I nod, not feeling at all thirsty.
“Erin, I’m very sorry for what happened. Reason’s just beside himself. He feels responsible. Brice will be dealt with.”
“Where is he now?”
“In the county jail.”
“I mean, where’s Reason.”
“Oh,” she chuckles. “He went to check on Klaus.”
Klaus. “Is Klaus okay? Is he here too?”
“Yes to both questions. He walked his feet bloody to get here, but he made it. You’ve got a good dog in that one.”
“I know he’s not mine. He’s Reason’s.”
She shifts in her chair and looks down at her hands. “You do?”
“Yes.”
“Well, I think it’s more accurate to say he’s chosen two masters to serve. He led Reason to you.”
“I don’t remember seeing him in the tunnels.”
“I didn’t mean physically.”
“Oh.” When will I remember not to assume the usual boundaries of limitation?
“How did you know about Klaus, Erin?” It’s a pointed question, one I’m not sure I want to answer yet.
“I discovered a letter to my mother. It’s from the Society. Brother--” I struggle to remember the name. “Alfonze DeMu—”
“DeMurio.”
“Yes. He promised her he’d do whatever it took to keep me from selling the house if I tried to do it too soon. The rest, I figured out on my own.”
Her hand flutters to mouth. She wipes at the corner of it with a bent finger. “And I’ve just confirmed your theories?”
“I didn’t really need more confirmation. When I called the number I got from the sewer department, I recognized your voice.”
“I was afraid of that. They weren’t supposed to give out that number. There was another one—toll free—they should’ve given you.” She pauses, and sighs. “Well, I suppose things don’t look very good to you do they?”
“No, not very. I’m not sure what to believe anymore, about anything.”
A shadow of sadness passes over her face. “You need to believe what your heart tells you. That’s where you find truth. Even if you doubt your heart, have faith in the Gift. It doesn’t deceive.”
“But Reason did.”
“Dear, I think you’ll find that isn’t true—if you really think back. You may’ve concluded some things, but Reason wouldn’t lie. It's against his nature. That’s why he possesses the Gift. Believe in that much, at least.”
I think back to the day I met him, when I asked him why he walked away, leaving Klaus behind. “He told me Klaus wasn’t his dog.”
Hannah laughs, amused. “Did he now—the little stinker.”
“Yes, he did,” I say, irritated.
“Reason does not believe his animals belong to him, he believes he belongs to them. They choose to serve him. To him, there’s a big difference. He’s been that way since I can remember. He’ll argue that till he’s blue in the face. And I must say, that has a lot to do with why he’s so successful in training them.”
Her explanation annoys me. As though I should see through the innuendos of his deception and feel relieved. I don’t. “And I guess he also feels it’s okay to let someone fall in love with him while he’s just obeying orders is fine, too, since it’s their choice.”
Her smile fades. “Reason deserves some faith from you, especially after how much of it he’s placed in you.”
I narrow my eyes at her, hating the chastisement in her voice. More than that, I hate the possibility that she’s right.
“I saw the letter. He had a mission, and he filled it. He kept me from selling the house. He ruined my life for a week and made it the best one I’ve ever had all at the same time. What kind of person does that?”
“A person like Reason.” Her face warms again. “Would it help you to know he wasn’t sure what his mission was—or even if one existed?”
I peer at her suspiciously. “What does that mean?”
“I think it’s best if I let him speak for himself. But I’ll tell you one last thing. Brother DeMurio passed away last January, right after your mother died. He had a heart attack. Brother Cassius was appointed to fill his position within the Council.”
I consider her words, unsure if they mean anything to me yet or not. Time, always did make me indecisive.
She rises slowly from her chair. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to go round up dinner for these boys. They’re a hungry lot—always liked my cooking better than Dex’s.”
My back faces the door when I hear Reason enter. “Hannah said you’re awake. Can I come in?”
“Yes,” I say, but I don’t turn over.
I hear him close the door and move toward the chair. A few seconds later, the seat creaks under his weight.
“I’ll understand if you don't want to see me anymore.”
This isn’t really what I wanted to hear. In fact, I don’t really know what I wanted to hear. Maybe a little explanation and groveling would’ve been better. “Why? Because of the fact I got kidnapped or that you deceived me about your intentions from the day I met you? Or that you sent a plague of misfortune into my life just so I couldn't sell my house? What if I actually wanted to sell it? Did you ever consider that?”
I hear only silence behind me. When he still doesn’t speak, I roll over to face him.
He sits with his head bowed and eyes closed. I draw up my strength in preparation. I don’t feel like being manipulated. The seconds pass. Soon, I’m sure there have been minutes lost here as I stare at the top of his head.
Finally, I say, “What are you doing—seeking council from the Gift?” I know my words sound harsh, but I tell myself I have a right to ask them.
He lifts his eyes to meet mine. “I was praying.”
“Oh,” I whisper, feeling a little silly. I forgot he prays.
Dark circles shadow his eyes, and facial hair prickles his jaw line. He looks like a stockholder about to lose it all. I’ve never seen him like this. He holds my gaze steady, and the intensity in his eyes grips me in ways I don’t want to be gripped. I want to think I can make a strong decision if I need to.
“I’ve been thinking. Brother Cassius may be right. Associating with me almost got you killed. That’s not what I want for you, Erin. I want you to have a beautiful life. If I can’t give you that, I’ll let you go.”
I expected him to defend himself, to insist he never deceived me. I planned out the entire conversation in my mind over the past half hour, and I’ve been waiting to vent on him. Hannah said he felt responsible, but I didn't realize he felt it in quite this way.
The way he looks right now unnerves me. It reminds me of a fire losing its warmth, burning down to embers.
I close my eyes for a second to clear my mind enough to speak. “Cassius’ opinion is not what I care about right now, Reason. And Brice is just one lunatic. I don't think there are that many people out there willing to kidnap me and hide me in a tunnel. At least I hope not.” I look at him for confirmation of this theory. He gives me none.
I go on anyway. “Why didn't you tell me you met me on purpose that morning at the coffee shop?”
He looks surprised. “There wasn't anything to tell...not really.”
And still he wants to deceive me. “Reason, I read a letter from DeMurio telling my mother the Society would ensure I didn't sell in haste and they’d intervene by whatever means necessary.”
His eyes widen. “You did?”
“Yes, I did. Now cut to the chase. Why did you set me up like that and fake all that stuff? Were you ever really serious about anything? Or was it all just part of the game?”
He looks stricken. “I take you very seriously.”
“How can you tie a dog to a tree, convince me to take him home, become my realtor, and then sabotage the whole thing? Then, you go and make me…fall in love with you.”
He grins. “You love me?”
The look on his face infuriates me. “That’s not the point!�
�� His eyes have that squint around them, the one that makes his scar disappear. “How did you get that scar anyway?”
Surprise washes his grin away and the scar reappears. “I fell on a roof, cracked it on a chimney. That's why I went back to using tunnels.”
“I thought you used tunnels because it's faster.”
“That too.” He bites his lip, like he’s trying not to laugh.
“Don’t do that.”
“What?”
“Bite your lip that way.”
He keeps biting but then slowly, he starts to nod. “I think I know what’s going on here.”
“Then fill me in, please.”
“You think Brother Alfonze sent me to you to hijack your life.”
“Well, yes. That’s a better way to put it.”
He studies me with curiosity and growing wonder. He starts laughing. “Erin, he didn't send me. I went there that day to get some coffee. Dex’s coffee sucks, and I heard they had a new flavor at the coffee shop in town: Mistletoe Blend. So I wondered, ‘what the heck does mistletoe coffee taste like?’ And it’s really good, actually. You’d think it would be bitter but—”
“Quit teasing me, Reason. I’m serious!”
His lip-biting in between words distracts me, it’s way too sexy. He goes on. “I took Klaus with me, and I met you there accidentally. I didn't plan it.”
“Why did you give me Klaus?”
“Klaus decided to go with you. He thought you needed a friend, so he stayed behind with you. I gave you my card because I do like to turn a little profit on real estate here and there. You just looked so cute that morning, there was something about you. I hoped you’d call.”
I remember the reflection in the shop window. When he leaned down and whispered to the Klaus. My mind begins to race. “But the list, I’m on the list.”
“DeMurio must’ve added you. Either way, I meant what I told you before. I didn’t even know you were on the list otherwise I wouldn’t have tried to add you later. Remember? Everything that’s happened between us has been real, Erin. I didn’t come to you to fix you or to keep you from selling your house.”
“But what about the cat lady?”
“She called me and wanted to see the place.”
I study his face. He looks sincere. “And the Lawlesses?”
“Yep, same thing.”
“Okay, explain the sewer leak.”
“Well, I don’t know a lot about sewers.” He shrugs.
“You didn’t stage the whole thing?”
He looks hurt. “No.” Then he looks down. “But, I did feel bad about that. You didn’t need to have that added to your troubles. So—”
“So you had it taken care of.” I flip onto my back and stare at the ceiling.
“Yes. I asked Hannah to work something out with them.”
“So the day they left, they’d finished repairing it.”
“I sure hope so.” He says.
“And the furnace?”
“I had nothing to do with it. I told you Nick called me. That’s how I knew. I’d just finished chopping wood for the ranch, so I brought some. And I guess it was a good excuse to come see you.” He gives me another sexy grin.
“How did it just mysteriously start working again?”
“No idea. I don’t know—”
“Much about furnaces. I remember.” I study the pine ceiling and wish I could disappear through it. Or maybe crawl under the blankets to lick my embarrassment away. “It’s broken again.”
“I’ll tell Nick.”
“Thanks.” I feel like a fool. I close my eyes to blot out the room.
I hear a rustle beside me. Suddenly the prickle of his whiskers grazes me ear. He whispers. “Your mother’s a smart woman.”
I squeeze my eyes tighter as I imagine him biting his lip with that mischievous look in his eye. “You think she did all this on purpose?” I ignore his breath on my neck.
“No, not exactly, but I think she believed something good would happen to you here in time.”
Time. I’ve always wasted it. But maybe I don’t control it. Maybe time has its own agenda—its own purpose. I feel his lips press to my earlobe for just a moment, long enough to make my heart skip a few beats. And then his mouth is gone.
“So, Erin, daughter of Adelaide Sinclair. Tell me about this letter from Alfonze. You know, he passed away in January.”
“So I hear.” Waves of clarity wash over me. It wasn’t a setup. It was all real, every single awesome moment of it. “He wrote it in November, a month before Mom died.”
“What else did it say?”
I flip over and look at him. “She asked the Society to look out for me, I think. He promised he’d see to it himself.”
“Well, that explains a lot. He must have added you to the list, planning to update your file after her death. Only, he died soon after her. No wonder I couldn’t find anything out.”
Something occurs to me. “He also mentioned that Cassius was against it. Could he have deleted information after DeMurio died?”
Reason considers this. “Yes, that’s possible.” He studies me. “What was he against exactly?”
And now I realize I’ve withheld the biggest thing of all, forgotten all about it while I went about being angry at Reason. Too bad Alfonze DeMurio didn’t live long enough to keep his promise. “He wanted to make me a member—said I had a right to it.”
Reason blinks at me. “Erin, if you’re a member, Amendment 16 doesn’t matter. We could tell Cassius to shove it.”
I sigh. He’s right, except for one thing. “I have a feeling only Cassius knew.”
He drops his forehead to his hands. “And he has no intention of giving you member-standing.” He lifts his head, his eyes dark with feeling, and moves toward me. Next thing I know, he leans over me with his fists pressing into the bed at each side of my head. My gaze falls to the pulse in his neck, which beats rapidly just below his ear.
“We’ll figure it all out. Right now, just listen to me. During those moments I couldn’t find you...I thought I’d die. I’ve never felt so out of control. I haven’t spent one single moment with you that I didn’t wonder how I would make it if I never had another. It’s that real—all of it.”
He lowers his mouth to mine, and I think my heart beats outside my chest, existing not as mine but his. The sweet surrender of letting go buoys me. It’s followed by a strange sensation as thousands of points of light burn hot between us, like ancient stars in the wide open expanse of night sky.
He lifts his head and my lips cool. The taste of his kiss remains on my tongue. He gazes down at me, and I let myself swim in his eyes, those deep pools of ink. Seeing him above me like this makes me think of lying in the grass, staring up at an expanse of clouds and sky. Exhaustion pulls at me, but I don’t want to give in. I want to keep this view a little while longer.
He studies me as if I’m the sands of a beach with coastlines and decipherable shapes or a constellation that reveals its secrets to him the longer he gazes. I’m not sure I have ever been the focus of such intense study. It warms my fingertips and toes with a spreading tingle, emanating up my arms and legs until it meets together in the center of my belly. He’s not even touching me, yet I feel him like he is part of me, in the regrettable space between us.
How will I ever live without something like this, should circumstance ever require it?
Christmas. It pains me to imagine him outside of his element, his life’s work. If we can’t reconcile the two together, and there must be a choice, will either of us be able to choose the right thing? Will we recognize the right thing anymore? I simply can’t imagine him apart from who he is. It makes me think of a magnificent lion from the wild, forced to live in the opposing reality of someone’s back yard.
Would he give up the free expanse of the Wildlands and reside in my little house in Christmasville? Could he ever be content to be a passive participant of Christmas, a spectator from the confines of an average life without the p
ower of the Gift or the mystery and thrill of delivering it? How fulfilling can I possibly be? Surely not enough to make such a sacrifice still feel worth it twenty years from now or even just one.
I don’t want to think about the Society anymore, but I can’t stop. “Have you heard anything else about what the Society intends to do?”
The wonder in his eyes fades. I watch him cloud over as obvious as the sun disappearing behind a cloud. “They called a special session earlier today, in light of what’s happened. They voted to remove me from office effective immediately. I’ll be reassigned to a support position after the first of the year.”
I gasp. He’s known this the entire time he’s been sitting here, and he didn’t let on—just sat here focusing on me like nothing’s amiss, like I’m totally worth the loss of everything else he loves. “What about Christmas?”
“They won’t carry the Gift this year. Not until they find a replacement for me.”
This has turned way worse than I thought. “But what about the regional guys? The ones who deliver Christmas all over the world? Can’t they fill in?”
He lowers his eyes and straightens himself. The absence of his hands resting on the mattress beside me feels like a vacancy all around me. He lowers himself into the chair and leans forward on his elbows, looking at the floor.
“They can’t.” He runs his hands over the sides of his head. “When faith in my office is removed, the Gift is gone for everyone. It takes a long time, sometimes years to select the right person for a replacement. They have to be chosen from the apprentices.”
I remember Brice saying he was Reason’s apprentice. That's one less apprentice. “How many are there?”
“Three. One in Thailand, but he’s only five years old. The other two are in Virginia and Denmark, but they aren’t ready either. They haven’t passed proving grounds yet.”
“How can the Society do this? Is it worth it to them to postpone their whole purpose indefinitely? It’s ridiculous—just because Cassius doesn’t want you to date me?” I close my eyes and search the orange glow of my inner lids, there has to be some way to fix this. I know, even though I don’t want to know, that the most obvious one is within my power.
The Santa Society Page 18
