He sobbed. “Open your eyes, okay?”
I wanted to open my eyes for him. I did, I really did. All the same, I had been in the nothingness for too long. Instinctively, I knew it. In the same way that I tried to claw my way out now, was the same way that I tried to claw myself out of the water, only this time it wasn’t temporary, but permanent. An element that I had no choice but to commit to.
So the nothingness wasn’t so empty, so nothing while I listened to him cry for me, the not-so-silent mourning.
“You promised…”
I did, didn’t I? I had sworn to be his no matter what, and we had just been as close to an earthly hell together as two people could go. Was I really going to let death stop us from being together? I pushed a little harder to get to him.
What if I couldn’t get out and Charlie tried to hurt himself again?
I shoved towards him even more.
What if Dad and Robbie blamed Charlie?
I crawled my way through the hurt.
It was hard to be aware of any one thing in particular. The gravel sand was scratching my lower back and hands. I was soaked by more than just the lake water, the warm blood on my face, the tears on my cheeks, though they were not my own. Pain was fresh in many places though I couldn’t identify anywhere specific. The sounds were different though, and became clearer by the second: Elise crying in the distance, an engine, metal hitting metal, Charlie…
“Just come back to me,” he begged.
My eyes opened to a starry night. It was strangely calm. Charlie held me cradled in his arms as he cried softly into my neck, his fingers twisted up in my hair. I put my hand out for him but my brain wasn’t working with the rest of me, so I had to try again.
“Just come back. Come back. Come back…”
I finally got my hand to him, but he startled, almost flinched away like had experienced the surprise of a lifetime.
Instinctively, I rolled to my side, coughing up half the lake and taking in desperate breaths that made the pain pulse in my torso and vibrate in my lungs. My nose and mouth begged for more air than there seemed to be available. My head fell back into Charlie’s arms and I struggled to keep my eyes open with a new exhaustion.
“Addie?”
“Hi.”
My throat burned with the sounds but I felt validated saying them anyway.
He cradled me closer. I could smell sweat, blood, and the sand. “You came back.”
I coughed again. “Of course.”
He laughed and pulled me to him. I wanted to return the affection, but sleep called for me instead.
When you wake up from a long sleep, your body is detached from the rest of you. When I woke up, my foot was asleep and the taste of lake water was still in my mouth. Funny, I thought, considering how thirsty I was, how badly my chest hurt.
And when I opened my eyes, I couldn’t be sure they were really open because I still saw the same dark that was inside my eyelids, felt the same achiness. Luckily, as everything did start to reconnect, I became aware of the arms around me, the familiar warmth I missed.
Everything rushed back to me in a haze and I immediately tried to look over my shoulder at Charlie, but my neck was stinging like a fresh burn and I winced, turning back to my original position. If Elise and Tyler weren’t okay, there was no way Charlie would be sleeping so soundly, right? His snore wouldn’t be so hypnotic if the guys were hurt, would it?
I loosened my grip around Charlie’s wrist, not having known when it happened, but realizing his cast was no longer there. I rotated the rest of myself in his arms, trying not to wake him up.
It was too dark to make out anything beyond Charlie, so there was a lack of awareness about where we were exactly, but we were only separated by spare articles of clothing, and even that seemed like too much. I squirmed my arm from his hold and put my hand to my lip. There was swelling and a scab there, which explained the tenderness. My head hurt but that wasn’t so bad. My nostrils felt swollen and I tasted blood, partially explaining why breathing through my nose hurt the most. And though I did my best to hold it back, I coughed violently gagging back on my dry throat.
“Addie.” He moved away to give me some air. “Are you okay?”
I inhaled, coughed some more. I tried to will the coughing away, only to end up gagging some more.
“I was hopin’ you were done with that by now.”
“Tyler?”
“He’s okay, everybody’s okay.”
I tried to drink water but something about the idea of it made me queasy, so I tried shutting my eyes again instead.
“H-how long was I out?”
“Almost fifteen hours now.”
I almost spat the water back out like a bad movie take. I knew I had slept, but I didn’t think it had been for nearly that long. “W-what?”
Charlie chuckled in the dark, pulling away from me again and reached out in the dark for something my eyes hadn’t adjusted to. I blinked against the light that erupted in the cabin, taking the massive black away. I recognized the bed, as small as it was, the four walls that lacked a window. “Take it easy, Vicious. You’re all right.”
He backed off the bed entirely, giving me that much more space, but it only made the light blind me that much more. “You are all right, right?”
I shook my hair out of my face, but that only hurt my neck again, and I could remember being grabbed like a bad dog, held, and dunked under.
“Charlie, what…?”
“Maybe you should lay back down, Vicious.”
“But are you okay?”
His laugh was warm, soft in my ear. “Am I okay? Am I…” I felt him shake his head against my shoulder. “You gotta be the craziest person on this ship.”
“S-so we are where I think we are?”
He smiled at me softly. “Right in the heart of hell.”
I woke up again not long after that, not long after to light and laughter, some closer than others. Tyler’s laughter sounded strange on the ship, a high-pitched giggle echoing from pipes and hollow metal. Automatically, I reached for Charlie, feeling my stiff back and neck but more alarmed that he wasn’t next to me or even in the cabin. I didn’t panic, though. His smell was fresh on the blanket around me, a dark brown hair on the pillow we shared.
I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and stretched, tuning in to the giggling.
“Hey! Hey! Get back here!”
A second later, the pitter-pattering of little feet followed.
“Keep it down,” Yuri whispered. “The girls are still out for the count.”
I sat up as I smiled; listening to what I thought was the sound of a newspaper against someone’s head and stomping boots. Though I was certain this was Charlie’s cabin, with the lead pencil stain against the walls and the broken sliding closet door, there was a sort of army chest there now, replacing the plastic crate that once held his things. I slipped off the bed, losing my balance but regaining it quickly, eager to take a peek inside. There were a few items of clothing that I recognized, a newish laptop, some sketchbooks…more interesting than that were the things that obviously weren’t Charlie’s, some random pieces of newly bought women’s clothing, tags still attached and in French. I cursed Elise and picked up something before quietly making my way from the cabin to the showers. And though I struggled slightly, I did my best to ignore my bruised knee.
I showered and dressed quickly. And though I wanted to pull my hair up, I thought the bruises on the back of my neck might upset Charlie so I skipped it. In truth, they somewhat upset me, deep, dark finger marks that would probably stick with me for days. I got over it quickly however, thinking, better me than Tyler.
My sneakers were mostly dry, but had that stink that comes from wading in natural bodies of water where humans shouldn’t necessarily tread. Regardless, I figured without a better alternative they’d have to do. I checked them for leeches and forced them on, curious but not brave enough to ask where my socks had gotten to. And other than my occasional swearing a
nd the sound of seagulls laughing from somewhere above, it was quiet, much quieter than my last visit here.
I cautiously began walking down the hall towards the galley. If anyone would be anywhere, it would be there. Almost immediately there was the stand-still of time that I had felt when last on the Diyu, the sense that day and night were one and the same, making your senses that much more useless. Maybe it wasn’t so creepy when you got used to it, but what happened when you had to return to real time? When you had to go back to places separated by light and dark?
From the galley window I could see Yuri and Ben Walden discussing something serious over empty plates. Tyler was wearing an oversized lifejacket and chewing on its strings, pulling on Ben’s leg. I heard Polo shout as I walked in.
“Ty want some noodles?”
“Oodles!”
“OODLES!”
I raised my hand and stood in the doorway. “I’d like some oodles.”
“Hi!” Tyler shouted.
I awkwardly shuffled to the stove while everyone looked up at me, disappointed that none of those eyes belonged to Charlie.
“Hey, Addie!”
“Um, hey, Polo.” I gave a little wave to Ben and Yuri, expecting the same greeting, and feeling strange that instead they both got up, smiling, enthusiastic even.
“Well, well, looks like the freaking hero is alive and well,” Yuri said.
Tyler ran past all of them and straight into my legs, his lifejacket acting as a propelling device that knocked him straight on his bottom. We all looked down simultaneously but he just giggled louder and pushed himself back up to do it again.
Elise picked him up and swore as she walked into the room. She must have been right behind me. “You have to stop hanging out with this one.” Her thumb pointed at Polo and I became the center of attention again.
“Addie, are you all right?” Ben seemed genuinely concerned with the way he leaned against the counter. Frankly, it wasn’t a comfort, just weird. It would have been more normal if he were making veiled threats against my life. “The doctor in Churchill said after near-drownings, people occasionally lose consciousness—”
“Churchill?”
“Canada,” Yuri added. “We only left port there an hour ago.”
I nodded.
“Addie? Addie? Hey, Addie? You want some spaghetti? I made some spaghetti.”
“Don’t feed her that garbage.” Yuri put down Tyler and started shooting his hand away from the pot he was scraping noodles from. “Big baddie heroes get real food.”
“Huh?”
I watched Yuri jump the counter while Polo tried to grab at him, Yuri dodged him and leaped, going for something else entirely and disappearing to the pantry, Polo inches behind.
“Kids.” Ben laughed.
“Yeah.” I giggled nervously. “Kids…”
Fixing his posture, Ben Walden put his hands in his pockets. His smile never faltered. “Speaking of kids…”
We glanced at Tyler, who ran around one of the tables, giggling and clapping.
“We owe you—”
I was never good with compliments, favors, accepting gratitude that didn’t come with a tip. I couldn’t see myself getting any more gracious with these things as I continued to age, either. And though maybe I had done something good, I didn’t really see it that way. After all, what was I supposed to have done, leave some kid out there by himself, defenseless? I loved Tyler, and even if I didn’t, there weren’t a whole lot of options.
“Don’t. Okay? Considering everything you did for Charlie—we’re even, okay?”
He nodded, rubbed the end of his chin. “I suspected there was a good reason to keep you around.”
I attempted to scrape some pasta from the bottom of the pot. As hungry as I was, even the burnt noodles didn’t appeal to me. I just wanted something to do, to keep my hands busy while I said what I needed to say.
“Right, ah, about that—what do you say to a truce on the whole ‘you trying to kill me’ thing?”
Ben Walden smiled and looked at me. “Most definitely.” He sighed, though I barely heard him over Yuri and Polo ramming back into the galley.
I smiled. “I’m beginning to think all you guys do is fight.”
“Only when it’s important,” Ben said
I winced at the use of words, the tone of his voice, to know that I had been deemed important.
I looked around the galley, everyone was there except for Charlie and Reid, though I knew Charlie was all right, and I was somewhat afraid to ask about the latter.
“Is, uh—everyone all right?”
Yuri laughed. “You mean Big Mouth? He’s pouting around here somewhere.”
I sighed unintentionally; I had to admit it was good to know Reid was okay too, no matter what a nuisance he had been.
Elise wandered back from a window where she had been pointing something out to Tyler in an attempt to keep him calm. She handed him off to Ben and stopped me just as I was considering sneaking out of the room.
“Addie?”
“Hey.” I tried to smile but my head still hurt a little and the effort seemed tremendous.
Though she bit her lip, hesitating, she embraced me before she could stop herself. Choking back something between a cry and a laugh, she said, “No matter what Benjamin says, we—I owe you for the rest of my life.”
I tried to push her off me as gently as I could without being too obtrusive, but her grip was surprisingly strong. Vaguely, I considered if the extra estrogen had something to do with it. “No, Elise, really—”
She choked another laugh. “I have my boys because of you and Charlie…” and again she made the laugh-cry sound. “Well, maybe a girl.”
“Okay, sweetheart—” Ben was just as hesitant as I was to pry Elise away. It seemed I wasn’t the only one afraid of her death-grip. “Why don’t we let her have some oxygen, hmm?”
As I escaped I saw Polo trying to sneak a cupcake half to Tyler. Yuri rolled his eyes as he looked back and forth between them and Elise. “Kids everywhere,” he muttered.
“I think we can handle it.” I felt myself smile.
“Speaking of which,” Ben said.
I turned back at the mere mention, my toes tingling at the slightly possibility that Charlie was near. “Where is he?”
Chapter 22
I skipped on the remainder of the spaghetti and Hostess cupcakes, more motivated by the possibility of seeing Charlie, who I heard from different sources was in both Hold A and the Rec Room. Yet I knew he wouldn’t be in either of those places. I knew him well enough to know that walls wouldn’t hold him for very long, especially when he was stressed.
I worked my way up to the Deck, taking my time to re-familiarize myself with the heavy pipes and metal floors so that I didn’t get lost along the way.
I hardly dared to catch my breath as I pushed open the door; the smell of sea-salt was already burning my nose. There were even fewer crew members working out here than the last time, but considering the lack of containers, I reasoned that maybe there wasn’t a lot of work to be done.
My shoes had a good grip so I didn’t slip, and even better were the clouds passing over the mid-day sun, keeping a glare from my eyes. It seemed while I hadn’t exactly come prepared, this would still be a good trip.
“Charlie?”
He didn’t hear me right away, my voice hacked by the wind. So I watched him for a minute as he tried to flex his left knuckles. Though they were now free from the cast, they had perhaps been done so prematurely, because his neck bolted out just slightly as if the motions his hand made gave him a great deal of pain. I winced with him as he stretched his arm out to the water, reaching for something neither of us could see. When he pulled back, he flexed his elbow, his eyes following the pain that seemed to go with it. I tried to move before he saw me, wanted to watch him without being detected, but sure enough I was spotted. And once I was caught in his gaze, there was no escape.
“Hey, you.”
I bi
t my lip. “Hi.”
Charlie smiled and slowly gestured for me to come forward with his hand. Maybe I should have restrained myself, but I was still in the throes of relief, both of us safe, together, nothing else seemed to matter much.
Every step I made, he made one more, meeting me halfway until we were just touching and I could wrap my arms around him without anything between us. And though he hugged me in return, I couldn’t help but notice the slightest hesitation there.
I breathed him in, crushed between his shirt and the muscles of his torso. I wanted to crawl inside him and find out what was making his heart race so badly, what exactly, made him hesitate to embrace me back.
“Charlie? Are you all right?”
“Why didn’t you listen to me?”
I smiled against him. “Because Tyler takes after Ben. Your problem is with him,” I added for good measure, “not with me.”
“You were dead,” he whispered in my ear. “Did you know that?”
I shuddered in his arms, let him pull me closer.
“You were lying on the side of that lake a-and it was just like before.”
“Before?”
His voice hardened, muscles clenched around me. “In the hold.”
I cut him off. “Oh.”
“By then me and the fellas had taken care of most of the Albanians, but nobody knew how long you had been under—”
“Stop, Charlie, don’t do this to yourself.”
“No,” he said fiercely, pulling me away enough to look me in the eye. “You gotta know what you do to me.”
I nodded slowly. I had made him listen, now it was my turn.
“Everybody was talkin’ all at once but all I could think was that I had to get you to breathe, if I never did anything else right for the rest of my life, I had to get you to breathe.”
I leaned my head up against his chest, forbidding the tears that wanted to work their way through. “Charlie.”
“It was forever later…everybody finally shut up, but only for a second.” He paused, breathed into my hair. “Yuri was telling me to stop, and Ben was saying something ‘bout leaving you somewhere to be found ‘cause we had to go.” I felt him shake his head. “I wanted to laugh, Vicious, but I couldn’t, you know? Like I could go anywhere without you. They didn’t get it.” He moved to squeeze me tighter but winced instead. I glanced up at him before looking at his arm again, remembering the cast and lack of motion.
Conviction (Wated Series Book 2) Page 27
