Make Me Whole

by Marguerite Labbe

  “Okay, you’re right. I can do that.” Agreeing cost him nothing except peace from her checking on him.

  She paused, mouth parted, no doubt about to launch her next argument. Then she cocked her head and studied him. She didn’t say anything when she sat back, her expression serene. He wished he knew what she was speculating. They sat in silence, waiting for Clint to come in with an update on Suzane. Maybe they already brought him back to see her. Galen’s mom pulled out her latest crocheting project from her purse and got to work as if she was sitting in her living room and not keeping him from entirely losing his cool by her presence.

  “Is it okay if I bring somebody to Sunday dinner?” Shit. As soon as the words were out of his mouth Galen scrambled for a way to take them back. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to tell her about Nick, because he’d love for them to meet each other. He just didn’t want to talk about Nick while sitting in a hospital. “Not that I’m saying anything, just wondering.”

  “Any friend you bring is fine with me.” She finished the row of stitches and pulled some more yarn out of the ball. “You know that.”

  Galen waited for her to ask who, but she didn’t. She could be so unruffled at times; it was annoying and unnatural too. She knew she didn’t have to ask because he’d eventually cave and talk to her.

  She started another row and paused to look over her glasses at him again. “About what’s eating at you right now, talk with someone. It doesn’t have to be me. Or Suzane. Or your brother and sister. Maybe you could talk to that new friend of yours. You’ve been making steps toward moving on, and I’m happy to see it. Talking means it doesn’t fester, okay? Take it from somebody who knows.”

  Galen slid his arm around her shoulder and kissed her temple. “I love you, Mom. Thank you.”

  She smiled and patted the side of his head. “Anytime, dear.”

  GALEN sat on the bench outside of Nick’s apartment building, the late afternoon sun warm on his face. He was drained inside and out. Suzane’s scare had woken up too many memories best left buried, and they’d all come roaring back today. At least it was just a scare. Repeating it did little to settle him, and every time he heard sirens in the distance, a quiet leap of fear grabbed a hold of his windpipe and strangled him.

  “Galen? Why aren’t you at the museum?” Nick’s quiet voice broke through his thoughts, and Galen’s eyes flew open. “Not that I’m not happy to see you early, but I thought we weren’t meeting here till tonight. What’s wrong?”

  He held out his hand, and Nick took it with a warm clasp of his fingers. “I needed to see you.”

  “Okay, now you’re worrying me.” Nick tugged on his hand, pulling him up. “Let’s go upstairs, and you can tell me what happened.”

  “Suzane fainted and gave herself a concussion falling in her office.” A few inches in another direction and she could’ve died. He tried not to think like that. “I spent the morning with her in the ER before a room opened for her. They want to keep her overnight for observation.” And how Suzane had protested. She’d ripped into him, her son, and anybody unwary enough to step into the room before she’d finally settled down.

  Galen had taken it all and dismissed it because he knew deep down how afraid she was of hospitals, how she didn’t want to end up dying in one. He’d lashed out more than once after Bryan had died, and she’d taken his tantrums in stride. He could do no less in return.

  “Is she okay? Do they know what caused it?” Nick asked as he unlocked his door and ushered Galen inside.

  “Her iron is very low. Her blood cells are taking longer to come back after chemo, and she’s wearing out. Thankfully, it’s almost over. I hate seeing her like this.”

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t know or I would’ve been there.” As soon as the door shut, Galen pulled Nick into his arms. He needed to know that he was real, to feel him, dammit, to feel period. Nick didn’t resist, he held Galen back and kissed his temple. “You should’ve called me.”

  “I did, but you were in meetings, and I didn’t want to scare you by leaving a message. I should’ve, but I was spending too much time talking myself into a very bad place.” It felt so good to be held again, to be cared for. Maybe opening himself up to that vulnerability was worth it, just for the moments like this. “Then I realized I was an idiot and that I needed to be with you, so I came over.”

  “Come on, we’ll order a pizza, I’ll grab us some beers, and we can watch a movie, relax some,” Nick suggested, starting to ease away. It was the same every night—they’d reach a certain point, and one or both of them would pull back. Not tonight. Tonight Galen needed to experience every bit of the heat between them.

  “No.” Galen kissed him, a tender brush of his lips that made him ache inside. He kissed Nick again, seeking more contact, and their lips parted in sweet, open-mouthed kisses that offered the slightest taste and left him needing more. “I don’t want another quiet night. I want you.”

  Nick cocked his head and searched his face, a tiny line appearing between his eyebrows. “This isn’t the bad place where your mind went, is it?”

  Galen shook his head. He didn’t dare tell Nick that he’d had the momentary thought of walking away, because he wasn’t going to. Telling him would only hurt him for no reason and make him doubt. “No, I’m not reverting to old behavior. I’m not looking for a quick, meaningless fuck. I’m here because with you it does mean something, and I need that tonight. You fill up that empty place inside of me, and I don’t want that to stop.”

  Nick smiled and dropped another kiss on Galen’s lips. To Galen’s relief, Nick didn’t hesitate anymore. He didn’t ask Galen if he was sure. He took Galen’s hand and led him down the short hallway to his bedroom, tossing off his suit coat along the way. Sunlight spilled through the half-open slats of the blinds, making lines of light on the bed. Galen’s heart pounded as Nick sat on the edge and kicked off his shoes before beckoning to him. “I have been imagining you naked nearly every waking hour these last couple of weeks. It’s been making me crazy. And it’s gotten worse since we went swimming.”

  “You and me both.” Galen laughed under his breath and tugged his shirt off over his head as he slipped out of his own shoes.

  “Wait a minute. How did I miss this before?” Nick’s gaze locked on the tattoo low on Galen’s left hip, and he snagged Galen’s wrist to pull him closer. “When did you get a tattoo?”

  Galen touched the top of it where it peeked out over the waist of his jeans. He tugged the material lower so Nick could see all of it. It wasn’t big, about an inch or so high, very easy to miss, especially in the dim light of the pool. “About a month or so before I called you. I wanted a reminder. I seemed to need it.”

  Nick traced the outline of the stylized ankh with his fingertip. The light touch sent a wave of goose bumps over him. It had been too long since he’d let a touch matter to him. “What did you need to remember?”

  “Lots of things, I guess. It changes from day to day. Sometimes it’s that life goes on, and sometimes it’s that life is meant to be lived, not merely put up with.” Galen laid his hand over Nick’s, taking in the press of his fingers. Their eyes met, and they reached for each other at the same time.

  Nick bore him back down on the bed and kissed the center of his chest. “That’s a sentiment I can agree with. Live with me.”

  Galen’s heart leapt up, and before he could ask Nick what he meant by that statement, he was being kissed. He groaned, heat and desire sweeping everything else away. He pulled Nick’s dress shirt free from his pants and began undoing each button slowly, in no rush despite the demands of his body.

  Nick savored him, his tongue stroking Galen’s in long, slow sweeps, his lips nibbling, making him dizzy. Galen parted Nick’s shirt and slid his palms up Nick’s chest. Why the hell had he waited this long? Why couldn’t he have seen sooner that Nick was perfect for him?

  “I want you, Nick. Just you, nobody else,” Galen whispered against his mouth as the kiss eased.

&n
bsp; “I’m going to hold you to that.” Nick shrugged out of his shirt and kissed the design etched on Galen’s skin. “Since we’re being so honest with each other tonight…. Now that I’ve got you here and you’re not hiding anymore, I’m telling you I’m not letting you go. So if you think you’re going to change your mind, now’s the time to tell me.”

  Galen stared up into the shadows of Nick’s eyes and knew there was no going back. He was lost the minute he’d picked up the phone to call Nick about those statues. He’d known that then, even if he hadn’t acknowledged it. “I’m not going to change my mind. Not about you. I’m in this to stay.”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  NICK stared into Galen’s eyes, and there was none of the smooth bullshit he’d seen in the past. And he had no reason to not trust Galen’s words, other than his heart feared to take the risk with him again. His heart was going to have to get over it because there was no way in hell that Nick was going to let this moment slip through his fingers.

  He knelt up and got rid of the rest of their clothes, then stared down at Galen sprawled naked on his bed. He had him all to himself this time. And as head over heels crazy as he’d been for Galen last time, it was nothing compared to how he felt now. Then it had been like trying to worship a distant star or a quicksilver flame he couldn’t touch without burning himself.

  This Galen was so much more approachable and open. There was a kindness in him that Nick hadn’t seen before. Now Nick was truly in love with Galen. Now he could see a future together with him. Whatever dark place Galen had gone to before hadn’t stopped him from coming to Nick.

  Galen sat up with a laugh and braced his hands on the bed. “You’re looking at me like you don’t know where to start because you want it all at once.”

  Nick laughed in return and rocked forward onto his hands and knees, feeling Galen’s heat as he nuzzled his jaw. “You were right, we still had a lot to learn about each other, and so far I’m liking what I’ve discovered.”

  Galen tipped his head back, turning it to the side as he offered up his throat. A shudder rippled through him as Nick’s lips drifted down. In that reaction he sensed Galen’s anticipation. He’d wondered if Galen still preferred forceful over gentle, and his open invitation for rough nips and bites had Nick’s cock surging.

  “What do you want?”

  “You know what I want,” Galen replied in a voice thick with longing. He shifted his weight to one hand and sank his other hand into Nick’s hair, pulling him closer. “Please.”

  Nick smiled against his skin, heat rippling through him as the edge of anticipation sharpened even more. He nuzzled and pressed kisses to his sensitive skin while Galen squirmed and panted, seeking more, a rougher touch, greater contact. Sensing the tension in his body, Nick slid his hand up Galen’s ribcage. His thumb flicked the tightened nipples, making Galen groan.

  “You’re a damn tease.”

  Nick smiled again. “I’ve been waiting a long time for this, and I’m savoring every minute.”

  Galen’s hand tightened in his hair, and before he could turn the tables on him, Nick bit him harder just the way he liked, enough to redden but not break the skin. Galen’s breath came out on a husky groan, and his grip slackened as he trembled. “Oh God, do that again.”

  Nick loved the note of pleading in his voice, the way Galen’s body became supple from desire and need. Galen’s hand slid from Nick’s hair to cup his cock and closed his fist around it, pumping. Nick kissed the spot where he’d bitten him, then shifted to another spot that made Galen shiver with a whimpering sound before Nick had even parted his lips.

  “I think I could get you to do just about anything I wanted if I played with your neck long enough.” Nick’s teeth grazed it, and Galen squeezed his dick in answer.

  “I think you’re right. It makes me absolutely crazy.” Galen turned his head and caught Nick’s mouth, kissing him deeply. He lay back on the bed, pulling Nick down with him. Galen slid his hands all over him, exploring, teasing, wonderful hands, as his tongue played with Nick’s. Now it was Nick’s turn to shudder as the man underneath him reacquainted himself with Nick’s body.

  They broke apart, panting, and Galen stared up at him, his eyes dark with desire, sunlight slanting across his face. “I want to be helpless with you.” A bit of uncertainty crept into his expression. “Unless that weirds you out.”

  Nick’s breath came out in a rush. They’d hinted at that before, and Galen had always pulled back. He’d never been sure if it had been because Galen didn’t want to trust that much or if he’d been afraid of his own desires, so he hadn’t pushed for it.

  “Not at all. Are you sure that’s what you want?” Nick asked, even as his body screamed yes, to take Galen up on his offer, to hold him down and make him cry out and writhe underneath him. Galen must’ve seen the truth in his face because his uncertainty vanished and he gave Nick a wicked grin.

  “Yes, I am, and so are you.” He arched his hips and rubbed his cock against Nick’s thigh. “All those times you held yourself back because we weren’t alone or because you didn’t think you had the right…. I sensed it, I wanted it then, but it wasn’t the right time, and I kept second-guessing myself and the signals you were giving me. This time is right.”

  Nick thought his heart was about to beat right out of his chest as all sorts of dizzying possibilities swept through his mind. One thing at a time. He’d start out slow and simple and let Galen dictate how far he wanted to take this. This relationship was new enough that Nick didn’t want to upset the delicate balance they’d found.

  “God, I love you,” Nick breathed and dropped a hard kiss on Galen’s lips. He didn’t give Galen a chance to respond to that sudden statement. He didn’t want him to feel obligated to reply or awkward if he couldn’t. The words had been clawing at him to come out for days now, and Nick was tired of fighting them. So he kissed Galen and fumbled for the bottle of lube and the box of condoms in his bedside drawer.

  Galen ran his nails down Nick’s back, making him arch with a hiss. Galen chuckled, his eyes wicked as he looked up at Nick. “If I’m going to be at your mercy, I want you to be at mine first.”

  “I always have been.” Ever since the first moment he’d laid eyes on Galen, leaning against the bar, laughing at some joke from another patron. Their eyes had caught, the smile on Galen’s face had changed from amusement to speculative, and Nick had to go over to introduce himself. All those endless nights of drinking and dancing followed by amazing sex had only increased Galen’s hold on him.

  Nick rolled the condom on and slicked both of them, and after he’d fingered Galen a little, stretching him, Galen shook his head and stopped Nick with a hand on his wrist. “No more, I’m ready for you now.”

  “You sure? You said it’s been a while.” Doubt niggled. Maybe Galen hadn’t been entirely honest about how long it had been out of an effort to spare Nick’s feelings. Even if he hadn’t gone clubbing anymore, he was at the museum every day with gay men drifting in and out.

  Galen kissed him hard enough to make his lips tingle, ending with a hard little nip that made them start throbbing. “More than sure. Rough and out of control, that’s how I want it.”

  Nick flipped Galen over onto his stomach and stopped him from getting up on all fours with a hand between his shoulders. “This is where I want you.” Galen sank right back down, a visible tremor running down his back. Nick pushed Galen’s thighs apart and paused to admire the view, the tension in Galen’s back and buttocks, the flush to his skin.

  Galen wanted to be out of control and be at Nick’s mercy? Then they were doing things his way. He got more lube and pushed two fingers into Galen, scissoring them. He was tight, the muscle resisting him and Nick’s doubts disappeared. “Nick!” Galen reached back for him and Nick caught his hands, pinning them to the small of his back.

  “Oh no, you wanted to be at my mercy, you’ve got to take what I’m giving you.” He would give Galen rough, but he didn’t want to hurt him. Gal
en squirmed, trying to get some leverage, and Nick used his knees to push Galen’s thighs wider apart. “You should see the gorgeous sight you make right now.”

  “You’re a bitch,” Galen replied, but the laughter and hunger in his voice told Nick that he wasn’t pushing it too far. “I can take it.”

  “I know you can. That’s not the point.” Nick continued to finger him while Galen clenched and rocked. His mouth was dry as he watched Galen struggle in the sunlight, thighs straining, ass taut until the resistance faded as desire took over, and Galen began trembling with little whimpered moans and sighs for more.

  He released Galen’s wrists, his heart pounding as he guided his cock toward Galen’s entrance. “Please.” Galen started to lift his hips up, and Nick gave one firm cheek a hard smack before palming it with a squeeze. Galen went still and looked over his shoulder at Nick with surprised eyes.

  How far did Galen want to take this lack of control? “Hands on either side of your head.” Slowly he obeyed, wetting his lips, his breath coming quicker as his gaze heated. “Don’t move. Don’t try to take me in deeper, or else you’ll have to wait even longer while I play with you more. Okay?”

  Galen shuddered and closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, they were so hot, burning right into Nick with his stare. “Okay.”

  The acceptance in Galen’s gaze, the need, brought another punch to Nick’s heart. He loved Galen, as maddening as he could be… or maybe because of it. He challenged Nick in so many ways and jerked him out of the rut that had become his life.

  Nick smiled at him and gave Galen’s other cheek a smack so he had matching red spots on each side of his ass. Galen squirmed with an “Ooohh,” laying his head back down on the pillow. Another time he would have to see how Galen would react to a real spanking. This wasn’t the only hint he’d had that led him to believe Galen might enjoy it too.