by Staci Hart
“I just thought they could change. I thought I could show them how to be better, if they would let me. I thought I could help them meet their potential.”
“You believed in them, which is noble. But you can’t change people. And you deserve the love you give to others. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.”
Kiki nodded with a sigh — this time, sad — so Kat let it go there.
“Well, I’m glad your affinity for alpha assholes has passed. Owen doesn’t seem like the fighting type or the type to con drinks out of you. He’s more the bookish, sensitive type. I rate him at about a three on the bad-boy scale.”
Kiki’s brows inched up. “Am I hearing this right? Do you actually approve of someone I like?”
“He seems sweet,” Kat said with a shrug, “and I think it’s fair to say that whatever this is,” she motioned to her sister, “it’s more than a passing phase. I didn’t expect to see him here this morning. But he made pancakes, so I couldn’t be mad. That was probably his plan all along, wasn’t it?”
“Probably, but it was an honest plan.” She blushed, smiling. “He’s … God, Kat. He’s just so great and kind and strong and …” She sighed again, and Kat laughed.
“You’re a mess.”
“I know,” she said, shaking her head like she didn’t believe it.
“You deserve to be this happy, Kiki.”
She frowned, eyes narrowing suspiciously. “I thought you said I wasn’t ready.”
Kat glanced down at her book, flipping it over without purpose. “Maybe it’s me who wasn’t ready.”
“I can’t even believe I’m hearing this. What’s with the sudden self-awareness?”
Kat rolled one shoulder in a shrug. “Hanging out with you last night, listening to you two talk, hearing you laugh … I dunno. I get it. Plus, I feel bad for being bitchy to Owen at the bar.”
“Well, Dillon pushed you pretty far, and when you get mad, you don’t usually take it out on the right person. I didn’t take it personally, and I’m sure Owen didn’t either.”
“Whatever,” Kat said, pretending like it didn’t matter. “Dillon was just acting like every other fucker on the track.”
Kiki rolled her eyes. “Like having a dick makes them a better driver.”
“I’m happy to prove them wrong, just like I’ll prove Dillon wrong.”
“I can’t believe he called you out like that. This is your job, not a joke or a hobby. He’s not going to beat you, and he’s stupid for thinking he can.”
“I told him he didn’t know who he was fucking with, but he’s not really the type to listen.”
“How could he? He’s too busy barking.”
“I can’t wait to see the look on his face.” Kat tried to picture him throwing a fit, but all she could see were his bright eyes, the strong line of his nose, his wide lips, the hard edge of his jaw. The image blazed in her mind, and she kicked dirt over it to put the fire out.
It was desire she felt, and she cursed herself at the realization.
It had been a long time since she met anyone she wanted like that — in that way that felt automatic, undeniable. In Vegas, she’d run with the same guys for so long, and the ones she’d liked were tried on and discarded. She’d always been drawn to men with skill, men with confidence, but she’d found time and time again that her own skill and confidence threatened them. She was too hard, too jaded, too much, and before long, it would end and she’d be alone again.
Loneliness suited her, she’d found. And so she’d all but given up on the prospect of more. She’d given up her expectations, finding men who had no expectations of her — usually out-of-towners in Vegas to party, gone as quickly as they’d appeared. She hadn’t invested in them, they hadn’t invested in her, and everyone had ended up happy, whatever that meant.
The saddest part was, she didn’t know if the type of man she was looking for even existed. All she wanted was mutual respect. She wanted an equal, someone who could match her blow for blow, kiss for kiss, laugh for laugh.
She wanted a man who would love her as fiercely as her father loved her mother.
Kat reached for her necklace, fiddling with the solitary pearl to slide it up and down the chain, comforted by the quiet zipping it made, and she thought of her father.
He was the only man in her life who truly respected her.
She’d called him the day after they left Vegas, rightly assuming he wouldn’t buy her excuse as to why they were on their way to New York. He had known it was bullshit, but he hadn’t asked any questions, much to her relief, though she knew he’d been digging since then. She also knew it would be almost impossible to find a thread to unravel. Four people in the world knew the truth, and none of them were talking.
The hardest part of the whole ordeal was keeping the secret from him. The lesson he’d taught her above all was that family was everything. It was why they’d left, the reason for the cloak-and-dagger and the sacrifice.
Tanaka Katsu loved both his daughters, but with Kat, the eldest, the bond was deeper, stronger. She was his likeness, their seriousness and capability so much of who they were that they stepped into their roles of protector easily, simply, as if there were no other choice. Katsu was yakuza, trained to kill and lead and plan and procure. Kat was as fearless and confident as him, but without the structure of an organization to use those skills, she was left with a single purpose — protect her family. And she had.
They had been at risk so far away from him in Vegas, but that distance had been safer than having them nearby. Their lives were too complicated, twisted with commitments and duty and love. And as much as he loved them and wanted them close, it wasn’t safe. Yuki saw to that.
But for once in her life, she had her father close by. Now that only a few miles separated them, she saw him often, and that alone almost made the trouble worthwhile.
Family was everything, and hers had been split apart. But that fact had never stopped them from loving each other so deeply that nothing could stand in their way, not distance or time.
“Will Papa bring us presents?” Four-year-old Kiki looked up at Kat with eyes so big.
The sisters sat in the window seat on their knees like they’d been for the last half hour, looking through the glass at the empty street, listening for his thundering car.
Kat smiled at her little sister and adjusted the bow in her hair. “He usually does.”
“I miss him,” she said, turning to look at the driveway.
“Me too, but we won’t have to wait much longer. He’ll be here soon.”
The sisters pressed their hands against the window and looked up the street as their mother flitted around them with a dancer’s grace, undeterred by her heels. She fluffed the pillows on the couch again and picked up pictures and moved them arbitrarily before finally taking a seat next to the girls, fingers threaded in her lap, glancing out the window with as much hope as her daughters.
“Grace has strict instructions to make sure you eat too much candy and stay up far past bedtime.” Kim smiled, holding Kiki’s cheek as she pouted. “I’m sorry we’re going out tonight, baby. But we’re going to spend the rest of the weekend together. I promise.”
They heard the rumble of his engine before they saw him. The sleek black ’69 Charger rolled up the street before pulling into the driveway.
Kiki squealed and hopped off the seat, and Kat was right behind her. Kim stood, straightening her tight black cocktail dress, smoothing a hand over her hair as she walked to the door and opened it.
The girls bolted, barreling down the walkway to meet him.
He stepped out of the car, tall in a gray suit, his jet-black hair combed neatly back. On his long, narrow nose sat black sunglasses, and when he smiled, it was bright and full of joy and relief, lighting up his handsome face. He was powerful — anyone could see the gravitas and authority in the straightness of his back, the sureness of every step — but with his children, with Kim, the hard shell of duty fell away, leaving a sof
tness reserved just for them.
Katsu set his leather bag down and knelt in front of the car, spreading his arms.
“Ah musume. Koko ni kuru. Come here, my beautiful girls.”
“Papa!” Kiki squealed.
They ran to him, and he wrapped them in his arms, peppering their cheeks with kisses.
“I have missed you. Where is your mama?”
“Right there!” Kiki cupped her father’s chin and pointed it to Kim.
She waited behind them, tall and slender, her hair falling over her shoulders and green eyes glistening.
He stood slowly, his eyes locked on hers, looking her over for a long moment before closing the space between them to hold her face in his hands.
“I have missed you most of all.”
Her cheeks flushed as she leaned into his hand, gazing up at him like he was the center of the universe.
He bent to kiss her smiling lips, and Kiki giggled. Kat nudged her, though her lips pursed to stop herself from smiling too.
Katsu turned to the girls. “Come, musume. I will show you what I’ve brought.”
Kiki squealed again and ran to him, slipping her tiny hand into his as he picked up his bag, beaming at Kim.
He turned back to Kat. “Come, Katsumi. I have something very special for you.”
And when he smiled again, it was the smile he gave only to her. She answered it with her own and started after him.
Once inside, the girls sat on the floor of the living room, all eyes on Katsu as he sat on the couch. He opened his bag and reached inside, his hands reappearing with a porcelain doll. Her hair was black and shiny, pin straight down her back, and her eyes were a vivid shade of green. They reminded Kat of soft spring grass, warmed by the sun, so bright against her creamy skin and midnight hair and the blood red brocade kimono.
“Keiko,” he said, leaning toward her where she sat at his feet as if he were telling her a great secret, “this doll sat in the window of a shop, and she called my name. Do you see her eyes? She is a jade child, like you.” Kiki’s eyes were wide, her face rapt as Katsu handed her the fragile doll. “She is delicate, my Keiko. Take care not to break her.”
“I won’t, Papa. I promise,” she said, cradling the doll against her chest.
Katsu’s face was soft, and he cupped the back of Kiki’s head, pressing a kiss to her forehead. When he turned back to his bag, he reached inside to retrieve a small velvet box, which he handed to Kat.
She took the soft box, running her hand over the lid before hooking her fingers in the crease, opening it with a creak. Cream satin lined the inside of the box, and on the padded side lay a fine gold necklace with a small pearl pendant.
Kat touched the shiny pearl and looked up at her father. “Thank you, Papa,” was all she could manage.
“Would you like to wear it?” he asked.
She nodded. It was the most lovely thing she’d ever been given.
He slid off the couch to sit next to her on the floor and took the dainty necklace from the box. She gathered her hair out of the way as he laid it on her neck and fastened it before sitting back to admire her.
“Kireii musume. You are beautiful, my Katsumi. Did you know that pearls have their own power?”
Kat shook her head, her fingers on the pearl.
“It is said that wearing a pearl will protect you from evil and bring you luck. And I wish both things for you very much.”
She beamed up at him and then at her mother, who sat behind Kiki playing with her hair, and she was struck by the rightness of it all. If only they could be together always.
Katsu turned back to his bag. “And for my Kim …” He pulled another velvet box out of the bag, and Kim’s breath hitched, her fingers touching her lips.
“But Katsu, why—”
“After all these years, you still ask?” He laid the box in her hands.
She held the big, flat box for a moment, her chest rising slowly as she took a deep breath and opened it. Kiki leaned in to look and her mouth dropped open when she looked inside.
Kim’s eyes shot up to Katsu’s in disbelief.
“May I?” he asked with a smile, extending his hand.
She gave him the box, and it was Kat’s turn to drop her jaw when he took out a necklace strung with diamonds with a large diamond pendant in the center. He tenderly placed it on Kim’s slender neck, the pendant resting just in the hollow of her collarbone.
He pressed a reverent kiss to her neck.
“It’s beautiful. Thank you,” she whispered, trailing her fingers across the twinkling diamonds.
His eyes found hers, his voice soft. “It has been too long this time.”
“Every visit is too long between and too short within,” she whispered back.
They sat in silence, lost in each other for a long moment, and the girls were still, caught up, frozen.
The doorbell rang, and they all jumped.
Kiki was across the room in a split second, chanting, “Grace, Grace, Graaaaace!”
Kim glided to the door, opening it to reveal their nanny with a soft smile on her face and her gray hair twisted into a bun. Kiki threw her arms around Grace’s waist.
“Ooph! Hello, Kiki.” She patted Kiki on the back and leaned in to kiss Kim on the cheek. “Hello, Kimberly, dear.”
Grace walked into the room and set down her things, her eyes twinkling as she smoothed out her shirtdress. Katsu stood, offering a small bow with a smile on his face, and Grace waved a hand at him.
“Oh, you. So polite.” Grace patted Kat on the head.
“Let me go grab my things,” Kim said, glowing and floating through the house like an angel.
“Papa, can’t you stay?” Kiki pouted.
Grace winked at Katsu as she headed into the kitchen, and Katsu bent down to the girls.
“Mama and I are going out, but tomorrow, there will be ice cream and a movie for all of us. What do you think?”
Kiki lit up, her sadness all but forgotten. “Can I have a banana split?”
He brushed her cheek. “Anything you wish.”
Kim came into the room with a weekend bag just as Grace entered from the kitchen, tying an apron around her back.
“Grace, could you have the girls ready for breakfast around ten? We’ll be back to pick them up.”
“Sure,” she said, pulling Kat into her side for a hug. “They’ll be here with bells on.”
Kim turned to the girls, kneeling down to hug them one by one. “Be good, okay?”
“We will, Mama,” Kat answered.
She kissed both girls and stood, and Katsu took her place, cupping the girls’ faces one at a time. Green eyes looked into brown, reflecting love and hope like mirrors. And then he stood and walked to Kim, taking a last long look at his daughters before closing the door.
Kiki and Kat ran to the window seat, giggling as he opened the door for their mother, pausing to kiss her sweetly before she slid into the sports car. And Kat watched her father until he was in the car and she could no longer see his face, and when she touched her pearl, she smiled.
Someday, she’d find a man who looked at her the way her father looked at her mother. Someday, she’d have little girls of her own, and someday, they’d all be together and as happy as she was right then.
“You okay, Kat? You have a weird look on your face.”
“I’m fine.” Kat gave her sister a smile she hoped was reassuring as she tried to put her memories back in their box, deflecting the question with one of her own. “What are you doing tonight?”
Kiki’s cheeks flushed. “Going on a date with Owen.”
Worry shot through Kat right alongside surprise. Of course they would want to go out. And somehow, Kat was completely unprepared.
“What’s the matter?” Kiki asked warily.
“This makes me nervous.”
At that, Kiki full-on frowned. “Why?”
“Because, when I’m with you, I know you’re safe. Owen complicates that.” She paused, thin
king. “We need ground rules.”
Kiki swung her legs around to set her feet on the ground, putting on a mock -erious face. “Okay, Mom. Shoot.”
Kat rolled her eyes. “I’m serious. Can you just humor me?”
“Okay, okay.” She leaned forward, resting her forearms on her thighs and clasping her hands. “Well, you and I will keep working the same shifts at the bar, so that covers a lot of it. If he stays over here rather than me going there, would that help?”
Kat considered. “That would definitely make me feel better.”
“And how about if we go anywhere, we can really pretend you’re Mom and I’ll let you know exactly where I’ll be and when I’ll be home?”
“That would also make me feel better.”
Kiki watched her with hopeful eyes. “So you’re really okay with this?”
“I’m okay with it,” Kat answered and meant it. “Just keep his brother away, all right?”
“I know, right?” Kiki laughed, pulling her knees in as she sat back in the chair.
“I’ll make nice with him for the sake of you and Owen though, when I have to. I can sidestep his snark, and if he quits being a shit, maybe we can get along. Beating him tomorrow should shut him up for a minute.”
“You’re welcome for setting the whole thing up for you, by the way,” Kiki said.
“Well, I wasn’t going to call him to work it out.”
“I don’t blame you.” She laughed, the color high in her cheeks as she beamed at Kat. “You’re the best sister ever. You know that?”
“I do. You’re lucky to have me.”
Kiki shook her head as Kat’s phone rang in her lap, a photo of her mom and dad lighting up her screen.
“Hi, Mom,” she answered.
“Hey, baby. How are you?”
Kat stood and stretched. “Pretty good. How are you?” She wandered down the stairs and to the sliding door that led to the small patio.
“Oh, you know. Hanging in there. Things are quiet around here without you.”
“Quiet? In Vegas?” Kat sat in one of the chairs and propped her feet on the railing.
