by Dawson, H A
The high-pitched screams were fading, but they remained in the background, hiding in the shadows, following her everywhere - never vanishing, never sleeping, never stopping their torturous ritual. She wanted them gone, but at the same time craved the satisfaction of their presence. It was her only link to her daughter, the only one left. It was a perverse desire, an innate need for punishment.
She scrambled to her feet, tears streaming down her face, and stepped into the hallway. There she caught sight of her hideous reflection, the lumpy surface - the scars, the reminders - and dropped to the floor and sobbed.
The memories were vivid. Ash had spilled from the cigarette, dropping to the desiccated bales, and in an instant, there was an upsurge of flames, the crisp sound of crackling straw and intense, formidable heat. In the midst and driving her towards the fire, was her screaming baby girl. Without consideration, not even a moment’s hesitation, she scrambled up a ladder and flung herself into the blaze. She could not reach her daughter.
Teresa curled up into foetal position. She had let her daughter die; her weakness had prevailed. She lay motionless on the carpeted floor. It was hard and unforgiving. It was all she deserved.
Chapter 35
Leanne stared at the business plans that were in a pile on the coffee table. Several hours of work, wasted. And the money too. Would she ever see it again? She picked up her phone, her heart heavy and her hopes quashed and dialled Steven’s number.
‘Have you managed to contact Teresa?’ Leanne asked.
‘Still no answer. I popped around last night. It was dark and Geoff’s car wasn’t in the drive. They could have gone away.’
‘But why not answer their mobiles?’
‘Some people don’t like to.’
Leanne made a huffing sound.
‘Try not to worry,’ he replied, ‘I trust Teresa. I’ve known her a long time. There must be a simple explanation.’
‘I put a lot of money into this, but it’s not only that, I was excited Steven . . . for the first time in ages.’
‘I know. Look, I have to go, I’m in a traffic queue and it’s starting to move. I’ll pop over in a while.’
‘Okay, thanks.’
She had been such an idiot. How could she have handed Geoff forty thousand pounds and not got some kind of receipt? She had had initial reservations, yet because the idea of running a craft business appealed, she had ignored them. At last, something positive was going to happen in her life. She was moving away from her desolate life and fulfilling one of her last remaining dreams. She had the money and the time. Unfortunately, Geoff had realised that too.
She must have had desperate and gullible written on her face. She had clung to every positive opportunity, never pausing to think, not processing other options. She had been an absolute fool. Thank goodness, she hadn’t told Tyler. The shame would have been unbearable.
The woeful tone of her son’s voice replayed in her mind. Tyler was all that mattered, not the business, not the money, not even Steven, and something was wrong. Why had he remained tight-lipped? What was he hiding? She glanced at the time. As soon as school finished, she promised herself she would ring him and demand an explanation. No more excuses. If he wouldn’t speak, she would go see him in person.
She paced the downstairs rooms, stared into the barren expanse at the rear and wiped clean the dirty surfaces, her thoughts flitting. Time dragged. She glanced at her mobile, yearning to call Teresa and Geoff, and she headed to the front of the house to check the drive for vehicles. But they weren’t going to visit and tell her there had been a misunderstanding. Not now, not ever. She had been a gullible fool.
Searching her mind for an occupation, she reminded herself of her initial plans for a jewellery making business. Choosing to act more positively, she decided it was still something she could still do, regardless of what happened with Geoff. She even had the added advantage of already having formulated some ideas. She headed to the barn.
The small keys, bolts, and washers that were once central to her ideas were still in a pile on an old chest. They were grubbier than she remembered, and she fingered the roughened surface, coating her fingers in dust. Restoring them suddenly seemed an arduous task. Her motivation was lacking; her heart set on the craft shop. Her eyes drifted.
A couple of boxes near her feet caught her attention. Leaning over, she peeled back the lid and looked at the newspapers were wrapped around small objects and stacked to the brim. She lifted one from the top, unravelled the paper, and looked to the small ceramic doll. It was a young girl with a bonnet and delicate features. She put it onto the chest and opened another. This was a boy wearing short trousers and braces. Both were unblemished; there were no cracks, no scratches, and no marks on the paintwork. Deciding it was a set and that for the moment served no purpose, she returned them both to their respective packaging and opened the second box.
This one was nearly empty. At the bottom was a stack of photographs and a leather-bound journal. Just inside, it said ‘Fiona Jefferson’s. Keep Out.’ Leanne flicked through the pages and examined the meaningless scrawl. There were words and their meanings, references to books, and neatly written passages of text. She placed it on the chest and lifted a handful of photographs.
Her pulse quickened. They were family photos, but as she looked through, she realised that there was only one daughter present; all images of Karen had been removed. Grinding her teeth, she questioned her grandmother’s actions. How could Janet have acted in such a heartless manner and where were her motives?
The chilly air tightened her skin and she shivered involuntarily. She picked up the journal and the photographs and hurried back to the house. Her hand was on the door handle when a slow-moving vehicle caught her attention. Backtracking, she peered along the grassy drive and caught sight of Luke and Imogen’s car.
Feeling an urge to tidy herself up, she hurried inside the house leaving the door ajar, flung the photos and book onto the low lounge table, and scurried for a hairbrush. Then she added a dab of perfume and smoothed out her top. There was a knock at the door.
‘Come on in.’
They headed into the lounge.
‘I’ve just found some old photos, she said, ‘but unfortunately there aren’t any of Karen, only Fiona.’
They looked at the scattered images.
‘She was very slim and pretty,’ Imogen said, ‘it’s such a pity she died.’
Luke perched on the settee and scrutinised each photo. ‘They seem to cover her entire life. Any signs that she married?’
Imogen gave him a teasing look.
‘No, not that I’ve seen. I haven’t seen her with a man at all.’ Leanne paused. ‘You know, I’m so angry with Gran. She shouldn’t have removed the images of Karen. It’s wrong. Regardless of what happened, she was still their daughter.’
‘Understanding someone else’s motives can be difficult.’
‘You’re not wrong! My biggest regret is that she hadn’t been honest with me. If she had I could have forgiven her for everything else.’
Luke picked up a photo. Leanne glanced across and saw Fiona wearing a loose fitting dress. She was a little heavier than in the others but still as pretty and had well-defined brown eyes, lush brown hair, and an adorable smile. He turned it over. It was dated 1974.
‘Have you brought news?’ Leanne asked.
He returned the photo to the pile. ‘Yes, we’ve just been to Teresa’s.’
‘What! She’s there! I’ve been trying to contact her.’
‘How do you know her?’
‘Steven introduced us. I was setting up a business with Geoff, only . . . only it seems he was conning me.’
He raised his eyebrows.
‘He was buying a craft shop with someone and they wanted me to run it. In the end, he decided I should buy into the business. I gave him the money and signed a contract. I . . . I put it into a vault only I forgot to change it into my name.’ She looked at her lap, her heat rising. ‘I’ve just f
ound out that the contract has gone and the business we were buying never existed.’
He expressed sympathy.
‘I deserve what happened. I was such an idiot. I . . . I trusted them. They seemed genuine.’
‘They had motives. I’m just sorry we didn’t find out sooner.’
She looked between them.
‘Teresa is connected to Karen. They were friends,’ Luke said. ‘I’m sorry. In fact, I think that’s how she was burned . . . in the fire in your barn.’
‘I wondered about that. She acted oddly the first time she came over.’
‘I’m afraid it gets worse. She had a small daughter who regrettably died in the fire.’
She raised her hand to her mouth.
‘There was another accident too.’ He hesitated, his eyes drifting ‘Fiona suffered brain damage. I think she may have been trying to escape and fell.’
Her voice was small, her heart thumping. ‘How did it start?’
‘It was recorded as an accident.’
‘Did Karen start it?’
‘We don’t know. We think she must have been there, but as yet we don’t know what happened.’
Imogen spoke: ‘It would explain Teresa’s behaviour.’
Leanne looked up, drawn to the other woman’s elegance, her manicured nails, her shimmering top, and her expensive necklace dropping down her cleavage. She was perfect, not fat and frumpy, not gullible.
‘She should have told me who she was. I even told her I was looking for my mother.’
‘Don’t blame yourself. We couldn’t get much sense out of her either. She was very distressed. She was sifting through some child’s toys, presumably, her daughter’s things.’
‘But why punish me?’
‘Compensation? Assuming Karen was responsible then she was the one to blame for her daughter’s death. Since she couldn’t get to her then you were the next best thing.’
Leanne pressed her head into her hand. ‘I thought we were friends and all the time she was out for revenge.’
‘Don’t be too hard on her. The fire must have been a terrifying experience, and to lose a daughter would have been painful beyond comprehension.’
‘I suppose you’re right. I don’t think Karen would have done it deliberately.’
‘I hope not. People can do all sorts in a fit of temper – of course, we don’t know that she was in one, or that she did it. It’s still conjecture.’
‘It makes sense. It must have been why she left me behind. She was ashamed.’
‘I probably shouldn’t say this,’ he said and glimpsed at Imogen, ‘but we promised you the truth.’
Tensing, she folded her arms and urged him on.
‘Teresa said that Karen returned home to leave you behind. She didn’t want the responsibility of a child. I’m sorry, but it seems she’d made up her mind prior to the incident in the barn.’
Leanne’s gaze dropped, and her heart was laden with the knowledge that she wasn’t wanted. Karen had abandoned her, made a clear choice. Had Janet been right in keeping them apart? Why even attempt to return a child to someone who had said in front of witnesses that she didn’t want to be a mother?
Imogen’s phone sounded. She scurried into the hallway, listened, said ‘thank you’, and then returned. She looked to Luke. ‘That was Gary.’ Apprehensively, she looked to Leanne. ‘He’s found out Teresa’s maiden name. It was Smith. Teresa Smith.’
Leanne’s jaw was loose. There was a knock on the door.
‘She’s related to Gran?’
‘Patrick’s daughter . . . Janet’s brother.’
Luke slipped away to answer the door. He was talking in the hallway, filling Steven in. She strained to listen, but her ponderings distracted her. Was there anyone in her family that hadn’t lied to her?
Steven appeared in the doorway. ‘I’m sorry Leanne. I had no idea what her maiden name was.’
‘You weren’t to know.’
‘You think you know someone.’
Steven stepped towards her and rested his hand on her shoulder. Bewildered and saddened, she willed him to her side. Upon his arrival, she remembered Teresa’s warning. She had said she would need him and implied there was worse to come. It was a terrifying thought.
Chapter 36
Teresa sat at the table staring at the scattering of toys. The building bricks were at the far side, the picture book remained open at a train, and there were plastic toys, a small doll, and a jumping frog just beside her. She picked up the frog. It was set in two parts separated by a spring. She pressed it together, felt it stick, and waited. It held for three seconds and then ripped through the air and landed on the floor.
Her daughter’s laughter echoed in her mind.
‘Again,’ she had said.
Teresa had squished it together, held her fingers on the top, and looked at her child. ‘Ready?’
She nodded, her eyes wide and expectant.
Teresa eased away her hand. It flew into the air.
‘Again, again.’
It had generated laughter, a pure and innocent reaction to simplicity.
Teresa heaved a sigh. Her heart was heavy. She nestled the frog into her hand, pressed it to her middle, and craved a long lost past. Memories floated by, playtimes, mealtimes, bedtimes and special occasions, drifting incoherently like a swirling flock of birds. Amidst the confusion were Karen and Leanne.
‘We’re going to see my cousin today,’ Teresa had said. ‘She has a daughter, about your age.’
‘Is she nice?’
‘I would think so.’
‘Will she be my friend?’
‘Yes, of course.’
There were excitement and expectation on her daughter’s young face, exactly mirroring her own. It had been years since she had seen Karen, far too long to be comfortable, and a myriad of questions mounted. Would Karen be pleased to see her? Would they drift back into their carefree ways? How would Geoff react? Looking forward to a break from motherhood, she imagined evenings out, excessive drinking, laughter, and endless stories.
Regretting her decision to visit on that fateful day, Teresa flopped onto the table and rested her head on her arm. If she had waited for an invitation from Karen to meet, she would not have been caught up in her dismal behaviour and her daughter would be alive.
But, she had visited, and Karen had been out of control, burning with anger.
Why had she not returned home straight away and removed her daughter to safety? Why had she not tried harder to calm the situation? Her regrets were swallowing her up, eating her from the inside out. Nothing would change her past; nothing would bring back her baby daughter.
The conversation Teresa had had with Karen echoed as though only moments previous. Teresa had agreed with Karen that motherhood could be difficult, and added that it was part of the deal, the good with the bad. There could be no quick escape.
For Karen, there had been.
She had been a heartless, selfish bitch. And now, after years apart, and after all the atrocities committed, Karen may soon be reunited with Leanne. Where was the justice?
She released a desperate cry, her eyes drifting to the image of the train in the picture book and her mind tortured by the prospect of their reunion. Mother and daughter would be together; their tears of happiness would mingle, their hearts fulfilled. They would plan a joyful future and forgive the errors of the past. They would be together.
For her, there would be no reunion.
She stared at the train. She looked at the clock. She formulated an escape from her grief.
Teresa retrieved eight bottles of Grolsch lager from the fridge, swept aside the toys, and placed them upon the table. Then, she made a slight tear along one of the labels and removed the swing top. Her heart quickened and her skin warmed, the prospect of her actions satisfying. She reached into a drawer, removed a tablet from a packet and inserted it into the bottle. It descended slowly, dissolving into the liquid. Smiling, she replaced the top and put it into
a small bag on the floor.
She tapped her fingers on the table, maintaining a rhythm and unable to suppress her growing satisfaction. Guided by imaginary words spoken by her daughter, her courage prevailed and she reached to the phone.
Luke and Imogen continued to fill Leanne in with their progress, telling her about their visit to Northampton. She was grateful, but her concentration was slipping. Steven was at her side, a breath away yet untouchable. His sensational aroma was punishing, intensifying her needs and causing the hairs on her back to stand on end. To her regret, he seemed oblivious.
She dropped her hand into the gap and accidentally touched his thigh. His eyes drifted sideways towards her. She held her breath, focused on Imogen, and tried to maintain an impression of nonchalance. She was anything but; Leanne was losing control, quivering merely because of his closeness.
Luke was staring at the photos again, fixated by the images. Something troubled him and until he had fathomed it, he seemed unwilling to leave. For once, she wanted him gone.
Secretive, she peered at Steven. He was focusing on the conversation.
Luke selected some photos and handed them to Imogen. ‘Notice anything?’
Imogen was perplexed.
‘Look at the dates.’
Imogen turned them over. A hint of excitement replaced her confusion.
Leanne was just about to ask what they had noticed when Steven’s hand dropped onto hers. She jolted. Her pulse quickened. She spun to face him.
He leaned towards her, moving his mouth to her ear. His breath was hot and moist. ‘What you doing later?’ he whispered.
She grinned. Her body throbbed.
He caressed her hand, making tiny circles with the tip of his finger before stroking her arm. She wanted more and told him she was free. His smile was warm and encouraging.
Her mobile phone beeped. In need of a pause from his teasing antics, she leapt to her feet, noticed his growing satisfaction, and reached for her phone on a rear unit.
