“Of course,” Ashley said.
“She did ask me whether or not I knew where Father had gone. Of course, I didn’t know. I think she might have even hired someone to find where he’d gone, but she never found out. I’m sure she went home from that trip very disappointed in me. It didn’t help matters at all that I’d become a Christian.”
I should become a Christian to spite Mother, if for no other reason, Ashley thought. But immediately she knew that would never work. She might lie to the world, but she couldn’t very well lie to God.
“Your mother said I was weak, just like Father. I’m sure that’s why she feels she must come and oversee matters now. But, Ashley, she has no power here except that which you give her. The house is yours. Father told me all about giving it over to you, and I’m quite pleased he did. I’m glad he left you the entirety of his estate, and I will support you in this one hundred percent.”
“I appreciate that, Aunt Lavelle, but . . .”
Lavelle took hold of Ashley’s hand. “Look, I know you’ve not yet put your trust in God. Father told me of his concern for you. I don’t know what keeps you from doing so or why you distance yourself from God—but no matter what, He is here and wants only the best for you. It might not always come in a comfortable, easy manner. Growing is sometimes very uncomfortable—think of when you carried Natalie. I’ve heard many a pregnant woman complain of the discomfort.”
“But don’t you feel that God . . . well . . . doesn’t it seem sometimes that He’s forgotten you—that He doesn’t care?”
Lavelle hugged her close. “Ashley, we all go through moments of time when we feel confused by the things that happen in our lives. We wonder where God is and why He allows such tragedy. There are times when we feel completely deserted. Even Jesus bore that feeling.”
“He did? When?” Ashley’s voice belied her disbelief.
“On the cross, dear. He said, ‘My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?’ ”
The words went through Ashley’s heart like a white-hot coal. They seared her mind and burned deep into her lost memories and dreams. The words of Christ were her very own.
Lavelle seemed to understand the impact. “Ashley, God might seem silent for a season, but be assured, He is never absent. He won’t leave you to bear things alone unless that’s the way you choose to bear them. He leaves it up to you.”
****
The next few days seemed to drag by in some ways and fly by in others. Ashley furiously cleaned the house, certain her mother’s biggest criticism would be in how they lived. She beat the rugs and took down all the curtains to wash and iron. The hardwood floors were scrubbed and polished and the furniture carefully dusted and wiped. Lavelle tried to assure her the place was already spotless, but Ashley continued to find fault.
“If only I’d thought to paint the living room,” Ashley reflected. She was on her knees scrubbing the baseboard when this idea came to her. She looked up at the walls, wondering if there still might be time.
Finally, Lavelle brought Ashley her sweater and demanded she go for a walk. “You haven’t been out of the house since that telegram arrived. Now go.”
Ashley looked up in complete surprise. “But I haven’t scrubbed out the fireplace yet.”
“Ashley! Your mother’s arrival isn’t worth this grief. We know her to be a critical woman. Do you really suppose that your efforts will matter? If she’s still of the same meanspirited temperament, she won’t appreciate the effort. And if she’s had a change of heart, then none of this will matter.”
The words made sense. Ashley slowly got up from her aching knees. “I suppose you’re right. I just wanted to . . .”
Lavelle touched her face tenderly. “I know, sweetheart. I know.”
Ashley put aside her sponge and bucket. “I suppose I should go to the market and pick up a few things.”
“Or at least take a walk and enjoy the sunshine.”
Ashley nodded and took up the sweater. Pulling it around her shoulders, she sighed. “I’d like to believe she’s changed, but I have no faith in that. Not given the telegram.”
“I know. But God is sufficient even in this. He’ll see us through—you simply have to trust Him, Ashley.”
Trust. That was the real crux of the matter.
How could she trust God when she wasn’t even sure who He was?
She didn’t like that her mother’s impending arrival was giving her cause to act so completely out of character. She couldn’t help questioning herself. I’ve not cared what that woman thought in eleven years. Why is it so important that she approve now? Just as her aunt had told her, if Leticia was the same woman whom Ashley had parted company with all those years ago, nothing Ashley did now would meet with her approval.
Walking to town, Ashley couldn’t help sidetracking in order to see the Harvey hotel’s progress. She hadn’t talked to E. J. Carson since that night at dinner weeks ago. Natalie had asked several times to have him over, but Ashley had always refused for one reason or another. There was something there that made her uncomfortable—almost uneasy. Maybe it was the easygoing manner in which she shared E. J.’s company. Maybe it was the way he seemed to know things about her.
His tenderness toward Grandpa had nearly been her undoing that night. He was so gentle with the old man—so careful of his frail, pain-filled body. She could easily remember his expression, so concerned, so compassionate. Something in his manner reminded her of Ethan; at least she was fairly confident that the memory was true. As the years went by she had to admit that it was harder and harder to remember his mannerisms, his voice. It grieved her, but as Grandpa had suggested, it was very possible that she was also assigning things to the past that had no bearing in truth. She and Ethan had shared only a matter of weeks together. It was hardly enough to build a lifetime on. But then again, it had given her Natalie.
Natalie adored E. J. Carson. There was no doubt about that. She talked about the man from morning until night. But now that her mother was coming, she’d have ample excuses to delay his visits when Natalie insisted.
Ashley wouldn’t impose her mother upon anyone. Especially if she were to have the same nature as before. No, their house and dinner table would be full. Ashley would give up her bedroom to her mother and share Natalie’s bed, and while she knew the arrangement would be adequate for most anyone else in the world, Ashley was confident it wouldn’t meet with her mother’s approval.
“Mrs. Reynolds!”
E. J. Carson called to her from beyond a newly constructed portion of stone fence. Ashley felt her stomach flutter. Suddenly she was aware that she was quite happy he’d sought her out. Why should this man have the power to make me feel this way? Guilt immediately washed over her. What of Ethan?
“Hello, Mr. Carson.”
He tipped his hat and smiled. “I was hoping to see you today. In fact, I had thought to come by. I have a question for you. Remember? I promised you dinner sometime.”
“Yes, but that’s hardly necessary,” Ashley argued. The last thing in the world she wanted was to be asked out on a date with this man or any other.
“Well, I’ve been talking with several of the workers,” he continued. “I was wondering if you’ve ever been to the meteor crater west of here?”
Ashley shook her head. “No. Grandpa and I talked about going, and Natalie has nagged us both about it ever since hearing about it in school, but we’ve never managed to make arrangements. We have no car, you see.”
“Well, I do. I’ve just acquired the use of a vehicle, and I’d like very much to propose a picnic tomorrow. I figured since it’s Saturday and I have the day off and Natalie will be out of school, we could take all day. It’s about twenty-one miles to drive there, so we’d have plenty of time to explore.”
The thought of spending all day in the company of this gentle-spirited man held both appeal and terror at the same time.
“I know it’s short notice, but I would bring a picnic from the Harvey House,” he said, h
is voice almost pleading.
Ashley knew Natalie would be beside herself if Ashley were to say no. How many times had she begged her mother to ask Pastor McGuire for the loan of his car for just such an adventure? The only problem was, Ashley didn’t drive.
“I’m sure Natalie would enjoy the trip,” Ashley began, almost confident that she would turn down E. J. Carson’s offer for herself. But when it came time to speak the words, she found herself agreeing instead. “I’ll need to make sure Aunt Lavelle doesn’t mind taking care of Grandpa all day. Still, I wouldn’t want to leave her alone for too long. We’d have to be back by dark.”
E. J. smiled. “I can arrange that; just leave it to me. I’ll pick you both up about nine in the morning. We’ll get there in an hour or less, and that should leave us plenty of time.” He tipped his hat again, then sauntered off as if he’d single-handedly won the World Series.
Ashley had to smile, until she heard him start to whistle. The tune left her cold. She could hear Ethan whistling the same song. It was his favorite ragtime melody. He’d whistled it incessantly while they’d courted.
E. J. disappeared into the construction site, but Ashley felt fixed to the spot where she stood. All at once she exhaled, not even realizing she’d been holding her breath. Oh, Ethan, why should you be gone while E. J. Carson is here? It’s not at all how I saw life when you married me.
Her heart ached within her and the memory was more than she wanted to deal with. How am I to spend the day with this man and not die from loneliness?
****
E. J. felt a sense of renewal in his spirit. He had actually taken time since last seeing Ashley to pray and seek God—and it felt marvelous. Though he still suffered the terrors of his war memories as he slept each night, the dreams seemed shorter and less violent. Perhaps true healing had begun.
Now he waited for his wife and daughter to join him on an outing to the meteor crater, and an overwhelming giddiness engulfed him. He wanted this freedom of spirit. He wanted to look forward to the day and to know that it would come around right in the evening. He wanted for once not to dread the nightfall.
Natalie came bouncing out the door as she so often did. She wore her dark hair pulled back into a high ponytail, which swung back and forth as she came down the path to the borrowed car. Her skirt jogged up and down, revealing rolled-up pants beneath.
E. J. reached out and opened the door for her. “I see you wore jeans under your dress. You must be planning for quite an adventure.”
Natalie jumped up on the Packard’s running board. “Mama said I had to wear the dress over them,” she replied, wrinkling up her nose in distaste. “She doesn’t understand that sometimes I like to climb and not worry about dresses.”
Natalie climbed into the backseat and plopped down dead center. “I get all this room to myself?”
E. J. laughed. “Well, so long as you mind the picnic lunch I’ve put down on the floor behind my seat.”
“Is this your car?” she questioned, running her hand over the seat. “This is the nicest car I’ve ever been in.”
“This is one of the Harvey company cars. They gave it to Miss Colter to use, but since she’s out of town, she told me I could borrow it for our trip.”
About that time Ashley came from the house. Her face glowed from beneath a wide-brimmed straw hat. She caught him watching her and smiled hesitantly, her gaze curious, almost as if she were trying to figure out a puzzle. E. J. felt a wave of guilt for keeping his identity from her. He knew she deserved to know and make the choice for herself as to whether they’d continue their marriage or end it.
“I hope I’ve dressed all right,” she said, breaking his thoughts. “I thought a simple skirt and blouse would be easiest.”
He nodded and noticed she’d put on very sturdy walking shoes. “You look perfect. Natalie too.”
“I’ve brought some sweaters, although I doubt we’ll need them as the day seems so fair. Oh, and I’ve brought a couple of blankets for the ground. I didn’t know whether or not you’d think to bring something to sit on.”
“No, I totally forgot about that. Glad you considered the matter for me.” He smiled and took the blankets from her while she handed the sweaters back to Natalie. E. J. held the door for Ashley as she stepped up on the running board and got in. He watched her gracefully arrange herself on the seat before nodding to him.
Soon they were on the road, driving west with the sun at their back, the world stretched out before them in a raw and rugged landscape that begged exploration. Cactus, scrub, and a variety of nondescript brush dotted the red, sandy soil. The dusty desert road offered nothing in the way of shade or real diversion, but E. J. hardly cared about that. He’d made up his mind. He was going to tell Ashley the truth. Once they were at the crater site and Natalie was preoccupied with her exploration, he would break the news to Ashley as gently as possible.
The anticipation of that moment was enough to keep E. J. focused and energized on the journey west. For over an hour he contemplated what he would say.
Ashley, there was a mistake about your husband dying in the war.
Ashley, I didn’t know until I saw you that you were still alive.
Ashley, the government makes mistakes, and I’m not dead like you thought.
Nothing sounded exactly right, but he was certain the words would come when the time was right.
Upon finally arriving without mishap, Natalie’s chatter caught up with his thoughts. “I’ve wanted to come here forever. We learned all about this place in school. Did you know they were trying to mine the crater for iron ore? They stopped because they couldn’t find very much and they just kept striking water or having other problems. They just stopped work this year.”
E. J. smiled as he parked the car. There were only two other cars at the location, probably belonging to whoever might remain on-site to answer questions, he figured.
“My teacher said the meteorite probably weighed three hundred thousand tons but that it probably broke apart and smashed into little dust pieces when it came to earth. Isn’t that hard to imagine?”
“Indeed it is,” E. J. replied.
“This is all she has been able to talk about since yesterday,” Ashley told him.
“It’s just that it’s the most amazing thing in the world, and it’s not very far from home. People are going to start coming here more and more to see it, and that’s going to make this area very popular.”
E. J. laughed and opened the car door. “And that’s important to you?”
“Sure,” Natalie said, jumping from the car. “The more people who come and want to live here, the more they’re going to need architects to draw the plans for houses and businesses. That will give me a job.”
E. J. shook his head. She certainly had it in mind to stick to her guns regarding her dream.
The meteor crater proved to be fascinating, but E. J.’s mind couldn’t completely appreciate the phenomenon. He wandered around for a time with Natalie and Ashley, listening to his daughter marvel at the impact indentation nearly a mile across in size. All the while the words of his explanation to Ashley ran through his mind.
“See down there?” Natalie questioned E. J., pointing to the floor of the crater. “My teacher said that some of those rocks that just look like little stones to us from here are actually boulders. Isn’t that amazing?”
“Indeed it is.” He found great delight in her reactions. “Say, are you ready to eat yet?” he asked Natalie. “I’m starving.”
“You and Mama can go ahead and eat, but I just want to explore. Please?” She looked at her mother first and then E. J.
“I think that’s perfectly acceptable,” E. J. said, then looked at Ashley and added, “If it’s all right with your mother.”
Ashley nodded and Natalie took off without another word.
“Her energy level is daunting,” E. J. said, still watching Natalie skitter over the rocks.
“She never wears out. She’s on the go constantl
y.” Ashley looked up at him, her face shaded by the brim of her hat. She seemed to study him, especially his eyes. Could it be she already suspected the truth?
They walked back to the picnic basket and blankets. Ashley had placed the covers atop the basket, but before E. J. could take hold of it, she grabbed it. “We’ll need to shake these out just in case something has crawled in.”
E. J. took up the other blanket and followed her example, snapping it open. Once assured they were safe, they spread them on the ground. As they sat down, E. J. decided to get his confession out of the way. There was simply no telling when Natalie would return.
“Ashley, there’s something I need to talk to you about.”
She looked up, rather startled. Cocking her head to one side, she seemed to contemplate his expression and waited for him to speak—seeking understanding in the silence.
“Well, that is . . .” Why did this have to be so hard? She was his wife—she needed to know the truth. “Something happened a long time ago,” he began again. “Something that forever changed my life.”
“Ashley! Hey, Ashley!”
E. J. looked up to find a tall, slender blond woman waving. At her side, a beefy-looking man studied him with an arched brow.
“Glenda, hello!” Ashley called back and waved.
E. J. held his breath, hoping—even praying—that this would be the end of the matter. The woman moved forward, however, dashing his hopes.
“I thought that was you. How are you? Where’s Natalie?”
Ashley put her hand to the brim of her hat as if to further shield the sun. “She’s exploring. There she is, over there.” She pointed to the north and the couple turned in unison.
“Oh, sure. I see her. Goodness, but that girl can climb like a mountain goat.”
Ashley smiled and nodded. “Glenda, this is E. J. Carson. He’s actually become a good friend of Natalie’s and thus mine. He’s working with the new Harvey House construction.” She turned back to E. J. “This is Glenda and her fiancé, Marvin.”
[Desert Roses 02] - Across the Years Page 16
