by Theresa Jane
Now, he is buying elaborate and obscenely expensive mansions in billionaire playgrounds. That suggests he is finally ready to settle down. However, who he will be sharing his future with is still unclear, with no one laying eyes on Freya since that fateful December morning.
* * *
Heartbroken Melody
TRGMay 15 7:43pm
Liam Henderson’s new single is breaking hearts all over the country. With his beautiful, melancholy melody and his equally heart-wrenching lyrics, there is barely a girl in sight who can keep her tears at bay.
It has hit number one on charts across the globe, and we can’t help but think there is a message behind his lyrics. A very personal message for a girl many of us, at first, were gleeful to see catching a flight out of the country. Now, hearing the crooning of a certain brokenhearted rock star, we can’t help but want to see her reentering his life, if only to prevent a second heartbreaking song sending us all into another round of hysterical tears.
Liam Henderson, for the most part, has remained off the media’s radar for the past few months after the end of his worldwide tour, but he came screaming back into focus with his latest hit and the emotion behind it. If you haven’t heard it yet, I suggest you grab three boxes of tissues and get listening. You won’t regret it.
* * *
Freya Coleman
Artist Watch, AmsterdamJune
This month’s up and coming artist is Freya Coleman, a young American artist who was found in the French countryside.
Albert and Aleida Klein were holidaying in the southern regions of France when they came across the young artist. Freya had been working in the vineyards when they were on a tour. They found her among the vines completing one of her pieces they now display in their gallery, Onbekend.
The two specialize in unknown artists, holding open nights that draw in many of the top gallery owners from not only Amsterdam but also throughout Europe. There are rumors that Miss Coleman has been made offers from many of the top galleries in Europe. The piece that seems to have everyone captivated is “Beastly lights.” When asked about her piece, she had this to say. “This is a piece that had never felt quite right to me. Something about the colors or maybe the subject always made me uneasy.”
The subject she speaks of is the silhouette of a man atop a building. This sits in contrast to the sunflower field it is nestled in. When asked if she was inspired by a certain Van Gogh masterpiece, she smiled and said, “It isn’t so much his painting that inspired me but the company I kept when I saw it.”
It is common knowledge the company this young artist once kept, and from the striking scene she has set with her painting, it is glaringly obvious who inspired her work. Yet, she seems set to garner fame of her own without her famous past love interest.
This young artist is on the rise, especially after the exorbitant sum someone was rumored to have paid for the piece. The buyer wished to remain anonymous, but it seems this young artist is struggling no more.
* * *
“Up next, we have Liam Henderson’s latest song, Final Goodbye.”
Despite all the months I had been away, I still felt the anxiety shoot through my heart when I heard his name. I wanted to block it out, but I knew as soon as his voice came through the speakers of the coffee shop, I was trapped. All I could do was listen as his beautifully broken voice sang out.
Blinded eyes, silent goodbyesYou left me alone to face the painRumpled sheets, lonely heartbeatsYou disappeared with all we had made
Between the lines, you broke my liesYou said your final goodbyeDid you wonder what I would doWhen you deprived me of you
Tell me you’re safe,And I’ll be goneTell me you’re happyAnd I’ll remain aloneJust say that you’ll be okayMy final goodbye, I will say
You left me blind so that you could flyMy broken heart remainedI didn’t know that this should beMy final goodbye made
You wrote the words you couldn’t speakYou gave me my chance to changeI was blind, hidden behind my liesAnd you left me for my hurtful ways
Tell me you’re safeAnd I’ll be goneTell me you’re happyAnd I’ll remain aloneJust say that you’ll be okayMy final goodbye, I will say
I couldn’t stop the burning sensation behind my eyes as I continued to wait in the long line. How could he do that from halfway around the world? All the months I had spent trying to make my memories fade had been ruined by a single song.
Tell me you miss me,And I’ll never say goodbye again.
I couldn’t take it any longer. Tears started to stream from my eyes as I ran from the café, not even caring that my turn was next. In four minutes, he had managed to break down all the walls I had built around my heart.
It was frantically pounding, shattering any distance I had sought to put between us.
I ran through the streets of Amsterdam, all too aware of the memories they drew forth. It was silly of me to ever think that living in a city we had shared such powerful memories could be safe. I was only setting myself up for failure.
Storming through the doors of Onbekend, I searched in earnest for where I had last seen my painting.
“Freya?” came Aleida’s startled voice. She was just coming out of her and her husband’s office when I sped past her. I came to a stop in front of the wall my painting had once been hung on.
“Where is it?” I demanded, feeling my panic rise. I ignored the dried tears on my face, not even attempting to rein in my hysteria. “Where has it gone?”
“It has been shipped this morning,” she answered in her gentle Dutch accent. The two had always been so nice since they found me, but I guess they were accustomed to temperamental artists.
“I want it back,” I demanded, I didn’t know why, but I needed to have that painting returned. Whether to keep my emotions in it private or to destroy it, I wasn’t sure.
“You…we can’t get it back,” she frowned, seemingly lost for words.
“No, I need it back. Where did you send it?” I ordered, turning on her with what I assumed were wild eyes.
“Freya, I cannot tell you that. Our buyers have a right to anonymity.”
“But I need it,” I said desperately, feeling my small measure of control start to slip as my eyes began to burn again.
“I’m sorry, Freya, but there is nothing I can do,” she answered sadly, and I felt defeat rush from my lungs at the thought of my art out there on someone else’s wall. They wouldn’t understand. I barely understood. All I knew was that Liam’s song had shaken me. It had left me raw and broken like I had been all those months ago when I left New York in search of a new home. For a time, I thought I had found one here.
Absently, I nodded at the startled gallery owner before I moved numbly back onto the streets.
I breathed the air in deeply, trying to ground myself, but my thoughts kept me prisoner.
For the longest time, I had been able to convince myself that I was moving forward. That the life I had created here was what I wanted. That the life I had made without him was what I needed, but it seemed I had only managed to build on my delusions.
His voice had shattered through my illusions and reminded me, not for the first time, that no matter how I tried to forget him, he would always be there. My heart would always plunge when I thought of him. Each time I thought I caught a glimpse of him on the streets, no matter how irrational it was, it would leap in hope before it fell from my chest when I realized it wasn’t him. It would never be him.
* * *
After aimlessly walking the street for hours, I finally returned to my apartment building when the summer sun began to set. Walking up the narrow stairs to my second-floor studio apartment, my neighbor’s apartment door across the hall opened to reveal my haggard neighbor.
“Freya, please I need someone to look after Alex. They call me at work, but his father is no coming,” Anna finished bitterly. Since moving in here, I had been her go-to babysitter when her no-good ex failed to show u
p to look after their one-year-old boy. She was already tying her work apron on and handing me her beautiful boy without me even agreeing. I suppose it would be a good distraction after the day I had.
“Thank you, Freya,” she shouted over her shoulder before she disappeared down the creaking staircase.
“Hey, Alex,” I smiled, bewildered by the whole experience. I looked down at the giggling guy as he reached up to grab my hair. "How about we get you something to eat?” I laughed, trying to get his hands away from my hair. I had no desire to be bald in the near future.
He giggled loudly as we made our way into the apartment, closing and locking the door behind me.
* * *
Alex and I were sprawled out on the floor watching some rubbish children’s program when there was a series of knocks coming from the hallway. I knew it wasn’t this apartment, which could only mean that someone was knocking on my door. Which was strange enough considering there were very few people who knew where I lived, and none of them ever came to visit me.
I was still contemplating who might be at my door when there was a much louder knock on the apartment door. Frowning, I ignored it, but they knocked again.
Leaving Alex to play with his wooden train, I made my way to the door, not too eager to see who was on the other side. Maybe it was Alex’s father. I hadn’t seen him too many times before, and I didn’t really want to have this as the first time I met him.
Reluctantly, I slid the lock out of place and opened the door slowly. Only to feel my jaw drop through the floor.
This couldn’t be real. I must have snapped. That song really had sent me for a loop because now I was imaging that he was here, in front of me, in person.
“Hey,” he finally said, trying to break the silence, but I was too shocked to speak. I was too shocked to do anything but stare at him.
“I’ve missed you, Freya,” he said. All I could do was look at him. He looked good, really good. He looked even better than when I had seen him last, if that was even possible. His hair and his eyes were as golden as ever, and he looked as if he had put on some weight, filled out some of the places he had been growing thin.
“Liam,” I finally spoke, my voice barely above a whisper. A small smile spread across his face and I felt my heart melt. Despite all the months and the distance I had put between us, my heart was still vulnerable to his charms. My heart unequivocally belonged to him. I was a fool to believe it wouldn’t.
I was about to speak again and tell him I missed him too when I heard a familiar giggle. I looked down to find a curious Alex crawling for Liam.
“Hang on there, little guy,” I laughed, reaching down to grab him. His bright green eyes were locked on Liam and his arms reached for him as he squirmed in my hold.
I looked up at Liam again to see a tortured look on his face before suddenly, he spun on his heel and raced down the stairs.
“Liam?” I called, panic settling on my lungs as I watched his retreating back. “Liam, wait.” But he didn’t wait. He continued down the stairs until I heard the sound of the apartment building close.
Gathering my senses, I shifted Alex on my hip and ran down the stairs after him. I burst out onto the street with a giddy Alex in my arms as I glanced either way in search of him. However, no matter which way I looked, I couldn’t find him.
It was as if he had vanished into thin air. As if he might never have been here at all. It was like all the times before when I thought I had seen him only to be mistaken. The loss hit me like an impossibly heavy weight on my chest. Where moments before I had been flying high among the clouds, now I had come back down to earth. Reality was quick to smother my dreams until all I was left with was a broken heart. Where had he gone? Why had he run?
Chapter 48: Mistakes Made
Liam
We made a kid. How was it possible that we had made a kid? I mean I’d never really thought about children before I met Freya. Even after, I was always so wrapped up in myself that children were never at the forefront of my mind.
Then I saw her with a child. Our child. He had green eyes just like hers and the tufts of hair that looked blond like mine. My first instinct was to run, and that was what had led me here.
I had been walking up and down the same street for the past half an hour. Some people had started to take notice of me. One woman tucked her children under her arm and crossed the street while she shot me a wary look.
I had been working toward seeing Freya for months now. I had done everything in my power to put the man I once was behind me. In doing so, I had realized just what I had been missing out on all along. The truth was, I had been secluding myself from everyone who had ever cared for me, even my mother and my sister’s memory.
At first, when Freya left, I thought I could carry on. I thought by reminding myself that our separation was only temporary, I could hold it together. If there was hope that I might find her again, then the days in between might be more bearable. At least, that’s what I told myself on the car ride home.
Then I got back to my apartment, and everything seemed to fall apart. I sat on the floor in front of the white wall as every mistake in my life tried to fill the emptiness. Each memory and every wrong choice were projected onto the plain white wall that Freya had left behind.
Losing Freya had broken the walls that held my memories at bay, and everything inside of me was finally given license to escape after years of being trapped inside. I had been walking around with the biggest chip on my shoulder. I was blind to anyone who wanted to help me move forward. It was almost as if by trying to escape and shield myself from my past, I had instead remained trapped by it.
When Ant had come to find me the next day, I hadn’t moved. I had no reason to move. Everything I had needed was on a plane to an unknown destination without me by her side.
In the end, he threw a bucket of ice-cold water at me to wake me from my trance. Even then, I was reluctant to do anything more than wallow in my regrets and past mistakes. Where I had once had light in my life, in Freya’s absence all that remained was darkness.
Yet, despite my numbness, I continued my tour. I used it to try and distract myself from the pain. This ultimately resulted in my stumbling around L.A. at six in the morning after a rough night. Facing the photos of my sorry self the next day and knowing Freya would more than likely see them, I knew I needed to stop. I needed a break from my life.
I fired Wyatt when he tried to set me up with some groupies after the show. That, and the song he released without my permission. He wanted me to forget the girl who had changed everything. He didn’t want me to change.
I had finally acknowledged what had been glaringly obvious to everyone else in my life. Wyatt was a leech, draining me of my money and my life. He wanted to keep me exactly as I was to ensure his own financial security. He was just another choice I had made that pushed Freya away.
After he was gone and my tour was over, I was free to think. I spent hours alone in my apartment, glaring at that wall. Hating that wall with everything I had. I hated everything it stood for and all the memories it forced me to face, none as troublesome as the memory of the family I once hand.
I had never been to my mother’s grave after the day she was buried. Nor did I visit my sister’s once my mother was no longer there to take me.
When I was at my lowest, I found the strength to face my demons. With the help of Ant and a qualified psychologist, I decided that it was time I remembered my past rather than trying to pretend that it didn’t exist. I wanted to stop trying to pretend that my mother and my sister no longer mattered because the truth was, they would always matter.
Ant stayed with me the entire time. Even when I cried for the family I had lost and for how I had acted in their absence. They would have been disappointed in the man I had become. I was disappointed in who I had become.
Now, on top of everything, I had a child. I didn’t know how to take care of a child. Would Freya even let me be a
part of the child’s life? Did I want to be a part of this child’s life?
I had come hoping to convince Freya that we could work because I knew I couldn’t spend another day without her. I needed her more than I had ever needed music, and I wanted her to see that. Seeing our child in her arms had thrown me off. I hadn’t expected it, but now, with the time to think, I realized that it didn’t matter. I wanted them both. If that was my child, I wanted it to know me. I didn’t want to be an absent father.
I glanced down the street, finding the store I was looking for and marching in its direction. I had already missed enough of this child’s life and spent far too much time away from his mother. If she would have me, I was never going to let her go again. I couldn’t lose her for a second time.
* * *
With a resolve I had never possessed before, I marched up the rickety old stairs to Freya’s apartment. I cringed with every squeak, hating that she lived in such a place. If all went well, she wouldn’t be anymore.
I would live wherever she wanted. I’d buy her anything she wanted if I thought it would make her stay, but I knew it wouldn’t. My money had never tempted Freya, all she had ever wanted was something I had been unable to give her until now. I just wanted her to be happy.
I knocked firmly on her door and waited for her to answer. I heard footsteps behind me, but as soon as they reached the landing, they stopped.
“Liam?” I spun quickly at the sound of her voice, disorientated by her sudden appearance. At the same moment, the door to the apartment opened and I looked back at it in confusion. The woman looked at me curiously. She was wearing a uniform and holding my boy in her arms.
She started to speak in a foreign language, but all I could look at was the boy in her arms. Looking at him, I felt despair settle heavily in my chest. I felt nothing, not even a flicker of recognition. This child felt like any other child off the street, and no amount of convincing in my mind could make him feel any more connected with me. Maybe I just needed to spend some time with him. Maybe if I held him.
