by Lane Hayes
“Aar, I’m gonna come.”
“Pull out,” he whispered. “Come on my stomach, then fuck me more. Please.”
He could have had a career in porn; his words were instant dynamite to my already overly charged libido. I think my vision blurred. I heard him repeat his request as I was about to explode and somehow found the strength to do as he asked. I kneeled between his spread thighs just as my release hit me. My cum spurted over his cock and balls. It was hot as fuck, but I had to get back inside him. The second I did, he came apart. I held him closer still and didn’t stop moving until the trembling subsided.
I kissed him hard before flopping to the other side of the bed.
“Shh! They’ll hear you!” he admonished.
We snickered like a couple of kids, knowing Jay and Peter had heard a hell of a lot more than we’d usually be comfortable with. We rolled on our sides to face each other and smiled.
“I can’t believe how fucking amazing it feels to be with you. That was crazy hot, baby.”
“Yes,” he whispered. “I feel so…connected to you, you know? I’ve never felt this way about anyone…ever.”
I didn’t trust myself to speak at first. When I did, my voice sounded different to me. “I want that. I don’t know when but…I want to feel you inside me too.”
Aaron held my gaze for a long moment, then nodded. “It’s amazing, Matty. When you’re ready, you’ll know.”
I bit my lip and nodded again. I wanted to say, “Okay, well next time you fuck me.” But I couldn’t. I was nervous and it made no sense. I’d come a long way in just over a year and a half. I was pretty comfortable with the fact that my lover was a man. I loved Aaron. I was proud of him. And I wasn’t one of those guys who thought being on top made me the more masculine partner in a homosexual relationship. To me, it signaled a final step in my acceptance, not of being gay, but of giving myself completely to Aaron.
“I love you,” I whispered as I brushed strands of hair away from his closed eyes.
“Te amo.”
Part 3-
The four of us walked into town the next morning for breakfast. The plan was to get something to eat and do a little sightseeing before the parade started at noon. The rainbow-decked streets weren’t crowded yet, but everyone we bumped into wore Pride-themed clothing of some sort. I looked down at my boring white T-shirt and khaki shorts and wondered if I looked too…straight. I felt uncomfortable for no real reason. Was it the clothing? Unlikely. I tended to dress more conservatively than Aaron, but that had as much to with my job as a lawyer at a prominent DC firm as it did with the fact that I wasn’t as adventurous as he was. However, I rarely felt out of place the way I did now.
I didn’t realize I had become quiet until Peter nudged my arm. We were walking side by side while Aaron and Jay chatted animatedly a few steps ahead of us.
“You okay?” He looked over at me with an amused, teasing grin.
“Hmm. Just soaking it all in.”
“I bet.”
Two buff body-builder types passed me on my left, mumbling a quick “excuse me” when one of them accidentally brushed my shoulder. I looked up to say “No problem,” but ended up staring after them instead. They were two large muscular men, easily taller than my own six foot one, dressed in matching snug, light-pink T-shirts, holding hands. Peter barely glanced at them, but I couldn’t stop gawking. In my defense, no one could deny that seeing those two same men walking down Main Street in most towns across the USA would turn heads. Here, no one seemed to notice but me.
I’m not proud to admit it, but I felt odd and out of place. Everyone seemed to belong here but me. What was my problem? While it was true that I wasn’t accustomed to seeing homosexual men and women so freely express themselves out in the open on a beautiful sunny day on a main street, I wasn’t exactly sheltered. I lived in DC, for Christ’s sake. And I lived and slept with a beautiful man every night. I talked about equal rights with as much passion as any of my friends.
But this air of freedom was new to me. It wasn’t about vigilance. It was about acceptance.
It made me think about the difference between politics and our fundamental rights as humans. The call to fight for empowerment versus the quiet knowledge that we deserved the same respect and freedom as our peers. I grew up knowing my place and expecting equality as my due. For the first time, I acknowledged that I was part of a minority simply because I loved a man. However, I still expected to be treated equally. It was as much a right to me as breathing.
I was quiet during breakfast. I knew Aaron sensed something was up. I wanted to reassure him I was good so he wouldn’t worry for the wrong reasons, but I didn’t say anything. By the time we’d paid our bill, Aaron was tense too. He suggested we take a walk on our own and leave Peter and Jay to shop in town.
Neither of us spoke until we reached the boardwalk. Then Aaron stopped suddenly and turned to face me with a look that was equal parts irritation and serious concern.
“Matty, you’re being weird. Are you all right?”
“All right” was code for something deeper. I’d been with Aaron long enough to understand the intricacies of communication with my sometimes-mercurial boyfriend. His sunglasses hid his eyes, but his posture and tone told me I should tread carefully and choose my words wisely.
I wasn’t good at finding the right words when I needed them most, so I stalled for a moment, took off my flip-flops, and inclined my head toward the beach.
“Walk with me?”
We silently made our way to stroll on the wet sand near the water’s edge. I didn’t know how to explain my feelings to Aaron or where to start.
“Is it too strange being around so many gay people? Are you sorry you’re here?” he blurted.
“No, I’m not sorry I’m here. I’m really glad I’m here. With you. And Peter and Jay too. I’m a little uncomfortable in one way, but weirdly free too. That probably doesn’t make much sense. I guess I’m just not used to being part of the rainbow, you know? I’m not just observing Pride as a bystander.…I’m part of it. And it’s new to me. New things can be uncomfortable at first. You know?”
Lame. Like really fucking lame. But at that moment, it was the best I could do.
Aaron nodded before resuming his path along the shoreline. When he spoke again, his tone was low and serious.
“This may be difficult to understand, but in a way, I live every day feeling a little uncomfortable. It’s better now that I’m older. But until I could figure out what and who was safe, I was always a little afraid.”
He stopped suddenly and motioned for me to join him on the dry sand.
“Your shorts will get sandy, babe,” I singsonged, hoping to inject some levity. I had a feeling this conversation was going to be a little heavy.
“It’s okay. Do you like my swim trunks? They’re the special kind that look like regular shorts. Cool, huh?”
When he modeled his board shorts and lifted his shirt to show off his toned, tan abdomen, my dick twitched in approval. God, I was insatiable. I had more sex than almost anyone I knew, but I could never seem to get enough of him. The littlest things turned me on. I adjusted myself before sitting beside my smirking lover on the warm sand. He knew exactly what he did to me.
“Matty, me and every queer person, male, female, and non-binary comes from the same world you do. We aren’t from another planet. We have families who may love us but have expectations about how we should act and who we should love. Probably because theirs had the same of them. My own parents had this saying about how our behavior as kids was a reflection on them. When you’re told you’re lacking somehow or another, you end up trying to hide the parts of you that embarrass the people you love. You pretend to be someone you aren’t or live a life that isn’t fulfilling because you ultimately feel the real you is unworthy.
“I wasn’t the type of kid who could hide easily. I gave myself away just by looking the way I did. A little softer and more feminine than other boys. That’s the
past. I’m proud of myself now, but it wasn’t easy to get here. Everyone goes through their own crap where they come to terms with their sexuality. Gay or straight. But not everyone has to worry about being safe because they were born loving differently.” I watched him as he looked out to sea, his brow furrowed. “I’m not saying anything you don’t know on some level. The difference is that for you, this coming to terms with loving me is coming later for you. Maybe you always kind of had the hots for guys too, but you didn’t do anything about it, because it wasn’t safe. Right? You were afraid to really be you.”
“Yeah, that’s probably true.” Until Aaron, I’d successfully talked myself out of any attraction I felt for a guy. I couldn’t deny Aaron. I’d never wanted to.
“We live in a pretty progressive city, at least when you compare us to the rest of the country. But there is so much inequality still. So much ugliness and prejudice. Here, in this little town…I can be me. Period. There are other places like it, but the truth as far as I’m concerned, is that every place should be like this. We should be able to hold hands in public in broad daylight without people thinking we’re weird or disgusting. We should be able to show simple affection without being accused of indecency. I would love to see a world where every teenage boy or girl who finds him or herself admiring someone of the same sex doesn’t feel ashamed or unworthy in any way.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “Those rainbow flags back in town are a symbol of community and maybe our struggle for equality. I’m different, but I’m not less than. I’m weird sometimes, but I’m worthy. I love men, but…”
“Plural?” I teased with an irritated glance.
“I love you, Matty.” He chuckled and pinched my arm. “You know what I’m saying.”
“Yeah, I do.”
“I’ve always been this way. A little odd, a little different than other boys. I just wished it hadn’t taken me so long to realize I wasn’t alone.”
“You have me, Aar. You’re never going to be alone. I love you.”
He pursed his lips and brushed a tear from his eye. “I know you love me, Matty. You make everything in my life better. You make me feel beautiful and special.”
“You are.”
Aaron smiled sweetly and lifted my hand to his mouth to kiss. “I won’t tell you how to embrace your sexuality. You have to do what feels right. But I think the more time you spend in places where people celebrate their diversity, the more comfortable you’ll feel everywhere you go.”
“So you’re saying I need more gay in my life?”
He lowered his glasses. “Oh honey, everyone needs a little more gay in their lives.”
“You’re right.” I chuckled, then leaned sideways to kiss his cheek. “I am comfortable on one hand, but there is a side of me that grew up programmed differently. I’m working on it. I promise. But just so we’re clear, I am proud. Proud of you and proud to be with you. You make every day so fucking worthwhile. I can’t wait to wake up next to you. I want to hear everything you say…your silly stories about work. Your crazy boss, diva models, and ditzy designers. It never gets old. I want a lifetime of stories, dinners, walks in the moonlight, jogs in the rain. I want to watch you fall asleep every night, and just stare at you, wondering how the fuck I got so lucky. You’re every color in the rainbow to me. And maybe that’s corny.…In fact, I know it is, but I have everything I need here. And I’d do anything to let you know you’re never going to be alone. I’ll always be here.”
Aaron fell against my side, hooked his arms around my shoulders, and held on tight. He sat back after a few minutes, then pulled his sunglasses off and wiped his eyes. “Geez, Matty. You say the best things sometimes. I love you.”
“Good. Come on. Jay and Peter are probably wondering where we are.” I stood up and pulled him to his feet, extending my hand in invitation.
Aaron beamed one of his glorious megawatt smiles at me. “You want to hold my hand?”
“Yeah.” I kissed his knuckles. “I’d be honored…and proud.”
Proud didn’t begin to describe how I felt about Aaron. It was a woefully inadequate adjective in so many ways. He’d turned my world upside down, and nothing was the same for me. I couldn’t imagine going back to a life where I didn’t have his rainbow-infused magic painting every piece of my life. He made everything more vibrant and beautiful.
Part 4-
Saturday morning basketball was tradition. I was glad I wasn’t the only one of my law school buddies who looked forward to getting together. We used to claim we did it for the exercise, but it was really about friendship. We’d endured long hours studying and had seen each other through a mini breakdown or two before passing the bar. I loved all of my friends, but I was closest to Curt. He was funny, self-deprecating, and smart as hell. And he’d been my biggest supporter when I came out as bi. So when he reminded me that he’d invited himself over for breakfast after a game of basketball the next weekend, I’d rolled my eyes, then motioned for him to follow me home.
I opened the door to the homey smell of bacon and Aaron singing loudly in Spanish in the kitchen. I grinned at Curt. “I never promised bacon, you lucky asshole. When I invite myself to your place, you’d better be prepared to return the favor.”
“For Aaron, yes. You might rate Spam. I didn’t think it was possible to commit that many fouls on the court in a fucking hour,” Curt huffed.
I dropped my bag in the foyer before leading the way into the great room. “I know. I sucked. Jason was all over me…asshole.”
Aaron spun on his heels dramatically. “What’s this about sucking and assholes? Should I be jealous, or should I get my binoculars?”
“Ha. Ha.” I kissed him, sucking on his bottom lip, then stealing a slice of bacon. “I brought a stray home. Feel free to put him to work, babe.”
“I’d usually turn you down, but my first batch of pancakes is a goner. Total disaster. Don’t ask what happened. I haven’t recovered.” Aaron sighed dramatically. “But if you’re up to cutting some fruit, I’ll take you up on the help.”
“You got it.” I washed my hands and grabbed a couple of water bottles for Curt and me. Then I picked up a melon and a knife. “So…what happened?”
Aaron let out a beleaguered sigh. “You weren’t supposed to ask, but if you must know, it was an eggshell and butter fiasco. I ruined my T-shirt and accidentally pulled yours out of the drawer when I changed. It’s humungous and I know I look ridiculous, but I can’t change until my mission is complete.”
Curt tipped his water back and almost choked. He coughed a couple of times before getting himself under control. “That ‘Born This Gay’ T-shirt is Matt’s?”
Aaron snickered. “Yep. They had a ‘Born This Bi’ one, but it was too small for him, and he said we should match. What do you think?”
I surreptitiously observed their exchange as I cut the melon in half: Curt’s amazed expression, Aaron’s proud one.
“I love it. I want one,” Curt said. “Sounds like you had a nice weekend.”
“We did,” Aaron gushed. “It was very…”
“Gay?” I supplied, nudging his elbow slightly.
“I was going to say beautiful. Beautiful weather, good friends, great food and…” He flashed a winning smile at me, then turned back to Curt. “The kind of weekend that reminds you to be grateful.”
“Hey, Curt. Close your eyes.” I set the knife down, captured Aaron’s face between my hands, and crashed my mouth over his. I pulled back after a moment and whispered, “I love you. And if I forget to tell you this later…you look hot as fuck in my T-shirt. You should wear my clothes all the time.”
Aaron threw his head back and laughed. “All the time?”
“Well…no. Naked is good too. Oh. And one more thing…” I shot a sideways glance at Curt, who was busy scrolling through messages on his cell. I plucked at the hem of the T-shirt and rested my hand on Aaron’s lower back. “I’m glad you’re mine. I want to keep it that way…forever. I’m proud to be with you.”
I was beyond proud. I was grateful.
5
Better Than Birthday
My schedule was killing me. Long hours, endless meetings, and a stack of contracts everyone wanted done yesterday sucked the fun out of my job. Granted, no one really got jealous when I explained that I was a lawyer who specialized in government contracts. It wasn’t sexy work, but I loved it. Though lately, not so much. The rigorous attention to detail wore on me and made me grateful I didn’t have to worry about keeping track of anything in particular when it came to my personal life. My boyfriend took care of everything.
Well, okay…not everything.
I happily left our social calendar to Aaron. When it came to practical matters like balancing a checkbook or sticking to a budget, Aaron was a disaster, but somehow we complemented each other. We’d had a little practice over the past year or so, and living together definitely put things in perspective—communication was key. Aaron was better at it than I was. He didn’t keep things bottled inside. Not for long, anyway. He was curious and brave and fearless. He had a hot Latin temper and a voracious appetite for everything: information, music, fashion, sex.
A sudden vision of him in bed that morning hit me out of the blue. The sheet was tangled around his legs, and his perfect ass was on display. I’d buttoned my suit coat and kissed his cheek, wishing like hell I could climb in next to him again.
“You’re leaving already? It’s dark outside, Matty,” he’d mumbled sleepily.
“I know, I have a brief to finish. I’ll see you tonight. Love you, baby.” I’d caressed his ass and pulled the covers over him before heading for the door.
And of course, now all I could think about was his ass. Specifically…fucking his ass. I thought about calling to tell him my dick was hard as a rock and it was his fault. He’d laugh, but he’d love it too. And that was good communication, right?
