by Trish Wylie
How in hell was she going to get through this?
She moved back into the crowd, shaking hands with people, listening to stories about Brookfield and Mattie’s family. And then, halfway between two groups, she caught sight of Kane escorting Lizzie to the dance floor so she slipped back a little to watch.
He bowed, Lizzie giggled and Rhiannon smiled affectionately at them both. They were just so very alike—the two people she loved the most.
She swallowed hard, tears stinging her eyes again, while Kane lifted Lizzie up into his arms, her slender arms around his neck and legs swinging below his waist as they started to dance. It was the most beautiful thing Rhiannon had ever seen—heartbreakingly beautiful. And agonizing—because the need to walk over and join them, to dance with Kane with Lizzie held between them—was so strong it almost killed her.
This was the way her life was going to be from now on—standing on the outside looking in. And if it weren’t for the seventy guests in her house she’d have disappeared upstairs so she didn’t have to watch it.
Yet another deep breath, yet another lift of her chin, because she had to get on with it, didn’t she? Standing and watching wasn’t going to feel any better after ten minutes.
And she managed it, just. She got through the rest of the evening, even though she was constantly aware of where Kane was at any given time, of the people he was talking to—particularly the women—of the sound of his voice when he was close by or his scent as he walked past. And she even managed to smile across at him when he looked at her. But, as the night drew to a close and they stood side by side at the front doors waving goodbye to the last of the guests, watching their cars circle as they drove off the gravel, Rhiannon felt her mouth go dry, her heart beat a little louder, felt that no matter how many breaths she took she couldn’t seem to get enough air into her lungs.
The door clicked shut and she rested her palm on its cool surface for a moment before turning round and flashing a small smile at him. ‘I’ll have to go check that Lizzie actually went to bed when I sent her an hour ago. Any clearing up can wait till the morning.’
‘I checked; she’s out for the count. You throw a hell of a party, Mac.’
Half of her really wished he would stop using the old nickname. It didn’t help any. But then neither did his falling into step beside her as she walked to the staircase.
‘Well, I did have some help from the Committee. They’re an enthusiastic bunch.’ She lifted her long skirt to negotiate the stairs, her focus on her feet so that she didn’t notice him reaching out for her elbow until the searing heat of his touch burnt her skin.
When her breath caught his fingers tightened. ‘Lizzie told me you arranged most of it, though, right down to the colours of the flowers and moving furniture under your own steam.’
She swallowed hard and tried to concentrate on not tripping. ‘It all came together in the end.’
His warm fingers eased a little against her elbow, widened, smoothed over her skin in a caress she felt clean to the soles of her feet. Didn’t he have any idea what he was doing to her?
But when they reached the landing and Rhiannon tried to gently pull her elbow free, he froze her to the spot with a flat toned, ‘Did you love Stephen?’
‘What?’ Her head rose sharply. Where had that come from?
‘Did you?’
‘Why?’ Rhiannon really didn’t see what it had to do with anything. And she certainly didn’t want to stand and confess to the man she’d made the biggest mistake of her life with, the details of the second biggest mistake she’d ever made.
He confused her even further by smiling wryly, his blue eyes studying her face intently. ‘Because I think when I knew you’d married him was when I started hating you as much as you hated me.’
It was the very last thing she would ever have expected him to say and yet a part of her almost shouted with joy at the very idea of him being jealous. Which was ridiculous—it wasn’t what he was saying, was it?
‘It had nothing to do with you by then.’
‘No, but it still bugged the hell out of me.’
Oh, she knew what he was saying now. And it was yet another twist of the damn knife! So she turned away as she spoke, determined she wouldn’t show him how much he’d just hurt her. ‘Because you thought Lizzie was his and that meant I had to have been with him right after I was with you, that’s why. We already covered all that.’
He reached for her elbow again, tugged her round and then marched her backwards until she had her back against the wall. And when Rhiannon let go of her skirt, he took hold of both of her wrists, his thumbs moving back and forth against her erratic pulse. ‘Yes, that was one element of it. But hell, Mac, it was Stephen—it was a constant competition for him to have what was mine. I thought you knew that.’
Her heart caught on the ‘what was mine’. Was that how he’d thought of her then? She searched his eyes for the answer and found him searching her eyes the same way, the air crackling between them.
‘It had nothing to do with me marrying him.’
‘Then make me understand.’
She was completely distracted by the movement of his thumbs on her wrists, so it took a moment for her to weigh up the pros and cons of telling him the truth.
His mouth curled into another devastating smile. ‘And now you’re trying to decide whether or not to be honest with me, aren’t you?’
‘Do you have any idea how annoying it is when you do that? I mean, really?’
‘I seem to remember there were times when you liked that I knew what you were thinking.’
The words were pure seduction, especially when she knew exactly what he was talking about. ‘That was different. That had to do with the whole physical thing we had going.’
His voice dropped an octave. ‘Don’t worry, we’ll get to that subject in a minute.’
Rhiannon swallowed a moan. She really couldn’t take much more of this. She couldn’t! And why in hell was he putting her through it?
‘Did you love him?’
‘No!’ She threw the answer at him. ‘There—happy now?’
He tilted his head to one side, shrugging his broad shoulders. ‘It’s a start. So if you didn’t love him, then why did you marry him?’
If she stood there much longer she was going to cry in front of him, she really was. So she tugged her wrists and scowled at him when he wouldn’t set her free. All right, he wanted to know why, then she’d damn well tell him why!
‘Fine, then. If you really want to know, it was because he wanted to marry me!’
The hold on her wrists tightened as he swore under his breath. And immediately Rhiannon pushed off the wall, standing on tiptoe to bring her face closer to his. ‘And now you think he only wanted that to get at you in some way? Grow up, Kane! He was there and you weren’t. He wanted to be with me and you didn’t. It was nothing to do with you! And frankly, it still isn’t, so let me go!’
‘Did he love you?’
‘Is that so very hard for you to believe?’
The steady tone of his answer did her in. ‘No, that I could understand a lot better now that I actually know you. I wouldn’t blame him for feeling that.’
What did he mean by that? Because there was no way in hell he meant…This was insane! She shook her head.
‘You’re unbelievable. And they say women twist things.’
Out of nowhere, he released her hands. But, as she looked down in surprise, both of his hands rose to her waist and he stepped forward, pinning her back against the wall again so that the entire length of his hard, heated body was pressed intimately against hers.
It was like setting a match to touch paper.
Her blood rushed faster through her veins. Her heart pumped harder to help the blood to move at the increased speed. She wanted him so badly!
‘So you married him because he loved you, and because you were alone, and because you had a baby to support. You married him for security, right?’
&nbs
p; ‘I didn’t give a damn about his money, if that’s what you mean.’ Her words were breathless, her breasts rising and falling rapidly as she fought for air. And if the truth was the only escape route she had, then she had to take it. ‘I could have supported Lizzie, I’d done it up until then. He wasn’t as bad as you think he was. He was charming and funny and uncomplicated. And when he asked me to marry him, I told myself that it was better to go into marriage without love as the basis for it. Or, or—this—this thing we had.’
‘No love and no—this?’ His voice dropped. ‘Because it was safer that way?’
‘Maybe—partly—I don’t know. But it doesn’t matter now.’
His fingers spread wide against her waist, his thumbs brushing against the bottom of her ribcage as he tilted his face over hers, his eyes even more intense close up. ‘No love so you couldn’t get hurt—’
‘Love doesn’t guarantee a marriage will last.’
His gaze dropped to her parted lips as he moved his hands along her sides, drawing another gasp from her. ‘And no this—because?’
‘Because this doesn’t last—when I’m ninety and grey-haired and round-shouldered, even we wouldn’t still have this.’
His gaze rose, the pupils of his eyes large and dark, his voice huskier. ‘Oh, I don’t know. I think we’d still have this. It certainly hasn’t gone away, has it? When I’m ninety-three, grey-haired and round-shouldered, I think I’d still give it my best shot.’
And talk like that just made her heart ache all the more. ‘It’s still not enough on its own.’
‘All right, what more is there?’
‘Like I’d know.’ She laughed nervously, feeling herself on the edge of a mildly panicky hysteria. ‘In case you hadn’t noticed, my track record isn’t very good. If you need tips for future reference you’d be better asking someone who hasn’t discovered that they do much better on their own.’
‘You married the wrong man, that’s all.’ When her eyes widened at the statement, he leaned his head a little closer, his breath fanning out over her heated cheeks. ‘And you didn’t have this with him.’
There was nothing beyond the kiss; no sound barring their deep breathing, no light barring the ones that danced behind her eyelids, nothing that wasn’t completely focused on his firm mouth moving against her soft lips.
She was drowning in him.
He traced his lips along hers, added a little pressure, tugged on her bottom lip until she opened her mouth on a low moan and he deepened the kiss, coaxing her tongue to dance with his.
It wasn’t fair. She couldn’t do this again—not the physical alone. This time she wanted more from him. And there was just too much history. Try as they might, the mistakes would always be there. The mistakes that would open up cracks in any relationship they tried and eventually drive them apart.
And Rhiannon knew she wouldn’t survive it this time.
Kane tore his mouth from hers, his face still close as he searched her eyes. ‘A lot of people don’t even have this, you know. And we have more than this already. We have a child. Is that enough, do you think?’
What did he mean? He couldn’t possibly mean…?
It took a split second for it to sink in. ‘You can’t be serious. You’re suggesting some kind of a—what is it called—?’ she stared up at him in disbelief ‘—marriage of convenience? You honestly think I’d ever consider that—with you?’
He scowled. ‘Why not with me?’
‘I can’t believe you think I’d even consider it. With one failed marriage behind me, do you honestly think I’d enter into that kind of a farce? What the hell century do you think we live in?’
He stepped back from her. ‘All along we’ve said for Liz—’
‘O-oh no!’ She waggled a finger at him when she had enough space, her eyes blazing with hurt, anger and a rapidly growing sense of humiliation. ‘Don’t you dare use the “for Lizzie’s sake” line! I’m more than capable of looking after her on my own. I’ll do whatever it takes for her to get to spend time with you, but that’s only because you’re a different person with her than you are with me.’
And that killed her above all else. He could love his child unconditionally and yet still think that a loveless marriage would be something her mother would consider! When there was just no way she could do it. And, even if she could, she couldn’t with him. Not when she loved him like she did.
Tears glittered in her eyes as she laid it all on the line for him. ‘The Kane Healey I saw dancing with his daughter tonight is a thousand times more of a man than the one who stood here right this minute! He’s this amazing guy who doesn’t have a problem with showing how much he loves her, even after so little time. If I ever married again it would be for a whole combination of things and part of that would be love—it would have to be, for me. And it’s not here, so never in a million years would I ever marry you.’
He had the gall to look amused. ‘A million years?’
‘Yes! A million years.’ She hiccupped on the words and stepped forward, lifting both hands to shove against his chest. ‘Get the hell away from me. I take back every nice thought I’ve had about you since I got to know you this time round.’
‘What kind of nice thoughts?’
She shoved him again. ‘I was dumb enough to think you were much more than I’d realized first time around.’ Another shove, and each one took him back a step until he had his back against the wooden banister, where she laughed in his face. ‘I was even stupid enough to find it weird around here without you! But now I’m glad you left!’
His eyes turned a darker shade of blue, his mouth lifting into the softest smile she had ever seen, one that almost looked affectionate, but she knew was amusement again because she’d just given him yet another victory, hadn’t she?
‘Mac—’ The nickname came out with a husky edge.
‘And don’t you dare call me that! I hate you!’
‘No, you don’t.’
She laughed again, sarcastically this time. ‘Right this second I do! You might not have managed to completely break my heart the first time round, but you’re close to managing it this time. If you gave a damn about me, even as Lizzie’s mother, then you’d care about my chance at happiness!’
Grabbing her skirt in two fists, she turned on her heel and ran up the next flight of stairs, determined to get to her bedroom and lock the door before he could stop her. But he didn’t follow her. He didn’t make any attempt to stop her or to tell her she’d got him wrong. Or even to say that she deserved a chance to be happy.
And she did genuinely hate him for that.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
KANE needed to find a way to get Rhiannon to talk to him again. And fast. Because the longer he let it fester, the harder she would be to persuade that he’d simply got his approach wrong the night before.
It was her damn fault, after all. If she didn’t have him so sideways most of the time then he’d have made a better job of it! But oh, no, last night she had floored him the second he’d laid eyes on her. Ten years ago they’d have lasted five minutes at that party!
Then there’d been the dance and finally holding her in his arms when he’d done nothing but think about holding her again since he’d left. Damn her—even the five minutes he got to talk to her on the phone each time he called Lizzie had been proving the highlight of his day of late. He was obsessed by her. And that had made him look more closely at how he’d felt about her the first time around. Had he been in love and not known it? There was no way of knowing, but it would be a rational explanation for the fact that he’d felt so much so fast this time round. He’d felt every emotion going since meeting her again. And he hadn’t known what it all meant, not really, not until he was away from her and from Lizzie—his family. He’d missed them—both of them—more than he would ever have thought it possible to miss anyone.
But it had taken Rhiannon to stand there in that dress, looking as beautiful as she did, with a frame of soft lights and flowers
behind her, for him to have what he already knew confirmed. Yes, he knew what the elusive something more was now…
Now all he had to do was put it right.
After several hours tossing and turning in the wee small hours, while he fought the urge to storm down the hall and convince her the old-fashioned way that she’d misread what he was trying to say, a tiny seed of an idea came to him. By six-thirty it was a full-blown plan. Then all he had to do was hire an accomplice…
When Lizzie announced she was going to make dinner on her own, Rhiannon escaped to her room to take a break from the constant smiling she’d been forced to do all day long. She’d done everything to avoid spending time with Kane—everything. She’d put the furniture back, cleared up—and there was a lot to clear up!—and hoovered and dusted. She hadn’t even stopped for lunch. The theory being that the busier she stayed then the sooner the day would be over and he’d be gone again.
Something she prayed would happen very soon when she caught glimpses of him with Lizzie during the day—laughing, smiling and hugging when the notion struck them. They were both torturing her and it hurt.
But after a long soak in the bath, when she felt capable of facing them both again, she found a picture pinned to the kitchen door with Lizzie’s multicoloured handwriting telling her it was out of bounds.
A tingling on the back of her neck told her Kane was nearby. ‘Apparently we’re not allowed in the kitchen.’
He walked over to stand beside her, his arms folded across his chest as he dropped his chin to read the note, frowning at it. ‘I wonder what she’s up to?’
Rhiannon sighed. ‘I have no idea.’
They both stood there for another minute, until the ache in her chest started to demand her attention again. She was too emotionally drained to play games with Lizzie. ‘I might just skip dinner. I’m still tired after last night.’
‘You should eat something. You skipped lunch.’ He knocked on the door, his voice rising, ‘Can we come in?’
