What was wrong with me? I was too old to be so afraid. I was too old to be broken. I saw it in Daddy’s eyes, something he spent years trying to hide from me—his exhaustion. His hairs were almost all gray, the bags beneath his eyes were deep, and his smile resembled a frown all the time. When had he stopped smiling fully? He was tired. Tired of worrying. Tired of waiting. Tired of me.
His heavy stare grew grim. “No…” He ran his fingers through his hair. “No. Don’t do this. Please.”
My throat tightened and I felt the devil’s fingers wrapping around me again. He was cutting off my air supply. He suffocated me. My fingers wrapped around my neck, and I gasped for help. Mama studied my movements and raised an eyebrow, watching my panic, seeing my shadows of the past start to emerge. She and Daddy started talking—shouting. They began shouting again. Their lips were moving in a hurried fashion, but I couldn’t comprehend what they were saying, because the devil was loud in my ear, drowning me once again. My hands slammed against my ears, and I shut my eyes tightly. Go away, go away, go away…
“Leave it alone, Eric!” Mama finally screamed, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. I couldn’t remember the last time she held me in a protective manner. “She doesn’t have to leave. Leave it alone.”
Daddy’s eyebrows dropped, and he took off his glasses, rubbing the palms of his hands against his eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pressure you. I just thought…” He released a weighted sigh. “I don’t know what I thought.” As he left, he closed the front door behind him, and I closed my eyes, hearing his footsteps grow farther and farther away.
A terrifying realization flashed before my eyes: I’d never be able to leave those four walls.
When did it happen?
When did my safe haven turn into my own personal hell?
Mrs. Boone was alone, she wasn’t waking up, and I wasn’t strong enough to go see her. I fell apart in my bedroom. That night I sat on my floor and I did the only thing I knew could make everything better.
I called him.
“Maggie?” Brooks yawned. I hadn’t thought about what time it was in Europe; it was almost eight in the evening at my house, so it had to be pretty late for him. “What’s up? What’s going on?”
My lips parted and I began crying into my hand. I cried for how lost I felt, and how the sound of his voice was so quick to remind me of home.
“Okay,” he whispered, unsure of what was happening, but positive that I needed him. “I’ll be there.”
He was back in town thirteen hours later, and he didn’t come alone; the whole band came back with him. Brooks didn’t come to my house, though, and I wasn’t certain why. I wasn’t sure what hurt more—knowing he was so close, or still feeling as if he was so far away. Rudolph, Oliver, and Calvin came straight to my room and sat with me the whole time, though. They hadn’t left my side since they’d landed in town.
“We’re a team, ya know, Maggie? And if it weren’t for you, we wouldn’t be where we are today,” Rudolph said, sitting on the edge of my bed.
“When Brooks said he was leaving, it was pretty much impossible to stop him. Plus, The Crooks are a unit. We couldn’t perform without him. Plus, plus, family first, right?” Oliver said.
“We’re always here for you, sis, even if we’re over there. I mean, I’m pretty sure management is going to disown us for a while, but I’m not too worried.” Calvin smiled and nudged me in the arm.
We sat there quietly. They didn’t even know that their silence was helping me breathe easier.
“He still loves you,” Calvin told me. “You know that, right?”
I shrugged. I’d hoped that was true for a long time, but based on his Twitter posts and the way his fans hung all over him, I wasn’t certain if love was enough. The saddest fact in the world was that you could meet a person who changed your life forever, and they weren’t the one you ended up with. The people who taught you to love weren’t always the ones who stayed.
Why isn’t he here?
Calvin read my words. “After we spoke to Dad and he told us what was happening, Brooks knew where you needed him most. When we got to the airport, he had a taxi take him directly to the hospital to be with Mrs. Boone.”
My hand covered my mouth, and in that moment I loved him more than I ever had in my life. It was amazing to me how he could make me fall more in love with him without being anywhere near me.
I love him.
Calvin nodded. “I know. If there are any two people worthy of being in love, it’s you two. I just wish life would stop getting in your way.”
I closed my eyes and lay backward on my bed with my feet hanging off the edge, and Calvin lay beside me. The twins went to the floor to lie down, and Rudolph played music on his phone. We stayed silent, letting the music take us over as we waited for Brooks to find his way home to me.
I’d been sitting in the same chair, in the same room, for the past twelve hours staring at Mrs. Boone, tubes running through her, the IVs pumping fluids into her system. Her body was bruised all over, but she wasn’t broken. I couldn’t imagine what she had gone through being alone, driving, and crashing. What thoughts had raced through her mind? What kinds of things did a person experience when going through that kind of panic? Had she thought of her loved ones? Had she forgotten all things within that moment? Had she been so lost in the moment that memories were hard to grasp?
“I’m sorry, Mr. Griffin, visiting hours are up,” a young nurse said as she stepped into the room. “And I know this might sound super inappropriate, but do you think maybe I could get a picture with you?” she asked, her voice filled with hope.
Before I could reply, another nurse, Sarah, stepped into the room. “You’re right, Paula. That is super inappropriate. I’m glad you noticed how inappropriate it was and decided to leave the room.” Without another word, an embarrassed Paula left the room.
“Sorry about that,” Sarah said. “These girls are literally going gaga over the fact that you are here. Which doesn’t make sense. I listened to your music during my break today and it’s awful.” She winked. She’d been the main nurse stopping by all day to check in on Mrs. Boone and to check in on me. She was an older woman, in her sixties, who had a tender softness to her voice that was healing all by itself—even when she insulted you. “So, I hate to be the wicked witch, but visiting hours are ending…”
“No worries, thank you. Do you think I could have one more minute?”
She nodded. “Sure, that’s fine.”
“Also, I have a question, and it might sound stupid.”
“Shoot it my way, son.”
“Can she, like, hear me?” I asked, stuffing my hands into my pockets. “I mean, if I were to speak to her, could she hear what I was saying?”
“Some say no, others say yes. Between you and me?” she said, stepping closer to me. “Sometimes we speak for ourselves, to get our feelings out into the world. It’s best to always say the words instead of holding them inside us, and if our loved ones can hear us, too…well, that’s all the better.”
I smiled and thanked her.
As Sarah turned to walk away, she paused. “Music, too. People say music helps. But I’m sure you already knew that.”
Truer words were never spoken.
When she left, I pulled a chair closer to Mrs. Boone’s bedside and took her hand into mine. “I have a selfish request, Mrs. Boone. So, I’m assuming this is the moment where you’d normally call me an idiot or something, but I gotta ask you to do this. Come back. You have to wake up, not for me, not for yourself, but for Maggie. She needs a break; she needs a win in life. She’s been through so much bullshit, so much. Therefore, I forbid you to do this. I forbid you to stay in this shape. I don’t know if you know this, but you’re her best friend. You’re the only thing she really has going for her, and I can’t have you check out on her, because I think she’d check out, too, and I selfishly can’t have that. I need you girls to get better. I need you girls to get healed. So do this for me
. I’ll give you an IOU, okay? Just come back to us, Mrs. B. Just come back.”
I sniffled and pulled my chair even closer, remembering Sarah’s last words. I leaned in toward her ear and softly began to sing “Sittin’ On The Dock Of The Bay” by Otis Redding, the song that was hers with Stanley.
I silently prayed she could hear me.
I hadn’t a clue why I was so terrified to see Maggie. After an eighteen-hour flight, and twelve hours in a hospital, I had thought I’d be mentally prepared to stand near her, but the moment I walked up to her porch, my hands started shaking. I rang the doorbell and when Mrs. Riley answered, she frowned at me. We hadn’t spoken in years, since she’d forbidden me from her house, but this time she stepped aside and let me in.
“Thank you, Mrs. Riley,” I said.
She gave me a small smile in response then disappeared back into the house.
I walked up to Maggie’s room, where her door was wide open, but she was missing. I stepped inside when I saw the stack of books I sent to her—the ones she never sent back. I opened them each, flipping through, seeing her pink tabs in every single one. She replied to all of my notes, but I didn’t understand. Why hadn’t she sent them back?
As I turned around with a book in my hands, reading her handwriting, I paused, looking up from the book.
Maggie.
She looked beautiful.
So fucking beautiful.
A book was in her grip, and her arms wrapped around the book, which pushed against her chest. We stood still, staring at one another. My stomach knotted as I stepped back, placing the book in my hand back to her desk. “Sorry,” I murmured.
She blinked a few times and pulled on the ends of her wet hair, still staring. That was all I could say to her? Sorry? I hadn’t seen her in years. Years! I had flown across an ocean for her. I hadn’t stood that close to her in so long, and now, the first word out of my mouth was ‘sorry’.
“How are you?” I asked, causing her to tilt her head as she stared.
There were a few things I noticed about Maggie that were different than when I’d left. Her hair was shorter, but still, past her shoulders. She gave tiny smiles, but never showed her teeth. Her lips pressed together and the corners of her mouth curved up, but it was never a full grin. It was very petite, like her figure. Her blue eyes looked lonely, too. That was the hardest part for me, staring into her eyes. She hardly blinked, but when she did, it was quicker than most, as if she didn’t want to miss a second of sight.
“How are you?” I asked again. No kind of reply. “You okay today, Maggie May?” I whispered.
Her body tightened up and she shrugged.
She was still as beautiful as before, but now it was a haunting kind of beauty, the kind of beauty that made you want to laugh and cry all at once.
I stepped forward, wanting to place my hand on her arm, to remember what she felt like, but when I moved, she edged away.
“Sorry,” I murmured. “I’ll let you be.”
She frowned. I’d forgotten that a frown could be more stunning than a smile. I stepped past her, and our arms brushed against one another, and I felt her shake. Or maybe I shook. It was hard to tell the difference between the two of us. Right as I was about to leave, I paused.
“I miss you,” I blurted out, a little hurt, a little honest, a little confused. “I miss you and I don’t know why, because you made it clear that you wanted me to go to Los Angeles all those years ago. I miss you, because you stopped sending me the books. I miss you, and I don’t know why, because you’re right here. You’re standing steps away from me, yet I feel as if there is some kind of giant wall standing between us. How can I miss you when you’re so damn close to me?”
She kept her back to me as I watched her bend down and place the book on the floor in front of her. As she rose slowly, she turned toward me, and then leaped into my arms.
She literally leaped. She flew to me, and I caught her, wrapping my arms so tight around her.
God.
That felt good.
It felt so good to have her in my arms. To hold her close to me. To smell her hair, which always smelled like honey and flowers. To feel her lips graze against my shoulder. To hold her.
My Maggie May…
“Don’t let go,” I whispered into her hair. “Please don’t let go.”
She held on tighter.
That night we lay on her bed, listening to music on her iPhone, each with one of the earbuds, and it was amazing how natural it felt being there in that room beside her. They said time changed people, and it was true. We weren’t the same two people we used to be, but somehow we evolved as one. Even with hundreds of miles between us.
But what I loved most about that night was how some things never seemed to change.
I loved that my favorite moments stayed the same.
Tilting my head in her direction, I asked her a question. “Why didn’t you send the books back to me?”
She pushed herself up, narrowed her eyes, and seemed somewhat confused. When she reached over for her board, I waited somewhat patiently for her reply.
Sasha.
“What about her?” I asked.
The letter you sent, telling me about her the first time, I knew I should stop replying.
“Because it hurt you?”
Maggie shook her head. Because it could’ve hurt her, seeing letters coming from another girl.
And there she was again: the most thoughtful woman in the world.
“We broke up,” I said.
Maggie gave me a questioning stare, and I rubbed my hairy chin.
“Well, she kind of broke up with me, I guess. She said she hated being the third choice in my life.”
Third?
“Music…and well…” I gave her a sad grin, and she gave me the same kind back. Music and you. “It’s not fair, you know, because every time I tried to move on your love kept pulling me back.”
She moved over to me, and her lips locked with mine. When we began to kiss we hadn’t any plans to stop. It was easily the best thing I’d done in the past ten years—coming home to her love.
That night we slept in each other’s arms, and whenever I woke, I pulled her closer. The idea of losing her again was too much for me. Before I headed back on tour, I needed her to know I’d be coming home to her. I needed her to know we’d make it work, no matter what. I needed her to know she was and always would be my biggest dream.
When I woke up, Brooks was gone, but my board was placed beside me and read: Went to sit with Mrs. Boone. I’ll be back later tonight. I love you.
My hands went to wipe the words clear, and all the words erased except the last three.
I didn’t mind at all.
“So, rumor has it Mrs. Boone woke up about thirty minutes ago,” Calvin said as he walked into my bedroom.
My eyes widened and I leaped up from my bed, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.
“The doctors said she’s doing okay. They are going to run some tests to see if it is her memory slipping, Alzheimer’s or dementia or something. I don’t know all the details, but for now, she’s okay. She’s awake, Maggie.”
Seriously?
“Yup. Brooks sent a group text to everyone. I’m guessing you haven’t checked your phone, or I would’ve heard you silently celebrating.” He winked.
I rolled my eyes and threw a pillow at him, which he caught and threw back, making me tumble over. Within seconds, he jumped onto my bed, bouncing up and down. The amount of comfort that raced through me was incomparable to any feeling I’d ever felt. Knowing she was okay, knowing she’d breathe in the air of another day—that alone was so beautiful.
“So, we’re flying back over to the UK early Monday morning. Our management gave us a pretty big slap on the hand for missing two shows,” Calvin said. “It turns out that it’s kind of frowned upon to just fly home during a tour and take care of your grandma…well, that’s what they were told at least, that Mrs. Boone was our grandma…which is more or les
s true. Management is pretty pissy about it, ya know, time is money, but oh well. We’ll start back up in Birmingham next week.”
Oh gosh…I’m so sorry. This is my fault.
Calvin rolled his eyes. “It’s no one’s fault. Life happens. You might as well happen along with it. It’s been a crazy few years, so the break is really needed. Plus…I have a secret.”
I arched an eyebrow, wondering what it could be.
He grinned. “I haven’t told anyone. I figured I’d tell you first because you are the ultimate best at keeping secrets due to that whole”—he took his fingers to his lips and made a zipper noise—“mute thing.”
I smirked.
He smiled back, reached into his back pocket, and pulled out a small box. My hands flew over my mouth. He was going to finally ask Stacey to marry him.
He opened the box and I gasped, tears filling my eyes. Calvin shoved me. “Come on, sis. Don’t cry.”
I ripped the box out of his hand and studied the beautiful diamond ring, overtaken by its beauty.
“Do you think she’ll like it?”
I rolled my eyes dramatically, making him chuckle. She’ll love it.
“I’m going to show Mom and Dad too, before I head over to the hotel to meet Stacey. I’ve never been so damn nervous in my life, ya know? I feel like my heart is going to explode out of my chest.”
He took the ring back from me and stared at it, almost as if he were nervous there was a chance Stacey would say no to the proposal. There wasn’t. I’d never seen two people who were more meant to be than Calvin and Stacey. Even when Calvin had caught his break years ago, it hadn’t rocked their relationship; it may have even made it stronger. Heck, they’d been wearing promise bands on their ring fingers with their initials engraved on the inside since their eighth grade graduation.
Stacey and my brother were meant to have the happily-ever-after life. They were destined for it.
I squeezed his knee, and he broke his stare from the ring, turning to me. I smiled. He smiled back, though he still had a hint of fear in his eyes.
The Silent Waters Page 18
