by Max Frei
Melamori obediently carried out my orders and went down to the morgue.
She came back with a troubled expression on her lovely face.
“Smell familiar?” I asked.
“Yes! But I have no idea why.”
“Same here. Well, don’t worry. If you can’t remember, you can’t remember. Here’s your kamra. Drink up, and forward, march to the Tipsy Bottle.”
“What am I to do there? Drink myself into oblivion while the sun rises?”
“Precisely, and in between your eighth and ninth glasses of Jubatic Juice, don’t forget about going up to the master bedroom. Find out whether anyone besides the legal owners of the place was there last night. Except for me, of course.”
“So was that Karwen in the morgue? I’m slightly acquainted with his wife. Gosh! What a present on the Last Day of the Year!”
“The first day of the year, Melamori! Be optimistic. There’s a saying in my homeland: ‘The way you celebrate the New Year is the way you’ll live it.’ Can you imagine?”
“Do you believe that, Max?” Melamori looked at me in almost superstitious horror. “And nothing can be done to change it?”
“In my homeland, no. But in Echo, the silly signs and superstitions of the Barren Lands are not in force. So off you go to the Tipsy Bottle!”
“I’m going, I’m going. Just between you and me, you’re a worse tyrant than Juffin!”
“I hope I am. Speaking of tyranny, it seems I’ll have to hit all the diners and snack bars in town trying to track down that scent again. And since you recognized it, too, I order you to accompany me.”
“You’re ordering me to hit all the diners and snack bars in town with you, Sir Max? I mean, just plain Max?” said Lady Melamori with a laugh.
“Of course,” I said. “I’m abusing the privileges of office in the best of interests. I’ve dreamed of this my whole life, and here I am in the driver’s seat. Now you won’t be able to wriggle out of it.”
“I wouldn’t think of trying,” said Melamori, and gazed at me, so clearly delighted that I suddenly turned red as a tomato. Then she left to carry out the task I had so tyrannically assigned.
Sir Kofa Yox arrived exactly two seconds before Melifaro, and both of them were burning with curiosity about whether my poor head was still in working order. They were alarmed when I related the events to them. This was the first serious crime that had taken place in Echo on the Last Night of the Year since the beginning of the Code Epoch. This was what Sir Kofa Yox claimed; and that was saying something.
By the time they arrived, I was already very tired. So I laid out the plan of action for them, and when I issued my orders, I was so cool and matter-of-fact it seemed I had been issuing them my whole life.
“I don’t think poor Karwen could have been involved in any dark matters,” said Sir Kofa, plucking the hem of his looxi thoughtfully. “But you’re right, my boy. We need to investigate his recent activities. People are capable of things that are so out of keeping with their characters, you can hardly credit it.”
“Especially at the End of the Year,” I said with a grin.
“Precisely. I’ll return at sundown, and if I uncover anything unusual I’ll send you a call.”
Kofa passed his hand in front of his face, changing his features without missing a beat. He turned his purple looxi inside out, so the modest brown lining was facing outward. Our Master Eavesdropper was ready to embark on a hard day’s work.
“And what is your command for me, O Terrible Child of the Night?” Melifaro had already jumped up from his chair, ready for action.
“Take a whirl through the Ministry. Stop in at the morgue and admire my catch. If you’re in the mood you can have breakfast. Wait for Melamori. Find out what she’s dug up. Actually, I’m sure that no one but the master and mistress had been in the bedroom. Ask around on Boboota’s side of the Ministry. Maybe one of the policemen knows something. Even the devil has a sense of humor.”
“And who is this ‘devil’ who likes a good joke?”
“Well, something between a vampire and a Mutinous Magician.”
“Ah, something like yourself.”
“I saved your life! I hid you from your hordes of relatives under my own blankets,” I said reproachfully. “And instead of falling at my feet or inviting me to dinner, all I get is—”
“I’m a swine,” Melifaro admitted, sounding aggrieved. “I’m inviting you. Today. No matter how much work there is, we still have to fill our bellies.”
“It’s nice to hear such pearls of wisdom. Mind you, it’s the Hunchback Itullo or nothing.”
“I wouldn’t settle for less. Do I have your permission to depart, Sir Great Commander?”
“Permission granted. Hey, wake me up in about two hours, all right? I have a date with a beautiful lady.”
“Maybe I could stand in for you?” Melifaro said enthusiastically.
“Dream on. You’re not quite the man inconsolable widows are searching for. Moreover, you’ll be meeting the magnificent Sir Lookfi at that time. Have you forgotten? Anyway, let me get some sleep!”
“Right here?”
“Yes. If I go home, wild horses wouldn’t be able to drag me out from under the blanket.”
“True. It’s virtually impossible to get out from under your blanket,” Melifaro said with the confident air of an expert. “Did you cast a spell over it? And what if Juffin comes here and wants to get some work done?”
“It won’t bother me,” I said, rearranging the chairs into the pitiful likeness of a bed.
“It’s beginning to dawn on me,” Melifaro mused. “You’ve done away with our unfortunate chief, and now—”
“If you don’t let me get some sleep, I’ll do away with you,” I mumbled, already feeling the sweet tug of slumber. “I’ve changed my mind. Wake me up in two and a half hours, not two. In fact, make it three. And tell Urf to feed my cats. I just promised them yesterday that life was getting back to normal.”
“All right, go to sleep. I’ll take care of everything. Otherwise you might start spitting,” said Melifaro, and he disappeared out the door.
It seemed I had closed my eyes for no more than a minute. When I opened them again, Melifaro was there, looking down at me.
“Well, what now?” I said.
“What do you mean ‘what now’? You asked me to wake you up. Come on, upsy-daisy, Mr. Bad Dream. It’s time for me to go to the Main Archive. Besides, I’ve got some news for you.”
“A hole in the heavens above this World!” With a groan I tore my head away from the spot where normal people usually have a pillow. “It’s already been three hours? How unfair!”
“Three and a half,” said Melifaro, handing me a mug of hot kamra. “Juffin hides the Elixir of Kaxar in the lower left drawer of the desk. He made the bottle invisible, but you’ll find it if you fish around for it.”
“I know how to find it without your prompting,” I growled. I tore into Juffin’s desk drawer with the express goal of appropriating his personal property. A few seconds later, I was chomping at the bit to move a mountain or two.
“Now I can at least stand being around you,” Melifaro said approvingly. “Have you known about this hiding place a long time?”
“Since my first day on the job. After the scandalous adventure of the Soup of Repose, our chief realized that Elixir of Kaxar provided me with my only chance to wallow in vice. So, what’s the news?”
“First, our department: Melamori couldn’t find any traces of intruders or strangers. Except yours, of course. As you predicted. Master Mouthful-Earful hasn’t reported back yet. On the other hand, the City Police have a piece of news that makes everything else pale by comparison. Boboota has disappeared.”
“What?!” I spluttered, spewing kamra everywhere. “Are you serious?”
“Never been more so. He left for his meal right after the Royal Showering of Gifts. Since then, no one has seen him. His subordinates figured that the General had gone home, and were t
oo happy to entertain any doubts. His servants at home thought Boboota was on duty. I think they were quite happy with the situation, as well. This morning, his wife finally decided to send a call to her beloved Boboota.”
“And?”
“Very strange, Max. He’s alive—Lady Box is sure of that. He’s alive, but he doesn’t respond to any calls, as though he is sleeping very soundly.”
“And Melamori? Has she been looking for him?”
“She’s still looking.”
“How’s that? I thought she worked fast.”
“That’s just it. In the Chancellery of Encouragement there’s not a trace of Boboota.”
“That’s impossible. Yesterday at noon he was stomping around over there.”
“That’s right, stomping around. Life, you know, is a complicated matter. It’s only in your homeland where everything is simple and straightforward: either there is horse dung, or there isn’t.”
I made a frightening grimace. Quick as lightning Melifaro hid under the desk, where he continued his story in the trembling voice of a scared little boy.
“Not in the Chancellory, not on the stairway, not by the entrance. There isn’t a trace of Boboota anywhere! Rather, the traces are everywhere, but they’re very old. Twelve days at least. They don’t count. Mr. Vampire, you’re not mad anymore, are you?”
Instead of answering, I laughed like a maniac, not so much at Melifaro’s antics as at the news. And what news!
“The entire City Police Force is looking for Boboota.” Melifaro went on. “If they don’t find him by sunset, they’ll hand over the official case to us.”
“Does Juffin know?”
“He certainly does.”
“Is he happy?”
“You bet he is. He’ll arrive here at sundown to start the investigation. Maybe he had a hand in the disappearance himself?”
“I wouldn’t be at all surprised,” I smiled. “Are you planning to stay under the desk until he gets here? What about the Main Archive?”
“You promise you won’t spit?”
“I might. The only thing that will save you is sheltering under the wing of a buriwok.”
“Fair enough.” Melifaro dashed out from under the desk, finished his kamra in a gulp, and disappeared into the corridor, waving goodbye.
Then I was alone. I sent a call to Tanita.
I’ll come in a quarter of an hour, Sir Max, she replied. You know, the advice you gave me—well, everything was just as you said. I didn’t lose my mind. I even slept for a few hours. Thank you.
I ordered the junior staff to straighten up the office, and then sent a call to the Glutton. If I had to turn poor Lady Tanita inside out for information, let her at least eat something. It was unlikely that anyone but me would be able to persuade her to take some breakfast. I wasn’t even certain I’d be able to, but I’d have to try.
Lady Tanita Kovareka arrived within fifteen minutes, as promised. She had managed to change her clothes, and she looked the picture of elegance. Here in Echo, they don’t have the custom of dressing in mourning. It is thought that each person’s pain is a private matter, and broadcasting your loss to passersby on the street is uncouth.
“Good day, Sir Max,” she greeted me, not without a trace of sarcasm. She had the courage to acknowledge the bitter irony of the traditional form of greeting. Lady Tanita rose even higher in my estimation.
“You know why I called you. I have to find out what your husband had been doing, especially in the recent past. I know it’s painful to talk about, but—”
“I completely understand, Sir Max. Things like that don’t just happen out of the blue. Of course you have to find out who . . . But I’m afraid I won’t be of any help here.”
“I know what you’re trying to say. There was none of that. It always seems that nothing was amiss until a misfortune befalls someone. Then it becomes clear that a few completely insignificant actions were the first steps along the path to calamity.”
I had devoured enough detective novels in my time to be able to resort to this commonplace. I just hoped that the authors of the books knew a bit about life.
“All right, Sir Max. I can still only tell you one thing, though. Our life was passing just as usual—”
“Right, Lady Tanita. But you understand—I’m an outsider. I don’t know how your life usually passes. So explain it in a bit more detail.”
“Of course. Every day Karry got up before daybreak and went to the market. We have plenty of servants, but he preferred to select all the meat and produce himself. Karry is—was—a very good cook. For him this was not just a way of making a living, but something more—an art—a matter of honor and love, you might say. When I woke up, he was almost always at the helm in the kitchen. We opened two hours before midday, sometimes earlier, if there were customers who requested it. Beginning in the morning, one of the servants was on duty at the bar, so Karry and I had time to do other things if we wished, or even rest a while. Toward evening Karry went into the kitchen to prepare one or two specialties of the house. Our employees took care of the rest. I stood behind the bar, but sometimes Karry let me go out for a walk. He adored serving the visitors and hearing their compliments. He usually went to bed before midnight, as he was used to getting up early. I stayed on at the restaurant. Not alone, of course—there were servants with me, as well. Right after midnight, I would retire upstairs. We have a young fellow by the name of Kumaroxi who is always happy to work nights, on the condition that we let him sleep during the day.”
“I understand. I’m the same way. Tell me, Lady Tanita, what did Mr. Kovareka do in his spare time? You have to take a break sometimes, even from your favorite work.”
“Karry wouldn’t have agreed with you. The only kind of leisure that he wanted was to stand behind the bar shooting the breeze with the customers. You may not believe me, but the only reason he ever went to other people’s taverns was to sniff out their secrets. And he was very good at it! Karry had never learned to cook; never studied to be a chef, I mean. In his younger days he served as a coachman at the Chancellory of Pleasure. You see, I inherited the Tipsy Bottle from my grandmother. In the beginning we had to rely completely on the servants. We didn’t even know how to brew kamra! For the first few years Karry hung about in the kitchen with the cooks, helping peel the vegetables. Then one day he threw a salad together. Just an ordinary salad; but people claimed they hadn’t tasted anything like it since the beginning of the Code Epoch! It turned out that he had just watched our cook prepare it and then come up with a few innovations to the recipe. That’s how it all began.”
“Did your husband go hunting often?” I asked. Lady Tanita stared at me, baffled. “I mean, hunting for other people’s culinary secrets.”
“Fairly often. Well, once every dozen days, and sometimes more frequently. He even learned to disguise his appearance, since chefs don’t like sharing their secrets with their colleagues.”
“You see, Lady Tanita? You said you lived a quiet life, yet all the while Mr. Kovareka was in disguise, delving into the culinary mysteries of his colleagues in disguise. You have to agree that not every Tom, Dick, and Harry behaves like that. Oh, please forgive my bad manners! I’m so used to expressing myself like—”
“Don’t worry, Sir Max. Even if you began talking like a gravedigger it wouldn’t change anything. It’s even better that way. When you smile, I forget Karry is gone.”
“Lady Tanita,” I said earnestly. “Remember, there are other Worlds besides this one. That’s something I can vouch for, at least. So he is somewhere, your Karwen; only this somewhere is far away. When my grandmother died—and she was the only one in the family I truly loved—I told myself she had just gone away. I also told myself, of course, that we couldn’t see each other, and that was bad—but all the same, she was somewhere. And life went on there, as it did here. Believe me, if anyone knows something about death, it’s me.” Here I twisted the black hem of my Mantle of Death significantly.
Who
would have thought my childishly naïve belief was exactly what this unhappy woman needed? She smiled thoughtfully.
“You’re probably right, Sir Max. For some reason I feel that you’re always right. I would like to know what kind of other World it is, and if Karry is happy there. Actually, being in another world is better than being nowhere at all. And then, maybe when my time comes, I can find him there. What do you think?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “But I very much hope so. There is always someone we all want to find beyond the Threshold.”
“You really are a good person, Sir Max.”
“Just don’t spread it around town, or I won’t be able to do my job. It’s better for everyone—as long as the criminals are afraid of my garb, there’s no need to resort to more dangerous weapons.”
Suddenly, the memory of the terrified Ploss brought an involuntary smile to my lips. It turned out to be very apropos. I finally knew what to ask her.
“Lady Tanita, think hard. Did your husband have any special plans for the Last Day of the Year? Maybe he made some sort of resolution that he shared with you? For instance, sniffing out another culinary secret, or inventing a new recipe? And maybe he even carried out his resolution.”
I couldn’t abandon my favorite hypothesis about the involvement of a mysterious Mutinous Magician. I was used to seeing the fraught legacy of the past behind every significant incident. A fellow is capable of consulting even such dangerous advisors in the interests of a consuming passion.
“Karry never let me in on the details of his culinary affairs. He loved surprises. You know, Sir Max, Karry felt that he himself was almost like a Grand Magician. That’s what he was, when he entered a kitchen. But come to think of it, you may be right. Recently he had been going off somewhere every day, for two or three hours at a time. In his hideous platinum blond wig. And, he bustled about in the kitchen when no one was there. That last evening, he looked so pleased! Yes, Sir Max, you’re absolutely right. I’m sure that Karry had found out someone’s secret, may it be cursed.”
