A knock on the door startled me. I was in my PJs! I closed my laptop and grabbed a long grey cardigan Kay had left draped over the armchair. I pulled it tightly round me as I answered the door. ‘Stevie? Hi.’
‘Hi. Sorry for dropping by unannounced, but I was in the area.’ He shook his head. ‘That’s a lie. I came especially to see you and to give you these.’ He handed me a stunning bouquet of orange, yellow, and cream flowers.
‘Thank you.’ My heart thumped as I took them. ‘They’re beautiful. But what are they for?’
‘Lots of reasons. Because you’ve been poorly, because you’ve had such a tough time lately and because you deserve to be spoiled. And I’d like to be the person to spoil you… if you’d let me.’
It wasn’t fair. It was a good line and, under other circumstances, would have worked very well.
‘Do you want to come in?’ I was going to have to make it clear to him that a relationship wasn’t on the cards. It wasn’t fair of me to have avoided the subject on Tuesday night.
He nodded. ‘Only if it’s not too inconvenient.’
‘You could never be an inconvenience.’ His eyes caught mine and he looked hopeful for a moment. I imagined him giving me one of his super-hugs, but this time the feeling was accompanied by butterflies in my stomach. I hadn’t had those before around Stevie. What was happening to me? It must be the hormones. Yes, that was it, a mix of hormones and vulnerability. It would go. Soon. I stepped back and indicated that he should step past me.
‘Cup of tea?’
‘Yes please.’
‘Go through to the lounge and make yourself comfortable.’
Butterflies continued to dance as I gently placed the flowers in a vase while the kettle boiled. I jumped at another knock on the door. ‘I won’t be a minute,’ I shouted to Stevie. ‘I’ll just see who that is.’
Pulling the cardigan round me again, I opened the front door. ‘Michael?’
‘I’m sorry to interrupt your evening,’ he said, ‘but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. I bought you these.’ He handed me a bouquet in pinks and purples.
‘They’re gorgeous, Michael, but—’
‘Sorry, Elise, but can I just say something because I’m going to chicken out like I did on Wednesday if I don’t get on with it?’
I gulped. ‘Okay.’ I glanced back down the hall towards the lounge. Could Stevie hear? Oh my goodness, what could I do? I couldn’t shuffle up the hall and shut the lounge door without making Michael suspicious, I couldn’t tell Michael to shut up, and I couldn’t step outside in only my PJs and a cardigan.
Michael took a deep breath. ‘I know I wasn’t very friendly when we first met, but you know that was about Daniel rather than you. As I got to know you, I could tell you were different from the string of girls he usually brings home and I found myself liking you more and more. After what happened with Amber, I never wanted to let anyone get close to me again, but I realised I’d take that risk for you. I wanted to say this on Saturday, but I screwed up with that game your friend started so I asked you out this week to try and recover it, but I lost my nerve then too. I wanted to ask if you’d go out with me. Properly. On a date. Not just as friends.’
What a beautiful, heartfelt speech. A tear slipped down my cheek.
Michael chewed on his thumbnail. ‘I’ve made you cry! Was it that bad?’
I shook my head and wiped at the rogue tear. ‘No. It was lovely. I’m sorry, though. It has to be a no.’
‘Is it because of Daniel?’
‘It’s not Daniel,’ I said. ‘It’s not you either, Michael. It’s me.’ I groaned. ‘I can’t believe I just said that. It sounds like such a cliché and I don’t mean it to. I can’t give you a proper reason right now and I’m really sorry for that, but I can’t get involved. I should have said so last night. You’re not the only one who chickened out of things.’
‘I thought there was something between us that night at the car park.’
There was! But I didn’t want him to cling onto that and turn it into a ray of hope. ‘I do like you, Michael, but just as a friend. In the car park, I think I was just caught up in the moment. I was upset. You were there for me.’
Michael nodded. ‘Is it that other bloke from Saturday night? Are you seeing him?’
My stomach clenched and I hoped Stevie had the humanity to stay in the lounge and not punish Michael with an appearance in the hall. ‘No, I’m not seeing him either. He’s a good friend, though, and I’d like to think you and I can be friends too.’ I groaned again. ‘Another cliché! I genuinely mean it, though. I really, really like you and I’d like us to be friends, but I understand if you’d rather not. I can’t offer you any more than that, though.’
Michael nodded slowly. ‘That’s a definite no, isn’t it?’
‘Sorry.’
He shrugged. ‘Friends it is, then. But I may need some space to get you out of my head.’
My heart sank. What had I done to the poor guy? He took one more long, sad look into my eyes. ‘I’d better go. Goodbye, Elise.’ He leaned forward and gently kissed me on the cheek.
‘Goodbye, Michael,’ I whispered as I closed the door.
‘You went out with Michael this week too?’ I jumped and turned round. Stevie stood in the lounge doorway, a strained expression on his face.
‘You heard everything?’
He nodded.
‘I’m sorry, Stevie. You both asked me out after the party. I agreed to see you on consecutive nights so I could let you both down lightly, but I chickened out.’
‘So what you said to Michael applies to me too? You’re not interested in me either?’
I leaned against the door and slowly slid to the floor, my legs feeling like they were made of liquid.
‘I am interested.’ Tears filled my eyes again. ‘But I can’t get involved with either of you. I can’t allow myself to think about it and the reason I can’t allow myself to think about it is the reason I can’t get involved, and I know that sounds like absolute gibberish, but it’s the best I’ve got right now so you can bloody well take it or leave it, but it’s all you’re going to get.’ The last few words were barely audible as, for the first time since discovering I was pregnant, the pain, confusion and frustration bubbled over into hysterical sobs.
‘Hey!’ Stevie dashed to my side and gathered me in his arms. He stroked my back and my hair and rocked me gently while I clung onto him and cried for my husband’s betrayal, Daniel’s betrayal, my fatherless baby, and the tangled web of deceit I’d weaved.
‘It’s all right.’ He stroked my hair away from my face. ‘I’m here for you.’
His face was so close to mine that I could see a spattering of freckles across his nose and cheeks. The tenderness in his eyes was beguiling and, next minute, his lips were on mine. Had I kissed him first or had he kissed me? Who knew, but I wanted him so badly and I could tell from the urgency in his kiss that he felt the same.
One of his hands reached into my hair and the other round my back, pulling me even closer until it felt like our bodies were moving as one just like it had felt with Daniel that night on the beach. No! Daniel! The baby!
I pulled away suddenly. ‘I can’t do this, Stevie. I’m so sorry. You’d better leave.’ I scrambled to my feet, heart racing, breathing laboured.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said, standing up too. He looked at me with such an expression of sadness that I felt the tears welling in my eyes.
He shook his head. ‘I shouldn’t have done that, especially after what you’d just said. I really am sorry.’
‘Please don’t blame yourself. It isn’t anything you’ve done wrong. Believe me, it’s all me.’ And Daniel. I pulled open the door.
Stevie took my hand in his and gently squeezed it, then tenderly pushed a tendril of hair away from my cheek. ‘You know where I am if you need me,’ he said softly, giving me an apologetic smile that didn’t even show his dimples.
I nodded, fighting hard against the urge
to pull him to me and kiss him again. ‘I’m sorry,’ I whispered.
Shoulders slumped, he stepped outside. ‘See you around.’
I shut the door quickly and slumped against it, tears trickling down my cheeks. Damn, damn, damn!
30
✉︎ From Sarah
Hi Elise. Are you OK? I’ve left messages with Auntie Kay and on your voicemail, but you haven’t returned my calls. I’ve been round a few times and found nobody in. I’m worried about you. Are you still poorly? Stevie says he’s seen you, but he’s being cagey about it. Has something happened between you two? Sorry to pry and sorry to quiz you by text, but I can’t get hold of you any other way. Please get in touch to let me know you’re OK xxxxxx
* * *
✉︎ To Sarah
I’m fine. I promise. Sorry I haven’t returned your calls. Really busy week at school. I’ll come round on Wednesday if my slot’s still free! Xx
* * *
✉︎ From Sarah
Phew. My door’s open for you any time. See you on Wednesday xx
Early evening on Wednesday, I walked up and down Castle Street four times before I felt brave enough to knock on the door to Seaside Blooms. It was time to tell Sarah about the baby. I’d cancelled on her and avoided her so much lately that she’d probably thought I was still upset about her getting married while I got divorced. It wasn’t fair on her and it wasn’t the type of person I was. Must tell Sarah about the baby. No more lies. Must tell Sarah about the baby.
‘Elise! Thank God you’re here. You won’t believe what’s happened.’ She pulled me into the shop and locked the door.
I followed her into The Outback and sat on the battered leather chair while she heaved herself onto the desk. The last time we’d sat at the desk together had been about ten months before when she’d just taken over the shop. How things had changed during that time. She was getting married in twelve-and-a-half weeks and I was getting divorced and having a baby.
‘What’s happened, then?’ I asked, eager to buy time before I shared my news.
Sarah rolled her eyes. ‘What hasn’t happened? Serious wedding trauma.’ She told me a long convoluted tale about a double-booked wedding car, out-of-stock favours, the suit-hire shop losing the order for the men’s morning suits, and the invite printers going bust after she’d paid a deposit. To be fair to her, it did sound like she was having a rough ride with pretty much everything going wrong that could go wrong. I knew how important it was to her to get her day perfect, but I couldn’t fully concentrate. The only thing on my mind was saying the words ‘I’m pregnant’ to her and, after what she’d been through, I was worried that it might tip her over the edge.
‘And to top it all,’ she continued, ‘Callie’s only gone and announced that she’s pregnant.’
I sat upright. ‘Callie’s what?’
‘She’s pregnant. I’ve had to order her dress in a bigger size and then there was a huge panic because the manufacturer told Ginny they’d already made them and they’d have to charge me for both sizes which was going to be a financial disaster after losing the deposit on the invites.’ She paused for breath and I bit my lip, realising I’d forgotten to ask Ginny about ordering me a bigger size. Looked like that was going to be a costly moment of forgetfulness.
‘Could Callie pay?’ I suggested.
Sarah shook her head. ‘I wouldn’t have asked her. Money’s tight for them as it is and, with a baby on the way, they’ll need every penny. Thankfully there’s no need. Turns out I was just in time.’
‘Crisis averted, then?’ I made a mental note to send Ginny a message on Facebook as soon as I got home.
‘Well, that part is,’ Sarah said, ‘but Callie’s got terrible sickness so she might have to drop out of being a bridesmaid altogether if it doesn’t improve.’
My eyes widened. ‘You’re sacking her for being pregnant?’
Sarah laughed. ‘Of course not! As if I’d do something so mean. It was Callie’s suggestion. She’s terrified of standing at the front of the church and projectile vomiting all over my wedding dress so she suggested she’d be better off at the back of the church where she can make a swift exit if needed.’
Was now the right moment to throw another pregnant bridesmaid into the mix? It didn’t feel like it. Although Sarah was making a joke of it, I knew how stressed and worried she’d be about getting everything perfect for her big day. Maybe if I stuck to the subject of pregnancy, a more appropriate moment would present itself.
‘I didn’t realise they wanted a family so soon,’ I said. Callie and Rhys were about to celebrate their first wedding anniversary and I could have sworn she’d told me they wanted to be married for three or four years before trying for a baby.
Sarah fiddled with a pen she’d removed from a tub on the desk, clicking it on and off. ‘They didn’t, but apparently some friends have had an IVF baby recently after trying for five years to conceive naturally. They hadn’t considered the possibility that it might take ages or might not happen at all so they decided to ditch the protection and, of course, it happened immediately. They’re acting like it’s the most unexpected thing in the world.’
I flinched. ‘Unexpected pregnancies happen.’
‘Yeah, when you’re using protection, but when you’re not using anything, what do you expect? And Rhys should have known better.’
‘Why?’
‘Because he knows he’s fertile. He’s already a dad.’
I frowned. ‘Is he?’
‘He’s Megan’s dad. Didn’t you know that?’
‘Megan who?’
Sarah shook her head, frowning at me. ‘Are you having a senior moment? Izzy’s daughter? Bridesmaid at Jess’s wedding? Ring any bells?’
Izzy? Yes, she rang lots of bells. Especially the one marked ‘Lock up your boyfriends’. I knew she wasn’t entirely to blame for what happened at Jess’s wedding because Daniel would have charmed the pants off her – literally – but she’d known he was my boyfriend so she should have kept them firmly in place. ‘The subject of Megan’s dad never came up and I never asked. None of my business.’
‘Well, now you know.’ Sarah put the pen back in the pot and stretched. ‘Sorry. I’ve not stopped moaning since you arrived, have I? It’s been a fraught few weeks and I promise I’m going to shut up about the wedding now. I think I just needed to offload, particularly after Callie’s announcement. How are you? You still look a bit pale.’
Yes, and that probably had a lot to do with the bombshell she’d just dropped. I could hardly make my announcement now. ‘Still not a hundred per cent,’ I said.
‘Did you go to the doctor’s?’
‘Yes.’
‘And?’
I chose my words carefully. ‘She said there’s nothing wrong with me. I need to take it easy for a while and allow things to run their natural course.’
‘Oh. Stevie said he saw you on Friday…’
My heart raced at the mention of his name. ‘You’ve been talking about me?’
‘In passing.’
‘What did he say?’
‘Not a lot. I’m guessing he asked you out and you said no. Or something like that.’
‘Something like that,’ I muttered. ‘You might as well know that Michael asked me out too. Unless you already know that.’ It came out a little snappier than I intended it to and I could tell from the guilty expression that she did know. I really didn’t want to talk about it. The image of Michael’s hurt expression when I offered him only friendship, followed by that brief moment of passion in the hallway with Stevie had been haunting me.
‘And…?’ Sarah prompted when I remained silent.
I shrugged. ‘And I turned him down too.’
‘I thought you liked him. And Stevie. I wondered if you going out with them both last week was about helping you decide which—’
I tutted loudly. ‘For God’s sake, is there anything you don’t know about my comings and goings over the past week?’
�
��Sorry.’ Sarah twiddled with her engagement ring. ‘I wasn’t prying, but where do you think both bouquets came from?’
‘Oh! I never thought… Sorry.’ I gave her a sheepish smile. ‘I’m sorry for that outburst. I’ve had a tough week. I like them both, but I don’t want to get involved with anyone right now. I want some time alone.’
‘Because of what Daniel did?’
‘You could say that.’
My phone rang. ‘Sorry, Sarah. Kay, hi, are you okay?’
‘Gary’s here,’ she said.
‘Really? Why?’
‘He wouldn’t say. He’s really upset. Can you get here?’
‘Yes. See you in about ten minutes.’
I stood up. ‘Gary’s at Seashell Cottage. I have to go. Lovely catching up. Same time next week?’
She shook her head. ‘Sorry. I can’t do next week.’
‘No worries. I’ll see you a week on Saturday for your birthday meal, then.’
As I dashed back towards Seashell Cottage, my mind flitted between two things: why was Gary at Seashell Cottage and what the heck was I going to do now that Callie had announced her pregnancy? I’d felt relieved when Sarah told me about Callie and I realised I couldn’t share my news. Why had I felt that way? I chewed it over for a few minutes before I found the answer. Because I still didn’t know how I felt about the baby myself. Was I sad about it? No. Was I happy? No. I just felt so… so… I searched around for the right word… numb. Yes, that was it. Like it was happening to someone else and not me.
The front door opened as I headed down the garden path and Kay stepped outside. ‘He’s in the lounge. He’s in a bit of a state.’
‘Do you know why?’
‘He wouldn’t say. I hope I did the right thing by calling you.’
‘Of course you did. Where are you going?’
Finding Hope at Lighthouse Cove Page 23
