Make Me Whole

by Marguerite Labbe

  “I promise to be completely honest with you.” Galen hesitated, trying to get his thoughts together. “You make me want to try, and I haven’t wanted to do that with anybody in a long time. I don’t know if I’m going to panic and try to pull away again. I do know that I… I care about you, a lot. And if you’re willing to see where this goes, then I am too.”

  “Fair enough. I’ll see you tonight.”

  Galen’s heart flipped as Nick hung up on the other end. He wasn’t sure what Nick meant about that; still, the other man hadn’t cancelled their date for the weekend. It wasn’t what Galen had planned for their first date, and maybe Nick wouldn’t call it that even if Galen did. A date. How long had it been since he had a date and not a hookup? He didn’t know, but it felt nice to anticipate this one.

  CHAPTER TEN

  GALEN spread the savory mix of spinach, feta, onion, and dill on top of the layers of phyllo dough and then laid another buttered layer of dough over the small casserole dish. Spanakopita was one of his favorite meals, and the recipe had been handed down for generations in his family. He liked it because it had much less dough than in other versions he’d ordered in some of the local restaurants. In his opinion the filling was the best part.

  He slid it in the oven and turned to clean up before Nick arrived. If he didn’t keep busy, nerves would take over. He’d never invited another man to his apartment, the place he’d shared with Bryan. In the last two years, it had ceased to be a home and merely became the place where he slept and ate when he could be pulled away from the museum. Starting renovations hadn’t helped make the apartment feel like he was embarking on a new beginning. Maybe inviting people here would.

  Galen loaded the dishes in the sink and wiped down the cool slate counter. Out of all the rooms, the kitchen was his favorite, with its muted red walls and pale honey cabinets. This was the first room he’d made his own, and it was the room he spent the most time in when he bothered to come back at a decent hour.

  He started in on the dishes and was almost done when the doorbell rang. He paused, his stomach jumping as he eyed the clock—right on time. Was he ready for this relationship talk? Even if it was a casual relationship for the moment, what if Nick decided he couldn’t risk it?

  The doorbell rang again, and Galen took a deep breath. If Nick was willing to swan dive into another try, considering he’d been the one to be hurt last time, the only thing Galen could do was give it a go as well. If he lived in fear of falling in love and losing that person again, he would never move beyond this little, lonely box he’d put himself in. And if Nick decided to run, Galen wasn’t above pursuing him.

  Nick’s eyes lit up as Galen opened the door. And the smile that crossed his face made Galen question all his worries over what Nick wanted to talk about. Because if he was nervous, it didn’t show. Nick had taken the time to change out of his suit into jeans and what looked like a brand new polo shirt. “I was beginning to think you’d gotten trapped in your exhibit room and I’d have to go rescue you.”

  “Nope, you caught me with my hands in the sink and soap suds up to my elbows.” Galen stepped back to let Nick in and gestured toward the kitchen. “I wanted to get dinner in the oven before you got here.” That was a bad idea, since working on dinner during their conversation would’ve given him something to concentrate on. Thinking about it made his tongue clumsy and his stomach knotted.

  Nick held up two brown bags, the neck of a wine bottle sticking up from each. Another bag hung from his wrist. “I wasn’t sure what we were having, so I bought a Chardonnay and a Pinot Noir.”

  “Good choices.” Galen took the bags and waved his hand toward the couch. “Take a seat and let me put these away.”

  “I have a hard time picturing you being domestic,” Nick said in a teasing voice from the living room. “I keep remembering you flirting at the clubs and bars, or smooth and sexy in your suits at the museum, not running around your apartment in bare feet.”

  Galen’s heart sank to his stomach, and doubt crept in. Nick didn’t know him at all. He knew the façade that Galen had put up after Bryan died. He’d never seen him in a worn T-shirt in the workshop with the kids, trying to help them pull a project together, or his wild excitement whenever he discovered a new artist or found a new piece for the museum. Suzane and Heather saw that, Knox and Ella, and a few of the other kids who’d managed to get close before Galen could shut them out. All Nick knew of him was some sex-crazed, barhopping, empty man.

  Galen set the bottles down on the counter and pulled out two wide-mouthed wine glasses. When he entered the living room with the wine, Nick was standing by the fireplace, looking over the array of photographs that marched along the mantel. Most were of his family, a couple of Galen and Bryan. He didn’t think it was right to bury them in a drawer and hide them away, but now he wondered if he should have.

  “I don’t usually wear suits at work. Not unless I’m meeting somebody important.” Or trying to impress an ex-lover with something he wasn’t. Idiot move there.

  Nick turned around and must’ve seen the unease on Galen’s face because he came closer and took a wine glass with a reassuring smile. “Hey, I like this side of you, it’s much more approachable.”

  “You don’t know me.” Galen sat down on the couch and set his wine on the glass-topped table. “That guy you had feelings for? That wasn’t really me. I hope you’re not disappointed in the real version ’cause I’m done with the way I was before.”

  “The guy I knew then was maddening and frustrating because I knew there was a lot more to him. I could see glimpses of the real him, and that’s the part I wanted to see more of.” Nick sat down next to him, his expression serious. “And I’ve gotten to know him more these last couple of days.”

  “I think you’re certifiable for risking getting hurt again,” Galen said under his breath and Nick must’ve heard him because he laughed. “But I’m glad you are.”

  “I play it safe more times than I care to think about. I hope it’s worth it. We’ll see.” He looked away, his expression thoughtful, and took a sip of his wine before he met Galen’s gaze again. “Promise me one thing tonight?”

  “What is it you want?”

  “Tonight should be about us, trying to figure out where we’re going from here and enjoying each other’s company. I don’t want to talk about the statues or the curse. I don’t want those distractions. I just want to relax with you. Though, for the record, it doesn’t count as the first date. I want to see what you’ve got planned for Saturday because the gleam in your eye when you mentioned it has got my curiosity up. Is that okay?”

  “You must have read my mind.” Whatever Nick wanted to discuss, it wasn’t to suggest leaving this as a business relationship. Galen bit his lip. “Can I ask one thing first, and then we won’t mention Dexios or Lykon again tonight? I swear.”

  “Shoot.”

  “Last night, when Lykon took control and Dexios kissed him, you interrupted.” A shuttered expression dropped over Nick’s eyes, and Galen just knew he had been right to be worried. Nick had been jealous. Not that he didn’t have cause, but their past was one thing, and Galen didn’t want it clouding their entire future. “Why? ’Cause I’m telling you, it wasn’t me kissing him. I had no control.”

  “I wasn’t jealous, if that’s what you’re thinking.” Nick shook his head, and the closed-off expression disappeared. “Hard to believe, I know, but you’re right, it wasn’t you. Lykon looks different; hell, he smells different. I jumped in because I was afraid Lykon would take you over completely in order to be with Dexios any way he could. I was afraid you’d be lost and trapped. It was pure instinct that had me reacting the way I did.”

  A slow smile spread across Galen’s face as relief poured through him, drowning all those stupid little anxieties he’d let plague him all day. “Good to know. You can bite my neck any damn time you think you need to. Let me tell you, it worked better than an electric shock.” He reached for his glass and took a sip of wine
. “Want to help me make the salad for dinner?”

  “Not yet.” Nick set his glass aside and reached for him. “I’ve been thinking about this most of the day.”

  Anticipation leapt up as Nick leaned in and kissed him. Galen’s lips parted under the warm assault, and his heart quickened. He hadn’t let himself think past the lust that he’d always had for Nick to the emotions underneath. Now he didn’t try to hold them back. Warmth and tenderness mixed with his desire in a heady rush of pleasure that beat all the hot, quick, backroom encounters between them before.

  Galen pulled Nick closer still, sinking into his arms, savoring the slow thrust of Nick’s tongue. He tasted like the wine he’d been drinking… and Nick. Galen had missed the taste of him. The kiss broke with one last little nibble on Galen’s lower lip that sent a ripple down his spine and a fantasy of laying Nick naked on his bed to explore his body with similar nips and tastes.

  “Feel free to accost me with your lips anytime the urge hits you.” Galen stole another quick kiss and pulled back with a smile.

  NICK loved the warm, open expression in Galen’s eyes. It revitalized his entire face. He didn’t know how he’d missed it before. He’d mistaken Galen’s reserve and sensual escapades as someone who had no need for anybody else and who lived for the pleasure of the moment. Maybe at the time Nick had been right about the second part; now he was beginning to think he’d been dead wrong about the first. He hoped so.

  “Come on, let’s get the salad together,” Nick said, and Galen rose, holding out his hand to help Nick up. “What’s for dinner? It smells amazing.”

  “Spanakopita. With a name like Charisteas you’d better like cooking from the old country.” Galen peeked into the oven and steam came out redolent with the scent of spinach and cheese. “My mom wasn’t too happy at first when I told her I was gay. Since then she’s come to terms with it, and she got along with the boyfriends I brought home. I don’t know if she’d be happier to hear that I’m dating again or that you come from a family with Greek roots too.”

  Nick winced. Galen’s words brought back very uncomfortable memories of when he’d come out to his dad and brothers. He probably should’ve tackled his family members one by one instead of trying to get it over with all at once. Then again, he knew he couldn’t have handled rejection after rejection. Whatever had happened between Galen and his mom then didn’t seem to be weighing on Galen’s mind now. And it wasn’t a topic Nick was eager to explore tonight.

  “I happen to love spanakopita.”

  Nick glanced around the kitchen as Galen shut the oven door and adjusted the temperature. This room seemed much homier than the cream, glass, and austere metal of the living room. He preferred the kitchen.

  “I hope the rest of your place is more like your kitchen and less like your living room,” Nick said. “I didn’t want to step on the carpet at first.”

  Galen handed him his wine glass with a laugh. “I know. I was afraid to eat and drink in there for a long time. It’s not really my style at all.” He took a sip of his wine. “I’ve been trying to redecorate but been so busy with the museum that I’ve only gotten around to a few rooms. I need to do it, though. This place looks like I have multiple personalities.”

  Nick had the impression that there was more to the story. He cocked his head, but Galen didn’t seem inclined to add to what he’d said. Nick watched him as he went to the fridge and rummaged around. Did it have anything to do with those pictures of Galen with another man, pictures where he’d seemed happy?

  “Can I ask you a question?” Nick took the bowl and a bag of romaine lettuce that Galen gave him.

  Galen hesitated and then shrugged. “Ask away.”

  Nick dumped the bag in the bowl as Galen retrieved feta cheese, kalamata olives, a tomato, and a red onion. At this rate he was going to have to beg for leftovers at the end of the night. If Galen’s spanakopita was half as good as Nick’s aunt’s he’d be a happy man. “Back when we used to hook up, you seemed hell-bent on seducing every man who crossed your path.”

  Two hot spots of color bloomed on Galen’s cheeks, and Nick paused in surprise. The Galen from six months ago wouldn’t have cared less what anyone thought of his behavior. If he’d been called out on it, and he had been a couple of times, he’d lifted one eyebrow with an expression of amused disdain and told them that if they didn’t like it they could go find someone else to play with.

  “I was in a very bad place then, and after you, empty sex seemed pointless,” Galen said as he washed the vegetables, the set of his shoulders tense. “But that wasn’t the question you wanted to ask. So what is it?”

  Nick remembered that Galen said he hadn’t been with anybody else since they’d parted. He had a hard time remembering the question, with his cock concentrating on the fact that Galen hadn’t been touched in six months. For a man as naturally sensual as he was…. Damn, Nick wanted a long, hot taste of all his pent-up passion.

  “Nick?” Nick looked up from the package of feta he was clutching to find Galen watching him, his brown eyes warm with a teasing look. “I think it wouldn’t take much imagination to know where your thoughts went.”

  Nick gave him an unabashed grin. “Very naked thoughts. You drove me crazy enough when you were a glutton. I’m not sure I could handle you after a dry spell, but I’d be more than willing to try.”

  Galen laughed and turned away from the sink to lay a quick, hard kiss on his lips. “You’ll get your chance. Now what was it you wanted to ask me?”

  “This is what I wanted to talk to you about tonight. I’m trying to get a handle on your mindset.” Galen said he wanted to date, and other times he still seemed distant. If he knew what was going on in Galen’s head, he could prepare better. He hoped Galen wouldn’t take this the wrong way; still, he had to know before he let himself fall any further. “Why is it you seem so reluctant to be in a committed relationship? Is it just not your thing? Or were you burned at some point?”

  The amusement fled from Galen’s face, and his gaze reflected an old pain. Why hadn’t Nick realized that maybe Galen’s heart had been crushed? He was such an ass for not considering that. He would bet his trip to Santorini that the man in the photos was behind Galen’s hurt.

  Galen brought the tomato and onion to the cutting board and began dicing the tomato. “I wasn’t always like that. Actually, I preferred being in a relationship over casual dating.”

  Nick walked over to him and laid his hand on Galen’s shoulder. Galen tensed, then relaxed, reaching up to touch his hand. “What changed? Talk to me.”

  Galen looked at him, and he seemed so lost that Nick leaned in and brushed his lips across Galen’s. He cupped Galen’s face, coaxing and tender, and Galen sighed against his lips, taking the offering. This new vulnerable side to Galen had Nick aching to discover more about him, to peel back all the layers until he discovered all those parts that Galen hid away.

  “I was with someone for quite a few years, and he died,” Galen said. “There was an accident with a drunk driver, and he was gone so damned fast.” He pulled back and returned to his dicing. “So yeah, after that I didn’t feel much like risking my heart.”

  “I’m so sorry.” Nick couldn’t imagine a loss like that or trying to fight to find some sense of normalcy afterward. Now the whole way Galen acted before, the distance he put up, it made sense. He ached for the pain that Galen must’ve gone through. “I wish I’d known.”

  “I wasn’t ready for you to know.” Galen shrugged and swept the diced tomato into the bowl. “The hurt of it is gone, but I’ll admit, the fear that it’ll happen again, that’s still there.”

  “That’s understandable.” Nick sensed that there was quite a bit more that Galen wasn’t saying. There was still an open wound in him, maybe half-scabbed over, but it still seeped blood. “There’s more isn’t there, about the accident?”

  Galen pressed his lips together and nodded. “Yeah, but can we not talk about it tonight? I’d rather relax and enjoy the even
ing with you than discuss something so damned depressing.”

  Nick hesitated and wondered just what Galen was holding back—not that it mattered from Nick’s standpoint. Walking away now wasn’t an option, not when he was starting to get to know the real Galen. And Galen wasn’t saying he’d never tell him, just not now. He could respect that.

  Nick turned back to his part of the salad and said the only thing he could think of. “It’s okay. The invitation is open for whenever you’re ready.”

  Galen gave him a grateful smile. “I don’t know why you keep coming back for more when it seems like I keep slamming the door shut. I have to know why you came tonight when I didn’t give you the reassurances you were looking for.”

  Nick sprinkled the feta over the salad greens and began tossing it with the olives. “I appreciate honesty. You played straight with me last time. You didn’t string me along, and you put an end to it when I told you how I felt. Another man might’ve played it out until he was bored, but you cared enough about my feelings to step back. I was pissed at first. Now I’m glad you did. And you were honest with me last night too. Just keep doing that.”

  “I don’t want to give you false hope.” Galen checked Nick’s progress and started to slice thin slivers of onion. “I don’t want to hurt you again.”

  “We’ll take it a day at a time. We don’t have to rush into anything. I’m not going to push you into giving me more than you can.” Nick added the dressing and red onion that Galen brought over. “The things you’ve said, the way you’ve acted these last couple days, has shown me that you’re at least willing to try, and if there’s a chance you’ll come to feel for me what I feel for you, I have to give it a try as well.”