by Theresa Jane
When I reached the edge of the crowd, I could see he had quickly recovered from the bump and was gaining on me. I felt my legs fill with blood as adrenaline made me move faster.
Shoving through the last few people, I didn’t even bother feigning apologies. They wouldn’t have heard me anyway.
I darted down the corridor that held both mine and Liam’s rooms but didn’t chance running all the way down, knowing how close Jebediah was. Instead, I ducked inside the closest one, turning to slam the door shut, only to realize there was no lock.
Cursing, I darted toward the bathroom.
“Good move, babe,” I heard him slur, but I didn’t look back. Instead, I remained focused on my destination. “We’re going to need our privacy.” I cringed at his words before opening the bathroom door and slamming it closed behind me. My hands were trembling as the adrenaline pumped through my veins, making it almost impossible to slide the lock into place.
“What are you doing, baby?” he shouted as I backed away from the door slowly, the lock finally in place. My hands were still shaking and my legs felt numb. It was lucky I had nowhere else to run because they would have never been able to carry me far enough to get me away from this living nightmare.
“Leave me alone,” I answered shakily, not even sure if he could hear me over the noise outside.
“Come on sweetheart, come out of there,” he cooed before slamming his fist against the door as familiar memories flooded my vision. Every time the door reverberated with the force of his fist, I felt my body curl further in on itself until I was crouched between the basin and the toilet, trembling.
“Please,” I whispered, hearing his fist getting louder, completely drowning out the music from the party.
“Babe, open up,” he shouted aggressively as I felt the fearful tears start to build behind my eyes. Flashes of a broken door started to overtake my vision. I couldn’t tell where I was anymore. My nightmares were so real; I couldn’t determine which image was in the past and what was happening to me now.
The shouting grew more aggressive as I wrapped my arms around my knees tighter. Tears spilled over, my sobs filling the empty bathroom between the groans from the door as his fists made contact. What had I done to make this happen again? What was I doing wrong?
I don’t know how long I sat that way. I must have drifted off at some point because I startled awake when I heard raised voices on the other side of the door. I didn’t dare move from where I slumped against the cold tiles, but I immediately felt my body begin to tremble again.
“Get out,” I heard a familiar voice shout, and I realized the music had died down and the voices were clearer than they should have been. A lower voice replied, but it was muffled by the door.
“You sick bastard,” the same voice growled before I heard the sound of something colliding, followed by a loud groan. I curled further back, not even remotely curious about what was going on outside. As long as Jebediah had stopped, I was safe. I was safe as long as the door remained intact.
Several minutes later there was a gentle knock on the door, and I felt my body tense even further.
“Freya,” came the quiet voice, and I felt a prick of warmth in my heart as I recognized his voice. Liam.
“Freya, please open the door,” he pleaded, and I hesitated, afraid to leave my hiding place. Afraid he was still outside the door. There was silence after that, but I heard something slide down the wall and drop heavily on the floor near the door.
“I’m sorry, Freya,” he continued, his voice sounding sober. “I’m so sorry.” I could hear the pain and regret in his voice, but I still couldn’t bring myself to move. There was a heaviness in my heart that was keeping me in place.
“Please say something,” he begged as I heard a loud thump on the wall beside the door. There was silence again. I could hear other voices outside the room, but they were distant and must have been the last stragglers from the party.
“I need to see you, Freya. I need to hear your voice. Please let me know you’re okay.” I wasn’t okay, not now. I was terrified. I could still feel the fear in my legs, in my arms, and thumping loudly through my heart.
How could he ever think I was okay? I was disappointed and angry at him, but that was my own fault. I had thought he would protect me and that was my own stupid dream, my childish fantasy. I had set my hopes too high, and that wasn’t his fault. Why did I get myself in these situations?
When I had seen him on that dance floor, before I had seen the girls, I had thought I could go to him. I thought I had found my safety, but I had been foolish. I had let my heart rule over my common sense, setting myself up for the disappointment I felt now. It stabbed me in the chest relentlessly as the terror started to ebb from my body and I began to uncurl from my hiding place.
“God, Freya, please.” The desperation in his voice finally forced me to move. I didn’t want to cause him this pain. It wasn’t his fault. How could I expect him to be there for me when my brother and my father couldn’t be, and they were my family? Why should he care for me?
Slowly, I dragged my aching body across the floor and sat beside the door, still not ready to unlock it.
“Liam,” I croaked, my throat burning from the tears I had shed.
“Freya, oh thank god,” he gushed, and I could hear him shift on the other side of the door. “Please open the door. I need to see you.”
“I’m fine, Liam,” I answered, resting my head against the wall, starting to feel the weariness settle over me.
“I have to see you Freya, just…please,” he begged, and I could hear the defeat in his voice.
I took a shaky breath before I pushed my tired body up. With a shaky hand, I twisted the lock and slowly pulled the door open.
I found Liam beside the door, his head in his hands as his elbows rested against his knees. I felt the sting of guilt wash through me but quickly squashed it down.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered and watched as his head snapped up, his golden eyes colliding with mine, relief spreading through them.
He was quickly on his feet and standing before me, his eyes running over my body like he was assessing me. I shifted uncomfortably, rubbing my hand up my arm before suddenly, I was pulled into his arms and held tightly against his chest.
“Don’t you dare apologize,” he breathed, holding my head to his chest. His other arm was wrapped tightly around my lower back until there was no space between us.
I could still hear people leaving the apartment as he held me. He was holding on so tight; it felt as if he was trying to squeeze the sadness out of me. I felt his warmth finally start to soothe my tired body, and I knew I couldn’t fight sleep much longer.
“Liam,” I said shakily, feeling the tears start to return as my body began to relax.
“Shh, you’re safe now,” he soothed, running his hand through my tangled hair. Suddenly, the tears began to fall, and I began to tremble against him as silent sobs wracked my body.
“It’s going to be all right, Frey,” he murmured, and I felt him drop a kiss on the top of my head. Then, before I knew what was happening, I was in his arms, cradled gently against his chest. I shifted so my face was buried in his shirt, breathing in his familiar scent and letting his warmth continue to wash over me.
He held me securely as I continued to sob quietly. I felt him open and close a door before suddenly I was on a bed. I jolted at the loss of contact and quickly curled in on myself. Then I felt the bed dip beside me, and I could feel his warmth, but his arms never came around me.
After my tears began to slow, I gingerly lifted my head and opened my eyes to Liam lying beside me with his eyes watching me intently. I saw guilt and sadness fill them as we both lay there.
His arms were by his side and mine were curled under my head. Our knees were close but never touching, and our faces were the farthest our bodies were apart from one another.
Without even thinking, I lifted my hand and rested it ligh
tly against Liam’s cheek as he sucked in a sharp breath. Slowly, his hand came up and rested over mine, keeping it trapped.
Feeling as if I was being pulled toward him, I shuffled closer until our noses were almost touching and we were sharing the same pillow. I kept my focus on his eyes as my body started to fall into the rhythm of sleep. My head fell forward onto his chest when I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer.
I didn’t care that he had let me down, all I wanted was someone to hold me. I needed someone to tell me it wasn’t my fault.
“I’m sorry, Frey.” It was the last thing I remember before the world faded away, until even the nightmares couldn't reach me.
Chapter 27: The Fallout
Sleepily, I blinked my eyes open. My vision was slowly starting to adjust to the darkness of the room. I realized quickly that I was still in Liam’s bed and wrapped loosely in his arms. His deep breathing was tickling the hairs at the back of my neck as he pressed me to his chest.
One hand held mine to my chest, and his other was draped heavily over my body, encasing me against his. I shifted slightly, immediately feeling his arms tighten.
I rolled my head to the side to see his eyes still closed, and I sighed in frustration. How was I going to get out of this one?
Rolling back, I used my free hand to pry his hand from mine, and it fell limply to the mattress. Just one more arm and I would be free.
Pushing at his inked arm gently, I suddenly froze when I heard him mumble something. I didn’t even breathe as I waited for what he would do.
I didn’t understand a word in the darkness, but I felt his arm tighten around me, trying to pull me closer, despite there already being very little space between us. I needed to get out of his embrace. I couldn’t take it anymore. He wasn’t there.
Taking a deep breath, I chanced one final attempt at escape. Peeling away the hand that rested on my waist and carefully setting it by his side, I rolled away in a single, shuddering breath. I risked a look back at his face as I clambered from the bed and saw a look of pain flit across his features, but his eyes remained closed.
His arms stirred by his sides, stretching across the empty bed for a body that was no longer there. Thankfully, he remained unconscious.
My eyes curiously traveled down to his chest, where I saw a tattoo that rested just beneath this heart. One I had seen before but had been too preoccupied with the scars to notice. Now, despite my need to get away, I took the chance to read the words. My heart was beating loudly against my ribs.
Their choice is to leave, it read, and I felt a sadness invade my heart, like a poison spreading through its victim. Then it hardened, and I felt a frown spread across my face. How could he say that people will always leave when he never gave them the chance to stay?
He looked troubled in his sleep. Watching him, I felt a string in my heart pull tight but ignored it as a single thought passed through my mind. One that silenced all others and stopped my body from winning out and tumbling back into his arms. He wasn’t there.
After a second more, I turned my back on him and walked on shaky legs to his door. I opened it soundlessly before slipping out into the hallway and closing it softly behind me. Finally, it felt like I could breathe again in a room that wasn’t thick with everything that reminded me of him.
Without looking down the hallway, I made my way down to my room in the darkness of the early morning and opened my door tiredly.
I shuffled to my bed and slipped beneath the cool covers. Immediately, I felt the chill settle over my body and an odd stirring in my chest.
For hours, I tossed my covers off, then pulled them up as if they had committed some offense to me, but all I was doing was trying to get that one thought out of my head, to hide from the truth that was pumping through my body with every heartbeat.
He wasn’t there.
* * *
I don’t know when I drifted off to sleep but when my eyes cracked open again, it was to run from the nightmares chasing me in my own mind. My body was slick with sweat and tears were falling rapidly from my eyes, but I made no move to wipe them away. I knew it would never be that easy to escape the memories.
The sun was already filling my entire room, and I knew I couldn’t stay here, stewing in my own thoughts. So, I pulled myself from my bed and stumbled to the bathroom. Turning the hot water on, the bathroom immediately started to fill with steam. I was so lost in my thoughts, I almost forgot to take my clothes off before I got in.
Once I was beneath the stream, I felt the water turn my skin pink. I stood there until I couldn’t even feel the heat anymore.
After I was dressed, I headed toward the kitchen. I wasn’t hungry but wanted to keep my hands busy and my mind numb.
I ignored the debris from the party, stepping over empty beer bottles and forgotten items of clothing.
Mechanically, I rifled through the kitchen cupboards until I had everything I needed to make breakfast for three weeks. I started mixing eggs, chopping bacon, and melting butter. I was so lost in what I was doing I didn’t even hear the front door open. I didn’t notice there were eyes on me until I heard a chair scrape against the floor.
I didn’t bother looking up at the person, not even when two more came to join him. They didn’t say anything either.
By the time Liam came into the room, I had filled the bench with steaming food and still wasn’t done.
I kept moving around the kitchen even when I felt him come up beside me.
I only stilled when I felt his hand on my wrist. It felt as if my body had shut down. My heart was waiting, holding its next beat. My mind had gone blank, as if making room for whatever was about to happen, and my skin hummed with the sensation of his touch.
“Stop,” he whispered.
“I can’t,” I replied, and silence quickly fell between us as if we were trapped in our own little bubble, the other eyes not even able to see us.
“Let her go, Liam,” someone said, and my eyes shot up to meet Lucinda’s. For the first time, I registered who was there. Ant sat at the bench with Ryan behind him, a scowl narrowing his unusually dull features, the dark eyeliner and deep purple hair only emphasizing his anger. Ant, on the other hand, was unreadable. I didn’t want to know what he was thinking anyway.
“What are you even doing here?” Liam demanded, rounding on Lucinda but keeping his hold on my wrist.
“As your publicist or as your friend?” she challenged, and Liam just shook his head and ran his hand down his bedraggled face. He was dressed in his usual jeans and dark top, but he looked less rock-chic and more unkempt street musician.
“Does it matter?”
“No,” she answered venomously. “I’m disgusted with you on both accounts.”
“I’d expect nothing less.”
“How could you do this, Liam?” she yelled, gesturing wildly at the apartment.
“I don’t know,” he answered, and I could feel a pair of eyes narrowing on me, but I didn’t need to look up to know it was Ant. Lucinda continued to rant at Liam, but I remained still and silent.
“Freya,” Ant spoke up, breaking through the blurring lines in my mind. “Where were you?”
I felt Liam stiffen beside me, but I didn’t make any attempt to answer. It was none of their business. These people weren’t my friends. I didn’t mean anything to them.
When the silence became too much, I involuntarily looked up at Liam to see him looking at me expectantly.
“This isn’t my fault,” I said coldly, pulling my wrist from Liam’s hand and storming away from the cold food and judgmental eyes. I heard a chair scrape against the floor and footsteps march after me, but I didn’t turn around until I felt a cold hand wrap around my wrist.
I didn’t turn, and I didn’t move, no matter how my mind fought to get away. I didn’t want to be here. My eyes flicked to the side, and I saw the room still the same as it was last night. I wanted to pull free but I couldn’t. I couldn’t do a
nything.
I heard Ant curse behind me and suddenly my wrist was free, his footsteps disappearing inside.
“What the hell happened in here?” he breathed, but I could still hear him as I moved to stand in the doorway.
I didn’t offer an explanation. I didn’t want to relive last night because I couldn’t separate the two memories in my mind.
I watched as Ant moved to the door and saw him run his hand down a crack I hadn’t noticed last night. How close had he come to breaking it down?
“Did Liam do this?” Ant asked softly, and slowly he turned to look at me as I shook my head. My eyes were now focused on the floor.
“Why do you stay?” he asked, and unlike all the times before, it didn’t feel like he was accusing me of something. He seemed defeated, like he just couldn’t understand why anyone would.
“Why do you?” I croaked.
“He needs someone to look out for him.”
“I guess you have your answer then,” I sighed in defeat, wrapping my arms around me tightly.
“What happened last night?”
“What generally happens when Liam gets out of hand.” I shrugged. “People get hurt.”
Ant was silent but continued to look at me as if waiting for further explanation.
“Jebediah didn’t know how to handle a girl telling him no,” I sighed.
“He did this?” Ant almost growled, and I looked up at him in shock. His fists were clenched tightly at his sides.
“Yes,” I answered cautiously.
Ant stood glaring at me for a few more minutes, his fists clenching and unclenching, until finally he stormed past me, muttering furiously about Liam.
I stood motionless for a moment, wondering what had just happened, when I heard raised voices from the other room.
“Great, now Liam and Ant are going to duke it out. Just what we need right now,” I muttered before I heaved a heavy sigh and walked back into the kitchen.
“Why do you let yourself be used by him?”
“Leave it alone, Ant,” Liam growled, stepping out from around the bench and glaring darkly at Ant.
