I knew my excitement and joy from the night before would prevent me from going back to sleep so I didn’t bother trying. Instead, I leaned over and grabbed my phone from the nightstand, even slightly more elated to see a new e-mail from Robbie.
Addie,
I got approval for leave for July 27 to August 7th. You taking summer classes?
Dad says you’re dating somebody??? Do I have to kick some asses and take some names??? If you’re serious about this guy you better bring him over. Dad keeps probing me for information and its driving me freaking crazy. Let the Old Man in on the essentials at least. He’s also talking about going to the beach? I think you need to remind him that I’ve had nothing but sand for the last 6 months.
Either way I’m probably going to kick this mystery guy’s ass.
Hope school’s going good.
Robbie
I knew I’d get this e-mail eventually. I was just hoping it would come much, much later. How could I express how much I cared for Charlie without sounding half-crazy? Though Robbie took my side with important stuff, I was sure he had never been in love before so I couldn’t give him an experience to compare. Perhaps it was self-centered, but I wanted Charlie and I to be able to share our relationship with other people I loved. If they knew how far he had come, wouldn’t they care about him as much as I did?
Dad,
Stop hounding Robbie—I never tell him anything anyway.
My boyfriend is a good guy. Promise. If you promise not to freak out about it, I’d like to bring him home over the summer. Let me know what you think.
Lots of Love,
Addie
That seemed simple enough. If I started now, then maybe by the time summer came around Dad would be open-minded about Charlie. I would just have to take elaborate measures when they met in person to prevent any freaking out.
Yes, I decided, this would work. I would ease Dad into this just like I had eased him into the idea of me going to school in California. If I could shift my words to make Dad feel like being with Charlie was his idea, then maybe it could work. It had worked with coming to California…I would make this a gradual process; tell him a little bit more about Charlie in each e-mail. If I could do that successfully, then he would feel like he knew Charlie better. Hopefully, by May when the semester ended, I could have Dad feeling confident.
Dear Addie,
I’ve been stuck with lecture duty (I guess all the new agents get stuck with it at some point). A colleague of mine and I are doing a lecture series in a couple of cities out West., I doubt we’ll be at SSU but at the Stanford campus for sure. That isn’t too far from you. Maybe we could meet up somewhere and get a bite? I’d like to see you, but if you’re too busy, I understand.
Talk to you soon,
Adam
A shiver started in my toes from the unspoken fear. Adam would be right here, within an hour of me and then only another hour from Charlie? Did he know? Had I given something away?
I re-read every e-mail sent between us, searching for some sign that I had given myself away, but found none. Where had I messed up? Or did he not know anything at all and I was just being paranoid?
Adam,
Everything is sort of crazy right now, but if my schedule allows it, I’d love to meet up. I hope everything is going well on your end, and you aren’t working too hard.
Addie.
I decided that a friendly course of action was the best course of action. If he knew or even just suspected something, then agitating him wouldn’t do any good. If he didn’t know anything, then keeping a friendly relationship could only be good by maintaining a gracious face.
Charlie was distant when he came back from strategizing with the guys in the garage, but I disregarded it as the end of dealing with Reid and Polo combined with a lack of sleep (that part I was responsible for). So I indulged his temperament and layered him with kisses and compliments, hoping that by the time I went back to school Sunday afternoon, it would wear off.
I picked a piece of lint off of his shirt. It was red flannel, and tight around the muscles of his arms. The same arms that I had missed the night before while he avoided me. At different intervals when I woke up, I’d see him standing over me, watching me try to sleep.
He dropped me off at the bus stop when I refused to let him drive me to campus. I told him it was because of Melinda, but in reality I didn’t want to risk him even going near campus. With Adam coming in just a few days, I had to keep them as separate as possible.
“Are you okay?”
He nodded, hitting his forehead against mine. “Remember what I said the other day?”
“That you love me?”
I got a smile, at least a little one. “Other than that?”
“I’m on a need to know basis?”
“Yeah.”
I sighed; there wasn’t much of a compromise here. “If it affects you, then it is need to know.”
He kissed me, trying to wrangle me in with a touch of his lips.
“You’re such a jerk.”
“I know…but ya gotta trust me.” He frowned as he said that last part, his sadness tugging me in more than I could have imagined. It made me feel wretched for confiding in Melinda the other day, for thinking even for an instant that I could be annoyed with Charlie in any way. Yes, I didn’t care very much for some of his more intense methods of affection, but I had to remind myself that after nearly a decade in prison, he was almost as socially stunted as I was. We would have to learn together.
“You want me to trust you, but trust is a two-way street. You can’t get without giving.”
“Hmm? And here I thought I was pretty good ‘bout giving.”
My skin became flames. “Hey—that, you—”
He laughed into my hair. “Seriously though, I don’t want ya worrying. College is supposed to be fun, ain’t it?”
I shrugged. “That’s what I hear.”
“That’s my point.” He sighed. “You should have better things.” He mumbled. “Everything you want.”
I pulled him as close as I could manage while still breathing. “Do you know I love you?”
“Yeah,” He smiled, but only a little. “I know.”
Melinda regaled me with her usual end of the weekend gossip when I got back to campus, swooning and sweating from the gym in an attempt to work off her hangover. I listened with half-interest, waiting for the questions that were bound to come, still grateful that she had taken to being my friend and of her protectiveness when she thought I might be in trouble. But when I thanked her, she only shrugged and went to doing jumping jacks.
“Hey, us girls have to stick together. Creepers are all over the place.”
I had the distinct feeling that with her words she was trying to share something more than just friendly advice, maybe a personal experience laid in there somewhere, but I didn’t push the issue, thinking that if she wanted to share it with me, she would.
“I was getting some bad vibes from that guy who was here the other day, by the way. And when you left without any of your books, I started to think something bad went down.”
“Reid is okay.” Was he really, though? He had stayed away from the house the rest of the weekend, his anger parallel to Charlie’s, only I didn’t know how much of it I’d be able to handle or control.
“Reid?” She scoffed. “What kind of name is that?”
“That’s, ah—never mind.”
“And what’s with the missing fingers? Is he military like your brother?”
“No, but…trust me when I tell you he isn’t a good idea, okay?”
She laughed. “Oh, I figured that out. Too bad he’s such an ass; otherwise he’d have some potential.”
I sighed and went back to my ethics paper. Watching her bounce around like that was making me motion sick. “Can we change the subject?”
“Sure.” She abruptly stopped jumping and went to push-ups, and not the girly kind, but the kind that did remind me of Robbie, and intimidated m
e.
“We could talk about your mystery boyfriend…”
“What?” I wasn’t shocked or anything, more surprised by her willingness to bring up something she couldn’t have possibly known for sure. For an instant I craved her confidence, but too easily imagined the kind of trouble it got a girl like her into.
“Come on.” She giggled. “You have to tell me…it’s like roommate code.”
“What makes you think I have a…boyfriend?”
Her eyes rolled and she fell over to do crunches. “It’s written all over your face. You can’t be an actress without being able to recognize love on someone’s face.”
“I’m that obvious?” I sighed.
She nodded. “Yep. So spill. I’ve been very patient; am I ever going to at least meet the guy?”
“No,” I stressed. “He’s busy with work—”
“He doesn’t go here?” She sighed again. “I figured that. What does he do?”
I searched my head for a lie, Dad would probably want to know this too when the next e-mail came. I had to think of something quick, something tangible.
“He’s—ah, in logistics.”
She almost laughed. “That sounds convincing. What is he, like a prostitute or something?”
“No, Melinda.” I put my Philosophy and Law textbook on top of my head to clear the vision of the past weekend out of my head.
She laughed hysterically. “Well, what then? You don’t even have a picture of the guy! I’m beginning to think you made him up.”
I sighed. “I’m not that crazy. Not yet, anyway.” I mumbled the last part, though whether she heard me I’m not sure.
“What is it, then?” I could hear the giddiness in her voice; her flare for the theatrical sounding off.
“He and I just have to keep certain aspects of our relationship, um, away, I guess, from certain people in our life—”
“Oh, are you two having an affair?” Melinda’s voice turned up two octaves at the prospect alone.
“Will you shut up?” My attempt to shush her was no use. “It isn’t exactly that…” But affairs were a secret, and Charlie and I were just that.
Dad and Robbie didn’t know about Charlie, while my second family didn’t know Adam and Melinda, my only other sort-of-friends in the world. I was constantly lying about one thing or another to cover the fact that I was with Charlie. What else did that make us but an affair?
“We just can’t tell certain people that we’re together for a while…”
“Why?” Her expression became serious, full of phantom concern and a sisterly expression I wasn’t too familiar with other than on Elise’s face. “Is he like married or something? Have kids? Super old? Eww! Super young?”
“What? No. No. Nothing like that. It’s just that there are a lot of people who wouldn’t approve.”
Her smile came back instantly. “Oh okay. I got you. Well, that’s not a big deal. It’s actually kind of exciting. A Romeo and Juliet kind of thing.”
I choked on my laugh. “Yeah, right.”
“Come on, it’s romantic.”
“No, it isn’t. It’s impractical and annoying.”
Melinda rolled her eyes and began chugging on a water bottle. “You just need to get into the spirit. Why don’t you tag along with me to rehearsal again tonight? Everybody’s been asking about you.” Before she could finish her sentence, I began shaking my head.
“No, thanks. I have a lot of work to do.”
She shrugged. “Suit yourself. Does this mean I have to tell everyone you’re off the market?”
“What everyone?” In truth, I wasn’t even that curious, but that didn’t stop Melinda’s interrogation.
“Yeah, I ran into a couple of the guys from the Frat since the other night, and there were a couple of inquiries.”
“I’m taken.”
“Okay, okay. Enough said. But if you’re not going to let me meet this boyfriend of yours, can I at least have a name to go with the image?”
I chewed on the end of my pen. Giving her Charlie’s name probably wasn’t inherently dangerous, but the long-term prospects of it only threatened to give me a headache. And maybe it was because his visit was a new impending problem in my life, but Adam Harpsten weighed on my mind. I could have picked any name out of a million names, but for whatever reason, it was his I said out loud.
“Adam,” I said. “My boyfriend’s name is Adam.”
The coffee shop was only a couple of miles away from campus. I had never been there before, but Melinda recommended it to me, saying the French vanilla lattes were something to die for. So when Adam called me and asked what I was doing that afternoon, I told him I would meet him there, using the need for coffee as the excuse and hoping that the walk might soothe my nerves.
It was already late in the day when I walked in, so those out there who needed their mid-day fix were long gone. I was ten minutes early, but I wanted to practice what I was going to say in my head, imagining the different conversation topics and how to avoid them if it came down to it, not to mention the exit routes if it became absolutely necessary.
I ordered a drink quietly and picked a table close to the door, but not too close. Unfortunately, there were no seats left by the windows so I couldn’t look to see him coming or not…to watch for surrounding police vehicles.
I burnt my tongue on the coffee, swearing out loud and dribbling a few drops on my shirt.
“Fantastic.” I grabbed a napkin and started to dab to prevent the stain.
“I hear caffeine is very fashionable this year.”
His voice came up beside me, stealthy, but not what I expected. Maybe he learned how to sneak-up on people at Quantico. I added it to my conversation topics to discuss for later.
“Oh…” I blushed at what I imagined was an embarrassing sight. “Hi.”
Adam offered me another napkin, and though I took it, I was slightly more focused on his blue pinstriped tie and gray suit. He looked a little different from the last time I saw him, his hair parted in the center, though longer on the sides, leaning just a little on his earlobes. He smiled and looked happy to me, something that I’ll admit was nice to see on someone for a change.
“Can you believe how clumsy I am? I’m surprised I’ve been alive this long.”
“It’s nothing short of amazing.”
We laughed.
“So you look really good. College life agrees with you.”
I gave up on my shirt and sipped at my coffee instead. “Sure.”
“I mean it.” He put down his computer bag and sat across from me, which was fine until he took another napkin and start dabbing at a spot on my sleeve. This too would have been fine, except his palm rested a lot longer than it had to on the crook of my elbow. I pulled away, unsure of how to handle myself.
“You, ah—look okay, too.” What was I supposed to say? On one hand I didn’t want to be a flirt, but I didn’t want to be completely rude, either.
Luckily, however, he intercepted the uncomfortable idea of flirtation with an announcement of his own. “Thanks. My girlfriend has me eating nothing but organic. I guess that helps.”
“A girlfriend?” I smiled and then immediately winced. “Congratulations. But—”
“Healthy food, I know.”
“My condolences.”
“I might be living out of a food-truck while I’m in the area.”
I laughed harder. “I won’t tell if you don’t. So, how’s my Dad?”
“He’s good.” Adam nodded. “Says ‘hi.’ Wants a full report on how you look, your health, all that stuff.”
“Typical Dad.”
Adam ordered a coffee and we split a brownie. We talked about professors who couldn’t speak English very well and overzealous Criminology students with their questions about the Bureau.
“Yeah, right,” I joked. “I bet you loved it.”
“I may have loved it a little bit.”
“I knew it.”
“I knew you knew it.”
We laughed again.
“For all their eagerness, I think a lot of these kids just want a job with a gun.”
“Makes sense.” I nodded. “I’m sure more people would rather be James Bond than Q.
Adam shook his head. “It seems like kids miss the entire point of ‘serve and protect.’”
I only shrugged in reply.
“Speaking of things missing—”
“Oh boy, here it comes.”
“How are you doing, really?” He brushed the crumbs from the table.
“I should have known you were going to ask.”
“Your Dad is worried about you. I’ll admit, statically speaking, you’re a bit of an abnormality. You’ve never reported having nightmares, flashbacks…and now you’re so close—”
“I’m fine, okay? I really am.” I laughed through a mouth of foam. “Do I have to take a lie detector test or something to prove it to you guys?” I faltered at the suggestion. A lie detector would be terrible. Not only would it prove I was lying about being ‘fine,’ but it could prove I knew more than I was saying.
“Okay, take it easy, Killer.”
I flinched at the inadvertent nickname. It was so close to Charlie’s nickname for me, so close to the way he would react in that situation, I couldn’t help but hate it. Panic came over me instantaneously, making the coffee shop smaller and the bile rise in my throat. I suddenly wasn’t so sure why Agent Harpsten had wanted to meet with me, but I did know that I had to get out of there.
“Addie? Are you okay? Is it something I said?”
“Uh, yeah, sorry. Just—um, realized the time that’s all. Is it four already? I told my roommate I’d hang out with her at her play rehearsal tonight.”
“That sounds neat. What are they performing?”
“Uh, Othello. I’ve got to run.” I rushed to toss my coffee cup and secure the straps of my backpack, but I think the fear on my face might have been evident. I couldn’t wash it away, no matter how hard I tried to channel my thoughts of Charlie. Adam was instantly suspicious of my movements. “Uh all right—will you—?”
Conviction (Wated Series Book 2) Page 11
