I am so pathetic.
Away from her, he could pretend. He could pretend he didn’t think about her every hour of every day. He could pretend that she wasn’t the only girl he’d ever wanted. He could pretend that he’d joined the track team because he liked to run.
He had liked to run.
Once.
Until he’d realized it was just a fantastic excuse to be near her.
“Where’d everybody go?” Beckett asked, toweling his hair dry.
Beckett. The one person in the world who could possibly stand between Sawyer and Savannah. Sawyer loved him like a brother and hated him all at once. If he didn’t know how absolutely head over heels in love with Savannah Beckett still was, if he didn’t know how Beckett still drank himself to sleep when she went out with someone else — someone he didn’t even know—
Well, that changed everything.
Beckett was his best friend. Always had been. Their mothers had been pregnant together. When Sawyer had moved away when he was nine, he’d been lost for two years. Beckett was the whole reason Sawyer even applied to Utah colleges for a scholarship.
And now he was the whole reason for Sawyer’s constant, overwhelming misery.
“Hello?” Beckett dropped the towel, tossing it back into the bathroom floor.
“Ugh, yeah. Sorry. They went to the girls’ room to have pizza.”
“Pizza? On a meet night?”
But Beckett was already looking for his phone and key. He was going, because he didn’t have to pretend not to be in love with Savannah. He didn’t have to tell his hands to stay off her, and he didn’t have to tell his lips not to whisper her name as he kissed her. No, because Beckett did all those things and everyone felt bad for him. Poor Beckett, still in love with his ex.
“You not comin’?” Beckett paused in the doorway, looking back over his shoulder.
He had to know. Didn’t he? Couldn’t everyone see how absolutely, insanely, blindly in love with her Sawyer was?
No. Stay here. Stay here. No.
“No,” Sawyer said, and it was the most difficult word he’d ever uttered. “No, I think I’m gonna head to bed.”
Beckett frowned. “Dude… it’s not even six yet.”
Sawyer closed his eyes, rubbing his temples. But there was no solace there. When he closed his eyes, she was there. “Big day tomorrow,” he muttered through clenched teeth.
“Okay. Do you want me to bring you some pizza?”
Sawyer just shook his head and Beckett, thankfully, finally left.
He dug his homework out of his bag. He might be traveling for track, but he still had a paper due when he got back. Two of them, actually. When he’d realized that he was going to be trapped in Utah, watching the only girl he’d ever, ever, been in love with and unable to go near her, he’d loaded up on credits so he could graduate early. That was his only solace. One day, he would leave, and never have to see her again.
It was also a stake slowly driving deeper and deeper into his heart, splitting it wide open.
He settled against the pillows, propping his Renaissance and Revolution book up on his knees, trying to get lost in the past.
Someone banged on the door.
Swearing, he rolled off the bed, and, still swearing, crossed the room, telling himself that he wasn’t desperately hoping it was Savannah on the other side.
“Liam.” His heart fell.
“Sawyer. You have to go with me.”
Sawyer frowned, wondering if he’d somehow missed half the conversation. “What?”
“Aaron is in Laura’s room just now, isn’t he?” Liam had a strong Australian accent—an accent that got stronger when he was upset. But Sawyer had caught the words Laura and Aaron, and could guess the rest.
“Yeah, but everybody’s down there. Caleb, Beckett…”
“If he’s down there and I’m not, you know what will happen, right? He’ll be all over her. And she’ll forget about me and—”
“Yeah, Liam, sorry. That sucks. I mean, he did see her first.”
“I don’t bloody well care!”
Aaron and Liam had been best friends, too. Once.
Before Laura.
“Come on.” Liam grabbed Sawyer and dragged him out the door. It swung shut behind him—with his key still sitting on the counter. Now, to get back inside, he’d have to go to Savannah’s room to beg a key from one of his roommates. And he knew himself too well. If he went within sight of her, he wouldn’t leave.
He wasn’t strong enough.
But Liam was propelling him down the hall, toward the noise at the end that had to be coming from the girls’ room.
He sighed as his adrenaline sped up at the mere thought of seeing her again. Like he hadn’t seen her less than two hours ago. Like he hadn’t seen her almost constantly for the past two days.
It had been hell.
It had been heaven.
They came around the corner and she was sitting in the hall, reading a book with her long dark hair piled in a bun on top of her head. In a tank top and track shorts.
Damn, she was gorgeous. She saw him as they approached, and her entire face lit up, brown eyes hopeful. High cheekbones, eyelashes that went on for miles. She was Native American, and she had permanent sun-kissed skin. And her lips…
“Beck said you were going to bed.”
“I dragged him out. Aaron in there, then?” Liam asked, his eyes hardly bouncing on Savannah before they were staring at the door. How on earth anyone could look at her and not notice her was so beyond Sawyer it was unfathomable.
“Yeah. Sorry, Liam. But there are lots of people in there. Go right in.” She stuck a bookmark between the pages and started to rise, and Sawyer, despite swearing to himself four thousand times on the way down here that he would not touch her, reached out and pulled her to her feet.
And then couldn’t let go.
He could see the rush of blood stain her cheeks as she swayed toward him. “Thanks.” It was all he could do not to push her against the wall and kiss her until she forgot about the book she was holding or the boy whose heart she had broken in the other room.
The hardest part? He knew she wanted him to. He knew she wanted him to do a lot of things he wouldn’t allow himself to do.
“So… meet clothes for partying now?” He raised an eyebrow. Liam deserted them, but considerately left the door open.
Savannah looked down and blushed. “Crap. I was—I was trying to take a nap.” Her blush spread, down her cheeks to her chest. “We were invaded and it was noisy—”
Whirling, she hurried into the room, grabbed her bag and disappeared into the bathroom. He’d embarrassed her, which was the last thing he’d wanted to do.
“Sawyer! You decided to grace us with your presence!” Beckett yelled from across the room. He wasn’t watching Sawyer, though. He was watching the door Savannah had just slammed behind her.
Sawyer waved, suddenly engulfed by the crowd of people crammed into that one tiny room. At least half their team, plus several people he’d never seen before. Someone had stuck their iPad earbuds into a toilet paper tube, using it as a speaker. There was dancing. And pizza. And alcohol.
Coach would be so pissed.
“Better?” she asked, and he was amazed he hadn’t realized she’d approached him. Usually, he could feel her coming from a hundred yards away. Swallowing hard, mustering his courage, he turned.
Loose, lacy black shirt hanging off one shoulder. Painted on jeans with holes in the knee and one at thigh level that nearly choked him. And barefoot. He swallowed twice more before he reached out, pulled the pencil stuck in her hair and let it loose. “Better.”
She grinned.
And he was caught in her eyes. So dark, they were almost black. He couldn’t look away. He couldn’t breathe. And the only sane thought he could muster was that if he didn’t kiss her, he would die.
“Sawyer! It’s your song!” Beckett yelled, which meant either he could see them and was too far away
to get between them, or he couldn’t see them at all. Sawyer leaped away guiltily, hating himself because her face fell and there was pain in her eyes.
Don’t touch her. Don’t touch her. Let her go. “Hey.” He grabbed her wrist, pulling her back to him. “Dance with me.”
She blinked, confused, still hurt. He slid his hands down to her waist, moving her closer as he swayed to the music. Her eyes slid half shut as she tipped her head back, and he could feel that silken hair brushing against the tops of his thumbs. She slid her arms around his neck, moving with him as he pulled her tighter against him, until he could feel every soft curve of her.
There’d be no way she could miss how much he wanted her.
Sawyer gave up fighting. He dipped his head, his mouth just brushing her exposed shoulder. She sucked in a breath, her hands tightening behind his neck. “Savannah,” he whispered against her skin, moving to her collarbone.
The room ceased to exist. Everything stopped but her, and her body, and the way she moved, the way she felt. The lilacs and silk and lace, and he was so damn grateful there were too many people in that room, keeping Beckett away from them, so that Sawyer could have just this one moment with Savannah—
Someone banged on the door next to his head and he swore, pulling away from her. Her lips were swollen and her eyes wide as he jerked open the door. “The noise is too loud. Shut it down, guys.” The hotel manager yelled, shoving his way into the room.
Sawyer shoved his way out.
He’d made it halfway down the hall, almost to the safety of his room, before he realized the door was still locked. He swore, stopping, frozen in indecision. He’d gone too far. He’d lost control, and he’d let himself go too far.
“Hey!”
He turned, slowly, trying to rearrange his face into something not resembling absolute torture. “Hey. What’s up?”
“What the heck was that, Sawyer?” She marched right up to him — his little firecracker — eyes flaming, her hands on her hips.
He forced himself to only see the anger, because if he acknowledged the pain behind it, he would lose it completely. “What was what?”
Her eyebrows jerked up as she shook her head back and forth, little movements that sent her hair swirling around her shoulders. “What was—what? Are you serious?” She swung her arm back toward the room, glaring. “What. Was. That?”
She was going to hate him. He had to make her hate him. Say something. Something indifferent. Come on, idiot! He shrugged. “I like you, Savvy.” Shit. Not that. “I got caught up in the music. Half the people in there were making out.”
“You like me?” She’d paled. “Music? What?” she whispered.
“You’re beautiful. You’ve got the body of a goddess. I’m not blind, Savvy.”
She closed her eyes, nodding. His entire being exploded with self-loathing as he saw the tears threatening to escape the corner of one eye. “I see.”
“Look, Savvy.” He grabbed her hands, realizing how stupid it was to try to comfort her when he’d just intentionally hurt her. “It doesn’t matter what I feel or what you feel. We both know that. So just—just forget this happened.”
She jerked her hands away and spun, sprinting back down the hall. She didn’t go to her room, though, instead turning and disappearing out of sight. Don’t go after her. Don’t go after her.
With herculean effort, he turned his back on her and went to his room, slumping down against the door and praying for death.
“See that girl?” Sawyer pointed across the cafeteria. “The one with the long dark hair?”
Beckett looked up from his tray. “Hell yeah I see that girl. I see her every damn time I close my eyes.”
Sawyer’s heart stopped. “That’s… that’s Savannah?”
Beckett nodded. “Sweetest girl you’ll ever meet. Can’t even hate her for dumping me.”
“Hey. You were serious about going to bed?” Beckett was crouched across from him, shaking his shoulder.
Sawyer’s eyes snapped open. “Yeah. Can’t get in, though.”
Beckett stood, digging his key out of his pocket. “Party got shut down. Pizza’s out. Savvy’s all upset about something, so we thought we’d get her out of here for a while.”
Sawyer straightened, hoping the panic didn’t show in his eyes. “Did she say why?”
Beckett shrugged. “Never does, does she? Laura and Kelly are on it, though. She’ll be fine.”
Yeah. She’d be fine. Because the only people who ever knew she was hurting were Laura and Kelly, and those three protected each other like the guards of the Crown Jewels. But he’d still hurt her — whether she hid it or not, the pain was still there.
And he hated himself.
Beckett was still talking, and Sawyer struggled to catch up. “—she tried to run for it again. Luckily Laura caught her first. Someone’s gotta teach that girl she can’t always take off when she’s upset. That’s probably why she’s so fast, though.”
It was true — not the part about it being why she was so fast, although it might be why she had freakish endurance. No, it was true that someone had to teach her not to run. She didn’t deal with emotional issues, she escaped them. His little Savvy was a flight risk, that’s for sure.
“She’s obsessed with old buildings, you know? Mysteries and decay and urban exploring. One of Dara’s new friends says there’s an old mansion a couple miles from here, in the woods. We’re all going to check it out.”
You know? Hell yes, he knew. He knew her favorite food, her favorite color. He knew what was in her purse and her gym bag and her head. Since urban exploration was her greatest passion, yes, Sawyer knew.
“You realize we’re in the middle of a hurricane?” He struggled to his feet because she was coming down the hall and if she knew how bad he hurt, she would realize his pushing her away was all an act.
She was a smart girl. She’d know he’d done it intentionally.
So he refused to look at her, although he could feel the force of her glare burning into the side of his face. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Buttercup.
“I looked outside. The storm is gone,” Aaron said.
Sawyer frowned. A hurricane like that didn’t come and go so quickly.
“He doesn’t want to go. Leave him alone.” Her voice was like ice, freezing his blood in his veins. He fought like hell, with everything he had, but he wasn’t strong enough to stay away from her.
“Yeah, I’ll come. Sounds fun.”
CHAPTER THREE
“YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL. YOU’VE GOT THE BODY OF A GODDESS. I’m not blind, Savvy.”
It was physical. He wanted her, not because he felt anything even close to what she did, but because she had a nice body. He wasn’t in love with her. You are so, so stupid. The words were on repeat in her head, over and over and over until she wanted to scream and rip her hair out. Instead, she ran. In jeans so tight she could barely breathe, packed specifically to get Sawyer’s attention. And a lace shirt and boots. At least they were flat boots. Running in heels would have been a bad, bad idea. Especially once they made it out of the city and into the woods.
In Utah, they had mountains. There were trees and bushes and she’d thought that was forest. But here, the forest was right outside the little town, less than three hundred yards from their hotel. The trees were huge and blocked out the sky. The undergrowth was thick enough that half the time, she had to hold on to Laura, who was taller than she was, so that she didn’t get lost in the weeds or fall into a bush or a rabbit hole. There was a semblance of a deer trail that Dara’s friend led them through, but it was muddy and overgrown.
Sawyer was behind her, with several people between them. She was trying hard to pretend he wasn’t there at all. Laura was surrounded by the two boys trying to win her heart, one in front and one on the side, making sure she didn’t trip or fall. Kelly had Caleb to catch her if she fell. Savannah had Beckett, his hands on her waist when she’d trip or slide. She’d rather keep herself upright or fall alon
e, but she wasn’t given the option.
She had hoped Beckett and Sawyer would stay at the hotel. But no, because that would have been too easy. Once, when Beckett slid one way and she had stumbled the other, Sawyer caught her. His hands on her rib cage had nearly sent her sprinting through the trees again as her heart had tried to pound out of her chest. Then Beckett regained his footing and Sawyer backed off.
“Could this place be more creepy?” Beckett muttered.
Liam nodded. “It’s too quiet. I can hear… things.”
Savannah snorted. “Heaven forbid we hear things.”
“I got this, Liam.” Beckett started singing — the exact same song from the bus.
A love song.
“I’d sell my soul to save you, shred my heart to have you. Look at me…”
Blinking stupidly, Savannah brushed the tears from her eyes before anyone saw her. She was grateful that everyone else started singing too, loud and off-tune, so that it was more hilarious than heartbreaking.
Except Sawyer. Sawyer walked silently.
That song… how many times had she wanted to say those exact words to him? And he’d thrown that in her face. He knew she liked him. And he didn’t care.
“I don’t know,” Kelly said, appearing out of the darkness, hair disheveled and cheeks pink. “I think he should fight for her. I mean, how stupid is it to lose the one thing he wants? Every girl wants a guy who will fight for her.”
“What are you guys talking about?” Beckett’s hand clutched tighter on her arm as he helped her over a rock. Like she needed help. Like she hadn’t spent her entire childhood climbing trees and hiking up mountains this state could only dream of.
With him. I did all those things with him.
“The demon hunter show… I forget the name. Caleb watched the season finale with me.” Kelly smiled, looking up at Caleb adoringly over her shoulder.
“I agree.” Beckett shrugged. “I think a guy should fight for what he wants. Otherwise, how would she know?”
Star Crossed Hurricane Page 2
