by Lindsey Gray
He wasn’t sure how long he had been in there when he opened the door. Lucy was sitting on the floor, wearing only his t-shirt and her underwear. Her puffy, red eyes were full of worry as she sought out his own. He pulled her to her feet and into his arms. That was it. He needed his safe place.
“Can we just sleep? I promise, I’ll explain, but right now, I just need to sleep in your arms.”
“Anything.”
She led him over to the bed and threw back the covers. She got in first then Finn slid in, placing his head on her chest, his arm draped over her stomach. She didn’t say a word, she just held onto him as they both fell asleep in each other’s arms.
The sound of her heartbeat was like a beautiful lullaby. Soft and strong. It rang through his head, drawing Finn out of his slumber. He looked over at the clock. It was only four thirty. He slid out of her embrace and dragged his exhausted self over to his desk.
He knew once she woke up she would have a million questions. He didn’t know how he could possibly answer them all. That was when he decided. He would write it all down. He pulled out a stack of paper. He was sure he would have to go through more than one draft. He began writing.
My dearest Lucy,
Last night should have been the most amazing night of our lives…
“Finn?” Lucy rolled over to find he was missing. She sat up and looked all around the room, wondering where he was. She looked over to the clock. “Way too early,” she thought with a yawn. Through Finn’s curtains, she noticed the sun was just peaking over the horizon.
Lucy got up and found that Finn was not in the bathroom either. Still wearing his t-shirt from the night before, she slipped on a pair of jeans and went downstairs.
She saw something out the window of the front door. She opened it and found Finn sitting on the front steps sipping a cup of coffee. She sat down next to him as he took another sip. She knew they needed to talk about what happened the night before, but she wasn’t sure what to say. She wanted to give him his space. Whatever it was, she knew he would tell her in time.
“I think this should explain a few things.” Finn placed an envelope in Lucy’s hands. She looked it over, wondering what he had written that he couldn’t say to her face.
“You can just tell me.”
He cut her off. “I can’t talk about it, Luce. I could barely write it. Just read it. Please.”
He got up and walked into the house. Lucy opened the envelope and pulled out the letter inside.
My Dearest Lucy,
Last night should have been the most amazing night of our lives. I had everything planned out to the last detail. When it came down to it, I just couldn’t go through with it. I knew I had to explain to you why. I have to tell you about why I left Two Roads. So much happened during all the years I was away from you. Even though I was getting the best education the world had to offer, I was in my own private hell. It all came crashing down around me right before Christmas.
Lucy never imagined the horrible things she would learn the about the only man she would ever love.
Aiden’s girlfriend, Veronica, was always in their room, so Finn wasn’t surprised to see her there when he walked in their dorm room that December morning. What did surprise him was what she was looking at on his laptop.
When Finn walked in, wet from his shower, she turned to him with a shocked look on her face.
“Finn.”
“Ronnie…” That’s when he noticed what was on his laptop screen.
It was a picture of him but not one he had even seen before nor one that he had ever wanted to see. He ran to the screen and flipped it down.
“Get out!” Finn yelled as Aiden came walking in. “Both of you. Now!”
“I never imagined, Finn. You? A cake boy?”
“I’m not a cake boy!”
“What the hell is going on here? Somebody tell me, please!” Aiden pleaded with both of them.
“Guess I’ll be putting a chastity belt on you from now on, honey. No telling what Finn will try while you’re asleep.”
“Out! Now, Veronica, or so help me.” Finn spit each word through his gritted teeth.
Then Aiden turned to Veronica. “I have no idea what’s going on here, but maybe you should leave. I’ll call you later.”
She glared at Finn for a second before opening the door and slamming it shut behind her.
“Now, will you tell me what the hell that was about?”
Finn sat down on his bed, his head in his hands. The sobs were uncontrollable. He couldn’t even stop as Aiden pulled up the screen on Finn’s laptop. He saw the picture; he saw everything.
Finn looked to see Aiden’s hand go over his mouth. He knew Aiden must have thought the same thing Veronica had, but he was wrong.
“Who? Why?”
Finn looked at the picture of himself, completely naked on all fours. The man forcing himself inside him from behind. His fingers pulling Finn’s hair back toward him. Of course, the man’s face was not in the picture, just Finn’s with the look of the obvious pain he was causing.
“I can’t. I can’t.” Finn sobbed as Aiden sat down at the laptop. “I…don’t know…how that even…got there.”
He looked to find it was a file that had been e-mailed to Finn. “The note says, ‘Remember our time together. I certainly will.’ God, Finn.”
Aiden flipped through the entire file of pictures. The first one was just the most recent. He looked at all of them until he came upon the one of Finn in the same position as the first but this time when he was only twelve-years old.
Finn wanted to find a hole, crawl into it, and die. He felt like every part of him was being ripped violently apart in several different directions at once.
“How long has this been going on?”
Finn knew there was no hiding it from Aiden anymore. All the evidence was right there in front of him. “Years,” was all he could manage to get out.
“Why?”
Finn looked at him and glared. “Why? Do you actually think I had a choice? It was never consensual. Can’t you see?” Finn pulled up the picture where his ankles were visible. They were tied down with chains. “I didn’t ever have a choice. Then once I got old enough to fight back, that’s when he started drugging me. At least that way, I wouldn’t remember much although I felt the aftereffects later.” Finn pulled up the hem of his sweatpants to show Aiden the purple bruises that surrounded his ankles.
“Finn, you’ve got to tell me who’s doing this to you.”
Finn looked to see the eyes of his only friend in the world, yet he couldn’t let the name escape his lips.
“I won’t let it happen again.”
“You said yourself it’s been happening for years. How are you going to stop it now?”
Lucy wiped a tear from her eye and took a deep breath before she could continue reading.
That’s when the phone calls began. First to Aiden, then to me. Veronica had let it loose on campus. There wasn’t a student that didn’t know that she claimed to have seen a picture of me having sex with another man.
It was like wildfire. Everywhere I turned, I got disgusted glares. I knew there were gay students at the school, but not one was open about it. It got to the point where I stopped going to class all together. After a few days, the principal came to see me at my dorm room. Aiden urged me to tell him what was wrong. I just told him I wanted to go home. He wasn’t too eager to let one of his most promising students go, but once I had convinced my father, there was no going back.
I knew home was where I belonged, but it would take time for me to find my place. I didn’t know how to act around my family. I knew they would understand if I told them, and they’d want to see him punished, but all I wanted to do was forget. Then there was you. How could I ever let you know what had been torturing me all the years I was away from you? But when I came home, I was able to retreat to the only place I ever felt safe. The one place my mind would go to find peace in those moments of torture. Your arms—that is my safe plac
e. I’ve loved you all my life. How could you ever forgive me for letting him do this to me? He ruined me for you. No matter how much I love you, I don’t know how I can make love to you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?
Lucy clutched the letter to her chest. She ran hard and fast, straight to where she’d knew he’d be.
The door flung open to his room, and he stopped playing at once. He couldn’t even look at her. He set the guitar back on its stand. She walked slowly over to sit next to him and put the letter down on the arm of the chair.
She took his hand in her own. She brought it to her lips and kissed each finger before resting it back in her lap. His tears had already started, and she couldn’t stand to see him cry.
“I know you might never be able to tell me everything that happened. I know you might never be able to tell me who did it to you. But…”
His cerulean stare lifted to meet her own. The tears were gently spilling across his cheeks.
“But I’m not going to let him ruin us. I’m not going to let him steal the rest of your life, too. He took advantage of you for so many years. We’re not going to let him anymore. I won’t let him take our future away from us.”
He turned and enveloped her in his arms. Within seconds, she was crying too, and they held each other until both of their shoulders were wet.
“You don’t have to tell me any more.” She sniffled. “I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to. Talk to me about it. If you feel strange or uncomfortable, let me know. I won’t do anything to hurt you. If I could take all those years on for you, I would do it in a heartbeat.”
“Lucy!” He pulled back from her. “Don’t say that. Don’t you ever say that. I would never wish what that animal did to me on anyone.” He wiped a tear off her cheek. “I think I’ve come a long way since I came home. Mostly because of you. Just give me a little more time.”
“This is what we’re going to do. We’ll just do what feels good, that’s it. If it’s just kissing or holding each other like this, going for walks, watching you play, whatever, that’s fine for now. We will just work on finding ways to make you feel good.”
“Lucy, I thought I was ready, but—”
She kissed the palm of his hand. “That feels good, right?”
“Yes.”
“A simple perfect kiss. We’ll just keep things simple. Plus, you know this means you get to find out what makes me feel good, too.”
Lucy turned to face him and saw a smile light up his tear stained face. “I like when you crinkle your nose when I touch behind your ear.”
“See, a good start. We’re making progress already.” He smiled again as he dipped his head. “I love you, Finn. Nothing is ever going to take me away from you. I promise.”
He brought his eyes back to her. His fingertip traced the line just beneath her lower lip. She let a soft moan escape.
“Wow. Just a little touch like that.” He slid his finger below her chin, and his lips caressed hers, softly, sweetly, inviting her in. He placed his hands on either side of her face, willing her to take him all in. She loved him, and nothing on Earth was ever going to stop her from enjoying every moment of the rest of her life by his side.
“I don’t know what I’d do without you.” He kissed her hair as she settled back in his arms.
“You’re never going to get the chance to find out. I’m here, Finn. Forever.”
“I never wanted you to have to take all this on. Aiden has been telling me for months to tell you.”
“I understand, well, maybe understand is the wrong word. I don’t blame you for not telling me. I can’t imagine how incredibly hard it’s been for you.”
“I don’t want you to worry about me. I went to Dr. Pine and got all the tests. I’m clean.”
“You don’t have to tell me any more if you don’t want to, but…”
“You want to know more?”
“I’m sorry.” She dipped her head down. “You need time.”
“It’s…I’ve never said any of this out loud before. Even with Aiden, the pictures explained it all.”
“What happened to the pictures?”
“I went a little crazy later that day. I kind of destroyed the laptop. I told my mom it got damaged on the way home. That’s why she got me that new one for Christmas.”
“So, only Aiden and I know?”
“And him. I’m pretty sure no one else knows. If his wife did, she surely would have left him years ago.”
“He’s married!” Lucy felt the blood rising in her cheeks.
“Shh. Not so loud. We don’t want to wake the rest of the house.”
“Sorry, but married? Does he have kids too?”
“Yeah, two little girls. Four and two. I thought it might stop after they were born, but it just seemed to get worse.”
She was scared to ask the next question. She knew she didn’t want to hear the answer. “How many times?”
“I lost count.” He threw his head back and closed his eyes as a few more tears escaped to run down his reddened cheeks.
“Did he make you…do that…to him?” She could hardly get the words out.
“No.” He brought his eyes back to hers. “At first, he’d make me touch him. Then he got to the point where he put himself…” Finn shook his head and continued, “Toward the end, I’d take whatever drink he’d give me, just so he’d get it over with. I let him. I let him do it to me.”
“Finn, he was the adult in the situation. You never deserved any of it. It was never your fault.” She cupped his cheek with her hand. She saw in his eyes that he was starting to believe her. “Do you think there were others?”
“No, thank God. He’d always say I was ‘the only boy for him.’ It made me sick. He could go and make love to his wife and kiss his daughters goodnight after he’d spent hours torturing me.”
“It won’t happen ever again. We’ll move to Borneo if we have to. He’s never going to touch you again.”
He looked up at her confused. “Where the hell is Borneo?”
“I don’t know, but it sounds far away. You know I love you?”
“Yes. I really do.”
Finn and Lucy spent most of that Sunday locked away in Finn’s room. They talked a little more about Two Roads. It was still all pretty raw, so they moved on to other subjects. They ended up playing “Name That Tune.” Finn would hum a few bars of a song, and Lucy would guess it. He got a little frustrated that he couldn’t stump her after she’d guessed about twenty right.
Rylan and Jack hadn’t come looking for them all day. Finn believed they should just leave them to their assumptions. Lucy didn’t know if her brother could handle knowing if she had been intimate with Finn. For the time being, they’d just let them wonder.
There was one thing they did need to do though. Call Aiden.
“Was I right? Did she purr?”
“Aiden, I’m right here. You’re on speaker.”
“We didn’t get that far.” Finn took a long deep breath. “She knows. I told her.”
Aiden was silent.
“Aiden? Come on, man. Say something.”
His voice was low and coarse. “Did he tell you who it was?”
“No, I don’t think he’s quite ready for that yet.” Finn brought his arm around her shoulders and kissed her cheek.
“I’m glad you’re there for him. There’s only so much I can do from here.”
“I let him know we’d both be here for him when he’s ready.”
“Absolutely.”
Finn rubbed his hands against his face. He was trying to stop himself from crying again. “Thanks, both of you.”
“Okay, if you guys are going to start making out, can you call me back later?”
“We’re not making out.” Lucy rolled her eyes as Finn brought her hand to his lips.
“Not yet.” That was the first time she’d seen that melt-worthy grin grace his face all day. It was so funny how two little words could cause her face go from pale pi
nk to tomato red in an instant.
“You know I have to go back to school tomorrow even if you bastards still have one more day off.”
“Fine. We’ll call you tomorrow. Thank you, Aiden. For everything.” He was a good friend to Finn. He’d even broke up with a girl he loved over what she’d done to Finn. Finn even seemed a little grateful about Veronica spreading the “rumor” of the picture. If she hadn’t, he might have never felt like he had an excuse to come home. Home to Lucy.
“Anything for Finn and his best gal.”
Finn shut his phone off and kissed Lucy. She let him lead while still letting him know she was enjoying each moment.
The end of the school year was rapidly approaching. There was prom, then finals and graduation. They all had college mapped out. Rylan accepted a cheer leading scholarship from NYU. Jack worked out all spring and traveled on weekends trying out for several scholarships for basketball. He had a hard time choosing between Western Connecticut State and NYU, but after he and Rylan discussed it, they knew they couldn’t be that far away from each other. The four of them began planning their new life as NYU students.
In the meantime, Claire worked day and night on the huge graduation party for the kids. It seemed as if she were sending out over a hundred invitations. She might have very well invited the whole town.
Aiden arrived at Finn’s house right before they were all supposed to leave for graduation. Finn grabbed his stuff and ran inside with it. Lucy felt the need to talk to Aiden for a few minutes while they waited by Finn’s new car, a black Mazda6.
“He looks great. I’m proud of you, Luce.”
She laughed when he called her Luce. “It’s not all me. He’s worked really hard.”
“Well, whatever you two have been doing, it’s working.”
She ran her fingers through her hair and over her new dress. For a girl that hardly ever wore dresses, she kind of liked getting all dolled up for Finn. Lucy had found the white strapless dress with a black paisley design the day before. It had an empire waist with a little black bow right beneath her breasts and a skirt that flowed to her knees.
He brought her into his arms for a soft hug. “I’m never going to stop telling Finn what a lucky son of a bitch he is. I can’t believe all you’re doing for him.”
