And orators less sensible than jawful.
So each ten years we add to the long row
A name, the most unworthy that we know.”
“But why,” I asked, “put me in?” He replied:
”You look it” — and the judgment pained me greatly;
Right gladly would I then and there have died,
But that I’d risen from the grave so lately.
But on examining that solemn, stately
Old ruin I remarked: “My friend, you err —
The truth of this is just what I expected.
This building in its time made quite a stir.
I lived (was famous, too) when ‘t was erected.
The names here first inscribed were much respected.
This is the Hall of Fame, or I’m a stork,
And this goat pasture once was called New York.”
OMNES VANITAS.
Alas for ambition’s possessor!
Alas for the famous and proud!
The Isle of Manhattan’s best dresser
Is wearing a hand-me-down shroud.
The world has forgotten his glory;
The wagoner sings on his wain,
And Chauncey Depew tells a story,
And jackasses laugh in the lane.
ASPIRATION.
No man can truthfully say that he would not like to
be President. — William C. Whitney.
Lo! the wild rabbit, happy in the pride
Of qualities to meaner beasts denied,
Surveys the ass with reverence and fear,
Adoring his superior length of ear,
And says: “No living creature, lean or fat,
But wishes in his heart to be like That!”
DEMOCRACY.
Let slaves and subjects with unvaried psalms
Before their sovereign execute salaams;
The freeman scorns one idol to adore —
Tom, Dick and Harry and himself are four.
THE NEW ULALUME.
The skies they were ashen and sober,
The leaves they were crisped and sere, —
” “ “ withering “ “
It was night in the lonesome October
Of my most immemorial year;
It was hard by the dim lake of Auber, —
” “ down “ “ dark tarn “ “
In the misty mid region of Weir, —
” “ ghoul-haunted woodland “ “
CONSOLATION.
Little’s the good to sit and grieve
Because the serpent tempted Eve.
Better to wipe your eyes and take
A club and go out and kill a snake.
What do you gain by cursing Nick
For playing her such a scurvy trick?
Better go out and some villain find
Who serves the devil, and beat him blind.
But if you prefer, as I suspect,
To philosophize, why, then, reflect:
If the cunning rascal upon the limb
Hadn’t tempted her she’d have tempted him.
FATE.
Alas, alas, for the tourist’s guide! —
He turned from the beaten trail aside,
Wandered bewildered, lay down and died.
O grim is the Irony of Fate:
It switches the man of low estate
And loosens the dogs upon the great.
It lights the fireman to roast the cook;
The fisherman squirms upon the hook,
And the flirt is slain with a tender look.
The undertaker it overtakes;
It saddles the cavalier, and makes
The haughtiest butcher into steaks.
Assist me, gods, to balk the decree!
Nothing I’ll do and nothing I’ll be,
In order that nothing be done to me.
PHILOSOPHER BIMM.
Republicans think Jonas Bimm
A Democrat gone mad,
And Democrats consider him
Republican and bad.
The Tough reviles him as a Dude
And gives it him right hot;
The Dude condemns his crassitude
And calls him sans culottes.
Derided as an Anglophile
By Anglophobes, forsooth,
As Anglophobe he feels, the while,
The Anglophilic tooth.
The Churchman calls him Atheist;
The Atheists, rough-shod,
Have ridden o’er him long and hissed
”The wretch believes in God!”
The Saints whom clergymen we call
Would kill him if they could;
The Sinners (scientists and all)
Complain that he is good.
All men deplore the difference
Between themselves and him,
And all devise expedients
For paining Jonas Bimm.
I too, with wild demoniac glee,
Would put out both his eyes;
For Mr. Bimm appears to me
Insufferably wise!
REMINDED.
Beneath my window twilight made
Familiar mysteries of shade.
Faint voices from the darkening down
Were calling vaguely to the town.
Intent upon a low, far gleam
That burned upon the world’s extreme,
I sat, with short reprieve from grief,
And turned the volume, leaf by leaf,
Wherein a hand, long dead, had wrought
A million miracles of thought.
My fingers carelessly unclung
The lettered pages, and among
Them wandered witless, nor divined
The wealth in which, poor fools, they mined.
The soul that should have led their quest
Was dreaming in the level west,
Where a tall tower, stark and still,
Uplifted on a distant hill,
Stood lone and passionless to claim
Its guardian star’s returning flame.
I know not how my dream was broke,
But suddenly my spirit woke
Filled with a foolish fear to look
Upon the hand that clove the book,
Significantly pointing; next
I bent attentive to the text,
And read — and as I read grew old —
The mindless words: “Poor Tom’s a-cold!”
Ah me! to what a subtle touch
The brimming cup resigns its clutch
Upon the wine. Dear God, is ‘t writ
That hearts their overburden bear
Of bitterness though thou permit
The pranks of Chance, alurk in nooks,
And striking coward blows from books,
And dead hands reaching everywhere?
SALVINI IN AMERICA.
Come, gentlemen — your gold.
Thanks: welcome to the show.
To hear a story told
In words you do not know.
Now, great Salvini, rise
And thunder through your tears,
Aha! friends, let your eyes
Interpret to your ears.
Gods! ‘t is a goodly game.
Observe his stride — how grand!
When legs like his declaim
Who can misunderstand?
See how that arm goes round.
It says, as plain as day:
”I love,” “The lost is found,”
”Well met, sir,” or, “Away!”
And mark the drawing down
Of brows. How accurate
The language of that frown:
Pain, gentlemen — or hate.
Those of the critic trade
Swear it is all as clear
As if his tongue were made
To fit an English ear.
Hear that Italian phrase!
Greek to your sense, ‘t is true;
But shrug, expression, gaze —
>
Well, they are Grecian too.
But it is Art! God wot
Its tongue to all is known.
Faith! he to whom ‘t were not
Would better hold his own.
Shakespeare says act and word
Must match together true.
From what you’ve seen and heard,
How can you doubt they do?
Enchanting drama! Mark
The crowd “from pit to dome”,
One box alone is dark —
The prompter stays at home.
Stupendous artist! You
Are lord of joy and woe:
We thrill if you say “Boo,”
And thrill if you say “Bo.”
ANOTHER WAY.
I lay in silence, dead. A woman came
And laid a rose upon my breast and said:
”May God be merciful.” She spoke my name,
And added: “It is strange to think him dead.
“He loved me well enough, but ‘t was his way
To speak it lightly.” Then, beneath her breath:
”Besides” — I knew what further she would say,
But then a footfall broke my dream of death.
To-day the words are mine. I lay the rose
Upon her breast, and speak her name and deem
It strange indeed that she is dead. God knows
I had more pleasure in the other dream.
ART.
For Gladstone’s portrait five thousand pounds
Were paid, ‘t is said, to Sir John Millais.
I cannot help thinking that such fine pay
Transcended reason’s uttermost bounds.
For it seems to me uncommonly queer
That a painted British stateman’s price
Exceeds the established value thrice
Of a living statesman over here.
AN ENEMY TO LAW AND ORDER.
A is defrauded of his land by B,
Who’s driven from the premises by C.
D buys the place with coin of plundered E.
”That A’s an Anarchist!” says F to G.
TO ONE ACROSS THE WAY.
When at your window radiant you’ve stood
I’ve sometimes thought — forgive me if I’ve erred —
That some slight thought of me perhaps has stirred
Your heart to beat less gently than it should.
I know you beautiful; that you are good
I hope — or fear — I cannot choose the word,
Nor rightly suit it to the thought. I’ve heard
Reason at love’s dictation never could.
Blindly to this dilemma so I grope,
As one whose every pathway has a snare:
If you are minded in the saintly fashion
Of your pure face my passion’s without hope;
If not, alas! I equally despair,
For what to me were hope without the passion?
THE DEBTOR ABROAD.
Grief for an absent lover, husband, friend,
Is barely felt before it comes to end:
A score of early consolations serve
To modify its mouth’s dejected curve.
But woes of creditors when debtors flee
Forever swell the separating sea.
When standing on an alien shore you mark
The steady course of some intrepid bark,
How sweet to think a tear for you abides,
Not all unuseful, in the wave she rides! —
That sighs for you commingle in the gale
Beneficently bellying her sail!
FORESIGHT.
An “actors’ cemetery”! Sure
The devil never tires
Of planning places to procure
The sticks to feed his fires.
A FAIR DIVISION.
Another Irish landlord gone to grass,
Slain by the bullets of the tenant class!
Pray, good agrarians, what wrong requires
Such foul redress? Between you and the squires
All Ireland’s parted with an even hand —
For you have all the ire, they all the land.
GENESIS.
God said: “Let there be Man,” and from the clay
Adam came forth and, thoughtful, walked away.
The matrix whence his body was obtained,
An empty, man-shaped cavity, remained
All unregarded from that early time
Till in a recent storm it filled with slime.
Now Satan, envying the Master’s power
To make the meat himself could but devour,
Strolled to the place and, standing by the pool,
Exerted all his will to make a fool.
A miracle! — from out that ancient hole
Rose Morehouse, lacking nothing but a soul.
”To give him that I’ve not the power divine,”
Said Satan, sadly, “but I’ll lend him mine.”
He breathed it into him, a vapor black,
And to this day has never got it back.
LIBERTY.
“‘Let there be Liberty!’ God said, and, lo!
The red skies all were luminous. The glow
Struck first Columbia’s kindling mountain peaks
One hundred and eleven years ago!”
So sang a patriot whom once I saw
Descending Bunker’s holy hill. With awe
I noted that he shone with sacred light,
Like Moses with the tables of the Law.
One hundred and eleven years? O small
And paltry period compared with all
The tide of centuries that flowed and ebbed
To etch Yosemite’s divided wall!
Ah, Liberty, they sing you always young
Whose harps are in your adoration strung
(Each swears you are his countrywoman, too,
And speak no language but his mother tongue).
And truly, lass, although with shout and horn
Man has all-hailed you from creation’s morn,
I cannot think you old — I think, indeed,
You are by twenty centuries unborn.
1886.
THE PASSING OF BOSS SHEPHERD.
The sullen church-bell’s intermittent moan,
The dirge’s melancholy monotone,
The measured march, the drooping flags, attest
A great man’s progress to his place of rest.
Along broad avenues himself decreed
To serve his fellow men’s disputed need —
Past parks he raped away from robbers’ thrift
And gave to poverty, wherein to lift
Its voice to curse the giver and the gift —
Past noble structures that he reared for men
To meet in and revile him, tongue and pen,
Draws the long retinue of death to show
The fit credentials of a proper woe.
“Boss” Shepherd, you are dead. Your hand no more
Throws largess to the mobs that ramp and roar
For blood of benefactors who disdain
Their purity of purpose to explain,
Their righteous motive and their scorn of gain.
Your period of dream—’twas but a breath —
Is closed in the indifference of death.
Sealed in your silences, to you alike
If hands are lifted to applaud or strike.
No more to your dull, inattentive ear
Praise of to-day than curse of yesteryear.
From the same lips the honied phrases fall
That still are bitter from cascades of gall.
We note the shame; you in your depth of dark
The red-writ testimony cannot mark
On every honest cheek; your senses all
Locked, incommunicado, in your pall,
Know not who sit and blush, who stand and bawl.
“Seven Grecian cities claim great Homer dead,
>
Through which the living Homer begged his
bread.”
So sang, as if the thought had been his own,
An unknown bard, improving on a known.
”Neglected genius!” — that is sad indeed,
But malice better would ignore than heed,
And Shepherd’s soul, we rightly may suspect,
Prayed often for the mercy of neglect
When hardly did he dare to leave his door
Without a guard behind him and before
To save him from the gentlemen that now
In cheap and easy reparation bow
Their corrigible heads above his corse
To counterfeit a grief that’s half remorse.
The pageant passes and the exile sleeps,
And well his tongue the solemn secret keeps
Of the great peace he found afar, until,
Death’s writ of extradition to fulfill,
They brought him, helpless, from that friendly zone
To be a show and pastime in his own —
A final opportunity to those
Who fling with equal aim the stone and rose;
That at the living till his soul is freed,
This at the body to conceal the deed!
Lone on his hill he’s lying to await
What added honors may befit his state —
The monument, the statue, or the arch
(Where knaves may come to weep and dupes to march)
Builded by clowns to brutalize the scenes
His genius beautified. To get the means,
His newly good traducers all are dunned
For contributions to the conscience fund.
Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Delphi Classics) Page 174
