by Anise Eden
“I just saw her in the hospital. She was thinkin’ of leaving me, can you believe that? Maybe you can believe it. Maybe it was even your idea. I sure have a hard time believing it was hers. Well, don’t worry, I talked her out of it.”
Slowly, my brain started to move. If I couldn’t escape, I had to de-escalate the situation. My first idea was to pretend that I wasn’t Cate Duncan at all, and that I had no idea what he was talking about. But If I tried to deny it, it might anger him further.
“She told me you’re a real good therapist, and she can talk to you about anything. Including me.” He poked himself in the chest. “About what I do and where I go and the things I tell her. Private things. Things she shouldn’t be telling nobody.”
Oh, I got it: he was worried that I would tell somebody the things she’d told me about him—somebody like the police. Second idea: reassure him that everything Elana told me would be held in confidence. But due to confidentiality laws, I couldn’t even confirm to Don that I knew Elana, let alone that she was a client of mine.
“So I wanted you to know that I’ll be watching you. I know where you live.” He pointed to my house. “I even know your shitty car. So keeping an eye on you will be easy.”
The shallowness of my breathing was making me feel lightheaded. I began to notice odd details about my surroundings—my trash can needed to be taken inside; I would have to rake the leaves soon.
Third idea: express indifference. Tell him I didn’t care anything about who he was or what he did. Therefore, even if I did know something, I would have no interest in telling anyone else. That might work. But as I opened my mouth and tried to speak, only a gasp of air came out.
Don stepped closer until I could feel his breath on my face.
“I told Elana she’s not going to see you anymore. And I’m telling you to stay away from her. And if you ever breathe a word to anyone, anything about me,” he pressed a finger hard into my rib cage, “you’re going to wish you hadn’t.”
A tiny squeak escaped my throat. He stepped back again. “I’ll be seeing you around, Cate Duncan.” He slowly backed away from me, then turned and stepped into the alley. The echoes of his footsteps receded as I stood rigid with terror. Then I heard the sounds of a car with a loud exhaust starting up and speeding off.
Silence. Stillness. I could feel my heart beating, but I still couldn’t move. Several minutes passed. Finally, I was able to take a few steps forward, far enough so that I could peer down the alley. It was empty. My hands began to tremble as I dug through my purse for my keys. I stumbled up the stairs to my house and opened the door.
Once inside, I quickly closed the door, locked and chained it. “Oh my god,” I said, nearly choking on the words. I ran up to my bedroom and locked that door, too. I collapsed onto the bed, turning my bedspread into a cocoon as I wrapped myself up tightly. “Omigod omigod omigod.” Hot tears flowed down my cheeks.
After a few minutes I began to think again. I considered doing what he said, and not telling anyone about what had happened. But I knew it was illogical to trust the word of someone who had just tracked me down and threatened me with deadly force. Besides, whatever happened to me, I had to make sure that somebody was looking out for Elana. That settled it. I reached out of my cocoon, picked up my phone, and called Dr. Nelson.
I gave him the blow-by-blow, and he asked me questions until he was sufficiently reassured that I was all right. He seemed genuinely alarmed. While our clinic staff had been attacked before, it had only happened at the clinic itself where there was a protocol for dealing with those types of situations—none of which had ever involved a gun.
Dr. Nelson promised to check on Elana at the hospital to ensure that she was safe and would have all the support she needed upon her release. He said that he would make a report to the police and send an officer over to my house so that I could do the same. However, we both knew that Don being who he was, it was unlikely the police would be able to find him if he didn’t want to be found.
Panic started to tighten my throat. I lived alone. I didn’t have an alarm system. I didn’t have any way of defending myself. I had no family nearby. I lived paycheck to paycheck, so I couldn’t even afford to stay in a motel. And even if I were to run away somewhere, Don had found me once; no doubt he could do it again.
Dr. Nelson was apparently thinking along the same lines. “I’m going to call Ben MacGregor and tell him what happened.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re in his program for the next few weeks, and I think it’s important for him to know what’s going on.”
The incident with Don had made me temporarily forget about the day I’d had. All at once, it all started to come back to me. “Dr. Nelson—”
“Actually, now that I think about it,” he interjected, “in light of what’s happened, it’s probably a good thing that you’re going to be at the church every day instead of sitting at home.”
“Please don’t take this the wrong way,” I ventured. “I know Dr. MacGregor is your friend, but the program is really weird so far.”
This comment elicited a hearty laugh. “Yes, I suspected that you would find it challenging. I certainly hope you weren’t thinking of giving up, though, especially after only one day. What would you say if you sent one of your clients to a program you believed was ideal for them and they wanted to leave after Day One?”
Damn him. “I guess I’d ask them to trust me enough to stick it out for a while.”
“Well, that’s what I’m asking you to do, especially after what happened with Don.”
“Great,” I mumbled.
He chuckled. “Come on, Cate, you work in mental health. You can handle a little weird, right?”
“I guess.”
“All right, then. Keep an eye out for the police, and I’ll call Ben.” He paused to clear his throat, and I heard the emotion in his voice. “I hope I don’t have to tell you how important your safety is to me. I’m so sorry this happened to you. We’ll make sure it gets taken care of.”
“Thanks.”
I was alone with my thoughts again, and my anxiety grew. The fear that if I moved, Don might take a shot at me through the window kept me plastered to the bed. Fortunately, I had my purse with me. I fumbled through it until I found my bottle of little white pills and managed to swallow a couple.
I called Simone next. I wanted to warn her that Don had visited Elana in the hospital and that he, at least, was under the impression that they would still be a couple when she got out. After detailing the many unspeakable things she wanted to do to Don, Simone offered to get a babysitter for her kids so that she could come over. I was about to take her up on her offer when another call came through. Thinking it might be the police, I told her I’d call her back.
It was Ben, and his voice was tense. “I spoke to Zeke. Are you all right?”
“Yes, I’m fine. I’m just waiting for the police to get here.”
“I’ll be over in ten,” he said, and then abruptly hung up.
Although I wasn’t entirely comfortable with involving the MacGregors in my personal life, the knot that had formed inside of me when Don had appeared began to loosen. Whatever Ben had planned, it probably couldn’t hurt. I called Simone to let her know that she didn’t have to get a babysitter because the cavalry was on its way.
A wave of exhaustion swept over me. All I wanted to do was get the police report done and over with so I could get out of there—to go where, I still didn’t know. My house had been the only place I’d felt safe for so long, but anywhere else seemed safer at that moment.
As I heard cars pulling up outside, I went to the bedroom window and peeked through the curtains. Ben arrived first in the Land Rover, which turned out to be the clinic’s official vehicle, and Pete’s truck was right behind. As they walked toward the house, I saw that Ben had changed into jeans, a dark T-shirt, and a black leather jacket. I cursed myself for noticing that he cut as striking a figure in casual clothes as he did in a su
it.
As I let them into the living room, a new energy surrounded Ben and Pete. They were like two hound dogs that had been lounging at home all day and then were suddenly asked to hunt. It was strange to have Ben in my intimate space and embarrassing to have Pete back in my living room after the scene he’d witnessed that morning. They both seemed so focused on my safety, though, that I believed they weren’t there to invade my privacy or pass judgment.
“Dr. Nelson explained your situation,” Ben said, his eyes rife with concern. “He’s asked us to keep you safe. Okay with you?”
My situation? My vulnerability, he meant. I didn’t feel that I had much of a choice. It seemed as though forces beyond my control—Don, for starters—were determined to run my life for the time being. “Yes,” I said reluctantly. “Thank you.”
“Good.” He pulled his tablet and a stylus from his jacket. “Pete and I have some experience in dealing with security threats. The first step is for you to tell us every detail you can remember about what happened.”
Pete did a walk-through of my house, examining my doors and windows. Ben took notes as I gave him as much detail as I could without violating Elana’s confidentiality. As we were finishing up, the police arrived.
Ben and Pete waited outside while I gave my report. The officers said they would put an APB out on Don and would let me know if there were any updates on the case. They also said that they saw things like this all of the time and doubted anything would come of it. “He’s only trying to intimidate you,” one of the officers explained. “I doubt he’ll be back.”
They offered to have a car drive by every so often to keep an eye on things. I appreciated the gesture, but I also knew that was all it was: a gesture. I was all the more grateful that Ben and Pete were involved.
“You look spent,” Ben said after the police left.
I covered a yawn with my hand. “Yeah, it’s been a long day. Look, I really appreciate you both coming over and being willing to help. I’ve never dealt with anything like this before. But you don’t even know me really, so this is quite above and beyond the call of duty.”
“Well, you’re under our wing now, and we take our responsibilities seriously,” Pete said with a smile. “Lucky for you, dealin’ with some two-bit drug dealer is child’s play as far as we’re concerned.”
“Until the situation is resolved,” Ben said, “one of us will be with you at all times…within shouting distance, I mean. The church is secure, so you’re safe when you’re there.” He looked to Pete, who nodded. “But one of us will stay parked outside when you’re home, and we’ll accompany you if you need to go anywhere.” I must have looked as shocked as I felt because he added, “Only until this Don guy is dealt with, of course. I’ll take the first shift. Pete, can you come and replace me at three?”
Pete nodded and headed toward the door.
“But…you really don’t have to…I mean, when will you guys sleep?”
Ben and Pete exchanged sideways smiles. “Cate, we’re doing this so you don’t have to worry,” Ben said. “You’re going to make us feel inept if you start coming up with new things to worry about.”
“That’s right. You’d better cut it out before Ben starts cryin’.” Pete ducked out the door as Ben tried to knock the hat off of his head.
“Bye,” I called after him. I could feel myself softening considerably toward the cowboy. In spite of the first impression he’d made, Pete certainly was there in my time of need.
Ben took something from his pocket and handed it to me. “I brought an extra panic button from work.” I recognized the small black cylinder with the red button on one end; we used similar devices at Dr. Nelson’s clinic. “We connected this one to my cell phone and Pete’s. Just push it and one of us will be here in a flash.” I must have looked scared because he added, “Don’t worry, we’re not going to let anyone get in. It’s just a safety precaution. And do you have an extra set of keys? If I do need to get in here for some reason, I don’t want to have to break the door down.”
I retrieved my extra set from a kitchen drawer. As I handed them over, I felt a pang of guilt. Here he was, offering to protect me, and I was going to let him sit outside in his car. “Wait a minute. Why don’t you stay in here? In the living room, I mean. It would be a lot more comfortable, and you can watch TV and stuff.” As I gestured toward the couch, I remembered that I hadn’t seen him eat anything all day. “And I have some Chinese leftovers in the fridge. Help yourself.” I thought it best not to mention that Sid had brought the take-out food.
Ben frowned. “Are you sure? I don’t want you to feel crowded.”
“Of course I’m sure. Listen, it’s really nice of you to be doing this. I mean, it’s totally not what I expected,” I said, adding softly, “but I’m really grateful. I don’t know what kind of state I’d be in right now if you hadn’t come.”
“It’s no problem at all.”
The next moment, I felt like I couldn’t keep my eyes open for another minute.
“Go on up to bed. I’ll be right down here. If you need anything, just holler.” He gave me a reassuring smile. “And don’t worry. Everything is going to be fine.”
“Thanks,” I said wearily, almost unable to form the word as I climbed the stairs. I was too tired to even think about undressing or brushing my teeth. I fell onto the bed and went straight to sleep.
Chapter Eleven
It was a typical summer afternoon in Delaware: hot, humid, and lazy. Mom and I were sharing a hammock in her cousin Ardis’ backyard, swinging gently as one by one, I picked the white, ethereal seeds out of a dandelion and let the wind catch them.
“You know Ardis is going to kill you,” Mom said. “Her yard is going to be littered with weeds.”
I smiled. “Good thing her cousin is the Plant Whisperer.”
Mom reached over and tugged on my braid. “You’re a troublemaker.”
“Ow!” I pushed her hand away, laughing. “You act like that’s news!”
Her expression grew wistful. “Catie, you know I’m not really here, right?”
“Hmm?” I gave her a puzzled look.
“I’ll visit soon, though,” she said. “For now, I’m sorry to say you have to get back to reality.”
“But Mom…” I whined.
“Go!” She threaded her hands and feet through the hammock so she wouldn’t fall, then swung a few times and flipped it over, dropping me onto the ground.
The ground turned out to be my bed. Tears wet my temples. I picked up my phone and checked the time. Two a.m. I moaned and screwed my eyes shut again, willing myself to go back to sleep, back to my mother, away from reality. But sleep wouldn’t come.
Then I remembered that Ben was downstairs in my living room. At least I thought he was. I didn’t hear a sound.
I turned my attention inward and reached out with my senses. Yes, he was there; I could feel his presence. A filament must have been forming between us. I could sense both his wide-awake watchfulness and his calm. Either he didn’t think anything was going to happen that night or he was confident that he could handle it if something did.
Another thought occurred to me. As unpleasant as it would have been for me to submerge into Don, I should have at least made the effort during our encounter. Perhaps if I had, it would have created a filament that I could use to get some sort of read on him—to sense whether he was watching me, or asleep, or out getting drunk. Anything that would help me feel like I had some control over the situation. I kicked myself for missing the opportunity.
I would have to do something else to distract myself. I hadn’t had a chance to check on my clients yet that day; that seemed like a good place to start.
I assumed my usual position, closing my eyes and folding my hands over my chest. Soon I could see the filaments, glowing brightly and reaching out into the night.
First, I went to Elana. She felt calm, stable. The stay at Washington Hill must be doing her some good. Then I moved on to the next person and
the next, grateful to find no reasons for concern. I bid them all a peaceful night and moved on.
Filaments also connected me to Simone and Sid. I sensed that they were both sleeping, and I envied them. Finally, I came across the space where my mother’s filament had been. It was an empty space, cold and painful like a bruise. She’s gone, I thought, then shuddered as I realized: You could have joined her today.
Pushing away that thought, I tried to remember what it was like when she was alive. Growing up, I was her shadow. We lived in a small town northeast of Baltimore at the mouth of the Susquehanna River, spending holidays and weekends in Lewes, the town on the Delaware oceanfront where she grew up. From the safety of those bucolic nests, she had done her best to shelter me from most things harsh and ugly.
She may have been a bit too successful at that. When I left home to attend college in Washington, D.C., I realized for the first time how profoundly naïve I was. I met students from all over the world and studied subjects I’d never heard of. I became painfully aware of how little I knew about the world outside of the bubble in which I was raised.
I had been working hard ever since to educate myself about all aspects of life. For some reason, I was particularly drawn to the dark, painful aspects of human existence. The more I learned about all the broken places, the more I wanted to heal them. Where that impulse came from, I didn’t know, but going into the mental health field was an extension of that quest.
As long as I could remember, my mother had lived for two things: work and gardening. She never seemed to have many friends or much of a social life. Her explanation was that her job was stressful, so when she wasn’t at work, she only wanted to spend time with her family and her plants.
But Ardis told me that growing up, Mom was always the life of the party—even more so after she met my father. It was only after I was nearly a year old and he left us that Mom started to withdraw into herself and away from the world.
