by J. A. Dennam
“Screw you.”
“—and you’re letting whoever fucked with your life get away with it.”
“Even if it were true,” she pointed out with narrowed eyes, “I'm still the one who brought Sophie into our lives by taking that bullet in the first place.”
“Oh, my God!” Ty exploded, his hands grabbing the air imploringly. “You were twelve! You were a child! And no matter how much you’d like to, you can’t shirk your adult responsibilities.”
“Adult responsibilities?” she mimicked with incredulity.
He gave her a droll look. When she didn’t bite, he rolled his eyes. “Think about it, Rena. We didn’t use protection this morning which means you could be—”
“No,” she interrupted with a shake of her head. “Don’t even say it. There is no way I am… that with….” Her hand came out to present him from head to toe.
A flashy, sarcastic grin. “Well, I don’t recall ever having a vasectomy, so unless you can’t get pre—”
“Don’t! Say it!” Rena hissed again with the sudden urge to disappear. “I’m not equipped to deal with this right now.”
“Hey, I didn’t ask to be your sexual springboard,” he mumbled with a complete lack of sympathy.
“Well, you sure didn’t put up much of a fight!” she shot back angrily.
Silence followed her outburst, then Ty’s look narrowed a bit. “How would you know?”
Crap. Rena reached for the doorknob, but his hand flattened against the door above her, preventing a quick exit.
“You said you didn’t remember it.” His soft-spoken reminder held a hint of suspicion.
The warmth of his body reached her from head to toe. Rena swallowed, closed her eyes. “I recalled a little of it.”
“When?”
She released an unsteady breath. “When Austin hit you.”
His hand slipped from the door. She took the opportunity to make her escape and left him there to ponder her admission alone.
When she re-entered the living room, Derek was already watching her. “In the interest of full disclosure, I heard every word.”
But they’d been whispering! Double crap! Rena glanced at Austin, wondering if he’d heard it, too, but the man looked completely clueless.
“And before you discount it,” Derek said matter-of-factly, “the one time I wasn’t careful, boom. DJ.”
Austin perked up and looked at Ty, who she could now sense behind her.
Mortification caused her cheeks to flare with warmth. “Great,” she groaned, “a little louder, please, I don’t think the girls heard you next door.”
Derek carefully got to his feet and approached her. “Don’t discuss anything you don’t want me to hear until you’re far, far away. Whispering doesn’t cut it.”
She nodded, ran her fingers through her hair. The experimental drug that would someday kill him also heightened his senses. “I keep forgetting that.”
Derek pointed a finger at the man behind her. “And I asked you to tell me everything.”
Ty’s voice was firm. “You didn’t need to know that.”
“What if she runs into trouble? It might affect how we get her out of it.” Derek circled around her and met Ty nose to nose. “Full. Disclosure.”
A protective urge took Rena by surprise. “Don’t get mad at Ty for being considerate.”
Derek’s glare remained. “He was letting you lead him by the nose again.”
Ty took an aggressive stance. “Oh, now, this is bullshit. Just because I show a little compassion doesn’t mean I’m weak.”
“I just want to know you’re using the right head when we need you to be.”
“Are you accusing me of being easy or just plain stupid? Because I recall coming through for you a lot over the past two weeks.”
Rena threw her hands in the air. “Okay, I’m going to go sit with my sister while you two do this.”
And she left them to simmer while she quietly entered the bedroom, shut the door and leaned against it. Her nerves were on edge and she needed to take a moment. Breathe.
“I was about to go out there and shut them both up,” Mac said from the bed. “Crystal doesn’t need to hear all that.”
She bestowed him with a wary look. “Great. I really wish you hadn’t heard it, either.”
He shrugged a shoulder, his hand now resting intimately on Crystal’s hip. “Doesn’t matter what I think.”
That’s right. Mac had always been one of the good guys, always respectful in her presence and quick to thank her whenever she showed kindness to Austin’s crew. She walked over to the bed and took up where she left off, hunkered over the side with Crystal’s small hand in her own. She stroked her hair just to satisfy the overwhelming need to touch.
“Crystal,” Rena whispered, rolling the name over her tongue. It would take some getting used to, but she supposed it suited the color of her sister’s eyes. She glanced nervously at Mac. “There’s so much I need to tell you.”
“Want me to leave?” he asked.
Rena shook her head and took a deep breath. “I don’t think she would want that.” Closing her eyes, she chose her words carefully. “I failed her. I failed everyone, including myself. She had every right to hate me, but it will never compare to how much I hate myself right now. I just wish I had half her strength, her heart.” Rena swallowed hard and gazed at her sister’s face, so close in proximity of her own. “I don’t care what they say. If anyone can beat this, it’s you. You’re so strong and as long as you’re breathing, I believe you have a chance. You’re my hero, Crystal. In this, there is no competition. You’ll always win. Always.”
Silence reigned. Then a deep voice beside her said, “Will she?”
Through red-rimmed eyes, Rena turned to see Austin standing at the end of the bed. His huge body threw a big enough shadow, but she’d been too absorbed in Crystal to notice. His question hung in the air.
“No matter the outcome, the risks she took were for a purpose,” he continued. “If you leave one single stone unturned, her efforts will mean nothing.”
Did he care? Something in his countenance told her he did. “You, of all people, have no reason to back me after what I did,” she said humbly.
He sat down on the edge of the bed while Mac looked on. “Oh, I don’t know. Depends on who exactly was driving you at the time.”
A small laugh escaped and she rolled her eyes. “Not you, too.”
Austin twisted, regarded his friend. “What do you think, Mac? Did you ever have any indication she was sick when she lived with me?”
“Not a one,” came Mac’s instant reply, his hazel eyes regarding her thoughtfully. “You were a very gracious, highly respected lady of the house. I had a hard time believing it until I saw you at the hearing.”
Where she’d clearly been a lost cause, according to Ty’s detailed description. Rena drew circles on the back of Elsa’s hand with her thumb. “So, is this forgiveness or appeasement?”
Austin’s shoulders moved in a reckless shrug. “Do you want forgiveness?”
Her gaze turned toward the ceiling as she thought about it. “We had something special once.” A small smile. “You were by far my better half. To you it’s been years, but to me… I’m still trying to make sense of when and how we ended.” Rena’s lashes settled over her cheeks as a clear image of Ty sneaked up and warmed her thoughts. “I am coming to grips with it, though. So, yes, I want your forgiveness. Even if I don’t deserve it.”
“Then earn it.” Austin leaned over a little to recapture her attention. “Prove to me, to my wife, to Crystal, and to yourself that you shouldn’t be in that psych ward.”
She blew air through her lips. “Your wife will never be convinced.”
“First of all,” he said with intensity, “Danny is one of the most forgiving women I’ve ever known. I did some pretty despicable things to her myself.”
“I doubt it’s as bad as trying to kill her.”
“To an extent. I tried
to kill her spirit.”
What? Not the Austin she once knew. “That doesn’t sound like you.”
Mac snorted. “After we thought you drowned in that river, he became a ruthless, rotten, chauvinistic prick. If I didn’t feel so sorry for him, I’d have thumped him for the way he treated Danny. Luckily, she has thick skin and a good head on her shoulders.”
“I’m not saying you’ll ever be friends with my wife,” Austin continued, “but she hates injustice more than she hates you. If it turns out someone was pulling your strings, she’ll be a powerful ally.”
“Are you kidding me?” said a new voice behind her.
Startled, Rena turned around to find Danny standing in the open doorway, Melanie and baby DJ close behind her. “I must have missed something big for you to even suggest it.”
CHAPTER 8
Rena instantly bristled.
Austin rose to his feet. “Danny….”
“No!” The woman’s big brown eyes snapped with fire. “I don’t care how lucid Rena is right now, she’ll never be able to erase that maniacal laugh of hers from my memory. It will always be there.”
“Not here, Danny.” This from Mac.
“Well, I’m sorry.” Danny focused her rage on Rena. “But don’t ever expect a free pass from me for all the hurt you’ve caused.”
“I wasn’t looking for one,” Rena bit back quietly.
Melanie grabbed her friend by the arm, her attention flitting toward the couple on the bed. “Danny, come on. Let’s give her some time with Crystal.”
Her soft voice held an underlying deference that left Rena blinking. Melanie hadn’t been a real fan of hers, either, but she could have sworn the woman had just bestowed her with a look of solidarity before the door closed behind her. Indeed, they’d been forced to work together to free Derek from IGP’s clutches a few days ago, but none of it had been pretty.
Mac ended her silent reverie. “Danny didn’t know you before,” he said, attempting to lessen the resonant sting of the words so harshly spoken.
“And she’s pregnant,” Austin added. “Maybe a touch more emotional than usual.”
Rena absorbed that bit of shocking news with a grain of salt. “I’m happy for you, Austin,” she said, her words not entirely untrue. She really was glad he’d moved on. Perhaps it helped knowing he hadn’t been unaffected by her loss.
Mac’s fingers found Crystal’s pulse and he frowned.
Rena noticed, her stomach jumping into her throat. “Is she…?”
“Her heart’s beating a mile a minute.”
“Is that good?” As soon as she asked the question, Derek’s words resonated in her memory. Her heart rate will pick up before it stops altogether.
Without answering, Mac lowered his head to the pillow and buried his face in Crystal’s short, soft hair.
The emotion that had been building since first setting foot in this matchbox apartment intensified until it sat like an anvil in Rena’s chest. Every word exchanged began to crash together as she fought to focus on her sister’s last living moments. Her awakening memories with Ty, the arguments, Austin’s words of encouragement and Danny’s grudge….
It was starting. She could feel it. Things inside her were changing for the worse. In a frantic bid to keep it hidden, Rena got to her feet. Bending over, she flattened her lips against Crystal’s cheek. “Please don’t let this beat you,” she whispered as the tears began to flow. “If you come back to me, the first thing we’ll do is go back to our hilltop. Feel the summer night air on our skin. Take our dreams back from those stars.” She moved her sister’s bangs aside, her heart breaking into a million pieces. “And this time I won’t be afraid to stand on the edge with you. We’ll be invincible, you and me. I promise.”
Unruly brown hair caught the breeze and fanned around them in wild abandon. Elsa laughed, pulled it from her face, her glasses reflecting the rising moon. Rena pulled the rubber band from her own hair and handed it off. As Elsa tied hers up, four bare feet swung back-and-forth thirteen stories off the ground.
“We’re at the highest peak around,” Rena boasted, nose pointed toward the clear, star-studded sky.
Elsa sighed, nodded with slackened jaw as she marveled at the sights below them. “And just look at all the lights down there. Think we can wish on them, too?”
Rena shrugged, “You can try, but Heaven is up there. That’s where they’ll come true, remember?”
Though the moon bathed them in muted light, Rena failed to see the telltale spark of mischief before her sister got to her feet.
“What are you doing?”
“I got one that really, really needs to come true,” and Elsa hoisted her leg over the rail.
“Hey!” Panic brought Rena to her own feet. “Are you crazy? Get back down here!”
Balancing on a twelve-inch plank of wood, Elsa spread her arms, slowly straightened to a stand. The collar of her nightshirt caught wind and flapped against her chin. “Come on” she laughed, eyes bright with excitement. “You have a whole three feet to go before you’re at the highest point.”
“This isn’t a competition,” Rena scolded, holding out a hand in hopes her sister would take it before she plummeted to the earth. “It’s stupid!”
“Depends on how badly you want them.”
“Want what?”
“Your dreams, silly!”
“Rena, where are you going?”
The voice didn’t register until she was outside on the landing. A hand grabbed her arm before she could descend the first step.
“Hey!” Ty hissed.
“Let go of me!” she cried.
“You can’t be out here!”
“I can’t be in there, either.” When he pulled on her again, she fought back. Clawed at his restraining hand. “No!
Instead of letting go, Ty wrapped one arm around her middle and put a hand over her mouth to keep her quiet. She was hoisted into the air, forced back inside. Rena fought until she realized he’d taken her to the empty apartment across from the crowded one. Chest heaving, she stilled while he held her against him, his back to the closed door.
“Okay?” he asked, also breathing hard from his exertions.
She nodded. His hand fell away from her mouth. They stood like that for the longest time in a mirror copy of the apartment they’d been in.
Finally, Ty spoke. “You want to tell me what that was all about?”
She shook her head. No talking. Just breathe.
The place smelled strongly of new carpet and disinfectant. An empty, sterile environment with no clutter to confuse things. Just what she needed.
But it wasn’t enough. The voices in her head were still much too loud, breaking her down piece by bloody piece. She squeezed her eyes shut tight, ran her hands through her hair and fisted them.
Ty turned her by her shoulders. “Look at me.”
No.
“Open your eyes and look at me.”
When she did, the tears that had been building behind her lids made two warm tracks down her cheeks. “I don’t want to,” she ground out.
He grabbed her neck and pushed her chin up with his thumbs. Two denim blue orbs bore into hers. “Tough shit.”
Her shoulders sagged as she let her hands drop to his chest. The man wasn’t going to let her crumble. It was as simple as that. “I used to be stronger than this,” she confessed with a tearful sniff.
“You will be again. It’ll take time.”
He really believed that. The proof was in his eyes, so full of strength. Burning with encouragement. She needed that strength. Needed an outlet for the angst that threatened to rip her sanity to threads.
Reading her thoughts, he frowned a little. “You look like you want to tear into me.”
Her lips parted as she studied his mouth. “No. I want you to tear into me.”
“What?”
“I need you right now. More than ever.”
The curved muscle beneath her hands hardened like rock. “Last time you s
aid that,” Ty replied with caution, “I walked into a trap.”
“Last time I said that,” her lips grazed the coarse edge of his jawline, “I didn’t know what I was missing.”
His powerful hands wrapped around her upper arms. She expected him to push her away, as he should. Instead, his head tilted upward, allowing her better access.
“Just… how much do you remember?”
Her teeth gently captured his earlobe. “Enough to drive me crazy,” she whispered. “Enough to know it’s what I need now.”
Someone knocked on the door. Austin’s muffled voice came from outside. “Is everything okay in there?”
Rena leaned back. As their eyes held, she reached around Ty’s body and locked the deadbolt.
“Okay….” came the tentative response outside. Soon, the door to the other apartment opened and closed.
With the Do Not Disturb sign officially hung, Rena rose up on her toes and took what she wanted. Ty’s mouth was soft yet firm, warm and tasted like victory when he parted for her. On a groan, she invaded with hunger, allowing herself to let go and feel him, savor him in every way. His scent was all natural, virile and still fresh from his shower. Warm breath bathed her face, coarse whiskers grazed her chin… and she wanted more.
Need came in a torrential rush. Completely in tune, they deepened the kiss together. His arms came around her, crushing her to him while she arched into his embrace.
Mouths joined, she pulled Ty into the living room. Once there, she hooked her heel in the back of his and took him down to the floor with a violent crash. While he recovered, she straddled him, fought to catch her breath. She shouldered out of the shirt she’d borrowed from his closet. The camisole came off next. Before she could tackle the clasp of her bra, he stopped her.
Ty sat up, the movement repositioning her on his lap. Eye contact was profound and meaningful before he moved her hair, cleared a place on her neck. Then he leaned in, sampled her skin as she’d done to him earlier. Oh, God, the feel of his soft lips just below her jaw made every single damning thought disappear into thin air. A moan escaped. Soon, her bra was undone and Ty moved the straps down her shoulders with slow grazing fingertips, causing a shower of goose bumps to bath her skin. At the same time, he trailed wet kisses down her throat, along her collarbone and followed the curve of a full white breast.
