Then it hit me. I’d not mentioned my feelings for Stevie. Another secret. Even worse, it was another secret that Clare knew.
39
Christmas Eve arrived and, with it, my next scan. I was nearly twenty-two weeks gone by then but had wanted to wait for the school holidays before I booked it. Once again, Clare was in the waiting room.
‘I thought you couldn’t come.’ I hugged her.
‘I managed to move a couple of things around. I wanted to be here. As I said before, I don’t think anyone should go through this alone.’
‘Thank you.’
‘Will you find out what you’re having?’
‘A baby, I hope. Or I’m in big trouble.’
‘Ha ha.’ Clare stuck her tongue out. ‘You know what I mean.’
‘I wasn’t going to. The gender of your baby can be one of life’s few genuine surprises if you let it be, but I’m far too practical for that. I want to know what colour to decorate the nursery and what clothes to buy because, as a single mum, I’m not going to have time to think about stuff like that once bean arrives.’
‘I know it’s a stupid question, but it’s the question you have to ask all expectant mums…?’
I smiled. ‘I honestly don’t mind, but I have this very strong feeling that it’s a girl.’
‘It’s a girl,’ the sonographer confirmed ten minutes later.
Clare grinned at me. ‘You were right.’
‘She’s lying in a really clear position so I’d say there’s very little doubt.’ The sonographer pointed to the screen. My baby girl.
‘Thought of a name?’ Clare asked.
‘Not yet. I’ve always liked Hannah, but our Jess beat me to it. It’s only Emily’s middle name, but it wouldn’t feel right. I suppose one of the benefits of being a single mum is that I get to pick the name. No compromises needed there.’
We walked to the car park together fifteen minutes later. ‘Have you been in touch with Stevie since you ran out on him?’ Clare asked.
‘I didn’t run out on him. I got spooked so I went to my room to think about whether I was brave enough to give him a sign, like you said, just in case he rejected me.’
‘He wouldn’t have rejected you.’
‘How do you know?’
‘I just know.’
‘How?’
‘A wee leprechaun told me.’ Her eyes twinkled with mischief.
I gave her a playful shove. ‘I give up trying to get any sense out of you. If Stevie and I are meant to be, it will happen despite me messing up on Saturday. Destiny will prevail.’
‘I want to say bollocks to that, but I think, on this occasion, you might be right.’
I sat in Bertie five minutes later, looking at the new scan photo. ‘Could she be right?’ I whispered. ‘I hope so, but no time to dwell on it right now. Your mummy has a mountain of Christmas presents to wrap for your cousins so I’d better get home and get cracking.’
Later that evening, I wrote a text for Stevie:
✉︎ To Stevie
Quick text to say I’m so sorry for not making it back downstairs on Saturday night. I meant to, but pregnancy fatigue must have got to me and I fell asleep. I’m really sorry we didn’t get to finish our dance. I was really enjoying it. Maybe another time? Hope you have a great Christmas Day tomorrow xxx
I re-read it. It wasn’t blatant, but it was definitely a suggestion. Let’s see if he responds. Send. I turned the light off and drifted into sleep.
I drove to Jess’s house the next morning armed with bags of gifts. I’d gone a little overboard on the twins, but it had been so exciting buying for them while knowing that I had their cousin growing inside me. Their female cousin. I’m having a girl! I’m having a girl! And today was the day I’d tell my family. At long last.
As soon as I walked through the door and saw the ‘Happy First Christmas’ banners everywhere, I canned my plans. Damn! Why was it never the right time?
It was lovely spending the day with my family, or at least the ones who counted.
‘What’s your mother doing today?’ Dad asked over Christmas pudding. I knew he was only asking out of self-preservation to make sure she wasn’t about to pay a visit.
‘Drinking herself into oblivion with her friend Irene I suspect,’ Jess said. ‘Why should Christmas Day be different?’
‘I’m sorry,’ he said.
‘Dad, you have nothing to be sorry about,’ I said. ‘You tried to change her, but she didn’t care enough about you or us to last more than a day without a drink or a fight. I don’t know how you managed a year, never mind a couple of decades.’ We both knew he’d only stayed because of us and I’d admire him for eternity for that. Even though the divorce had come through when I was fifteen, he’d stayed in the house until Jess was eighteen and old enough to leave home. As soon as she moved in with Lee on her eighteenth birthday, he moved to Spain and finally started living.
‘What are you all planning for New Year?’ he asked, tactfully changing the subject.
‘Lee and I are planning a romantic night in with a candlelit meal and a film… if a certain pair of babies allow us, that is. Doubt we’ll still be awake at midnight, though.’
‘Elise?’ Dad asked.
I shrugged. ‘I’ve been so busy that I haven’t made any plans. Are you still going to see Bryan?’ Bryan was Dad’s best friend from school. He lived in Liverpool and, like Dad, was divorced and hadn’t remarried. They took it in turns to visit each other at New Year.
Dad nodded. ‘Don’t think we’ve missed a year since I moved to Spain. You make sure you get something planned. New Year can be a funny time and you’ve been through a lot this year with Gary. Make sure you’re not alone and melancholy.’
‘I won’t be, Dad. I promise.’ I stood up. ‘Now why don’t you all go into the lounge and relax while I clear this lot away?’
‘I’ll help you,’ Dad said. ‘No protests. Jess and Lee, you’re under strict instructions to relax before my grandchildren wake up. Elise and I will do the washing up.’
‘Can I wash?’ I asked. ‘I hate drying.’
‘Be my guest,’ Dad said. ‘And while you’re doing it, tell me how you are.’
My stomach lurched. ‘I’m fine, Dad. Why?’
‘You look tired and like there’s something on your mind.’
I gulped. ‘I’m really fine. I’m always tired after the autumn term. You know that.’
I thought he was going to protest and I’m not sure I had it in me not to confess all. Instead he said, ‘Okay. Whatever it is, I’m sure you’ll open up when you’re ready.’
I wondered for a moment whether he’d guessed. I felt my cheeks flush. ‘Let’s get these pots done then put the kettle on, eh?’
We’d no sooner finished the dishes than my phone rang. I dug it out of my bag in the hall and my heart skipped a beat when I saw Stevie’s name flashing on the screen. Was he going to respond to my suggestion? I hoped so!
‘Hi Stevie, Happy Christmas!’ I sat down on the bottom stair.
‘Hi you. Happy Christmas too. Was Santa good to you?’
‘Very good. They clubbed in and got me some gorgeous things for my new home – wherever that may be – and I feel quite spoilt. What about you?’
‘Uncle George is the only one who buys for me and he gave me what he’s given me since I was about six – a book token.’
My heart went out to him for only having one immediate family member. He just had to say the word and I could double the size of his family. ‘How was Christmas dinner?’ I asked.
‘Delicious. It was a joint effort by which I mean Uncle George peeled one carrot and I did everything else. He overdosed on sprouts, though, so I’ve had to leave him snoring and farting in the front room and come into the hall for some fresh air.’
I laughed. ‘That sounds very pleasant. I’m in the hall too so that’s spooky. The twins are asleep, Dad and I have just done the washing up and he’s making a brew. It’s party central here!�
�
Stevie laughed. ‘Have you told them about the baby?’
I lowered my voice. ‘I was going to, but Jess had all these “Happy First Christmas” banners up and it didn’t feel right.’
‘It’s your choice, but there’s always going to be a reason not to say anything, isn’t there? One of the twins has smiled for the first time or taken their first step.’
‘I think bean will have made an appearance by then,’ I whispered.
‘Fair point. You know what I mean, though, don’t you? Look, it’s none of my business, but don’t you think it would be lovely to tell your dad face to face?’
‘That’s why I was going to tell them today.’
‘Then still do it. Don’t let some banners put you off. I’m sure they’ll all be thrilled for you. I’m going to stop lecturing you now.’
‘It’s fine, Stevie. You’re right. I’ll tell them.’
‘Good. Believe it or not, my reason for calling wasn’t to have a go at you. I wanted to ask whether you’d made any New Year’s Eve plans yet.’
‘Not yet.’ But I’d love to spend it with you. ‘Probably TV and an early night. Everyone I know seems to have plans.’
‘Not everyone. I don’t, although I’m hoping you’ll change that. Would you do me the honour of dining at mine on the evening and seeing the New Year in with me if you’re not too tired?’
‘Just the two of us?’ I asked, my heart racing.
‘And Bonnie, of course.’
I smiled. ‘Sounds good.’ Sounds amazing.
‘Brilliant. I don’t like the idea of you driving back home when you’re tired so the invitation extends to staying over. We could maybe take Bonnie for a walk round The Headland the next day.’
I hesitated. Stay over? What did that mean? In the spare room or with him? My stomach did somersaults at the thought of the latter.
‘Elise? Are you still there?’
‘Sorry,’ I said. ‘I… erm… I thought I heard the twins. It’s a yes. The meal would be great. And the walk the next morning.’ And a night in your bed.
‘Is six too early?’
‘Six is good. Enjoy the rest of your day and I’ll see you next week.’
‘Now go and tell your sister and your dad that there’s another baby on the way.’
‘Yes sir! Bye.’
I sat on the stairs for a few more minutes replaying our conversation in my head and grinned. New Year with Stevie? Lovely. I just wished it wasn’t so far away.
Okay. It’s time. I wandered down the hallway into the lounge where Dad was handing out cups of tea and coffee. Here goes…
‘While we’re all together, there’s something I need to tell you that may come as a bit of a surprise…’
40
✉︎ To Stevie
I did it! You gave me the encouragement I needed to tell Dad and Jess yesterday and they were really excited for me. It was the right thing to do. Thank you xx
* * *
✉︎ From Stevie
So pleased for you. I hope I didn’t preach too much xx
* * *
✉︎ To Stevie
I needed the push. The next conversation won’t be so easy…
* * *
✉︎ From Stevie
Your mum? I’m happy to come along as moral support if you want
I couldn’t impose on him with that, could I? But after her scathing attack on me when I’d told her I was splitting up with Gary, I really didn’t relish telling her the baby news on my own.
✉︎ To Stevie
If you really mean that, I’d be eternally grateful xxx
* * *
✉︎ From Stevie
I really mean it. You tell me when and where. We’ll face this together xxx
‘This was a bad idea,’ I said a few days later as a man in his forties burst through the door of The Flag Inn, fought through a crowd of smokers and vapers, threw up over the withered raised flower bed in the car park, wiped his mouth, then staggered back inside to cheers and pats on the back. It was only 1 p.m. What a state to be in already.
Stevie took hold of my hand and pulled me away from Bertie. ‘C’mon. You can do this. I’ll be right by your side.’
‘She’s not very pleasant, you know.’
‘I know.’
‘She brings out the worst in me. You might not want to spend New Year with me after you see us together.’
Stevie squeezed my hand. ‘I know who the real Elise is and, if things get ugly in there, I know it’s down to your mum, not you.’
I nodded and sighed. ‘As long as we’ve got that crystal clear. Okay, let’s do this.’
We walked towards the door.
‘Did I warn you that she’ll probably be wearing a nightie?’
Stevie stopped and stared at me. ‘To the pub? In the middle of winter?’
I cleared my throat. ‘I’m afraid so. She says they’re cheaper and prettier than dresses.’
‘Oh. Okay. That’s certainly different.’
‘My mother is different. As you’re about to find out.’
I held my breath as we passed through the smokers and vapers then released it slowly as we stepped into the pub, knowing that the aroma inside wouldn’t be much better.
‘It stinks of BO in here,’ whispered Stevie.
‘I know. We won’t stay long. I promise.’
At the bar, I ordered a pint for Stevie, a mineral water for me, and a double whiskey without ice for Mother. ‘She’s over there, next to the jukebox,’ I whispered to Stevie. ‘And she is wearing a nightie.’
Stevie gasped. ‘So she is. Wow. That’s… erm… pretty special.’
‘Isn’t it? Let’s get this over with.’
I placed the drink down in front of her and she smiled without looking up.
‘Hello Mother.’ I sat down, indicating to Stevie that he should sit too.
She looked up. ‘Ah! The divorcee. What a treat.’ She pointed to the drink. ‘From you?’
‘Yes. Happy Christmas.’
‘It is now.’ She took a gulp. ‘Who’s the loser?’
I grimaced at her rudeness. ‘This is my friend, Stevie. Stevie, this is my mother, Marian.’
Stevie held out his hand, but she ignored it. ‘Pleased to meet you Mrs Morgan.’
‘It’s not Morgan. I’m not married to that arsehole anymore.’
‘That “arsehole” is my dad,’ I snapped. I reached for her glass and lifted it above my head. ‘Can we drop the insults? Or should I tip this on the floor?’
Her eyes widened with fear as she reached for the glass.
‘Can we, Mother?’
‘Okay. I’ll play nicely. Just give me my drink back.’
‘Say thank you.’
‘Ooh, we are feisty today, aren’t we? Have you finally grown a pair?’
‘Say thank you.’
Stevie placed a hand on my knee and gave me a reassuring squeeze.
‘Thank you,’ she snarled.
I placed her drink back on the table and took a swig of mine, wishing it was something stronger than water.
‘So, your divorce isn’t through yet and you’ve already found another mug. I guess some women can’t cope without a man in their lives, can they?’
So much for dropping the insults, but at least she’d stopped attacking Dad. I toyed with retorting, but what was the point? A battle of words would frustrate me and give her great pleasure. ‘Stevie’s not a mug. We’re friends. And I can cope on my own.’
She laughed and pushed a matted curl behind her ear. ‘When’s the big day?’
‘I’ve just told you; we’re not getting married.’
‘Not even set a date yet? Scared of losing the deposit when it all goes wrong?’
I sighed. ‘When what goes wrong, Mother?’
‘Your relationship. I give it a year from now, if you’re lucky. It won’t last long enough to make it up the aisle unless… ooh, don’t tell me you’re knocked up. Because if you are, may
be you’ll tie the knot out of duty, but mark my words, you’ll both be miserable. Because that’s what happens when people get married and have children. I should know. Ruined my life, didn’t it?’
Stevie gasped. ‘That’s your daughter you’re talking to. How can you be so cruel?’
‘Oh, it speaks,’ Mother slurred. ‘And it’s feisty too. I can see why you ditched the doctor for this one. I bet he’s a bit of a go-er.’
‘That’s it.’ I stood up and grabbed her drink. ‘Don’t say I didn’t warn you.’
‘Noooo!’ she cried
I poured the liquid onto the wooden floor. ‘Oh dear, clumsy me.’
‘How could you?’ she snivelled.
‘How could I? Really? How could you, Mother? I’ve put up with your bitchy and sarcastic comments for far too long now and I’m not putting up with them anymore.’ I stood up and straightened my back, realising too late that I’d done a typical pregnant-woman-standing-up action.
Her eyes widened. ‘I was right. You are knocked up.’
‘Yes, Mother, I’m pregnant.’
‘I won’t babysit for it, you know.’
‘I wouldn’t want you to or trust you to. In fact, I don’t even want you to see my baby. I know that won’t bother you, though, seeing as you haven’t bothered to see Jess since she had Emily and Oliver nearly seven weeks ago.’
‘I’ve been busy.’
‘Shopping for nighties and drinking yourself into a stupor? Yes, I can see you have. Goodbye, Mother.’
I reached for Stevie’s hand, but he stopped and picked up his pint.
‘Leave it,’ I hissed.
‘I don’t want it,’ he said. ‘I’m just making sure she can’t have it.’
Finding Hope at Lighthouse Cove Page 29
