My throat was suddenly crackle dry. Why had I been so stupid? I should have just kept on lying. But part of me doubted that he’d actually be holed up at Jessie’s. And now I was stuck.
“That monstrosity is her house?” Elle took in the double columns holding up the spacious front porch, the light pouring from super-high windows that accented every room in the front of the house, and the three-car garage protecting Jessie’s prized convertible BMW.
I pulled to the side of the street a few houses before Jessie’s, put the Jeep in park, and flipped off the lights. “Elle, I—”
“Please.” Elle held her hand up in the air. “Don’t, okay? Just take me home.”
“You don’t want to wait for him?”
Staring out the window, Elle chewed on her lower lip. She shook her head and looked down at her lap, that new wave of bangs blocking my view of her face.
“You’re not going to do anything?” I asked.
Elle shrugged. “What’s the point?”
“Satisfaction when you bust him. Seeing the look of shock on his face. Hearing him say that’s he’s sorry for lying.”
“That would only work if he cared, Tessa.” Elle turned to me, her eyes closed tight. “He doesn’t.”
“Don’t be so sure, Elle.” I couldn’t believe myself. I hated Chip, yet here I was trying to talk Elle into believing he might care for her, all because I didn’t want her to feel even the smallest twinge of pain.
“It’s totally obvious. And I’ve known it all along.” Elle tapped the gearshift. “Let’s go.”
“Okay,” I said, turning on the lights as I put the Jeep in drive and pulled away from the curb. “Maybe you’re right. Sleep on it. In the morning, you’ll know what to say.”
“I already know.”
I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, letting all the tension I’d stored over this Elle-Chip relationship flow from my body. Finally, it would be over. Elle, who didn’t take crap from anyone, would dump him on his ass.
“I’m not going to say anything,” she said. “He doesn’t have to know that I know. That way, things will stay the same.”
I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach. My whole body slumped forward.
“I’m just not ready yet,” she said, turning to stare out the window as we crept past Jessie’s house. The thoughts floating through her head were so clear to me it was as if she were shouting them.
She wondered what Chip and Jessie were doing.
If they were alone.
If they were getting along. Or fighting.
Questions shot through her brain like a meteor shower.
Were they talking? Or doing something that required no words?
Did they have on all of their clothes? Or none?
Was this the way it was finally going to end?
Saturday,
March 6
23
If Today Was Your Last Day
I walked toward the origin of the Black Eyed Peas’ “I Gotta Feeling,” the drumbeat and lyrics pumping the air around me, the bass vibrating my chest, wondering what the hell I was doing at a stupid party.
“I can’t believe I let you drag us here, Elle.” The stairwell was dark, so I propped one hand on Max’s shoulder as he led me into the basement of the enormous house belonging to some junior named Pete Levenfeld.
“You need to live a little,” Elle said from behind me.
“This was supposed to be my weekend,” Max said over his shoulder. His eyes told me he was only half joking. “Or did you forget the promise you made me while Tessa was driving you all over town last weekend?”
“Shh!” Elle reached over my shoulder and smacked Max on the back. “Keep it down, would you?”
“Does he even know you’re coming tonight?” I asked. Chip was definitely somewhere in the large house. We’d seen his car parked in the street.
“Not exactly,” Elle said from behind me.
“Actually, this might be the perfect place for our date.” Max looked at me as a girl wearing an off-the-shoulder sweater pushed past him. “We can get wasted and then go bash some mailboxes with a baseball bat or something.”
I laughed. “Promise?”
Max held a can over his head. “No,” he said. “How about one beer and then we’ll go?”
“Sounds good.” I grabbed the Bud Light, clutching it in one hand as we took the final steps.
“Who invited you?” I asked Elle as my feet sank into the plush carpet of an oversize basement.
“I heard about it in math and thought a mindless evening making fun of people might be just what you two—”
We saw her at the same time: she was leaning over the pool table with a cue stick tucked against her side, aiming for a green 6 ball that was close to a corner pocket. Her golden hair hung down, whispering across the felt table. She cracked the cue ball, which smacked the 6, which dunked into the mesh pocket. In a flowing tank top and slim-fit jeans, she hopped up and down a few times with a perky cheerleader vibe. And then Chip stepped up behind her as she swiveled for a high five.
“Oh, God.” Elle pressed herself into my side.
“They haven’t seen you,” I said. “Let’s just go upstairs and—”
But then Jessie turned, her icy blue eyes resting on Elle. Her lips curled into a sneer, and she leaned into Chip and wrapped an arm around his waist.
“I’m thinking we should go now,” Max said.
I slid my fingers around Elle’s wrist and tried pulling her up the first step. “C’mon,” I said.
“No.” Elle tugged free of my grasp and straightened her body to stand as tall as she could. “I’m not going to slink away like some dog.”
I glanced at the twenty or so people gathered around the room. Some sat on the couches, watching a basketball game on a flat-screen television. One guy played pinball while two of his friends shouted about his technique. But most stood in groups of four or five, just talking and swaying to the music.
“A beer would be good right about now,” Elle said. “And maybe a game of pool when the table’s free.” She walked past Jessie and Chip, toward the stools at the bar, and sat so that she could watch them play. That was when Chip looked up and saw Max and me standing at the foot of the steps. He gave us a little nod. Even with his face shadowed by the brim of his baseball cap, his eyes looked dark and a little glossed over, like he’d smoked a hit or two of the bong going around a circle in the back corner of the basement.
Jessie watched with scowling eyes as Chip found Elle sitting at the bar. Her legs were crossed, and her arms were pulled back so that both elbows rested on the back of the stool. She tilted her head to the side and flitted her lashes at him. Bitch mode, I thought. Not a good sign.
“Heeey,” Elle said to Chip. His mouth dropped open as he looked from Elle to Jessie and back again. Then he waved this pathetic wave.
“How ya doin’, Chip?” I asked as I hopped onto the stool next to Elle, hoping my smile didn’t indicate how nervous I felt. This night was charged with an energy that could easily turn explosive.
Chip shrugged. He rubbed his palms on the back of his jeans, causing his T-shirt to pull tight across the muscles of his chest.
Jessie reached up, her eyes questioning, and ran her French-manicured fingers over the large bump of his shoulder. She whispered something in Chip’s ear, and he shook his head. Jessie gritted her teeth, turning slitted eyes in Elle’s direction.
When Chip noticed Jessie’s glare, he tapped her butt with his cue stick. “Your turn,” he said, as if everything about the moment was completely normal.
Max snapped his beer open and tapped his can against mine. “Here’s to the stellar start of a fun-filled night!”
I opened my beer and took a deep swig. It tasted bitter, and the fizz burned all the way in my nose. Two girls walked past the pool table, heading toward the restroom, giggling and holding hands. Max rolled his eyes at them.
As I took my third swallow, Chip backed away from
the table, met Elle’s stare, and tipped his head toward the staircase. Elle nodded.
“I need another drink,” he said.
“Already?” Jessie’s voice shook a little as she bumped her hip into his side. “You should slow down, or you’re going to regret it tomorrow.”
“You know where another bathroom is?” Elle whispered. “I really gotta go.”
“Yo, Rebar!” Chip yelled to a large guy leaning against the stones of a two-sided fireplace. The guy turned, and Chip held his cue stick in the air. “Take my place for a minute, will you?” Rebar nodded and stumbled over to play Chip’s game. Chip patted Jessie on the butt before he walked past the bar and headed toward the stairs.
“I saw one in the hall leading to the kitchen,” Max said to Elle.
“Keep her down here as long as you can,” Elle whispered in my ear as she jumped off the bar stool and walked past me.
I swiveled in my seat, smiling at Max. He stepped in between my knees and rested his beer can on my leg.
“You’re smiling?” Max leaned in, kissing me on the cheek. “At a time like this?”
“I don’t know what else to do.”
“We could go up to the roof and jump off.”
“That’s a little drastic, don’t you think?”
“It might be better than watching what’s about to unfold.”
“I dunno,” I said.
“I’m pretty sure.”
I looked into Max’s eyes as he glanced over my shoulder. Behind me, balls cracked, slamming into one another.
“I just want it on record that I think this is a bad idea.” Max crossed his arms over his chest, tucking his beer against his side. “Tonight was supposed to be our night. And now you’re getting all caught up in Elle again.”
“It’s not going to be like this forever,” I said, hating that his voice was suddenly so hard. “It’s just really intense with the whole Chip thing right now.”
“My concern,” Max whispered, “is that there’ll be another Chip to take his place as soon as this Chip is gone.”
“No way,” I said. “She just needs a little help getting through this, and then she’ll be fine.”
“And if she isn’t?” I noticed a few flecks of amber nestled in the deep chocolate brown of his eyes.
I could have stared into them forever, Max’s eyes, if I hadn’t seen Jessie hurrying upstairs. But I did see her. So I grabbed Max’s hand, pulling him behind me, and did what any best friend would do.
When I made it to the top of the steps, I found Chip leaning against the granite countertop in the kitchen, one foot crossed over the other. Elle stood to his left, also leaning against the counter. Jessie was right in front of them, her arms crossed over her chest. As I stepped onto the tile floor, Max grabbed my hand. And then two guys and a girl stumbled through the garage door.
“Hey, Chip!” the girl said with a dramatic flip of her hair.
“Hey, man,” said one of the guys. As he stepped toward the door leading to the basement, his eyes took in the entire scene and his face puckered. “Ooh, sucks to be you.”
Chip nodded his response, wearing a stifled grin. It made my skin crawl, the way this guy could seemingly find amusement in the pain he’d caused the two girls standing near him.
“You were about to tell me what’s going on,” Elle said as the trio knocked their way through the door and down the steps. Her voice was solid and icy. I felt a wave of pride for her strength.
“I’m interested in hearing that very same thing,” Jessie said, tap-tap-tap-ing her foot on the floor. “You told me you’d ended it with her.”
“Did he now?” Elle asked, tilting her head Jessie’s way, meeting her eyes. I loved the moment between the two girls, and I figured Chip didn’t have a chance.
Chip looked at Elle and shook his head. “Look,” he said. “I’m sorry.”
“So that’s it? End of story? You’re back with her?” Elle pointed a finger at Jessie but kept her glare focused on Chip.
I narrowed my eyes, and Max squeezed my hand, tried to tug me back toward the staircase.
“When did this happen, anyway?” Elle asked.
I didn’t move. I didn’t speak. I didn’t swallow or blink or breathe. I’m pretty sure my heart stopped pumping blood through my veins.
“You gonna man up and tell her?” Jessie asked. “Or should I?”
“Tess,” Max whispered in my ear. “Um … don’t you think we should”—he jiggled my hand, shaking my arm—“you know … leave them alone?”
“I had fun, okay, Elle?” Chip sounded completely unconcerned. “That’s all it was supposed to be about.”
I dropped Max’s hand and stepped forward, looking into Chip’s face. His eyes were narrow, and tight wrinkles creased the skin around his mouth.
“You had fun?” I asked. “You have got to be kidding.”
Elle stepped forward, her body moving at half speed, like she was underwater and fighting a current to stay afloat. “Tessa, I can—”
“You don’t have anything better than that?” I asked, not taking my eyes from Chip’s.
“It is kind of pathetic, Chip.” Jessie snapped both hands to her hips. “I mean, you told me she was fine with all this.”
“Oh, I am fine.” Elle raised both hands in the air. “No one has to worry about me. And I get it, okay? He’s yours.” Elle pointed from Chip to Jessie and back again. “You’re his. And me”—Elle stabbed her chest with her pointer finger—“I’m free.”
Elle took a deep breath and shoved past me, clomping down the steps to the basement.
“Nice, Chip.” Jessie shook her head. “Really nice.”
“Jessie, I was trying to find the right—”
“I’m such an idiot,” Jessie said. “I thought you’d actually changed.” Jessie stood there looking at Chip for a minute, her bottom lip shaking as she tried to blink back the tears that filled her eyes. Then she turned, pushing past six or seven people making their way in from the garage, and disappeared.
Chip didn’t even glance at me or Max as he scrambled after her, ignoring the calls from friends he passed on his way out.
When he was gone, Max wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me. “Well,” he said, “I’m done with the drama for the evening. How about you?”
“That’s the understatement of the year.” I sighed.
“You ready to go?”
I pulled myself from his arms and stepped to the open doorway. “Just let me go get Elle.”
I took a deep breath and ignored the shaky feeling in my legs as I walked down to the basement. I found Elle behind the bar with an open bottle of Wild Turkey in her hand. Her face was stony, her eyes hard, and her glossed lips pressed against each other with so much tension they puckered. When she saw me, she shook her head and swung the bottle toward her mouth, tilting her head back so she could take a long swig.
Before I could pull up a stool and think of something to say, Nickelback’s “If Today Was Your Last Day” blasted through the speakers. Elle plunked the bottle on the bar and reached for an open can of beer, grabbing the hand of the guy standing closest to her. He looked at his friends with wide eyes and a slow smirk, then turned and followed Elle to the center of the crowd without a word, some beer sloshing out of the can gripped in his free hand. Without missing a beat, he lowered himself toward Elle’s body and wrapped his arms around her waist. Her eyes closed as she pressed herself against him, pushing her hands into the air and shaking her head slowly from side to side.
I took a step forward, past the rack holding the pool cues, and envisioned myself thrusting one between their grinding hips. Just as I was about to push through the mass of bodies undulating to the beat of the music in the center of the room, I felt a hand grasp my arm, pulling me back.
“Don’t,” Max said, the word a rock pelting me in the back.
I spun around. “What do you mean, ‘don’t’?”
People crowded the basement by that point. The air
was smoky, and someone had dimmed the lights.
“You have to stop, Tessa. Let her live her life.” He nodded in Elle’s direction. “She has to figure this out for herself.”
“Let go of me, Max.” I hated myself, but I couldn’t stop.
“No. This is supposed to be our night, Tessa.” Max tried to tug me toward the staircase, gently at first, then with more force.
“I’m not going anywhere without Elle.” I snapped my hand from his grasp, and he turned and shook his head.
“I don’t get it,” he said, enunciating the t sounds in a way that made me feel as if I’d been slapped. “I really don’t understand why you feel like she’s your responsibility. Why we can’t just—”
“This isn’t about me, Max!” I felt this hot wave wash through me as my voice competed with the volume of the music. He had no idea what it had been like, all that time, wondering what had happened to Elle. And now that she needed my help, following him up those steps was the last thing I would do. “And it sure as hell has nothing to do with us!”
Three girls waving their hands in the air sashayed between us, breaking whatever it was that connected Max to me.
He shook his head, saying something so soft I couldn’t hear the words. Then he turned and walked away, without looking back once.
I was so angry, I didn’t recognize it at first. The tightness in my chest starting off as an innocent shortness of breath. But then it began to spread. By the time I pushed into the circle of dancing bodies, my heart was pumping fast against what felt like the constriction of a clenching fist.
Then I saw the phone swaying in the air. On the little LCD screen, Elle danced, her body pumping slowly against the guy she had chosen, her eyes fluttering open and closed every few beats.
“Wonder how much Dateline’ll pay for this footage,” a guy said to his friend. He moved in my direction as he tried to keep Elle centered.
I jumped up and snatched the phone from his hand.
“How about nothing, you creep?” I shouted, spitting a little in his face. I turned and ran for the bathroom near the pool table, slamming the door shut and locking it just before the guy’s shoulder pounded into the wood.
The Tension of Opposites Page 19
