by Cora Brent
“No,” I told my brother. “I’m not sure it isn’t a crappy idea.”
Cord was staring at me in a knowing way. He crossed his arms and a small smile played across his lips.
“I hate it when you do that,” I said. “You and Creed both.”
He smiled wider. “What?”
“Sit there and boldly evaluate me as if nothing in my head is a secret.”
My brother laughed. “You like her, this Stephanie weirdo. It’s okay to admit it. What’s wrong, she doesn’t like you back?”
“Yes she does,” I grumbled. “Except when she doesn’t. And by the way you’re as transparent to me as I am to you. Like when we were kids just learning what our dicks were for and you used to go behind the old shed to beat off every day. Why did you always bother to deny it, Cordero? Also I know that right now you’re hard as shit and all you want to do is nail your wife again.”
Cord laughed again and stood up. “Don’t be so touchy Chase. Just try and behave yourself, all right? Any girl worth having will appreciate the effort.” With that he started wandering in the direction of the bathroom where Saylor was already in the shower. I heard him unzipping his pants along the way.
Since I was tired of listening to people have sex when I wasn’t getting any myself, I took off for the library. I found a lonely table behind stacks of old books and sat, glumly pulling out my phone and staring at it. At least two dozen times this week I had started to call Stephanie, only to chicken out. Although I hadn’t spoken directly to Truly since the day we returned from Vegas, Creedence would have given me a face full of shit if he knew what had happened. Since he wasn’t giving me any more shit than usual I figured Stephanie must not have told Truly. I didn’t know what that meant. I didn’t know if she was embarrassed, ashamed or just indifferent.
I checked the time again. Stephanie rarely missed a class so I figured I’d get the chance to ask her straight out in just a little while. I pocketed my phone and shouldered my backpack. As I headed out into the ever-present brilliant Arizona sunlight I was starting to regret not biting the bullet and calling her at least once over the last few days.
The prior class hadn’t wrapped up yet so I sat on a bench in the hall and waited. Stephanie usually rolled into the room less than a minute before class began so I wasn’t worried about running into her quite yet.
Sometimes I grew bored in the psychology lectures and I would examine the people around me. I always sat in the center of the last row to get as much of a panoramic view as possible. We were more than halfway through the semester. On any given Wednesday or Friday afternoon between a hundred sixty and two hundred eleven people showed up to squirm through an hour and fifteen minutes of Pavlov’s dogs or the Oedipus complex. For the most part people dicked with their phones, window shopped for future sex partners or stared slack-jawed at the ceiling beams as Professor de Range went through the well-paid motions of imparting knowledge.
Stephanie didn’t follow custom; she never slept on her desk or showed even a fleeting interest in the people around her, some of whom were guys who were looking for any signal whatsoever that she’d noticed them. Steph always appeared to be paying careful attention to the lecture. Only a close observer would notice that her eyes seldom focused on the professor. She would look past him out the window or at a bare spot on the wall as she restlessly moved a ballpoint pen between her fingers. She was tense, always, like there was a hell of a lot of noise in her head and none of it had to do with the particulars of Freud’s psychoanalysis. Our eyes had locked a few times before we met and I could tell even then she was trying to convince herself that I was nothing special. Then when I found out she was Truly’s roommate I figured that was the best opening I could ask for.
Of course Stephanie turned me down when I asked her out but it wasn’t a serious question anyway. I expected her to say no. Since the first time I’d spoken to her, when I told her to put on a dress and come out with me to eat a basket of fried chicken at Cluck This, I’d learned how much it turned me on to piss her off. Christ, to hear some of that heavy profanity pouring out of her sweet face in a thick east coast accent was as arousing as a set of lips around my dick. By the time we hit Vegas I was at a boiling point, especially because I’d been going without since I got off the pills. I’d never wanted anything so bad as to have Stephanie Bransky naked and open.
“Hey Chase,” said a chirpy voice and I looked up. Her name was Robin and she was on the cheerleading squad so I saw her around a lot when I worked security for the football games. She was blandly pretty and when the season began back in August I’d gotten a hand job out of her. Now I really wished I hadn’t had those ten minutes of fun two months ago because she was obviously still thinking about it.
“Hi Robin.” I smiled because I didn’t want to be an asshole.
She looked around. “What are you doing?” She asked me that every time we spoke. Every single goddamn time.
“Just waiting for my class to start.”
“Oh,” she nodded. She also said “Oh” a lot. Then she reached into her pocket and took out a gold necklace. Robin smiled sweetly. “Would you mind helping me put this on? The clasp is a little tough.”
I suppressed the urge to sigh. It was bullshit. She didn’t need help with her necklace. She just wanted to get me to touch her. Again I silently cursed my lack of discretion. I didn’t need a clingy type holding onto my arm while I was trying to get somewhere with Stephanie. But I couldn’t bring myself to be a dick to Robin just for liking me so I helped her with her necklace as the other class ended and began pouring through the doors.
“There,” I mumbled, fastening the clasp quickly around her neck as she held her hair out of the way and tried to brush her ass against my crotch.
Robin turned around and smiled up at me. “Thanks.” She stood a lot closer than she needed to and slipped her arms around my waist even though I wasn’t doing a goddamn thing to encourage her.
It was bad timing. Stephanie had arrived and was standing not four feet away. She stared at me, her face expressionless. Then she shook her head and roughly pushed past my shoulder as she walked huffily into the lecture hall.
“Shit,” I swore and forgot about Robin.
Stephanie always sat on the left end. I followed her closely and sat down next to her. She pretended not to notice. I sighed. Robin or no Robin, what the hell did I think was going to happen when I saw Stephanie again? She wasn’t like other girls. She wasn’t going to fall all over me and eagerly smile just because I was speaking to her directly.
Damn, I wanted to talk to her. I wanted her to at least look at me.
The room buzzed as it filled up quickly. Everyone quieted when Professor de Range stalked into the room and launched immediately into a long, dull address on states of consciousness. I studied Stephanie’s profile. Something was a little different about her. The shirt she wore wasn’t the usual shapeless garment she tended to drape over herself to hide her sweet figure. It was a tasteful, but more form-fitting, navy blue v-neck. Her face was naturally lovely with no need of cosmetic enhancement but she appeared to be wearing a little bit of lipstick. She was driving me crazy. There was no way I could sit here and stare at her silently for the next hour without losing my mind.
“Hey,” I whispered, brushing my knuckles over her arm.
She recoiled at my touch and threw me a severe glare. I smiled. She didn’t smile back. I decided to be bold. I circled my arm around her back and leaned close to whisper in her ear. “Come outside with me.”
“You have enough fucking friends, Chase,” she hissed. “You don’t need me for anything.”
“I do need you, Steph. I want you.”
I’d just blurted it out. I only realized how loudly I’d spoken when about fifty of my nearest classmates and the professor all turned to gawk at me. That was it for Stephanie. Her face was red as she grabbed her backpack and ran out. I had to run after her. She was fast.
CHAPTER NINE
Steph
anie
I wasn’t surprised that I didn’t hear from Chase after Vegas. Even though I was still irritated with myself for giving him what he wanted, I was also a little bit grateful that he was apparently keeping the fact to himself, at least for now.
Truly was working a lot and spending the last few nights at Creed’s place so I was on my own. I tried to focus on school and rethink my future. My law school plans might have to be delayed now that I didn’t have a bookie’s handsome income. The more I thought about it the more I realized I wasn’t going to be able to retake the reins. I never was tough, not really. I’d been faking it all along. Xavier knew that. Now everyone knew it.
I tried like hell to avoid thinking about Chase. There’d been odd moments here and there when I was gripped by a flash of desire so strong it was disorienting. Yet I felt indebted in a weird way. Chase had proven to me how good sex could be. And I would freaking die before I would let him know it.
For the last few days I’d been lurking around campus, fearful of running into him somewhere. The shitty thing was, I wanted to see him. Yet I couldn’t deal with watching him carry on with other girls, maybe glancing over at me with a lewd wink. That’s what I could expect because that’s who Chase Gentry was.
As I ambled to class I kicked at some rocks on the sidewalk, profoundly irked by my own sappiness. I’d taken unusual care with my appearance today, choosing an old shirt from high school. It wasn’t revealing by the standards of most people but it wasn’t my typical formless choice. And even though I hadn’t worn makeup in years, I rolled a dash of color across my lips. I wasn’t trying to look good for Chase. That was what I told myself. That was what I wanted to believe.
Girls ran to Chase like ants ran to sugar so I had already braced myself for the sight of his usual flirty behavior. It wouldn’t mess me up if I didn’t let it.
However, when I turned the corner and saw some chick rubbing herself against him I almost lost it. Chase saw me and didn’t say a word. I roughly brushed against his arm and walked into the lecture hall with my jaw locked and my hands clenched. I had to be cool with this. I had to be. I’d already made enough of a pitiable ass of myself.
Chase wasn’t going to let me get away that easily though. He followed me. He sat right the fuck next to me and was just…just…THERE. He breathed on me. He poked me in the arm and invited me to come outside. For what, I didn’t know. Did he believe he could get me to go suck him off in the alley behind the building?
Would I?
“You have enough fucking friends, Chase,” I whispered. “You don’t need me for anything.”
Chase Gentry was evidently intent on humiliating me. He spoke loudly, mockingly.
“I do need you, Steph. I want you.”
Every single person in the goddamn room turned around to stare at us. Even the professor paused and peered at us curiously. I grabbed my backpack and ran out, fully aware that he was following me.
“Dammit,” he hissed. “Cut the shit and stop running, Stephanie.”
“Don’t tell me what to do. You’re such an asshole.”
He stopped and grabbed my arm. “How the hell am I an asshole?”
I ripped my arm free. “Because you’ve already moved on to the next door and you still want to toy with me like I’m some trash open for business.”
Chase was getting mad. “I didn’t move on to anything. I was waiting for you.”
“Then you get distracted pretty easily.” I spun on him. “You tell anyone about it, Chase? Did you brag to anyone?”
He narrowed his eyes. “You fucking know I didn’t. How about a little benefit of the doubt, Stephanie?”
“So you didn’t tell anyone?”
He made a face and looked guilty. “Only Cord. But I swear he won’t gossip about it. Jesus, don’t look at me like that. It’s not like I skywrote it at Tempe Beach Park.”
If I clenched my jaw any tighter it might crack. I was seething.
“Like I said, you’re an asshole!” A few people stared when I raised my voice. I didn’t give a shit.
Twenty minutes later I was home. I threw down my backpack and flopped on the couch. Truly’s cat Dolly stared at me from a distance, like she was trying to gauge how close she could stand to a fire without getting burned. I felt like a big fat fucking idiot. It was a good thing Truly wasn’t home because then she’d try to be all big sisterish and I wasn’t in the mood to talk about how I’d let Chase Gentry finger bang me before I begged him to stick it in. I saw a movie once where people paid money for parts of their minds to be wiped clean. I could think of a few people I would wipe away. Chase Gentry would be at the top of the list.
There was a knock at the door. I ignored it. We got solicitors around here sometimes. Missionaries too. Whoever was knocking was persistent, keeping up a steady bang bang bang that was beginning to drive me nuts. I jumped up off the couch. If they were here to invite me into the kingdom of heaven then I had a few obscene answers that would make them change their minds.
I flung open the door. Chase was standing there.
“I’m not an asshole,” he said.
“Fine, you’re not an asshole.” I tried to shut the door but he stuck his stupid foot in the way. “What do you want?”
“Can I come in?”
“No.”
“Okay.” He barged in anyway.
“Did you follow me?”
“I didn’t have to. I know where you live.”
“Well that’s pretty bizarre and creepy considering I’m sure I never told you.”
Chase raised his eyebrows. “You forget? Your roommate is my brother’s girlfriend.”
“No.” I actually had forgotten for a little while.
Chase sat on the couch. Dolly, the little traitor, climbed into his lap immediately and began purring. “Sit down,” he gestured, as if this was his place and not mine.
I shut the door. I sat.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Chase said.
I didn’t answer. I just stared at him silently until he began to shift with discomfort.
He sighed and ran his hand over Dolly’s fur. “I get that you’re one of these keyed up angry chicks. In fact, it’s a hell of a turn on.” He gave me a mischievous grin. “That’s why I wanted so bad to feel you come. And damn, did you come hard.”
I winced and looked away. I didn’t want to think about it.
“Hey.” He touched my arm. “Stephanie. Look, I’m sorry. I mean, you seemed like you were into it. Really into it.”
“I was,” I answered flatly.
“Would you at least look at me? Please?” I slowly turned my head. He was frowning and his blue eyes were concerned. “I’m sorry I told Cord. He won’t tell anyone and I won’t tell anyone else, okay?”
“Yeah, you seem so trustworthy,” I muttered, realizing I wasn’t being fair. Maybe he really wasn’t as much of an asshole as I’d thought but I still didn’t feel like playing nice. Chase was right; there really must be something wrong with me.
He moved his hand to my shoulder, squeezing lightly. “So are we cool?”
“I guess so.”
“Good. Can you come over here and straddle me for a few minutes?”
I gave him the most evil look I could muster and he laughed.
“Kidding! Girl, you need to lighten up.”
“Maybe that’ll happen on my next sexual encounter.”
Chase lost his smile. “Oh shit,” he said softly, looking at me with sudden horror.
I stared at him. “What?”
“Shit,” he said again, “I mean, I realized you hadn’t been around much but dammit Stephanie, I didn’t know you were a virgin.”
I felt fire rise in my face. “I wasn’t!”
He looked relieved. “You weren’t? Are you sure?”
“Are you serious? Yeah Chase, I think I would know. Relax, you weren’t my first sex and I shouldn’t have bugged out on you. It’s just that it was the first-“ I nearly bit my own tongue off to
stop the words from coming out.
Now he was deeply curious. “What?”
“Nothing.”
“It is something. Tell me.”
“No.”
“Steph.” He pulled my hair back from my face and looked at me with honest concern. “Come on, it’ll stay between you and me.”
I almost didn’t tell him. I almost just kicked him out of my apartment and then wallowed in ice cream for the rest of the day.
Chase took my hand and watched me patiently.
“It was the first time I ever…liked it.” I heard the words come out and wanted to die. I prayed that the couch would somehow animate itself and swallow me.
Chase gaped at me for a few seconds. Then his face slowly broke into a broad smile. “It was the first time you came, sweetheart? Holy shit. Is that what you’re trying to tell me?”
This was horrible. This was absolutely horrible. “Yes,” I squeaked out and felt like the saddest loser in the western hemisphere. I couldn’t believe I’d just admitted to this grinning jackass that he’d been the one to make me finally understand what the rest of the world had always been crazy about. And why did he have to be so goddamn good looking?
Chase was obviously incredibly pleased with himself. He sat there on my couch preening like Miss America.
“If you don’t stop smiling,” I grumbled, “I’m going to make you stop.”
“Really?” He got closer, smiled wider. “How will you do that, Stephanie?”
“Stop saying my name.”
“Stephanie. It suits you. It’s sexy. Didn’t anyone ever tell you that?”
“No.”
Chase ran a hand down my arm. I recognized it for the practiced move that it was, but a shiver still ran through me.
“You are, you know,” he said in a low, husky voice.
“I am what?”
