“So I simply need to get Sam to finally talk to me about his past. Piece of cake, right? I’ll just give him an ultimatum. I won’t marry him until he tells me. That should go over wonderfully. Maybe I should have Callie make a hotel reservation for me tonight after he throws me out.”
Paula crossed her arms over her chest. “If you go, I go.”
This wasn’t going to be easy. In fact, it might be impossible. By taking a stand tonight, Riley might bring an end to her relationship with Sam. She was asking a great deal from him, more than he might be able to give.
She could lose it all.
* * *
When Riley and his mother had to be prompted to speak during dinner, Sam knew something was going on. Normally they chatted away and he could barely get a word in edgewise, but tonight he had to ask them questions to get them to talk. The two women were exchanging glances and fidgeting in their chairs as if they couldn’t wait for the meal to be over. They’d ordered in Chinese, and if Sam read his fortune cookie he had a feeling it was going to tell him that his mother and girlfriend were up to no good.
Perhaps they were plotting together to get him to live in Florida after the baby was born. They didn’t need to conspire, however; if that’s where Riley wanted to live then it was fine with him. He wouldn’t be working anyway so he didn’t need to be in Hollywood or New York City.
Sam pushed his plate away and patted his full stomach. It was nice to come home to a house that wasn’t dark and empty. This was something he intended to get used to.
“Do you and Riley have anything planned for tomorrow?”
Another furtive glance. Yep, they were definitely up to something.
“Not much,” Paula finally replied. “I wanted to show Riley some of my favorite places in the city like Serendipity and Radio City Music Hall. She also wants to see the Statue of Liberty, but we have all week to decide. It depends on how she’s feeling tomorrow.”
Riley had been doing so well with her morning sickness, but of course it would hinge on how she was feeling. Thankfully his mother was here now to keep an eye on Riley.
“Are you feeling okay now?”
“I’m fine. We’re just being careful.” He must have looked like he didn’t believe her because she rolled her eyes. “Seriously, it’s all good. The tea and toast in the morning help and then the wristbands and lollipops keep me good through the day. If I even start to feel queasy, I drink some ginger ale and it goes away.”
“Good. That’s good. But now Mom is here to help if you have any issues while I’m working. I’m trying to get the director to push all of my scenes together on the schedule so I can finish early. Then I can be here all the time.”
Those glances again. Sam was getting tired of it. If they had something to say, they should just damn well say it.
“Does anyone want to tell me what’s going on? You two are obviously plotting world domination. Should I be scared?”
Paula dabbed at her lips with a paper napkin. “I think I’m going to take a nice, long, very long bath. I’ll even have my earbuds in so I won’t hear a thing.”
Sam frowned, not sure what his mother had in mind. Obviously she wanted Sam to have some privacy with Riley but this was strange. He wasn’t going to have sex with his girlfriend in the kitchen or living room when his own mother was staying here.
Riley was wringing her hands together, the fingers almost white where she was twisting them. This was not good. A bar of fear began to build in his gut as he watched the woman he loved fret and worry. She clearly wasn’t happy at the moment and he had no idea as to why.
Did she want to leave?
“I think Mom wants us to talk.”
She looked up and he could see the war going on behind her eyes. Whatever it was she wanted to discuss, she was of two minds about it.
“I need you to do something for me,” she finally said, taking a visibly shaky breath. “And you’re not going to like it.”
“There’s isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you, Riley. You have to know that.”
He couldn’t think of one single thing he’d refuse her. He’d walk buck naked over hot coals if that’s what she wanted him to do.
“I need you to tell me about your first marriage.”
Except that. He couldn’t talk about that.
“No.”
The word came out reflexively, no thought required. His whole being rejected the idea, his brain and heart in total mutiny.
Folding her hands, her expression turned sad, her lips drooping downward. “I thought you might say that. Paula offered to tell me the story but I told her I couldn’t go behind your back like that.”
Righteous anger at his mother welled up inside of Sam, making him see red. She had no business blabbing his life story to anyone that asked. It belonged to him and he would decide whom he would tell.
Riley wasn’t just anyone, though. He wanted her to be his wife and that small part of him that was still sane knew it wasn’t unreasonable to want to know about his past before she married him. Hell, for all she knew he’d been a wife beater and cheated on Trish, and she wouldn’t want to marry him if he was like that. He just…couldn’t tell her. If she knew, she might think less of him. She might not marry him.
“I can assure you that I’d be the best husband to you that I possibly can be. I’m ready to devote my entire life to you and the baby.”
Leaning forward, she reached out for one of his hands, her skin chilly when it should have been warm. “That’s what this is about, Sam. I’m not asking you to devote your entire life to me. I’m not asking you to retire from acting. I’m not sure why you’d want to. You love what you do and you enjoy it. You keep talking about watching over me and making sure I’m safe. I’m worried about you. I don’t think it’s healthy to obsess like this. I realize now that I’ve barely been alone since I got to New York. Either you or Callie have been here, and now you’re talking about your mother watching me. It is not necessary to babysit me twenty-four-seven. I’m a grown woman and I can take care of myself.”
She didn’t have a clue as to what could happen. He wasn’t going to enlighten her, instead lobbing the ball back into her court. He could argue and debate with the best of them.
“You know, some women would be overjoyed that I was willing to put my career aside for them. They’d be grateful that I put my family first.”
Her brows shot up and she straightened in her chair, her hand falling away from his. Shit. That might not have been the smartest thing to say.
“You’re right. Some women would be glad to have you hanging around all hours of the day admiring them and bringing them tea and toast. If you want one of those women, I suggest you call one. I’m guessing you have dozens of phone numbers of females just like that. You said you loved me because I was different. Was that a lie? Just a line to get me into bed?”
“No,” he said, jumping up from his chair, anger beginning to build again. “I’ve never used a line on you.”
“Okay, then…you were telling the truth. But you’re lying to me right now, Sam. I can see there’s something you’re not telling me. So let’s get this out of the way so we can move on.”
That sane part of his brain was drowned out by the chorus of voices in his ears telling him to say nothing. Never tell her his shameful past. He had to convince her to drop this now.
“If I tell you, you won’t marry me. We love each other. Isn’t that enough?”
From the look on her face the answer was a resounding no.
“I do love you but that’s only part of the equation. I have to be able to trust you, and that’s something I’ve been burned on in the past. You know that. I’m not trying to make this an ultimatum, but I don’t see how I can move forward with you unless you’re honest with me.” She stood as well, walking to him so she was standing close. He could smell the vanilla scent of her shampoo, and it was all he could do not to sweep her into his arms and kiss her until she forgot all about this crazy subje
ct. Make it so nothing mattered but the way they felt when they were together. “Sam, did you cheat on Trish? It’s okay. You can tell me.”
That’s what everyone assumed. That he’d been unfaithful. He’d never corrected anyone, preferring it to the truth. He opened his mouth to say yes, to admit to a deed he’d never committed but his innate honesty wouldn’t let him tell the lie. It was one thing to stay silent but a whole other thing to blatantly tell an untruth. He couldn’t do it.
Riley was looking up at him, love in her eyes but anguish, too. She wanted his story and he’d gone to great lengths to keep it from her, but he could also see the resolve behind the sadness. She would never marry him if he didn’t tell her the truth. Of course, she probably wouldn’t marry him afterward, either.
Frankly, his mother had already inserted herself into this dilemma, so it was only a matter of time before she spilled the beans to Riley. He was cornered like a wounded animal, no way out.
“I didn’t cheat on Trish. Ever. I swear.”
Blinking a few times, Riley nodded and smiled. “Well…that’s good.”
Scraping his fingers through his hair, he groaned in surrender. The woman he loved looked so hopeful and he was about to knock her rose-colored glasses off. So much for protecting her from the harsh world. He was about to throw her headlong into his dismal past.
“You better sit down. It’s a long story.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
Riley hated herself for putting Sam through what appeared to be some kind of horrible and painful torture. His skin had gone an ashen gray shade and his blue eyes were almost black with emotion. Anger? Fear? Clearly whatever memories he was about to dredge up weren’t pleasant.
She, however, needed to understand why he was acting so strangely. The Sam Collins she’d met a few months ago would never have thought to retire and give up his career just because he was becoming a father. It was a major overreaction and there had to be a logical explanation for it. What if he went even more overboard and decided that the child shouldn’t attend school or play with other kids?
They settled on the couch, her on one end and Sam on the other. He’d sat there on purpose and she didn’t say a word. If he needed a little distance to be able to do this, it was the least she could do.
“I’m listening,” Riley said, folding her hands in her lap and waiting for Sam to gather his thoughts. “And I’ll try not to interrupt. I can see this isn’t easy.”
He didn’t answer, his gaze lost somewhere in the past, a place she couldn’t get to and was no part of. It was hard to simply wait and keep her mouth shut but eventually she was rewarded when he began to speak.
“Trish and I met when we were both struggling actors in Hollywood. We both had a small part in a movie and the first time I saw her we were in wardrobe. I remember thinking that she was beautiful and had great legs. She smiled at me and later I asked her for coffee. That was pretty much it and we were married about a year later. Just a small ceremony at the courthouse but we had a big party afterward for all of our friends. It was a double celebration because I’d just landed a decent role in a pilot for television.”
Pressing her lips together, Riley kept from voicing all the questions whipping around her brain. Sam had been in love with Trish. That alone made Riley curious as to what the woman was like.
“The pilot wasn’t picked up but I was getting pretty steady work. Just small roles but I was working. Trish, on the other hand, hit a dry spell and believe me when I tell you that there is nothing worse as an artist. She had a day job at the cosmetic counter of a department store and she was promoted to manager. That’s when she decided to take a break from acting for a little while. All the rejection was getting to her. Of course, that meant that when I had to travel, she couldn’t go with me anymore. She had to stay for her job.”
A picture of Sam’s marriage was beginning to emerge. An up and coming young actor, running all over the world and a young wife stuck at home in a job she probably hated. It was a recipe for disaster.
Leaning forward, Sam propped his elbows on his knees. “I was a lousy husband. I was hardly ever home and when I was all I concentrated on was the next role. I was trying to make connections in the business, and that meant going to parties and meeting as many people as possible. That town is all about who you know. I encouraged Trish to go back to acting and she did audition for a couple of roles, but when she didn’t get them she decided to quit show business altogether. It was pretty tense that year, although she tried to hide how unhappy she was.”
Riley couldn’t stop herself from commenting. “That wasn’t your fault. You were just chasing your dream.”
He gave her a lopsided smile. “I’m telling this story with the benefit of hindsight. Looking back, I doubt I was truly even aware that she resented it every time I was cast in another production. Or maybe I did realize it but didn’t want to admit it, because then I’d have to deal with it. I wouldn’t say either of us were all that good at communicating. I did know she wasn’t happy but frankly, I didn’t know how to help her, and if she’d asked me to give up acting I wouldn’t have. I wouldn’t have done that to make her happy, Riley. I was too selfish and self-absorbed.”
It would have been far too much to ask of him. Riley loved Sam and there was no way she’d ask him to give up his dreams because it was inconvenient for her. She’d always known that he wouldn’t be a nine-to-five kind of guy, kissing her goodbye in the morning and coming home to dinner in the evening.
“When we’re young and climbing the ladder, we often are,” Riley replied, reaching out and rubbing his hand. “And if she didn’t tell you how she felt…”
“That wasn’t Trish’s way. Mine either, to be honest. I think we both thought that if we just ignored it, it would go away.”
Sam went silent, once again far away and long ago with his thoughts, reliving some drama and misery if the expression on his face was anything to go by.
“I was in Toronto working on a new movie when she called me. She was pregnant, and for the first time in a long time she sounded really happy. She was giggling and laughing and I had my wife back. I could tell that she was thrilled that she was going to have a baby.”
A shock rocketed through Riley’s bones and her fingers curled onto the arm of the couch for support. Sam wasn’t a father to any children.
None that you know of.
This was his secret. He had a family somewhere. Had he been a terrible father and that’s what he didn’t want her to know?
“I was happy, too,” Sam went on, not seeming to notice her surprise. He was lost in the past, his lips a grim line as he told his story. “I truly was. We hadn’t really talked about kids in any concrete way. We were both young but we’d both said that we wanted them…you know…someday. Well, that day had come and it was all good. But I had to finish my commitment to the film in Toronto while she was still in Los Angeles.”
A lightbulb went off over Riley’s head. Sam had been away from Trish when she’d been pregnant. A heaviness settled into her chest and tears pricked the backs of her eyes.
There was a reason she didn’t know about any child. This…This was what drove Sam Collins.
Staring down at the hardwood floor, Sam finally raised his head and she could see unshed tears in his eyes as well. A lump grew in her throat and she had to swallow a few times to be able to breathe. Speaking was out of the question, but Riley ached to reach out and pull him into her arms. Comfort him and take away the pain that was etched in his face.
Oh Sam. I love you so much.
“I guess it was about three weeks later when Trish called me. She’d started bleeding and her friend had taken her to the hospital.”
She waited for the words she knew were coming. Sam wanted to protect Riley for a good reason. It all made sense now.
“She’d lost the baby.”
This time Riley did reach out but Sam shook away her touch and stood, walking over to the front windows to peer out, but she
doubted he was really seeing anything. He was still back there with Trish. With a loss he’d clearly not dealt with.
“Then she just hung up. I tried to call her back but she didn’t answer. I called her best friend but she hung up on me, too. I managed to finish my part in the film and got home a few days later. Trish had moved out. This time I drove to her friend’s house and wouldn’t leave until Trish talked to me.”
Sam’s hands were clenched into fists, his entire body stiff and tense. He was alone, not letting her comfort him, but even from this distance she could see that this had been torturing him for years. Riley’s pregnancy had brought it all up again.
“She was crying and yelling at me that it was all my fault. That if I’d been home she would have got to the hospital in time. She said she’d never forgive me and she never wanted to lay eyes on me ever again after what I’d done, putting my career before our child. Then she said that I never wanted the baby, but that isn’t true, Riley. I did want the baby. I already loved it.”
His words came out choked and the tears he’d tried so hard to keep at bay were sliding down his cheeks. Riley’s body shook and she didn’t care if he pushed her away. She had to be close to him, holding him and protecting him from these memories. He’d carried this albatross around his neck far too long. Time to cut that cord. He hadn’t done anything wrong.
Wrapping her arms around his lean middle, she pressed her cheek into his back. “You didn’t do anything wrong. Trish was upset, understandably so, and she took it out on you. But I bet in a few days or a few weeks, she regretted saying them. I’m not a doctor but I doubt there was anything you could have done, and even if you hadn’t been in Toronto you might not have been home.”
“I could have taken her to the hospital. Made sure she got the best care.”
His tone was resolute and he wasn’t buying what she was selling. He was too invested in the narrative.
Love in the Spotlight (The Hollywood Showmance Chronicles Book 4) Page 21
