“And you had good reason, given our last encounter. Oh, I can’t tell you how ashamed I am of the way I acted. I was so influenced by Leticia and Bryce, but even then, I cannot blame them for the path I chose. I could have taken a stand and told them I didn’t agree with the way they wanted things to be. But I was weak and silly. Bryce had me convinced that this was the only way to ensure our survival—and he had a good reason to feel that way.”
She dabbed at her eyes before continuing. “Oh, there aren’t even words for all the things I want to say. That day . . . that day when you divided the money, I thought I understood life so well. I thought money was the way to be happy. Bryce certainly thought so—Leticia too. I figured if I just went along with everything, I would find that same happiness.”
Russell saw the weariness in his daughter’s face. She’d aged so much since he’d seen her last. Perhaps that was why she reminded him so much of her mother. “Lavelle, my sweet Lavelle. You always were such a gentle soul.”
“But I wasn’t then,” she said, pulling back as if her presence might pain him.
“But the past is in the past. That’s why I wanted you here today.” Pain tore through Russell as he struggled to sit up.
“Here, let me help,” Lavelle said, getting to her feet.
She gently supported his shoulders as Russell pushed up with his feet. The movement cost him all pretense of strength. He fell back against the pillows and closed his eyes, willing the pain to diminish. He knew he needed another dose of morphine, but he had no desire to spend his last days on earth in such a drugged stupor.
“I want the past to be behind us,” he finally whispered. “I want your forgiveness for anything you might believe me guilty of. I know I was given over to making money—any way I could. I know I was often away from the family, and I know you probably suffered for it.”
“Papa, I forgive you if it sets your mind at ease, but believe me, I feel there’s nothing you need to be forgiven of. I’m the one who wronged you. I need your forgiveness. I’ve prayed over these last few years that if I ever had the opportunity to see you again, I wouldn’t rest until I set this right between us.”
Russell opened his eyes. “So you’ve made your peace with God?” He smiled and closed his eyes. “That’s what I’ve always prayed for.”
He breathed just a little easier, knowing that his hopes had been realized. His child had come to God. He thought of his long-departed wife and how she had pushed for the family to attend church. It was the acceptable thing to do, to be sure, but at the same time, Russell found no purpose in going other than the possible financial benefits. Many had been the time he’d made a good deal in the vestibule of the church. Never mind that he’d joined the den of thieves who robbed the focus from God and put it on money.
“I kept remembering things that you said to us that day,” Lavelle began. “Things about how we wouldn’t find our stability in money or possessions. Then one day Bryce took sick and died. It wasn’t long after our fight.”
Russell opened his eyes and looked at her sad expression. “I’m sorry, child. I had no idea.”
“But of course you didn’t.” She shook her head. “Bryce was no good with money or numbers. He had a weakness for gambling and his gambles never paid off. When he died and I finally knew exactly where we stood, I was shocked. Most of my inheritance was gone. I had a palatial estate to show for it and a handful of other properties, but nothing like I thought I had.”
“What did you do?” Russell asked.
“I sold off most everything—the house, the jewelry, the businesses, even some of the furniture. It was then that I came to realize who my true friends were. Good friends—or at least those I thought were good friends—turned away from me when my social and financial status began to drop. The more I rid myself of the trappings of wealth, the less interest I held for those in my old circle.
“Little by little I dismissed all of the servants except one. I kept my maid Eva. I don’t know if you remember her or not; she was an older woman with a sweetness about her that made my days brighter. She was also a godly woman. She began sharing her Bible readings with me and eventually we started going to church together. I came to realize that the things I valued in life were not the things that would matter in death—nor in the afterlife.”
Russell nodded. He could almost hear his sweet wife say the same thing. If only Leticia and Ashley would speak likewise, he could die a happy man. He bolstered his hope. He’d thought Lavelle lost too, and God obviously took care of that matter. God was big enough to see to Leticia and Ashley. But as usual, it would have to come in His timing and not Russell’s.
****
Ashley hurried from the doctor’s office, hoping to get home before Lavelle or Grandpa should need her. She knew Grandpa would be overjoyed to learn that Lavelle’s heart had been softened over the years. He would rest easier and that made Ashley happy. She knew the morphine powder now secure in her purse would also make him rest easier. The doctor had increased the dosage, suggesting that Ashley not pay attention to her grandfather’s request to keep the doses light.
“He needs this medicine,” the doctor had told her. “He’s a stubborn man, and oftentimes that means the rest of us must intercede to make choices for his good.”
Ashley had agreed, but even now she wondered if she could go forward with the plan to give Grandpa a stronger dosage.
“Mama!” Natalie called, running up the street at a rapid pace. With school out, she appeared to have one purpose and goal.
“Natalie, people must think you run positively wild,” Ashley said, laughing. Her daughter’s wool skirt flew up in an unladylike fashion, revealing her bare knees, but Natalie didn’t care. She barreled into Ashley, using her mother’s body weight as a stopping block for her momentum.
“Mama, can we invite Mr. Carson to dinner again? I want to go see what they’re doing with the building today, and I thought it would be fun to have him come to dinner.”
“Natalie, your aunt Lavelle is here from Los Angeles. We already have one dinner guest.”
“So it wouldn’t be any trouble to have two—right?”
Ashley shook her head. “Natalie, you need to have some consideration for your great-aunt. She’s probably not interested in meeting anyone new tonight. The train ride was very long and no doubt tiring.”
“Please, Mama! He’s all alone.”
Natalie’s pleading expression was Ashley’s undoing. It wasn’t as though Mr. Carson was poor company. And she had set him straight on how she felt about Natalie’s matchmaking plans.
“All right, I suppose you may invite him. We’ll eat around seven-thirty.”
“Thanks, Mama!” Natalie called over her shoulder as she skipped away. “I’ll tell him to come over at seven so I can show him my pony.”
Ashley rolled her eyes heavenward, then started to head for home when she thought to tell Natalie that she might let Mr. Carson know what they were having for dinner. She spied Natalie turning the corner for Second Street, but she also saw something else as well. A man appeared to be following her daughter.
Concerned with this, Ashley carefully picked up the trail herself. She watched as the man followed Natalie at an even distance. He watched Natalie cross Second Street and waited until she closed the distance to the construction site before he did likewise.
To Ashley’s relief, Natalie spotted E. J. early on. He was outside directing some work on one of the windows. Ashley held back and watched the man as he walked past them, then disappeared into the shadows.
Maybe I’m just imagining this, she thought. Maybe it was just coincidence. She shook her head. No, the man had clearly been watching Natalie. Ashley hadn’t recognized the man. He seemed well enough dressed, but a long coat could hide a poor wardrobe. His coat and hat had shrouded his face and physique. Ashley had no idea what he really looked like.
She swallowed hard, feeling the uneasiness drench her in a cold sweat. Maybe the man is a transient, one
of the railroad bums. Maybe he’s just trying to get back to the tracks without anyone recognizing him.
Ashley breathed a little easier. Yes, that’s probably what it is. From time to time the less fortunate hitched rides on the boxcars. Still, he didn’t look to be that type of man. Perhaps he was a train passenger. He might have been visiting someone in town, or maybe he didn’t like the crowds at the Harvey House. The man had probably come into town to get something to eat and was now headed back to catch his train. She waited a moment more, and when Natalie raced off for home and no one followed her, Ashley smiled and continued her own journey.
I’m just being silly, she thought. Grandpa’s sickness has wearied me and given rise to my imagination.
She reached the iron gate of their yard and smiled. Natalie had forgotten to close it again. In her hurry to get changed out of her school clothes and get to her pony, she often forgot to take care of little things like open gates. Pulling the gate shut, Ashley made her way inside. She hoped her aunt had enjoyed a pleasant visit with Grandpa.
“Ashley, is that you?” Lavelle questioned, coming down the hall with a worried expression.
“Father is in a great deal of pain. Can we give him something to help?”
Ashley pulled the medicine from her purse. “I’ll mix him something right now. I didn’t intend to be gone so long, but I ran into Natalie.”
Lavelle smiled. “I heard the door open and someone run upstairs. I thought it might be her.”
“She likes to groom her pony or go for a ride on nice evenings. I’d imagine she’s changing her clothes to do just that. I’ll make her stop long enough for an introduction.”
Ashley moved toward the kitchen. “If you want to join me, I’ll show you how this is done. Then, if I’m not around, you can feel free to give him the medicine when he needs it most.”
“I’d like that. I’d like to assist with Father’s care. I feel it will give me the precious time I might otherwise not have had.”
Ashley wasn’t sure how to feel. On one hand, she had hoped to have that time for herself. On the other, she knew that Lavelle needed to have time to say good-bye to her father. Smiling, Ashley reached out and embraced her aunt. “The help will be greatly appreciated. We can relieve each other, and that way Grandpa will always be with family. The doctor said we’re getting to a point where we might want to keep someone in the room with him at all times.”
Lavelle nodded. “It’s good he has such a nice large room on the first floor.”
“It used to be his study,” Ashley said. “About six years ago his knees and hips started hurting him something fierce. I suggested we convert the room at least enough to put a daybed there for him. That way on nights when he didn’t feel like climbing the stairs, he’d have some place to rest.” Ashley put water on the stove to heat. “The daybed gave way to a regular bed, and he’s been there ever since. Oh”—she motioned to the teapot—“he likes to take the morphine in hot sweetened tea. It seems to help cut the bitterness.”
Lavelle nodded. “That makes sense.”
“Mama, I’m going out to brush Penny,” Natalie called from the hall. “Mama, where are you?”
“I’m in the kitchen, Nat. You needn’t yell,” Ashley replied, shaking her head at Lavelle’s grin. “Come meet your great-aunt.”
Natalie came into the room, her braids and jean-clad legs bouncing to the same rhythm. Ashley had found the pair of boy’s pants at the secondhand store and on a whim had bought them and altered them for her daughter. No one seemed to mind, given Natalie’s status of town darling.
“Hello,” Natalie said, beaming Lavelle a smile.
“You must be Natalie,” Lavelle said, reaching out to touch the little girl’s face. “My, but you’re a pretty little thing.”
“Thank you, ma’am,” Natalie replied.
“Natalie, this is my aunt Lavelle. She’s your great-aunt.”
Natalie nodded. “Mama said you would come today. I’m glad you’re here. I always wanted to meet you. Grandpa told me stories about when you and my grandma were little girls.”
Ashley started at this. She hadn’t realized that Grandpa had told Natalie much of anything about the family.
“Grandpa said you and Grandma got in lots of trouble one time when you decided to pick all of the neighbor’s flowers for a bouquet for your mama.”
“I remember that well,” Lavelle said, laughing. “I was all of six or seven, but I remember to this day having to go and apologize for my wrongdoing.”
“No doubt Mother put you up to it,” Ashley said rather bitterly. Turning away, she tried to focus on the tea. She didn’t even want to consider that her mother might have been innocent.
“Grandpa’s told me lots of stories,” Natalie continued. “I like hearing them. It’s almost like I know you.”
Lavelle chuckled. “I should like very much for us to know each other better, Miss Natalie.”
“Me too. But right now I need to go take care of Penny. She’s my pony. Would you like to see her?”
“We need to get Grandpa his medicine,” Ashley told her daughter. “Maybe Aunt Lavelle could see Penny later.”
“Yes, I’d like that, Natalie. Would you be willing to show me your pony later tonight?”
“Sure.” She snagged a cookie from a plate on the counter, then hurried to the back door. “Oh, Mama, Mr. Carson said he’d be pleased to come to dinner.”
With that she was gone and Ashley was left to explain to her aunt. “Mr. Carson is a man Natalie met over at the new Harvey hotel building site. She’s fascinated with him because he’s an architect. She’s also trying to make a match, so be forewarned. She seems to be convinced that I need someone in my life.”
Lavelle smiled. “She’s absolutely delightful, Ashley. A sweet and loving child to be sure. How much she must love you to worry about your having someone in your life.”
“It’s for herself as much as me,” Ashley replied, beginning to feel a bit desperate to change the conversation. But instead of bringing up something else, Ashley chose to focus on the work at hand.
They worked together in a companionable silence for several minutes. Ashley hoped she hadn’t offended her aunt by suddenly going silent. It wasn’t that she wanted to hide their life away from Lavelle; rather, she didn’t know how much to share. Some families were very close, but obviously this one wasn’t.
Finally the silence seemed stifling. Ashley strained to think of what she might talk to her aunt about. Then it came to her. “Did you have a nice talk with Grandpa?” Ashley asked, trying to sound nonchalant and hoping she wasn’t being impolite. She arranged a napkin and small bowl of cottage cheese on a tray. She hoped she might get Grandpa to eat just a bite or two.
“It was wonderful,” Lavelle admitted. “I’m afraid I cried a good deal.” She smiled, then looked away. “We made our peace with each other, and that’s what counts.”
Ashley nodded. “I’m sure Grandpa was pleased.”
“I know it put my heart at rest. I don’t want to see him go, Ashley, but I couldn’t have made it through if I’d never had the chance to seek his forgiveness. Thank you for that—for sending the telegram. I couldn’t leave things as they were. The ugly memories of how I acted are not what I want him to remember of me.”
Ashley put a spoon atop the napkin. “I’m sure he won’t remember those things at all. He’ll probably see you as a little girl in frilly calico and muslin. He’ll remember the good things—he’s like that.”
Lavelle grasped Ashley’s hand. “I pray that’s the way it is. It’s all I could ever really want for him.”
Ashley nodded and pulled away just as the kettle began to whistle. She poured the water and said, “I just make half a cup; that way he doesn’t have so much to drink. Just stir in the morphine powder while it’s still hot and then add the honey.” She mixed the concoction, then turned to her aunt. “Do you want to take it to him?”
Lavelle took hold of the tray. “Please.”
“He may not want anything to eat, but I always try. I know if I have it with me and he asks, then he’ll eat it. If I don’t bring something, he won’t allow me to go after it.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
Lavelle went off into the dining room and down the hall. Ashley followed, watching her manage the bedroom door with ease. She felt a bit empty—almost useless—but realized it was for the best. Ashley had had the old man to herself for the last eleven years, with exception to Natalie. It was time to share him with those who also loved him.
Frowning, she couldn’t help thinking of her mother. Would she be one of those who cared? Would her mother show up as Lavelle had, all sweetness and gentleness? Somehow Ashley couldn’t imagine that happening.
“And even if it does, that doesn’t mean I have to accept her back in my life,” Ashley whispered. “Grandpa might want me to make peace, but there’s a difference between that and allowing her a place in my heart.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
E.J. approached Ashley’s house with a sense of fatal fascination. He knew he should have told Natalie no when she’d invited him to supper that afternoon, but he couldn’t. Truth was, he was only too happy to share the company of Natalie and her mother.
Lately, Ashley and Natalie had filled his thoughts. Especially Ashley. He’d thought about their days together—about their wedding and their wedding night. He couldn’t help feeling a sense of elation at knowing she was still alive, but at the same time the feelings were mingled with regret of the deepest kind.
And the confusion that came from those feelings was maddening.
One minute E. J. was absolutely confident that he needed to explain his identity to Ashley. The next minute he was just as convinced that such a thing would be sheer insanity.
Now, pausing to knock at Ashley’s front door, E. J. knew he’d remain silent. Test the waters, he thought. See what might or might not be best. It’s the reasonable thing to do. It didn’t make him a coward—it merely made him prudent.
He knocked, then felt his heart begin to race. He twisted his hands together, then pulled them apart and plunged them into his coat pockets. Would she open the door? What would she be wearing? How would she look?
[Desert Roses 02] - Across the Years Page 14
