny that she enjoyed being there. It felt homey with its settle-in couch and cozy matching chairs. The furniture was large and masculine, but the room was bright and open with windows giving extra light. He took her bag to his room while she made her way to his kitchen. Opening the cupboard, she began pulling out bowls for salad and chips. She concentrated on each task, saying the steps in her head. Take out the chips. Open the bag. Pour the bag into the green bowl. That left less room in her head for other thoughts. When she turned to grab the chips from the pantry, Noah was leaning against the door jamb that separated the kitchen from the living room. Maddi stopped short, trying to assess the look on his face.

  “You look good in my kitchen. In my house. Here, with me,” he said quietly and so seriously that her heart tumbled.

  “Noah,” she warned. She needed to get through the BBQ and wasn’t sure she could if he started saying things to make her think beyond tonight. Beyond right now.

  “Maddi,” he replied, moving toward her. He pulled her close and rested his forehead on hers. “I wish I could say things like that and not have your eyes fill with fear.”

  “Me too,” she whispered honestly, her eyes now filling with moisture. “I’m trying.”

  “Then that’s enough.”

  “I think that I should tell you about Noah’s first girlfriend,” Natalie giggled, making air quotes around the word girlfriend.

  Noah shook his head as he pulled Maddi into the oversized chair beside him. Ryan was sprawled on his couch smiling stupidly at Nat, who’d had three wine coolers. Apparently, that was two over her limit. Only two other couples had shown up, so Maddi’s limits were only mildly tested. She had been quiet, but she smiled politely and laughed at the right times, offered small pieces of information about herself, if directly asked. Now that it was just the four of them, she seemed to shed the anxiety that had hovered

  “I think maybe you should call it a night,” Noah said to Nat, hugging Maddi close. She looked down at him with an amused smile.

  “I think she should tell the story first,” Ryan suggested, putting his hands behind his head.

  Noah was going to have to wipe the grin off his friend’s face if he didn’t stop looking at his sister like that. “Where did you say Jenna was tonight?” Noah asked, shooting Ryan a warning look. Ryan returned it with a look that clearly said, “Shut up.”

  “We had an argument,” he admitted finally. Maddi looked toward him and Noah felt her body tense.

  “About marriage?” Natalie asked. She sighed almost wistfully. Ryan flinched at the word, making Noah laugh.

  “Uh, no. About arguing,” Ryan said.

  “You had an argument about arguing?” Maddi spoke up. Ryan smiled at her.

  “Yeah. We never argue and I don’t think it’s healthy. We break up, get back together, tune each other out, and start over,” Ryan said.

  “His mom’s a shrink,” Noah said in a stage whisper to Maddi.

  Ryan tossed the pillow he had behind his head at Noah, who deflected it away from him and Maddi. “Arguing is healthy,” Ryan reasserted.

  “Until it’s not,” Maddi returned so low he wasn’t sure if Ryan heard her.

  “Actually,” Natalie spoke up, balancing precariously on the edge of his couch near Ryan’s feet. “It was arguing that got Noah his first girl.”

  “I think we should let her tell her story.” Maddi smiled, her body relaxing, then added, “That way, I’ll know if you’ve improved your moves at all.”

  “My moves?” Noah asked, affronted. Maddi laughed.

  “He was arguing with my best friend, Chrissy, trying to prove that he was right,” Nat interrupted.

  “Sounds the same so far,” Maddi commented, earning a gentle poke in the ribs from him.

  “He does like to get his way,” Ryan joined in.

  “So, he’s telling her how right he is about I don’t even remember what, and she’s telling him how wrong he is and then makes a bet that if she’s right, he has to kiss her,” Natalie explained, her voice drawing the syllables out more and more.

  “It was a set up,” Noah said, glaring at Nat who had been so proud to tell him that after.

  “What?” Maddi asked, her grin
widening.

  “Chrissy had a major crush on him and she asked me what the best way to get him to kiss her was, and that was the only thing I could come up with.” Natalie laughed far more than was called for.

  “Last time I dated one of Nat’s friends. Ever,” Noah said.

  “You dated her?” Maddi asked.

  “Well, of course. I mean, after kissing me, she only wanted me more, so I couldn’t just break her heart,” Noah said.

  Ryan snorted from his corner of the couch and Noah picked up the fallen pillow and tossed it back. Ryan didn’t deflect it and it hit him square in the face.

  “She broke up with him after three days and said he was a slobbery kisser.” Natalie cringed, looking at Maddi.

  “Gimme back that pillow, Ry,” Noah said, glaring at his sister. Ryan was snoring.

  Maddi laughed and kissed Noah’s cheek so naturally that his breath caught. She looked at him and then over at Nat who wobbled slightly in her spot.

  “Well, he’s not slobbery now,” Maddi said seriously. Noah just stared at her.

  “Seriously? That’s the best you can say?” he asked, making Nat and Maddi both laugh loudly while Ryan continued to snore.

  Chapter 15

  Maddi loved the size of Aurora, one of the biggest suburbs in Denver. It was like one large city tucked away inside another. A double layer of protection. In the past, she’d tried hard not to attach to a city any more than people. Was it an age thing that she felt different now? Or just Noah? Maddi was tired of running, and the truth was, she couldn’t get away from her past. No matter where she went, she couldn’t get away from herself so running was starting to feel futile. Being safe was an illusion anyway.

  Maddi parked as close to Seamless as she could so she didn’t have to lug boxes back and forth. She’d dressed professionally and knew they wanted her more than she wanted them, but still, she worried about their impression of her. Havana Street was miles of shops and eateries. There were high-end boutiques, quaint homey shops, and everything in between. Every style of food was offered, and Maddi tried to remember the last time she’d been out for dinner at a restaurant. She had grabbed takeout numerous times, but that had a different feel to it than eating a meal at a restaurant table.

  Cobblestone walkways and tree-lined streets gave an air of old world despite some of the obviously newer shops. She lifted the large box of jewelry out of her trunk, held it on her hip, and closed the trunk with her other hand. Her heels clicked on the cobblestone like a timer counting down. Seamless was nestled in between an antique store and a coffee house. Glancing around habitually, she waited until an older gentleman, hacking into his elbow, crossed her path before she pulled the door to the shop open. Wind chimes sang as she entered.

  Seamless was nothing short of beautiful. The outside was amazingly deceptive as the inside looked like someone’s home. Someone with exceptionally good taste. Jill Moyer greeted her immediately, her loose blond curls flowing over her shoulders, her porcelain skin flawless, and her eyes and smile warm and welcoming.

  “You absolutely have to be Maddi Brooks,” she said. The hint of the south in her voice was stronger in person.

  “I am. It’s nice to meet you, Ms. Moyer.”

  The store was empty since Maddi had asked to come before it opened. She didn’t want to mix and mingle with customers. That’s why she avoided having her own store. Maddi walked between the chaise lounges toward Jill, who was folding a gorgeous knitted blanket over the side of an antique cradle. Old fashioned settees with curving arms and plush fabric were angled toward each other so that it seemed like tiny conversation spaces within a larger living room. Gorgeous artwork hung on the walls: nudes, landscapes, abstract. There seemed to be no particular theme. Side tables that looked custom made were beside the seating areas.

  “Jill. Come on over here, darlin',” she encouraged, her tall, lithe body weaving through the store toward the glass-top counter.

  An antique register was set up on the counter and inside, Maddi saw hundreds of trinkets, jewels, and knickknacks, all set about to look like someone’s china cabinet. “Your store is exquisite,” Maddi said reverently. She set the box on the counter and continued to look around. It would take hours to go through and really explore everything.

  “Aw, I’m so glad you think so. Been in my family for many years now. My mama used to run it, but she’s got herself some bad hips now and it does her no good to be standing on her feet all day. Comes in to help now and again. Mostly I think she just likes to lay in those lounge chairs and pretend she’s a lady of luxury.”

  Jill laughed, sounding much like the wind chimes.

  Maddi listened politely as Jill shared some of the history of the store and her family and nodded at the right times, but her eyes were drawn to the details of the space. High-beamed ceilings and high windows made it look bigger than it probably was. There was a set of curving stairs toward the back of the store.

  “Now, I reckon you’ll want to see where I’m displaying your products. Did you come up with a name?”

  Maddi followed her as she led the way through the store and up those curving stairs. She ran her hand along the black metal balustrade.

  “I did. Invincible,” she said softly, biting down her gasp of surprise when the second level led to a loft-style room designed to resemble a boudoir.

  “Hmm … Invincible. What every woman wants to feel. I like it. Mind if I ask the story behind it?”

  “Sometimes I think that jewelry is like a shield. Kind of like makeup. It’s what we want the world to see when we’re out in it. We put it on so people focus on that rather than looking closer at us. It’s like a beautiful mask. When we wear it, we feel freer—invincible. People see the jewelry, and they forget to look closer to see our flaws.”

  Maddi ran her palm along an antique mahogany highboy that she wished she could justify buying. A shorter dresser held empty jewelry boxes. A vanilla cream vanity was tucked in the corner.

  “Well, ain’t that the truth,” Jill said then laughed. She spread her arms out wide, turned in a half circle. “This is the boudoir, where feeling invincible is also a handy trait. My thinking was that we’d display your line in here. Necklaces hanging, rings in the jewelry boxes, bracelets on the dresser tops.”

  “Like a woman’s bedroom with all of her treasures,” Maddi murmured.

  Jill smiled brightly and nodded. Maddi smiled back, very happy to have had the courage to take this step. They continued to wander the room and chat about her pieces, the store, and the launch.

  By the time she left, she had a clear idea of how her pieces would look: spread out like a woman had come home after a pleasant evening out. Perhaps she left her bracelet on her dresser as she unclasped it and walked by then maybe her necklace came off at the vanity—piece by piece coming off at the end of a night before whatever bedtime rituals were performed. It was romantic and indulgent. Maddi smiled at the thought as she walked the short distance to her car.

  There was more traffic out. People coming and going as shops were opening. Aurora was coming alive, and that was how Maddi felt as she neared her car: alive. She was at her car, had pressed the unlock button when she glanced up and swallowed a gasp. Wings beat hard in her chest, too small for butterflies, as she locked eyes with a man standing in the recessed doorway of a restaurant. He wore a baseball cap, an oversized, nondescript sweater, and jeans. Nothing stood out, except his rounded face. His eyes—her eyes— looked back at her, steady, emotionless. His tall frame filled the doorway, and she felt slightly dizzy as her heartbeat picked up the pace. Fumbling, she tried to unlock the door that was already unlocked, grabbed at the handle, threw herself into the seat, and locked the door. He’d come out of the doorway a bit, as though he’d taken a step toward her. Shoving the wrong key in the ignition, she tried to exchange it for the right one, dropped them on the floor.

  “Breathe, damn it,” she cursed herself. As he shoved his hands in his pockets, her car came to life and Maddi
’s breath hitched in and out. Those eyes still watched her, and she thought she saw sadness flicker over his face briefly. Backing out of her spot, with her hands shaking, she checked over her shoulder. As she put the car in drive, he lifted his hand, almost like a wave. He took another few steps in her direction, making himself real and wrecking her hope that she’d imagined him. She hadn’t. Jason stood there, his face catapulting her into the past, making her thirteen years old again. Making everything she’d tried not to be, tried not to remember, slap her in the face, hard.

  What a fool she’d been, thinking she was healed and could have a normal future, a normal anything. Tears streamed down her face as she remembered that, though she’d always been good at pretending, she had never been anything close to normal. So why did she think she could be that now?

  Noah clicked over to the other line after promising a client he’d be on a jobsite by six the following morning. He was headed to Nat’s to drop off a “to-do” list and pick up some paperwork.

  “Hey. I’m headed over now. Do you need something?” He connected the hands-free device before driving out of the hardware store parking lot. Downtown traffic was crazy today, which wasn’t helping him stay on schedule. Giving up on turning left, he turned his wheel sharply and went right, earning a honk from a vehicle behind him. Sorry, dude. Places to be.

  “Um, no. I don’t need anything. I was wondering what time you were going to be here,” Nat said, her voice a bit shaky. He realized two things at once: it had been a while since her voice had taken on that tone, and she really was healing.

  “What’s up, hon?”

  Noah tried to stop himself from worrying but it was impossible. Natalie moved back and forth between being strong and capable like any twenty-four-year-old young woman and being withdrawn and moody.

  “Listen, Noah—”

  “Nat, I’m up to my ass in traffic so if something is wrong, please tell me what it is.”

  “Lyle is going forward with pressing charges against you for the fight.”