by Dawson, H A
Brittany nodded. ‘I understand.’
Jason lifted his arm, wrapping it around her back. She shuffled closer, breathed in his musky scent, and rested herself upon his tautness. It would take a while for him to accept what had happened, but he would, for sure.
Hand in hand, they started back to her flat, feeling altogether calmer and more focused and ready to relax for the remainder of the day. Jason’s regrets were a worthy distraction, yet Brittany still felt his guilt and regret, and it combined with her own confused mix of emotions. A tight pain gnawed at her insides.
‘When did you suspect something terrible was going on?’ she asked.
‘Almost straight away. I’d just said yes when I bumped into Michelle. She warned me against getting involved.’
‘Really?’
He nodded. ‘I’ve regretted it ever since. I even tried to get out of it, but he came down hard. He meant business.’
‘He threatened you?’
‘Not in so many words, but the implication was there.’
Brittany stopped, gathered her breath. ‘I can’t believe I was fooled by him. He seemed genuine . . . one of the good ones.’
‘You could say his heart was in the right place.’
She frowned. ‘That’s a bit extreme.’
‘His patients were what mattered to him. He never hurt them. I trust him with Ethan.’
‘Well it looks now like you’ll need to find a new consultant.’
Jason pulled free his hand and thrust it in his pocket. ‘Every time I look at Ethan, I’ll think of what I’ve done.’
‘No you won’t, you’ll see a happy, healthy child.’
‘I hope you’re right.’
Brittany pulled the key from her pocket, and opened the door. Coming from within the living room was the gentle chatter of voices.
‘Sorry about that,’ she said to Luke. ‘You didn’t have to stay.’
Jason hovered at her rear. ‘Do you know who died for Ethan?’ he asked.
Luke turned to Imogen. She mirrored his anxiety. ‘I think that’s something we should keep to ourselves.’
‘I need to know.’
‘No, you don’t. What you need is to focus on Ethan’s good health. What has happened is done with. You can’t change it.’
‘Please. Was he old or young?’
Luke tightened his lips.
‘Tell me.’
Luke glanced to Imogen. ‘Okay, he was a middle aged man. He was in good health, had no dependants and was a bit of a loner.’
Jason puffed out. ‘You sure?’
He nodded.
Scrutinising Luke’s body language, Brittany felt sure he was lying, but it was a worthy deception, and Jason sank to the hard-backed chair satisfied. It was better the truth was kept from him, then he would never have to risk looking the donor’s family in the eye, and never feel it necessary to apologise for what he had instigated. It had not been a deliberate act, and no matter how often she repeated his innocence, she would make sure, one day, he believed.
It was an entirely different situation to the one she found herself in, as one day, she felt sure she would have to face Lisa. Would Lisa scrutinise her to see if she was a worthy recipient? Brittany would always be indebted to her, never be able to apologise enough, and would carry her mother’s crime as though it was her own.
‘You should have just told someone why you killed Scott. It could have saved countless lives.’
Michelle brushed her hand across her face. ‘I know.’
‘So why didn’t you?’
She pressed her lips together and looked away.
‘You should have at least told me. I . . . I would have understood.’
‘Brittany.’ Luke said in a quiet tone. ‘Michelle has something else to tell you.’
She looked to her mother, and the moment their eyes locked, Michelle bolted from her chair, weaved and stumbled around the coffee table, and ran towards the door.
‘Don’t go,’ Luke called.
Michelle looked to him frantic and wide-eyed.
‘It’s better it’s out in open.’
Michelle was shaking, and her face and neck was blotchy red.
‘Brittany,’ Luke said, ‘I’d like you to promise me you’ll stay calm.’
Her heart skipped a beat, her pulse quickening.
‘And you must try to understand. What Michelle did, or didn’t do, was out of her control. She has an illness.’
Brittany spun to face Michelle. She had slipped to the floor, and her head was nestled between her knees. She looked old and frail.
‘Will you try to forgive?’
Brittany’s mouth opened and shut and her heart hammered. She turned to Jason. He edged closer and gripped her hand.
‘This illness she has is called Tomophobia. It’s a fear of surgery, and it’s entirely irrational but very real. Like other phobias, it creates very intense emotions – rapid heartbeat, sweating, extreme avoidance - and is not something that can be controlled without intervention. Do you understand?’
Brittany nodded.
‘I have a leaflet for you.’ He placed it on the table. ‘Please read it.’
She was frozen to the spot and shaking uncontrollably, and the shivers extended along Jason’s arm. He had an unnatural serenity in his expression, eyes that told her she would be okay.
‘Michelle’s fear was so intense that she found it easier to kill Scott for his organ. She also found suicide preferable.’
Brittany did not understand but her words refused to release, her voice paralysed.
‘It’s easy for us to dismiss what she did as selfish,’ Luke continued, ‘but she was far from it. She was crippled with guilt, and that’s why she could never face you.’ He turned to Michelle. ‘Isn’t that right?’
She looked to him, red-eyed.
‘But she’s promised to seek help.’
Impassive, Luke awaited a reaction.
‘I don’t understand,’ Brittany said in a squeak.
‘Michelle is a perfect match, right?’ Jason asked.
Luke nodded. ‘When she found out, she destroyed the results. Up until recently only your father knew, then she told O’Riordan. She asked him to take her organ and made him promise to give it to you.’
‘You’d rather kill yourself than . . . than . . .’
Michelle’s face scrunched. She mouthed she was sorry.
Jason squeezed her hand. ‘Think of it this way, no dialysis.’
‘You knew about that,’ Brittany said to him.
‘I had an incline. And think how much longer you’ll survive with a living donor.’
It was a positive thought but not one she could cherish as Michelle’s worrisome gaze caught her attention.
All the years of suffering, from the initial onset of end-stage kidney failure to her mother’s imprisonment, could have all been avoided. Could her mother’s so-called Tomophobia justify her actions? Could she ever forgive her? If Brittany wanted to survive, she may not have a choice.
She headed to Michelle. After sitting in silence for a few moments, she reached for her mother’s hand and tears fell.
‘I’m not sure I will ever be able to truly appreciate what has driven you, but I promise I will try,’ Brittany said.
‘Thank you,’ she whispered, ‘and I promise to give you one of my kidneys.’
They fell into each other’s arms. Out of her eye corner, she caught sight of Jason. The moment he signalled his approval she knew she had made the correct decision.
Chapter 40
Luke’s head was a melee of emotions. He was terrified and excited; he was impatient, yet also willed time to move slower. Soon he would be a father, and his life would never be the same. He would have another life to consider, a dependent, someone to consider each time he made a decision, and someone who would always take priority.
Grinning, he urged steadier breaths and loosened his hand from Sarah’s. She yanked it back, gave him a stern glare, and then
strained and shrieked. Her back arched, her head tilted, and her fingernails pressed into his palm. It hurt like hell and a muffled yelp slipped from his lips.
The contractions stopped and her hand relaxed. Even though he knew she would consider him a wimp, he had to free his palm and needed to rub the score in the centre. When he did so, she glared at him with venom in her eyes.
She looked terrible, as though she had a raging fever; her skin was patchy and red, her damp hair stuck to her skin, and beads of perspiration dripped from her forehead and nose. Surely the pain could not be that bad. Wasn’t it like a stomach cramps?
He looked to Sarah and smiled. ‘You’re going to be a mum,’ he whispered.
‘Bloody hell Luke, I thought I’d got wind!’
Luke’s face dropped, regretful of her sarcasm. He wanted her to be excited, share in his pleasure, and not hating every second of it as though it was torture.
‘Just relax,’ he said, ‘it’ll soon be over.’
She gritted her teeth and glared.
‘A big push,’ the midwife said.
Sarah screamed and pushed, and tightened her hand around his. He forced strength into his palm, trying to widen it against the pressure, and prayed it wouldn’t fracture. His eyes moistened and his head spun, and he wondered if anyone would hear if he screamed too. Ashamed of his weakness, he looked to the midwife and others in the room. No one had noticed his agony. He was irrelevant, superfluous.
‘We’ve got a head,’ she said.
Luke craned his neck to see.
‘Another big push.’
Sarah was clenched in agony. He had heard giving birth was painful, but this seemed excessive. Women had done it for centuries; it should be easier than this. The human form was surely poorly designed.
He had seen a dog giving birth, and the puppy slipped out pain free. She hadn’t yelped or whimpered, and she hadn’t needed another paw to bite into. Luke wriggled his fingers, craving a soothing rush of blood, and hurried Sarah along.
A mass of life rushed out, covered in blood and gore. His eyes glistened, his face enchanted. He turned to Sarah, wiped her face with a damp cloth, and watched her breathing regulate.
The baby cried. It was a beautiful, life-enriching sound, and tears leapt from his eyes.
‘It’s a girl,’ the midwife said, ‘congratulations.’
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H A Dawson - Catalogue
Girl on a Train
Luke Adams investigates Book 1. Client:- Megan Armstrong
Megan is a tolerant woman, from this vindictive mental abuse she has reached the limits of her endurance. Now she makes good her bid for freedom. She is determined to have a new life on her own terms, despite the consequences. The arrival at the destination she has chosen for her new beginning has an unnerving resonance within her psyche. The effects are physical, her stressed mental state and the hallucinations are smothering her resolve. What can she do, there is neither recognition of the vague faces, nor any recollection of the violence that ensues.
Editorial Comments
A detective novel with neat twists and turns, well paced, satisfying page turner. psychological suspense and thriller themes based on a male/female team with an unconventional attitude. There is a good rapport between the male detective and his younger female assistant, contributing to some entertaining banter, offsetting their clients emotion and peril. The storyline emphasises female emotions and attitudes that may occur under duress, but not to the exclusion to those of the male protagonists. Statistically there are no two identical people alive with identical psychological profiles.
One Big Lie
Luke Adams Investigates book 2. Client :- Leanne Stark
Decades have past since Leanne's grandmother inherited a vast house after a fatal shooting. These events have remained a tight secret, never broached nor discussed. Leanne grows up believing her mother is dead, that is, until her grandmother dies. She is confounded by the protracted deception, and a gnawing sense of betrayal. The consequences of her grandmother's actions span generations; the locals struggle with the emerging truth; greed, death, and revenge linger. Desperate for consolation Leanne sets herself a quest to uncover this mysterious past. For professional backup, she engages the successful team of Luke Adams and Imogen Morrison.
Silent Screams
Luke Adams Investigates book 3. Client :- Brittany Handley
Brittany lives on edge, her life is shortening at a terrifying pace she urgently needs a kidney transplant. Michelle her mother is due for release from prison, but why has she avoided any contact with Brittany. The pressure's mounting, close to it's limits, amidst some very suspicious behaviour from hospital staff. Is there some unscrupulous scheming in these hospital corridors?
Naive Retribution
Luke Adams investigates book 4. ; Client :- Jade Horton
Jade's experiences amounted to nothing when a new torment crashed into her comfortable life. Someone knew her intimately, but she hadn't any clues to this person's identity. It seemed impossible for a stranger to gather such extensive knowledge of her life history, it was the threat of a stalker that reinforced her anxieties.
Jade's past has been turbulent, she suffers from a form of amnesia, she wishes her memory would unlock and solve all the issues that have accumulated through the years. She's petrified of every situation she can not control, and now her existence is in the "path of a stampeding herd of elephants"
Jade had attended school with Luke Adams, now she seeks his help, Imogen Morrison proves herself to be indispensable in a case that puts pressure on everyone connected with Jade. People may resort to extreme measures to gain attention even "torture" no one could have predicted the impact.
"The more you contrive to conceal, the greater the possibility it will be revealed"
More about my novels
H A Dawson - Catalogue
Dark Places
This is an individual novel, separate from any of my series
A heart wrenching mystery recounting the married life of Catherine, an isolated woman from the early 20th century, burdened by an indifferent husband, child deaths, accusations, a disbelieving family, with the only moral support stemming from her modern thinking sister. Eventually she crumbles, someone has to accept the consequences, there are always those in denial.
100 years later Michaela moves into Catherine's house, she is related and the stories and rumours have a bearing on her behaviour. She is a determined woman but is rattled by the locals comments and their speculation.
The entire situation convinces Michaela of Catherine's innocence, absorbing her in unearthing facts of Catherine's demise. Her investigation and delving for evidence disturbs certain people who have secrets of their own.
Back Road Everyday Luke Adams - Book 1.
A psychological suspense, with a taste of social activity! Watch your friends closely, can you guarantee they won't take exception to a seemingly casual remark? It may instigate a barrel full of woes if they feel you insulted them intentionally. Stacy has always assumed she knows her friends and they are trustworthy. Inadvertently and unknowingly she stirs up someone's sensitivities, at her peril.
H A Dawson integrates a thriller into an ordinary incident, but warnings like this should never go unheeded.
Guilt Trap Everyday Luke Adams - Book 2.
A psychological suspense with some community spirit. Life has a habit of nipping you from behind with unexpec
ted, unwanted surprises when you're at your most vulnerable, even if you're brimming with pride. Maddie has had a troubled childhood with her widowed father who was excessive with his demands and discipline, this led her to vent her frustrations on others with some embarrassing results. Those involved may not hesitate to exert their revenge in an inopportune fashion. Maddie's a calamity and the more she pools her resources, the worse matters turn nasty.
H A Dawson creates a thriller from an insignificant event, depicting how people attempt to destroy the lives of others whether justified or not.
H A Dawson
I did not read many full length books until my early twenties until I met my life partner who is an avid reader as he started reading "grown up books" at seven years of age.
This introduction to different genres and authors was wonderful! I discovered I had lost out on a fascinating source of material that engages, angers, excites and intrigues. My enthusiasm has not waned since. I enjoy true and fictional stories about people, places, animals, social history, high adventure and speculative fiction.
I have trekked to some remote places in the world, existing at a rudimentary level without any luxuries for weeks. One of the best experiences was sleeping under the stars, then patience rewarded me with a glimpse of those elusive creatures that are just active at dawn and dusk. My periods of relaxation were occupied reading the small pile of books I packed in my rucksack, now I carry digital versions.
