“Why do I feel so bad?”
Declan’s chest tightened at the question. “I don’t know. Jessie is sending a doctor over today. Maybe he’ll know.”
Ezra nodded.
A desperate need to see Ezra smile overcame Declan. “Do you remember when Jessie flew us all to Ibiza for your eighteenth birthday?”
Ezra’s shook his head and looked away. “You had so many men flirting with you. I spent the entire weekend outraged.”
A chuckle slipped from Declan without his permission. “I couldn’t see anyone but you. You brought all those brightly colored speedos with you and danced around me all weekend. I don’t know why, but I think about that weekend a lot.”
Ezra met his gaze again. “Do you want to know a secret about that weekend?”
Declan laughed, overwhelmed by sudden embarrassment. “Is it that your hotel balcony looked straight into my window and you watched me jack off? Because I know. I saw you. To my ever-living shame, that show was for you.”
Not only did Ezra not crack a smile, he looked more serious than Declan had seen him in a long time. That was saying a lot, considering current circumstances. Ezra shook his head. “I planned to disappear that weekend.”
Declan’s smile fell. He blinked. “What?”
Ezra nodded. “I’d been planning it for a while. Two weeks earlier, I posed nude for a barely legal magazine and made a ton of money, because I have a famous brother. I opened a secret account with it and already had another shoot planned that would really set me up financially. I planned to take the money and slip away. Start a new life.”
“Why?” Even Declan heard the horror in his single question.
A small smile touched Ezra’s lips. He shrugged. “I didn’t have any friends. Jessie was at the height of his drug use with no hope of stopping in sight. I wanted to be somewhere else. Be someone else. I already had a plane ticket to New York and my bags were packed when I watched you through your window, jacking off.”
“Why didn’t you leave?”
Ezra held Declan’s stare. His heart was in his eyes. “I was in love with you. You were the only piece of my life I couldn’t leave behind.” Ezra looked away. “If only I had known how much staying would hurt me.”
“I don’t know why you can’t see things from my point of view.” Declan didn’t mean to lose his temper. It was all just so goddamn unfair. He couldn’t take it any longer. “If I had followed my heart, I stood to lose everything. If I had touched my boss’s little brother, I would have been blacklisted from ever doing this type of work again. I would’ve lost my chosen family. My friend. Then what if you’d decided you were only feeling your oats? Where would that have left me?”
Halfway through his speech, Ezra’s gaze had latched on to him and hadn’t moved. His expression stayed completely closed. “I’ve always seen your point of view,” Ezra said, sounding calm. “That’s why I never pushed. I kept waiting for you to finally realize that you’re the one for me, and that I’m not the faint-of-heart type.”
The truth struck Declan. He had known that. Ezra wasn’t the type to play the field. He was serious and grounded. Ezra didn’t sleep around, living wild and free. He knew himself and what he wanted. That meant Declan was the only one to blame. Declan was the one who had been testing everyone else’s waters.
“Could you help me out of here? My body feels like it weighs a ton. I don’t know if I can stand.”
Declan shot to his feet. He grabbed a towel, shut down the water, and started drying Ezra’s body. Declan fought hard to keep it impersonal. His heart knew the truth, but Declan wouldn’t make Ezra uncomfortable if he could help it. He gave Ezra the towel to hold on to and peeled off his shirt.
“We’ll find you some real clothes in a bit, but this should keep you warm for now.” He dressed Ezra like he was dressing a small child before scooping Ezra into his arms. The shirt looked like a dress on Ezra, but Ezra didn’t complain. Ezra tried drying his hair with the towel while Declan set him in the chair he had vacated.
“It’ll be impossible for me to fix my hair with the mirrors covered.”
Declan shrugged. “You look fine now, but I could do it for you. God knows, I’ve studied your every feature enough to know how you usually look.”
A small smile touched Ezra’s lips. “Have at it.”
With a sharp nod, Declan grabbed a brush and worked on getting rid of any tangles. He traded it for a comb when it came time to style. “Which products do you use?”
“Just that,” Ezra answered, pointing at a pink jar.
Feeling less than confident, Declan opened the jar. It smelled like Ezra. He scooped some out and tried forcing Ezra’s hair to stay in the shape it usually held. It wasn’t working. Ezra made his style look so effortless. Declan was failing. Eventually, he gave up. It wasn’t like Ezra could see himself anyhow, and Declan thought Ezra was beautiful no matter what.
“Um, there. I guess it’s good enough.”
Ezra eyed him like he saw through Declan’s words to the truth. “How bad is it?”
Giving in, Declan found a handheld mirror and let Ezra look at himself. He held his breath as Ezra turned his head from side to side, inspecting the mess Declan had made. After a moment, a snort escaped Ezra. He set the mirror aside and covered his face. Just when Declan started to panic, he realized Ezra was laughing. His entire body shook with it. His laughter grew bigger by the second until he was howling. A smile stretched Declan’s lips. He truly had made a crazy hot mess out of Ezra’s hair. Unexpectedly, Declan’s throat swelled. He hadn’t seen Ezra laugh in forever. In fact, he couldn’t recall the last time he had seen Ezra smile and mean it.
Declan dropped to his knees at Ezra’s feet. He wrapped his arms around Ezra, buried his face against his stomach, and held on. Declan had been killing the thing he loved for so long that he didn’t know if he could save them, but he had to. He needed Ezra’s smiles and laughter.
Ezra rubbed every place he could reach, as if trying to soothe Declan. “It’s okay, sweetie. It’s just hair. Would you like to try putting makeup on me next? That could be fun.”
The backs of Declan’s eyes burned. He had been so in love with Ezra for so long, he couldn’t fight this. Watching Ezra collapse last night had been the final straw. He didn’t want to lose Jessie’s friendship and he loved his job. But nothing mattered as much as Ezra to Declan.
Ezra squeezed his shoulders and felt up his biceps. “Jesus, Declan. How many hours a day do you work out?”
A choked laugh escaped Declan. “Not as many as you’d think. I’m naturally big. It’s genetics.”
Ezra traced a cut line of Declan’s arm. “This is not genetics. It’s hard work, and I just meant that I’ve never seen you work out. How is that possible? We’ve spent a lot of time together over the years.”
Declan couldn’t relax his hold. He settled on his ass and laid his head in Ezra’s lap. “I’ve never seen you do your hair, obviously, but I know you do it.”
“We should change that sometime.” Ezra ran his fingers through Declan’s hair and massaged his scalp. “You should watch me do my hair and I should watch you lift weights. I think I’ve been missing bits and pieces of your life that I don’t want to miss.”
The burning behind Declan’s eyes increased. For the first time, he truly understood that Ezra loved him as much as he loved Ezra. Staying silent and protecting his own ass hadn’t been hurting only him. Ezra had been trying to make him see that. He didn’t understand why this one moment finally broke through, but it did.
“Do you still think about running away?”
Ezra didn’t stop playing with his hair. “All the time, but everywhere I go, I’m still me. I can’t run from what I hate the most.”
Declan didn’t know how to fight that. “I’ll take you back to bed. You’re probably ready to fall out.” Declan pushed to his knees.
“Will you stay with me?”
It wasn’t like Declan could deny Ezra anything. He scoope
d Ezra from the chair. “Of course.”
“Can I keep your shirt for now?”
A chuckle escaped Declan. “It’s yours.” As he set Ezra on the bed, Ezra scooted over to make room for him. Declan didn’t hesitate to climb in beside him and tug Ezra into his arms. He forced himself not to think about Ezra wearing nothing but his shirt and how easy it would be to sneak beneath it. The doorbell chimed, saving Declan from himself.
Ezra groaned. “I thought I would finally get some cuddles.”
A smile tugged at Declan’s lips. He kissed Ezra’s shoulder. “Later. That’s probably the doctor.” He rushed from the bed to answer the door.
A blond guy who looked way too young to be a doctor stood on the other side. He smiled brightly at Declan. “Hey. I’m Dr. Black. Jessie sent me to see Ezra.”
Ezra was only wearing a shirt. This wasn’t the old dude Ezra had seen last time he got sick. Declan wanted to slam the door in his face. He didn’t. Declan stepped aside and motioned the doctor inside. “Hey. Yeah. Ezra’s in bed. He managed enough energy to get up and eat earlier, but it was zapped pretty quickly.” He closed the door and headed down the hall with the doctor trailing in his wake. “His bedroom is this way.” Declan didn’t speak again until they were inside Ezra’s bedroom. Ezra was sitting up, leaned back against his pillows and headboard, waiting.
He smiled at the sight of the doctor. “Hey, Seth.”
Oh, great. They were on a first-name basis.
Seth smiled like his entire life was made better by seeing Ezra. “Hey, Ezra. I hear you’ve been causing trouble.”
Declan motioned absently behind him toward the door. “I’ll just close this and leave you two alone.”
Ezra flashed him a grateful smile. Declan ducked out. He forced himself not to listen at the door and instead headed to the kitchen. As he caught sight of Icarus’s food bowl, he realized he hadn’t seen the dog since Ezra fed him fries. Declan searched every place he could think to check before looking out back. He found Icarus stretched out on his back, fat belly soaking up the sun, and with what was left of Ezra’s hamburger still plastered to his chunky little face. Declan dug out his phone and snapped a picture before heading back inside. He had to figure out how the little asshole had gotten on the counter. It seemed Icarus was thrilled with his new home.
In the kitchen, he found a mess around the island. He had no idea how Icarus had managed to climb up there, but he had enjoyed a feast. Declan cleaned up while trying not to think about Ezra being half nude and alone with Dr. Smexy M.D.
“You’re Declan, right?”
Declan tried hiding the way Seth startled him. The dude walked too softly. “Yep. That’s me.”
Seth nodded. His blue eyes did have the perfect amount of genuine concern for a doctor. Declan would give him that. “Ezra gave me permission to discuss his health with you since it seems you’ve volunteered to be his support system through this.”
That made Declan feel a thousand percent better. “Okay. Why is he still so wiped? In the shower, he said he didn’t have the energy to stand.”
Seth set an old-timey-looking doctors’ bag on the island. It caught Declan’s eye. He hadn’t even noticed the guy carrying it inside. Declan had to force his attention back to Seth’s face. It wasn’t like Declan to be so unobservant. “Going by his lab results from the ER last night, I’d say he’s still suffering from vitamin deficiency. I gave him a couple of shots that should help. Plus, I’ve called him in a few prescriptions. You should probably call the pharmacy and arrange to have those delivered.”
Declan nodded along, waiting his turn so he could ask what he wanted to know the most. “How bad are things this time?”
“Not as bad as they look,” Seth said, surprising Declan. “He’s pretty self-aware. This wasn’t purposeful. He admits he stopped taking his antidepressants about a year ago and thought he would be fine. Meds can trick you into thinking you’re well. He lost his appetite a couple of months ago when the depression struck hard, but he’s been trying to keep eating. I don’t think this is a relapse of the anorexia as much as it is the depression. Still, one thing feeds the other. So he needs to get back on his meds. I think he’ll be okay. After all, he’s already agreed to accept help and that’s a hurdle most people won’t jump.”
“Is he safe to travel?”
Seth’s eyebrows rose. It was obvious Declan had surprised him since Ezra wouldn’t have said anything about traveling... since he didn’t know. “He should be good as long he follows my instructions.” He nodded as if the idea solidified in his mind. “Honestly, it might be good for him. There’s no reason he can’t do his counseling via televisits. Getting out of the house and this slump might be exactly what he needs to kickstart recovery.”
That was exactly what Declan needed to hear. “Thank you. I’ll make sure he stays on task.”
A flirtatious smile touched the doctor’s lips, taking Declan by surprise. “You look like you can handle the job.”
Declan didn’t smile back. “I can. Nothing matters to me except Ezra’s well-being. I’ll walk you to the door.”
Seth grabbed his bag and headed that way without waiting for Declan. “I know my way. You should get back to Ezra. Don’t hesitate to call if you need anything.”
At the mention of getting back to Ezra, Declan stopped listening. His feet were already headed that way. He hadn’t been lying. Nothing mattered to him except Ezra. Maybe Declan had spent a lot of years fighting against his heart, but he wouldn’t be making that mistake any longer. It was time for Ezra to get well. He would need his strength if he wanted to fend off any of the love Declan intended to throw his way. It was time to settle this.
Declan almost made it back to the bedroom before the doorbell rang again. With a growl, he changed directions. He tried tempering his reaction as he yanked open the door, in case the doctor had forgotten something. Wrecker stood on the other side.
Wrecker’s eyes flashed with something dangerous. “What have you done with Ezra? He’s not answering his phone.”
Declan was a big guy. He didn’t doubt his ability to take down any challenger, but Wrecker wasn’t small either. The dude would put up a good fight. “He’s sleeping.”
“Go get him. I want to see with my own eyes that he’s okay.”
“You’ll have to take my word for it,” Declan said, refusing to back down.
A hint of humor tinged Wrecker’s features, but Declan wasn’t fooled. It was an act meant to knock Declan off balance. “Here’s the thing, friend, maybe everyone else thinks you’re the harmless bodyguard just looking out for his boss’s little brother, but I know different. See, I notice things when I leave work and pass this house. I see how the same black truck parked in his driveway now is always parked just down the street. My keen eyes don’t miss you sitting behind the wheel, watching Ezra. Following him. I’ve got your number. So you need to produce Ezra now, or maybe I’ll make a trip to Jessie’s instead. I think he’d be interested to know his bodyguard is dangerous in a way he never expected.”
Declan thought to play it off and pretend Wrecker was wrong, but he wasn’t, and Declan was doomed to lose that game. He changed tactics. “I can’t let you disturb Ezra. He was just released from the hospital.”
Something flickered in Wrecker’s eyes and Declan saw the truth. Wrecker truly did see all and know all. He wasn’t surprised Ezra was sick. “What happened?”
“People like you happened,” Declan said, going for the jugular. “You’re with him damn near every day and see things.” Declan barely stopped himself from making air quotes, but he knew his tone had done it for him. “Before I showed up last night, he hadn’t eaten in god knows how long before he fell out, dehydrated and completely depleted of vitamins. I thought you were watching him. You claim to have his back. Why didn’t you go to Jessie with that? Or am I the only problem you see with Ezra’s life?”
“Jessie has been out of town.” Wrecker said the words quietly—like it broke him that he
hadn’t been able to get Ezra help. Like he hadn’t known where else to turn. His gaze turned inward for a moment before he focused on Declan again. “Tell him I stopped by. If I don’t hear from him by the end of the night, I’m going to Jessie.”
Declan shrugged. “Fair enough.” He shut the door in Wrecker’s face. Declan planned to be gone with Ezra before the end of the night anyhow. Maybe they would stay gone for good. Declan was tired of worrying about what everyone else would think. So he wouldn’t anymore.
Four
Ezra woke on a sharp gasp, leaving behind a nightmare he forgot the instant his eyes opened. He had fallen asleep almost the minute the doctor left. Ezra had been having a hard time keeping his eyes open through his shower. The second he had finally been alone, the life had seeped from him. Now he stared at his surroundings, incapable of understanding his change in locations.
“What the... fluff? Where are we?”
Declan glanced his way from his spot behind the wheel. “You don’t remember? You woke up enough to get dressed.”
Ezra blinked. He didn’t remember that at all. Dang. He had truly passed out. They were in Declan’s truck and headed down the interstate. Ezra was dressed... sort of. He still wore Declan’s huge shirt and a pair of short shorts. It was dark. Ezra glanced at the clock. It was two. He assumed, judging by the pitch-black sky, it was two in the morning.
“Where are we going?” he asked again when his mind turned up blank.
“Mesa, Arizona.”
For a moment, Ezra tried harder to remember agreeing to go to Arizona. Still, the last memory he had was his doctor’s visit. “Why are we going to Arizona?”
A sexy rumble of laughter fell from Declan’s lips. “Because it’s beautiful there and you need a vacation. I got us a private place right near some great hiking trails. Your prescriptions are filled. Our bags are packed. We’re ditching reality for a while.”
“You packed me a bag.”
Even though it hadn’t been a question, Declan obviously took it as one. “No. Jessie and Theo stopped by to check on you, but you were too out of it to visit. When I talked to them about this trip, Jessie agreed it was a good idea and Theo volunteered to pack for you.”
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