by Theresa Jane
I didn’t even notice there were no delicious smells coming from the kitchen. I was too focused on seeing her even though I felt the overwhelming sense that she had run. All I could do was hope that I was wrong.
I stopped, frozen, staring at the empty kitchen and feeling the bile rise in my throat. I looked around the room for any traces of her, but everything was where it was meant to be. Not a pillow out of place. It was exactly how it had been before she had arrived.
I felt my heart begin to race as panic overwhelmed me, every lie I had told myself in the last few minutes slipping quickly from my mind as I turned back to check the rest of the rooms.
I stumbled back when my eyes rested on the white wall. My breath caught and my heart stopped. The glaringly white wall blanketed my eyes, as if it were mocking me with its emptiness.
“No,” I whispered, my voice not strong enough to do any more than that. I walked over to it numbly, not even able to feel my heart anymore. It was as if there was a giant vacuous hole in my chest where it had been, and there was nothing I could do to fix it. Slowly, I lifted my hand and ran it along the whiteness. I felt ice run through my veins. It was dry.
Feeling terror rip through my body, I ran down the hallway on adrenaline-filled legs, slamming into her room, only to find it empty. Nothing remained, she had taken everything she had come with. All that remained was everything I had ever given her. Her phone, her clothes, and all the paints I had given her. She had taken only herself, and it was the only thing I had ever truly wanted. How could she leave me?
I thought after last night she would never leave me again. I thought she understood if she left, I would crumble and fall to pieces. How could she do this?
I felt my legs give out as the realization hit me again. She had left me. My mind quickly ran over the events of last night, from the moment she arrived in that stunning dress to the moment we returned home and she gave me the greatest gift I could ask for. Being with Freya was like nothing I had ever experienced before. She was like none of the other women I had ever been with. She was everything.
She kept my heart beating, and now she had disappeared.
I slammed my hand down in frustration against the wooden floors, but it wasn’t enough. Nothing seemed to compare to the growing pain in my chest.
Jebediah's smug face flashed across my vision, causing me to stand and drive my fist deep into the wall. I felt blood trickle from my knuckles, but I wasn’t done. She had left me.
I slammed my fist into the wall again and saw Freya’s face flash across my vision as I hovered over her.
Recalling it now, I realized last night, I had only seen what I wanted to see. Last night had meant something entirely different to her than it ever had to me. The tears that had gathered in her eyes, the look on her face had been saying goodbye, but then why did she tell me she loved me?
“I will always love you, Liam,” she had murmured against my neck, and I remembered pulling back to look in her eyes just to make sure I had heard her right, but what I hadn’t seen were the words she had left unspoken. She would always love me. I believed her, but there was more. With Freya there always was, and with that realization, I felt as if my heart was being torn from my chest. Freya would always love me, but she could never be with me.
“Shit,” I growled, storming out of her room and back into my own. She can’t have gone too far. I was sure I could catch her I could make her see reason.
I knew the first place I should look was her brother’s. If ever there was a place she always went, it was her brother’s. Not that he was ever there to help her when she needed it, I thought bitterly, shrugging on some clothes. I actively avoided looking at the messed bed. I didn’t want to remember what happened there unless I had her back. She needed to come back.
Grabbing my keys and phone from my bedside table, I ran from the room and down the corridor, getting hit again by a wave of pain as I passed the white wall. Had it always been so…white?
I was already past it when I heard paper flutter, and I looked back to see a white piece of paper folded with my name on it. It was in Freya’s perfect handwriting. She had left me a letter. How could she leave me a letter? All I wanted was her, and now all I had were words on a page.
Slowly, reluctantly, I walked the few steps back to where it lay innocently on the floor. The same floor that had once been scattered with her paints after another one of my parties. Just another in a long list of mistakes I had made.
I had mistakenly thought it had been moving too quickly. I was falling too fast. I needed to distract myself. I had hurt her every time. I had hurt her so I would feel safe, and now she was gone.
With trepidation, I moved back to where the letter was.
My hands never shook. Not when I was about to take the stage in front of thousands of people and not even when I laid my sister to rest, nor my mother. As I reached for her letter, they were trembling.
Liam,
Please know that I love you. I am sorry for leaving you, but I couldn’t stay. It’s too much, Liam. Your world, the people, and sometimes even you. It hurts me to say it, but we aren’t good for each other, and I think deep down you know it as well. We are a love that was never meant to burn long.
I suppose, to you, it doesn’t matter why I left, only that I did, but I want you to know I had no choice but to leave or risk becoming a shell of a girl. I had forgotten who I was and who I wanted to become. I was trapped inside, hidden beneath how your world wanted me to be, and I couldn’t live like that. Not anymore. I don’t blame you, and I don’t blame your life. I blame myself. I need some time, and I need some space. This city was never my home, and I can’t stay here anymore. Please don’t look for me. I don’t want to be found, in fact, I hope to get lost. Forget me, Liam. It’s easier this way.
Love, Freya
She was gone. Was she going to leave the city? I couldn’t let her leave. I didn’t want to live without her.
Folding the letter, I stuffed it in the pocket of my jeans, pulling my phone out and calling a cab. I didn’t know how long ago she had left, but I could only hope it wasn’t enough that she had already left the country.
* * *
I was betting on her going to her useless brother’s first, but when I arrived they seemed as shocked by her disappearance as I had been.
“What do you mean you lost my daughter?” I glared at her father across the threshold of her brother’s apartment as neither of them would move to let me in. For all I knew, they were just really good actors and she was hidden inside.
“Freya,” I shouted, trying to see past them.
“She isn’t here, big-shot,” Mason growled, his arms crossed tightly over his chest, an angry scowl stretched across his face. “My sister is too smart to put up with your shit forever.”
“My shit? What about yours?” I challenged. Who was he to question my behavior?
“That’s the funny thing, Liam," he sneered as if my name was an insult. “You and I…we’re the same.”
“We are nothing alike,” I hissed, taking a threatening step in his direction. He didn’t even flinch. Instead, he laughed. A loud, derisive laugh that had anger burning through my veins as my fists bunched tightly at my sides.
“We are cut from the same cloth. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I treated my sister worse than you ever could. You, like me, never valued her, we never protected her. She was always there picking up our pieces. She was always so busy helping our sorry asses that no one ever noticed that she needed help too. She needed someone that would put her before everything.”
“I do put her first,” I answered defensively, unsettled by his words.
“No, you didn’t,” he laughed darkly. “You put your stardom above her every single time. You expected her to wait while you rode out your fame. You changed nothing to be with my sister.”
“She left,” I argued. “I wanted her to stay. I wanted her to share my life.”
; “You didn’t share anything. You made her live inside a world that didn’t want her. A world she didn’t fit in.”
“She fit.”
“You’re a selfish man who doesn’t deserve my sister.”
“Where is she?” I demanded.
“We don’t know,” her father answered firmly while his son seethed beside him.
“Did she come here?”
“Yes, she did,” he smirked.
“Where is she now?”
“We don’t know.”
“Why did she come here?” I demanded, my frustration growing.
“She came here for a favor. After everything I have put my daughter through, I would give her anything.”
“What did she want?”
“A means to escape and to get away from you,” her father spat.
“Why is it any of your business what happened between Freya and me?” I growled, my muscles taut with anger.
“Because I didn’t want my daughter’s life wrapped up with the likes of you.”
“What gives you the right to interfere in her life?”
“What gives you the right?” he challenged.
“I don’t have time for the two of you,” I spat, spinning from her family and marching toward the stairs.
“Luckily, my daughter came to her senses. You were only dragging her down.” Her father laughed before I heard the door slam closed. I am nothing like them.
* * *
“Luce, open up,” I pounded loudly on the door to get her to open up. I was still knocking harshly when the door opened beneath my fist to reveal empty space.
“Mummy said that whoever’s at the door is going to be sleeping with the fishies,” came a sleepy voice, and I looked down to see Davis rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He’d knocked his glasses off in the process, and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at the kid.
“Davis, what have I told you about opening the door?” Jarred's voice scolded before he appeared at his son’s side. He picked up his son’s fallen glasses and settled them on his nose before picking him up and perching him on his hip. He always had been the perfect father.
“I thought it was Santa,” Davis mumbled, resting his head against his father’s shoulder.
“Santa doesn’t need to knock, kiddo,” I grumbled, ruffling his hair before I barged in and made my way straight for Lucy. She was lying on the sofa in the living room, a Santa hat on her protruding belly as Charlie played with the torn wrapping paper in the center of the room.
“It looks like Christmas threw up in here.”
“Liam?” she asked, sitting up quickly and knocking the hat from her bump. “What are you doing here?”
“Have you seen her?” I demanded.
“Seen who?” Lucy frowned, only causing my frustration to grow.
“Freya,” I almost shouted as her family’s words ran through my mind. She couldn’t have left the country. Why would she go that far?
“What do you mean? Where has she gone?” she frowned, glancing at Jarred as he came up behind me.
“I don’t know; that’s why I’m asking you,” I hissed. Behind me, I heard someone laugh, and I turned back with a scowl on my face. “What are you laughing at, slug-boy?”
“I always knew she was smart enough to leave you,” he chuckled, pushing his glasses up his nose.
“I knowed that too,” Davis announced, beaming brightly at his father.
“Shut up, munchkin,” I growled, but it did nothing to dull his smile.
“Freya escaped the dragon without a prince,” he announced.
“I mean it Reid, your children are the devil’s spawn.”
“Nope, they’re just an excellent judge of character,” Jarred replied, sneering at me from behind his glasses.
“Liam, what’s going on?” Lucy asked, getting to her feet with a worried look.
“Freya left. She was with me last night, and when I woke up this morning, she wasn’t there,” I answered, dragging my hands through my hair in annoyance.
“This girl deserves a medal. She ran out on the Liam Henderson before he woke up the next day. She is my hero.”
“I love her,” I growled, feeling the pain start to grow in my chest.
“Well, that’s an interesting development,” Jarred chuckled, setting Davis down on the floor. “Do you even know what love is?”
“Jarred,” Lucy warned, but I had already crossed the room and was looming over Jarred in his Santa pajamas beside his scowling son.
“Leave my daddy alone,” he scowled. I didn’t even dignify him with a response, instead focusing my attention on his father.
“I love Freya Coleman, and I will do anything to get her back,” I seethed, my fists curled tightly at my sides.
“Anything?” Jarred challenged, and a defiant growl erupted from my chest. I nodded once, only causing the infuriating man’s smile to grow. “Would you let her go?”
“No,” I shot back instantly. If I loved her, why would I ever let her go?
“What if that’s what was best for her?” he challenged and for a moment, even in my rage, I contemplated his words.
“Why would being away from me be better for her?” I frowned, confused by his question. What was the point in loving each other when we couldn’t love each other together?
“She never had the opportunity to choose you, Liam. You forced her at every turn. If she left, that was her choice.”
“No,” I breathed, thinking of the five words I had tattooed along my chest years ago.
“What reason did you ever give her to stay?”
“What?”
“You never gave her the reason to stay with you. She may love you, but it’s gotten to the point that her love for you can’t hide your faults anymore. You are a bastard.”
“Jarred,” Lucinda scolded, looking poignantly at their son, who was listening to our exchange very closely.
“I wanted her to stay. I didn’t want her to leave. She is just like everyone else.”
“And you’re a child if you believe that the only reason people leave you is because they want to hurt you. They leave you because you hurt them.”
“Mommy, what happened to Freya?” Davis asked, his eyes fearful as he looked up at his mother.
“She’s just gone away for a little while, baby. I’m sure she’ll come back,” Luce tried to soothe, and I wondered if Davis could see her lie as clearly as I could.
“Why did she leave?” he asked sadly.
“She just needed to go somewhere else for a while,” she answered, shooting me a look before turning back to her son. Unfortunately, Davis caught the look and rounded on me with all the anger a midget could muster.
“You made Freya disappear,” he yelled, pointing a little finger at me accusingly. “You’re a bad man, and now Freya is gone.”
“Control your offspring, super-dad,” I scowled, but Davis wasn’t finished.
“Freya is a princess, and she deserves a prince, not you. You’re a meanie.”
“Well said, son,” Jarred smirked.
“Up,” I was distracted for a moment by the tug on my pants, and I looked down to see Charlie looking up at me expectantly. “Up.”
For a moment, I looked down at Charlie and remembered the day Lucy had tricked me into minding her kids and I had freaked out. Freya was there. She was the one who had masterminded the plan to set me straight. She was always so good with the kids. She looked good with them.
“Up,” Charlie insisted and strangely, I found myself bending down and picking up the little monster. Once she was in my arms, her hands immediately reached for my face, pulling at my nose and poking me in the eyes.
“Oh, Charlie,” Lucy started, moving to take her from me.
“It’s fine,” I assured her, not really sure what I was doing. Glancing around at the Christmas presents and the glowing Christmas tree, I realized something. Actually, I realized three things.
One, I had interrupted their family Christmas. Two, I had completely forgotten to get Freya a present and three, I was a selfish bastard.
I guess I just hadn’t realized how deep I had let myself get. I never thought the fame had gotten to me, but I guess it had and now I was so consumed by it that I didn’t even know what normal was. I didn’t know how to put someone else before myself. Not when everyone always put what I wanted first, and not even because they cared.
“Liam, what are you going to do about Freya?”
“I don’t know,” I frowned, watching Charlie absently as she played with the mismatched buttons on my shirt. I hadn’t even realized in my haste that I hadn’t dressed properly.
“Would you like to stay for Christmas lunch?” Lucy asked, but I didn’t miss the look Jarred shot her that obviously meant I wasn’t welcome.
“No, I’m sorry for intruding on your Christmas,” I answered, handing Luce her little girl. I turned to the frowning Davis and couldn’t help the laugh that escaped. He was adorable when he wanted to be.
“You made Freya leave,” he frowned, pushing his glasses up with the palm of his hand.
“I know,” I sighed, kneeling in front of him.
“Why are you so mean?”
“I don’t know,” I shrugged.
“Mean people need to sit on the timeout stair. You must spend more time on there than Daddy does. Mummy always puts him on the timeout stair,” he answered with the frankness of a four-year-old, and I couldn’t help but laugh. I ruffled his hair, earning me another glare.
I got to my feet, nodding stiffly at Jarred before walking past them and heading for the front door.
“Liam,” Lucy called, and I turned back to see her moving slowly over to where I stood by her front door. “Are you going to be okay?”
“I don’t know,” I shrugged. As it was turning out, I was learning how much I really didn’t know.
“Where are you going?” she frowned, shifting Charlie on her hip.
“To get help,” I answered, reaching for the door and being hit by an icy blast of wind.
“Mommy,” I heard Davis ask. “Do you think Uncle Rynosauce can bring Freya back with his magic?"
