“Why do you think so poorly of me?”
“What else am I supposed to think? Our past tends to color our future.”
“Listen, forget I even mentioned it because you’re right. It doesn’t matter. You know I wouldn’t wish Lisa any harm, even if it meant you’d get to take her place. I’m sorry I said anything.”
Natalie tried to read the sincerity in his eyes, but it was impossible. Reading Ryan was like reading a menu written in German.
THIRTY-FOUR
JARED SAT ON HIS PATIO, ENJOYING THE NIGHT AIR AND GOING OVER HIS Bible verses for the next day. Fingering the red satin hair ribbon he now used as a page marker, Jared thought of Natalie and her dinner date with Ryan. The two had a lot in common. They were both involved in rodeo, enjoyed ranching, and seemed to have a physical connection. All of this combined spelled out a perfect future. And Natalie’s odd behavior around the man led Jared to presume that she cared for him.
The realization left a quiet, lonely ache in his heart. What did God have in store for his future?
Lord, help me be content with what you give and help me serve you—only you.
A rustling noise from the bushes drew Jared’s attention. He expected a rabbit to zip from the undergrowth, but to his astonishment, Dillon rose from the greenery and took a seat beside him.
“What are you doing here?” Jared put his notes down in surprise. “And what’s more, how did you get here?”
The boy stared at his lap, troubled. “I hitched a ride in the back of Ryan’s truck.”
Jared’s eyes widened. “Ryan’s truck? You mean your sister’s date?”
“It’s not a date.” The boy shook his head indignantly. “She said it wasn’t.”
“Does Natalie know where you are?” Jared couldn’t believe Natalie would allow her brother to ride in the back of a truck all the way to town.
Dillon remained solemn. “I couldn’t stand being there. I had to get out of the house.”
“Tell me what’s going on.” Jared tried to understand. “Why did you feel you had to get out of there?”
“It’s Natalie. She’s making a mistake.”
Jared’s pulse skipped. “Is Natalie in trouble? What do you mean?”
The boy pressed against the back of the chair, his feet barely touching the floor. “She’s going out with that Ryan guy, but she ought to be with you, Jared. I’ve tried to tell you, but neither of you will listen.”
Jared scooted closer to the boy. “I met Ryan this afternoon. He seems like a nice enough fellow. Why don’t you like him?”
Dillon wrinkled his nose. “He’s a worm.”
“Besides that?”
“He broke up with Natalie before. He’ll do it again.”
“You mean he’s her old boyfriend?”
Dillon nodded, his mouth scrunched in a frown. “Why did she go out with him again? Why would she do that? She has you. She ought to be with you.”
“Hold on, there. First off, she doesn’t have me. Remember, I explained that to you. I have to be careful who I date. And although your sister is a lovely woman, and I like her very much, she’s missing the one thing I can’t live without.”
The boy studied him. “What’s that? Love?”
Jared shook his head, hating to spell it out so boldly. He didn’t doubt for a moment that love could be gained. He’d felt the signs, his spirit warmed when he was around Natalie, he enjoyed her company, pany, longed to hold her in his arms. Love wasn’t the problem. “The woman I fall in love with must love Jesus. Do you understand that?”
“You mean she has to go to church?”
“That always helps.” Jared offered a gentle smile. “But more than that, she needs Jesus in her heart. Right now, that’s something your sister fights, though I pray for her every day.” Morning and night.
“Why does she fight it?”
“I’m not sure. Some people just do.” Jared marked the gospel of John in his Bible with a piece of paper and handed it to the boy. “I’d like you to have this, Dillon. It’ll help you get through tough times, like what you and your family are going through now, and it’ll help you appreciate the blessings when times are good.”
Dillon reached out with hesitance.
“Go ahead,” Jared assured him. “I have another Bible inside.”
He accepted it then and clutched it to his stomach. “Natalie says we’re your mission project.”
Jared grinned, having heard those words before. “Well, Dillon, I want good things for your family, and I want you to know Jesus. If that means you’re my mission project, I guess it’s true.”
The boy peered up through thick lashes. “Are you going to take me home, now?”
“Don’t you think your family might be worried?”
“They were watching TV when I left. I doubt they even know I’m gone.”
Jared rested his forearms on his knees. “How are you getting along with Libby? Do you think of her as your mom?”
Dillon shrugged. “I guess. Mostly she likes doing things with Chelsey, but sometimes she helps me with chores.”
“What about Natalie?”
“She doesn’t do much with Libby and us. She’s either working outside or in Dad’s office.” The boy’s lip curled as he popped his knuckles. “I miss how it used to be.”
“I’m sure she misses it too.” Jared stood and waited for the boy to join him. “Give her some time. It’ll get better.”
“Are you mad at me? For wanting you and Natalie to be together?”
From the moment they met, the boy had carved a niche in Jared’s heart. Not only did Jared enjoy Dillon’s company, but he recognized a bit of his childhood in him. He couldn’t be mad at the boy—at least not for very long. “Promise never to do something like this again?”
Dillon nodded. “I promise.”
Jared acknowledged the boy’s honesty, never knowing him to tell a lie. “I realize it’s hard without your dad, and that some days you want to run away and hide. But sometimes you have to stand up and face your problems—like David did with Goliath. If you want I’ll tell you about David in the car.”
Jared grabbed his keys from inside the house and drove Dillon back to the ranch. “Think your sister’s home yet?”
“I wish.”
Deep in his heart, Jared wished Natalie was home too. The thought of her being out on a date with her ex-boyfriend caused his stomach to writhe.
THIRTY-FIVE
NATALIE LOOKED UP FROM HER GAME OF DOMINOES AS THE KITCHEN DOOR screeched open. She exchanged glances with Chelsey and Libby seated on the floor around the coffee table, wondering if it might be Willard. But it wasn’t.
“Jared, what are you doing here?” Ryan had brought her back after ten, so she knew it had to be late.
“I came to drop off a visitor.” He pulled Dillon to stand beside him in the doorway. “Do you want to tell them, or shall I?”
Natalie rose from the floor, acutely aware of the guilt on her brother’s face. “Dillon, what are you doing with Jared? I thought you were upstairs in bed.”
Dillon stared at her, and Jared nudged him forward.
She placed her hands on her hips, growing more ill at ease with every second that ticked by. “Will one of you say something, please? You’re scaring me.”
“Calm down, Nat.” Libby stood beside her with a handful of popcorn. “I’m sure you’re getting worked up for nothing. Let the boy explain.”
“No, I won’t calm down. What’s going on guys? Dillon, are you okay?”
“Everyone’s fine.” Jared raised a finger to quiet her. “The problem is your brother hitched a ride to town in the back of Ryan’s truck. He walked to my house, and I found him on my patio.”
“You snuck into town?” Natalie closed the distance between them and bent down so that she was eye-level to her brother. “Why, Dillon, did something happen?”
“I just needed to get out of here for a while. It was no big deal. I was with Jared.”
“
And you hid in the back of Ryan’s truck? You could have been hurt.” Frustration warmed her cheeks. Why was her brother so intent on stealing off on his own? And how was she going to make it stop? “What if Jared hadn’t been home?”
“Does it matter? You were off with that cowboy and didn’t even know I was in the truck. I don’t know why you care. I’m home now, aren’t I?”
“Don’t sass your sister,” Libby scolded, and Dillon stared down at his shoes.
The reprimand only served to irritate Natalie more. She didn’t need help raising these kids—especially not from a stepmom who’d been absent most of their life. Natalie tilted Dillon’s chin and gazed into his hazel eyes. “Of course I care what happens—to you and Chelsey. Ryan and I went to dinner, but now I’m home.” She caught Jared’s gaze, and her lower lip trembled.
“Where’s Ryan now?” Dillon moved away from her touch.
“He went back to the hotel. I asked him to take me home so I could spend time with you guys—only I thought you were sleeping.”
“You’re not mad?”
She thumped him on the side of the head. “I ought to give you a thrashing. What did I tell you about going off on your own? I swear, you kids are going to give me an ulcer.”
“Don’t blame me. I didn’t do anything this time,” Chelsey said, still seated on the floor, but obviously listening to their discussion.
“Yeah, and you didn’t even know I was gone,” Dillon added.
“That’s not the point.” Natalie raked his bangs to the side of his face. “Will you promise to never pull a stunt like this again?”
Dillon nodded, and Natalie let out a deep breath, wanting to put the incident behind them.
“Pastor, would you care to join us for a game of dominoes?” Libby asked. “It’s not too late for us to deal you in.”
Jared shook his head and gazed at Natalie. “I better get back home. I have dual services tomorrow.”
“Can I walk you out?” At his nod, Natalie trailed Jared out the back door and shuffled along beside him, staring at the thousands of stars that lit the sky. “Why do you think Dillon snuck out tonight?”
Jared stopped at his car and sat against the front hood. “You’re smart, Natalie. What do you think?”
She hugged her arms to her chest. “He hasn’t been himself since Dad died. Hiding in outbuildings, traipsing off to the river, and now sneaking into town in the middle of the night. I’m afraid to think what he might try next.”
“Your brother’s had a lot of change in his life, and he’s on the verge of his teen years. That’s scary for a boy, let alone a boy without his dad.”
“And now he’s stuck in a house full of women. No wonder he wants to run away.” Apprehension twisted Natalie’s gut. Maybe she did need help raising these kids. She hadn’t even considered Dillon’s age and the changes he’d soon go through. “What should I do now?”
“Listen to him, be his friend, and don’t be afraid to discipline him when he needs it, because I guarantee there will be times he’ll need it.” Jared grinned. “Other than that, just take one day at a time.”
Desiring to understand the difference between this man and Ryan, and why her attraction for Jared seemed to grow each time he came around, Natalie reached out and touched the rough stubble of his cheek. “Is that what you do? Live one day at a time?” She traced the line of his jaw and heard the intake of his breath.
“It’s the only thing we can do.” Jared cupped his hand over hers and gently lifted her fingers from his skin. “Anything else, and God tends to laugh at our plans.”
Oh, how well she’d learned that lesson. She tucked her hands behind her back and considered her father’s estate. He’d worked all his life to make the ranch profitable and on his death, none of it mattered. The money he’d saved and hidden would only go toward taxes. All of his plans seemed such a waste.
“Thank you for bringing Dillon home.” She tried to make sense of the one thing she knew—that Jared was always there for her and her family. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. You’re a good friend. I shouldn’t ask for more.” She lowered her eyes, embarrassed to have succumbed to such curiosity.
Jared let out a long sigh. “I wish things were different. That I could tell you what I’m feeling.”
“What?” The word came out a whisper. “I’d like to know.”
“Lots of things. Too many things. Things I’m not supposed to feel.” He tilted his head toward the starry sky. “What about you and Ryan? Dillon said he was your ex-boyfriend. Has that changed? Is that why he’s here?”
Natalie stared out at the pasture, the moon casting an ethereal glow on the hills beyond. “We dated for about a year, and then after I lost the national competition he broke up with me. My not winning apparently ruined his plans.”
“Were you going to marry him?”
“Lots of plans were ruined.” She shifted her gaze to Jared. “I’m not sure why Ryan came here. I’d like to think he’s changed, but I can’t shake the feeling that he’s up to something.”
“It’s usually wise to listen to your intuition. God gave it to us for a reason.” Jared brushed a strand of hair from her face, and she leaned into his hand. “And for the record, it might be a good idea to talk to Dillon about Ryan.”
“Is that why he ran away?”
“I’d rather you find out from him.” Jared caressed her cheek with the back of his fingers, and Natalie closed her eyes, relishing his gentle touch. Two men had caressed her cheek this night, two men as different as night and day. But there was something about Jared that made him stand out to her—his kindness, his generosity…or was it his honesty? Whatever it was, she wanted to know more…
JARED DROVE TO THE END OF THE LANE, THE SOFTNESS OF NATALIE’S SKIN clinging to his fingers. He stopped the car. What was he doing? Messing with fire? Challenging God? He thumped his head on the steering wheel…hoping to rattle loose some common sense. Stupid, stupid man.
He knew better than to get involved with Natalie, to allow himself to become infatuated with her. But oh, the pleasure of her smile. If only she would stop denying God’s presence in her life. She’d attended church as a girl with her mother, had attended cowboy church and would go again tomorrow. Was it such a big stretch to think she could change? That she might move toward a life of faithfulness? She was so close—seemed on the brink of it every time they talked. But something always held her back.
Then a cold hard realization hit him like a slap on the cheek. His desire for Natalie’s conversion had somehow become a means to an end—a way for them to be together. He dipped his chin in remorse. What kind of pastor was he to allow such selfish thoughts? To put his own needs and desires before those in his care. He shook his head, knowing exactly what kind.
A miserable one.
THE NEXT MORNING JARED ARRIVED AT THE FAIRGROUNDS WITH HIS BIBLE, wearing khaki pants and loafers, certain he was breaking some cowboy code of attire. He took a seat at one of the bleachers to go over his notes. Natalie sat beside him a few minutes later with her hair draped over one shoulder, smelling sweet and fresh like the honeysuckle that bloomed outside his office window.
“I hope the incident last night didn’t keep you from your studies.”
Jared patted the note cards against his palm and straightened. “Not at all. I’m more concerned that I should have worn my boots and hat.” He grinned, half-joking.
“You’ll do fine. Here, let’s get you wired.” She clipped a microphone to his shirt collar, and her fingers grazed his neck. A chill of excitement shot down his back, and he warded it off, determined to show more discipline than he had the night before.
“Are we ready?” he asked.
At her nod, Jared crossed the sandy arena to the podium set up for him. After a few familiar hymns, he situated his Bible and surveyed the small crowd of women, a handful of men dotted among them. Ryan Frazier stared back at him, his legs stretched out on the bleachers and his arms folded across his chest. Jar
ed tried not to let the man’s presence unnerve him and prayed for God’s peace and wisdom.
“Good morning.” He breathed an audible sigh. “I knew I forgot something when I left the house this morning—my hat and boots.” This statement triggered a few giggles, and the mood lightened.
“This is the first time I’ve led cowboy church, so please forgive me for that oversight. I have to admit, when Natalie asked me to fill in for this service, I wondered what topic to cover. Now looking out at all of your beautiful faces, I can’t believe my struggle.” He lifted his Bible for all to see. “In God’s Word, there is one story that seems particularly fitting for the queen clinic you’re holding today. Some of you may know it already—the story of Esther.”
Jared continued and as he reached the close of his sermon, his gaze drifted over each listener until it landed on Natalie. “God used Queen Esther to save a nation—an entire race of people. Many of you may go from here and win queen titles. And so I ask, how might God use you? Maybe it will be in serving the rodeo association with grace and dignity, or perhaps it will be in supporting your community or a special cause. You may never win a title, but God may use you as a witness to your fellow queen participants, or to your friends, or even your family. So think on this as you leave here today. How might God use your talents and your beauty in serving his kingdom? May God grant you the courage to accept the challenge as Esther did.”
Jared closed with another hymn and a prayer. With little time to spare before his next service, he gathered his notes and Bible, thankful the sermon had gone without a hitch. Two girls came up to express their appreciation, and he thanked them, always amazed at how God could speak through him to touch a person. Natalie stood at the edge of the arena visiting another girl. Perhaps his words had affected her as well—at least he could hope.
Not wanting to bother her, he waved and headed for his car parked on the opposite side of the fairgrounds. On his way, he passed Frazier, once again encircled by a group of young ladies. The man seemed to prize the female attention. Jared didn’t miss how Ryan’s hand rested comfortably at the curve of one girl’s waist, possessively so.
Seeds of Summer Page 18
