Vanley chuckled. "Want us to go for a walk?"
Davia looked outside. The downpour had turned into a steady drizzle. "Sure. I am going to borrow Grandpa's water boots."
"I have one in the car too," Vanley said. "It will be fun."
They walked along the quiet countryside huddled inside yellow raincoats and splashed in the puddles. There was a chill to the air, but at the same time, it smelled fresh and clean, like the countryside had gotten a good wash from God.
After letting go of his constant thoughts of Anita, that was exactly how it felt to Vanley, as if his mind had gotten a wash. He felt lighter and better. He looked at Davia. She was smiling at him,
"Your grandmother is really cool," Vanley said, "I like her."
Davia nodded and then laughed. "Yeah. I like her too. She has been a really good Mom to me since my parents died."
They walked along in silence and then Vanley stopped. "You know. I was confused for a number of years."
Davia stopped in front of him. "Why?"
"Because at one time I asked God for something. He clearly said no, and I still pursued it. I wanted to hold on to my obsession just a little bit longer."
Vanley stepped closer to Davia. "I have finally given up on that thing, and I think I met you for a reason. When I'm around you, I feel happy. I feel as if I know how it can be."
Davia inhaled. "Are we talking about Anita?"
"No, not anymore," Vanley said. "We are talking about you and me, and new beginnings and letting go of old obsessions."
The raindrops got heavier and Davia swallowed. "Have you really let go?"
Vanley nodded and kissed her gently. "Yes. I have."
*****
Vanley walked up to the president's building on Monday morning. His uncle would be in. He wanted to tell him that he could keep his secret for Anita. He didn't want to hear it anymore. His curiosity had finally been quelled. He wanted to move on, and knowing the secrets and resolving them would mean nothing to him now. He probably should thank his uncle for introducing him to Davia and practically forcing him to see her. He probably would be still hanging around Anita now.
He whistled as he walked and slowed down as he past the statues at the steps of the building. He didn't anticipate seeing Anita as she walked by him.
"Vanley," she said briskly.
"Anita." His heart had taken up that stupid thudding again, which it would probably always do when she was in the vicinity.
She looked good in her power suit. The last time he saw her she had shouted at him and told him to leave her alone. This morning she looked businesslike and he couldn't pinpoint it, but there was an expression in her eyes like a lurking sadness.
"What's wrong?" he blurted out as she took a step ahead of him.
Anita stopped and looked back at him. "Nothing, everything..." She sighed. "I got appointed by the school board to head up the new school in Dominica. I heard this morning."
"Congrats," Vanley said, feeling slightly disappointed. He wouldn't see her again.
Anita shrugged. "I begged for the appointment because I was running away."
"Why?" Vanley asked hoarsely. Why was she being so open with him now?
"You." Anita laughed dryly. "You and my past. Mostly, you."
Vanley pushed his hand deep in his jeans pocket. "I was on my way to tell my uncle that I didn't want to hear about your secret. Now why did you have to mention it again?"
"Ryan was going to tell you my secret?" Anita shook her head. "How come?"
Vanley looked around; there was nobody near them. "We had a deal. I would see Davia for three months and then I would hear your secret after that."
Anita laughed. "So that's why you were dating Davia?"
Vanley shrugged. "That was why I dated her in the first place. After a while, I did it because I genuinely like her. I..." he sighed. "I am over you, Anita. I like Davia, a lot. It is not as intense a feeling as you generated, and it doesn't tie me up in knots like loving you did. I think I prefer this feeling of not having to constantly hold my breath around her like I do around you, of having a person who genuinely loves my company, who I can hang out with without wondering about the million and one things that we don't have in common."
Tears gathered at the side of Anita's eyes and she valiantly tried to bat them away. "That's how it should be for any relationship. I am happy for you." Her voice caught. Then she exhaled and started walking up the steps.
When she was about five steps ahead of Vanley, she looked back at him and inclined her head. "Meet me in my office. I have a secret to tell you."
Vanley couldn't believe his ears. Was Anita going to voluntarily tell him her secret?
She walked toward the doors and Vanley raced up to catch her. He walked beside her rapidly and entered her office space behind her.
She sighed. "I miss Davia sometimes; she would be here by now. My new secretary is terrible when it comes to punctuality." She entered her office and sat around her desk.
Vanley sat before her. He was afraid to speak before she changed her mind.
Anita looked at him contemplatively and then sighed. She drummed her fingers on the desk. "Where should I start? My secret involves the Parks. You met Maud you said?"
"Yes," Vanley nodded vigorously. "I did."
"What did she say about her son Anton Parks?"
"That he had not been in touch with them for years," Vanley said. "She pretty much brushed us off when we tried to delve too deeply."
"The Parks didn't treat Anton with any understanding." Anita murmured. "They couldn't understand him; he was not what they wanted him to be."
"Who is he?" Vanley asked puzzled. "Is he your biological son?"
Anita laughed mirthlessly. "I can't believe that you haven't figured it out yet, Vanley. Anton is me…he was me. The Parks are my parents. I was married to Carol when I was a man. I lived the first twenty-one years of my life as a male."
Vanley opened his mouth and was staring at Anita as if she had two heads. "So what, are you transgender or something?" he finally found the voice to ask.
Anita shook her head. "No. I was born an intersex person. The term used to be hermaphrodite. In my case, I was born with the chromosomes of a woman, the ovaries of a woman, but external genitals that appeared male. Essentially when I was born I appeared male. My father was happy for a son.
Only problem was that I never quite felt right. I never really felt like a boy. I preferred girl things. My parents found out that I was intersex at age eight when I went to have my appendix removed. The doctors came to the startling conclusion that I was really a girl. My parents never told me." Anita shook her head. "They fed me male hormones till I was in my teens, seventeen. I never was attracted to girls. Can you imagine how relieved I was to find out the reason?"
"How awful for you." Vanley croaked. He was looking at Anita and couldn't quite imagine the woman in front of him looking like a man.
Anita shrugged. "When I was seventeen I found out that I could have an operation to set everything right. To reconstruct my... er... genitals."
She coughed uncomfortably. This was the first time in years she was telling anyone about this part of her life, and she was telling it to Vanley, of all the people in the world, but she was certain that Vanley would not tell anyone else.
"If my parents had told me the truth, I probably could have had children but they destroyed my ability to conceive with the male hormones they stuffed me with when I was a teen."
"So why did you wait until twenty one to change your gender?" Vanley asked.
"It's a pretty expensive surgery, and although, as you saw from your visit with the Parks, they are well off, they refused to help. My father wanted his son; my other family members thought I was a freak. I had a small inheritance from my grandparents that was available to me at twenty-one. The very day it became available I did my operation. Unfortunately, I had gotten married to Carol already."
"Why'd you do that?" Vanley was feeling sligh
tly shaken up inside. Anita's secret was really a big one.
"Because she loved me. She thought I was a guy." Anita sighed. "I told her I wasn't really a guy. At the time, I just knew that I didn't want to be male anymore and have to take hormones for the rest of my life. I had to change. I stuck it out for a year but I finally decided to be true to myself. That was when I changed my name, and changed my address..."
Vanley cupped his head in his hand. "Changed your gender, got a divorce. Wow."
"I couldn't marry you because I was already married and divorced. If we ever got married, my history would come up. Telling you would lead to a whole lot of explanations. I didn't want to have to tell you. I didn't want to have to explain who Anton was."
Anita looked at him. "I think you deserve to know the truth, now that you've moved on with Davia, and I guess I would tell the secret so much better than your uncle would."
Vanley sighed. He peeped through his fingers and looked at Anita. "You look so feminine."
Anita smiled sadly. "Why thank you, Vanley. I am female."
"You must have gone through hell growing up." Vanley finally moved his hand from his face.
"I did go through hell," Anita said, "there were days when I just wanted to be comfortable in my own skin but never really felt like I was. My parents didn't help. Either they wanted a boy, or couldn't adjust to having a child that was neither boy nor girl. I have lost family and friends in my past and present." She tacked on softly.
"You don't have to go to Dominica," Vanley said, inhaling and exhaling rapidly. "Your secret is safe with me."
"Thank you." Anita smiled. "But I think I should go. It is a terrific position. I get to be in charge."
"You know, you were basically right. If you had told me this earlier I would have still wanted you, but it would be a bit much for someone so young in the ministry to deal with." Vanley said earnestly, "I would not have gone screaming to the hills though."
"I didn't want you to deal with it," Anita said. "You deserve a family to love, and someone closer in age and experience to yourself. I didn't want to rob you of that."
"And you deserve the same," Vanley said softly. "You deserve someone who can handle your past with stoic indifference and love you for who you are now."
Tears came to Anita's eyes. "I do, don't I?"
"Yes, you do." Vanley reached across the desk and took her hand in his. "Promise me one thing."
"What?" Anita didn't want to blink. The tears were perilously close to the surface. "When you find him, don't alienate him. Don't let your past interfere with your happiness."
Anita nodded. "I promise."
"Good." Vanley released her fingers and got up. "When do you leave?"
"In five weeks." Anita dabbed her eyes dry.
"I wish you all the best life has to offer, Anita." Vanley looked at Anita intently for one last time. It was going to take him a long, long time for him to process that she had been a man, but for now, all he felt was compassion and a curious sadness that she hadn't trusted him with her secret.
When he left her office, he walked past his uncle's. His uncle was standing in the lobby speaking on his phone.
"Vanley," Bancroft waved to him when he spotted him. "We need to talk."
"No," Vanley said, "we don't, not about the secret. However, we might have a conversation about your meddlesome ways anytime you want to."
His uncle looked baffled. "But you were so gung-ho to hear about the secret. What changed?"
"I moved on," Vanley said teasing him.
"How is Davia?" his uncle walked closer to him.
"She will be my guest at your Friday night supper next week."
Bancroft laughed. "Good for you, Vanley Bancroft. Good for you. "
Vanley walked through the door and outside onto campus grounds. He had several things to do today. He past the notice board at the library and noticed a quote on it: "Carpe Diem. Seize the day." That's exactly what he would do.
The End
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Here's a Look at the Next Book in the Series:
Just To See Her
"I can't believe it," Jessica said, walking into the science lab where her best friend Ramon was writing his lab paper.
"What?" Ramon removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "Did someone die? You look like you were crying."
"I am devastated." Jessica slumped on the stool facing Ramon's and tried to blink away the tears. "I am shell-shocked. I can't believe it."
Ramon was quite used to Jessica's melodramatic ways, so he patiently waited to hear what was the latest event in her life.
"I just can't process it," Jessica said, bowing her head and shaking it vigorously. "It's like the end of the world, the end of an era, the end of—"
"Just tell me," Ramon gritted out, "I have to finish this lab report."
"Khaled is retiring from publishing music, and from performing," Jessica said tremulously. "They just announced it on entertainment news. I heard it while eating lunch, and I couldn't swallow another bite of my turkey burger. It's as if a piece of my heart were ripped from my chest and thrown to the floor with all its bloody tissues fluttering and I sat there watching as it slowly stopped beating."
Ramon grinned. Not only was Jessica melodramatic, but she was poetic as well.
"I swear, my life is over!" A tear actually slipped down her cheeks. "I spent three years doing music, hoping that one day I would meet Khaled and write his songs or produce something for him."
"And you dreamt that you could be with him and have his babies," Ramon said grinning. "Boohoo hoo."
He bent back over his lab book and continued writing, not an ounce of sympathy in him for Jessica and her sadness.
"You are supposed to be my best friend," Jessica hiccupped, "I can't stand you."
She looked around the lab. Two guys were in the farthest corner; one of them was looking at her sympathetically. He waved when her eyes met his. The other guy was quickly scribbling in a book. Like Ramon, he looked like he was writing a lab report.
Jessica looked away from the one who was watching her with sympathy in his eyes. She watched his reflection in the glass; he was still staring at her, though she had turned away her head.
She closed her eyes. She couldn't process having a new guy checking her out right now. This must be the worst day of her life to date. Everybody thought that she was a little bit too obsessed with Khaled. Maybe she was, but she loved his music. At times the music seemed soulful and profound. His lyrics spoke to her.
They had been speaking to her from she was fifteen, and now, at twenty-one, her precious Khaled was retiring. It was as if she was losing her other best friend.
There would be no more new Khaled songs, no more reporting on him by the media so that she could keep up with what was going on in his life, and no more fantasies that one day they would meet and she would marry him—as Ramon so snidely pointed out. His retirement meant that she would lose touch, and it devastated her in a way that nobody would understand...
OTHER BOOKS BY BRENDA BARRETT
Mount Faith Series
Saving Face (Mount Faith Series- Book 1) - Mount Faith University drama begins with a dead president and several suspects including the president in waiting Ryan Bancroft.
Tattered Tiara (Mount Faith Series-Book 2)- Micah Bancroft is targeted by femme fatale Deidra Durkheim. There are also several rape cases to be solved.
Private Dancer (Mount Faith Series- Book 3)- Adrian Bancroft was gutted when he returned to Jamaica and found out that his first and only love Cathy Taylor was a stripper and was literally owned by the menacing drug lord, Nanjo Jones.
Goodbye Lonely (Mount Faith Series- Book 4) - Kylie Bancroft was shy and had to resort to going to confidence classes. How could she win the love of Gareth Beecher, her faculty adviser, a man with a jealous ex-wife in his past and a current m
ystery surrounding a hand found in his garden?
Practice Run (Mount Faith Series- Book 5)- Marcus Bancroft had many reasons to avoid Mount Faith but Deidra Durkheim was not one of them. Unfortunately, on one of his visits he was the victim of a deliberate hit and run.
Sense of Rumor (Mount Faith Series- Book 6)- Arnella Bancroft was the wild, passionate Bancroft, the creative loner who didn't mind living dangerously; but when a terrible thing happened to her at her friend Tracy's party, it changed her. She found that courting rumors can be devastating and that only the truth could set her free.
A Younger Man (Mount Faith Series- Book 7)- Pastor Vanley Bancroft loved Anita Parkinson despite their fifteen-year age gap, but Anita had a secret, one that she could not reveal to Vanley. To tell him would change his feelings toward her, or force him to give up the ministry that he loved so much.
The Three Rivers Series
Private Sins (Three Rivers Series-Book 1)- Kelly, the first lady at Three Rivers Church was pregnant for the first elder of her church. Could she keep the secret from her husband and pretend that all was well?
Loving Mr. Wright (Three Rivers Series- Book 2)- Erica saw one last opportunity to ditch her single life when Caleb Wright appeared in her town. He was perfect for her, but what was he hiding?
Unholy Matrimony (Three Rivers Series- Book 3) - Phoebe had a problem, she was poor and unhappy. Her solution to marry a rich man was derailed along the way with her feelings for Charles Black, the poor guy next door.
If It Ain't Broke (Three Rivers Series- Book 4)- Chris Donahue wanted a place in his child's life. Pinky Black just wanted his love. She also wanted him to forget his obsession with Kelly and love her. That shouldn't be so hard? Should it?
Contemporary Romance/Drama
A Younger Man (Mount Faith Series: Book 7) Page 14
