by Carew, Opal
* * *
Moonlight from the almost full moon outside reflected off the snow, setting the room aglow in a soft light. Matt stared at the ceiling, aching inside, still reeling from Kate’s revelation about what had happened two years ago.
Fuck, when he’d heard her screaming, he’d leaped from his bed and flown to her room. In her sleep-hazed terror, when she’d awoken and seen him, she’d been afraid of him, accusing him of having hurt her. His gut clenched at the fact she could ever think he would hurt her.
And then he’d found out she’d thought he’d sold her to another man, as part of a role-playing scenario. Sure, that kind of thing happened. Some people liked to push. A different hand to bow to, a different sub to control. Sometimes it was just for the discipline aspect, sometimes it was for full-out sexual intimacy. He raked his hand through his hair. But he never would have shared Kate with anyone. She was his.
She had been his, anyway.
He had loved her deeply. Completely. Yet she’d obviously never trusted him.
Matt heard a knock at the door. What the fuck?
He rolled onto his side. “Come in.”
The door opened and there, silhouetted in the moonlight streaming in from the hallway window, stood Kate. She stepped forward and he could see the pajama shirt she wore hugging her body. Her breasts bounced softly as she walked across the room. The shirt hung to midthigh, leaving a good portion of her long, lithe legs visible. His heart thumped faster having her in his room like this. No bra. Possibly no panties. Only a soft shirt with buttons down the entire front. Not that he’d bother with those buttons if he were going to make love to her. He would rip that shirt off her so fast, her head would spin.
“What do you want, Kate?” He leaned over and turned on the lamp on the bedside table, then he pushed his legs over the side of the bed and sat up.
She gazed at him the whole time she walked toward him, her eyes big and full of emotion. Sadness? Pain? Fear? His heart clenched. Was she afraid of him?
Well, fuck, she thought he was the type of man who would hand her over to another man as a slave, without even telling her about it. Damn, no wonder she’d acted so strangely this evening. When she’d demanded to leave and he’d told her they couldn’t go anywhere until the driver returned, she’d probably believed he had intended to trap her here. God, no wonder she had been so jumpy, her eyes filled with panic.
And that’s why she’d run from him in the mall.
Good God, Kate actually believed—his heart ached—that he would hurt her.
His hands curled into fists. How could she ever believe that? He loved her and would do anything to protect her.
He wanted to grab her and shake some sense into her. To scream at her that he would never, ever hurt her.
He wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her with all the passion and desire he had locked inside. To claim her mouth, totally and completely, to show her just how deeply he loved her.
She stood by the side of the bed now. “I…” Her hands hung by her sides and her fingers curled tightly. “I’m here because…”
Her hesitance tore at his heart.
“Damn it, Kate. What the fuck do you want?”
She flinched. Damn, he hadn’t meant to speak so sharply, but she threw him off balance. He wanted her so goddamned much.
Fuck, she held all the power. He’d been a damn fool to bring her here. To subject himself to this kind of pain again.
He drew in a deep breath and tried again. “Just tell me what you want, Kate.”
“I … I know it wasn’t fair that I left two years ago … without telling you…”
She hesitated, clearly uncertain. A long silence fell between them.
Watching her now … seeing her vulnerability … his heart clenched. Ever since he’d strode from her room, he’d only thought about himself, and his pain. But now he thought about her gut-wrenching scream. He didn’t know exactly what happened to her that night at Illy’s, but clearly it had traumatized her.
Fuck, what had the guy done to her? He’d been so angry that Kate hadn’t trusted him that he’d blanked out thinking about what Kate might have endured. Did the guy have sex with her? Did he overpower her? His heart thundered in his chest as his heart rate accelerated.
“Kate, what happened?”
Her questioning gaze flicked to his. “As I said, Ileana lied to me and told me—”
He held up his hand to stop her words. He didn’t need to hear it again. “What did this man do to you?”
Her gaze immediately dropped from his and his chest compressed.
“I … really don’t want to talk about it.”
Fuck. She’d turned white as a sheet. An overwhelming protectiveness jolted through him.
“Well, I really need to talk about it.” He patted the bed beside him. “Come and sit down.”
She drew in a deep breath, but stepped forward and sank onto the bed beside him.
“He took me to the room I told you about. In the basement. It had a thick door and the walls were of big, concrete bricks. He chained me to the wall.”
She spoke in a halting voice, clearly struggling with telling him, but she obviously felt she owed him this.
“Did he … force you to have sex?”
She shook her head. “Nothing like that. He made me face the wall before he chained me up. I thought he was just playacting at first. That it was a game. He said he was going to punish me.”
Matt and Kate had often played the punishment scenario, and it made him jealous now that she had even agreed to play a scenario with someone else, but she’d already told him she’d thought he had arranged it, so essentially she’d done it to please him. And if Ileana had told her Matt had ordered her to do it, she would not have argued.
“And he did,” Matt said.
Kate just nodded while she stared down at her hands.
“Tell me.”
“He used a whip. It…” She hesitated, then swallowed. “I never realized how much a leather whip would hurt.”
Damn it. She must have thought Matt a monster to arrange such a thing.
“God damn it, Kate, how could you believe I would even allow such a terrible thing to happen to you, let alone arrange it?”
She gazed up at him, her eyes shimmering. And, to his surprise, a little defiance flickered in those blue depths. “You did let it happen.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“You’re angry with me because I believed you’d let it happen, yet you believed Ileana when she told you I’d left with another man. If you hadn’t believed her, then maybe you would have looked for me. Maybe you could have stopped it.” The vulnerability in her eyes tore at his heart. “Matt, why did you think I would do that?”
Damn it. The woman had no right to turn this around on him. “The evidence was there. You clearly enjoyed dancing with the guy. You disappeared with him after that. And when I still gave you the benefit of the doubt and tried to talk to you afterward, to find out exactly what did happen, you wouldn’t take my calls.”
Her lips compressed in an appropriately contrite expression, and he realized he couldn’t leave the blame hanging on her.
“And it didn’t help that I already felt you were slipping away from me. I sensed you wanted to end it between us for some time, but something held you back. So when I saw you in that man’s arms on the dance floor, then when Illy told me you had left with the guy … it seemed to confirm my worst fears.”
Guilt prickled through him. He’d handled so many things badly with Kate. Let things get out of control. And it had led to disastrous results for her in so many ways.
* * *
Kate gazed at his enigmatic, dark eyes. He knew about that?
She drew in a deep breath. “I was a little thrown off by things.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Things?”
She stared at her hands. “I mean … sexually. The way I”—she gazed at him and shrugged, realizing she just ha
d to state it outright—“you know … become totally submissive to you. Giving up every scrap of control.”
“Kate, you can’t tell me you didn’t like it.”
“Obviously I liked it.” There was no way she could deny that. “But I don’t want to like it. I don’t like what I become.”
His lips compressed. “So you wanted to end the relationship before we even went to that party.”
His tone didn’t betray any hurt, but she knew him well enough to know she’d struck a nerve.
She drew in a deep breath while he watched her, waiting. But what could she say? It was true.
“Matt, it wasn’t you, it was me.”
“Fuck.” His eyes glittered with anger—or was it pain?—then he stood up and walked across the room.
“Matt, I know that’s a cliché, but in this case, it’s true. You’re comfortable with who you are, and that’s good. You dominate in the bedroom, and clearly that turns me on immensely. But it also frightens me. The way I become. I…”
But talking to his broad back unnerved her. Was he even listening?
She stood up and walked to him, then rested her hand on his shoulder. “Matt, please look at me.”
He sighed and turned around, his face an emotionless mask.
“I’m sorry I believed what I did about you. That I didn’t take any of your calls. I shouldn’t have taken her word for it, but … at the time, I was so … so…”
Suddenly, the whole thing came crashing back to her. The fear. The pain. And the devastating sense of abandonment and betrayal when Ileana had told her Matt had been responsible for what had happened. She sucked back a sob.
But the bottom line was, Matt had done nothing wrong, yet she had caused him immeasurable pain.
“I’m sorry I hurt you,” she said in a mere whisper. She gazed into his midnight blue eyes, mesmerized by the intensity of his stare, and she had to touch him. She stroked his cheek with her hand.
At the feel of his whisker-roughened skin under her fingertips, at the warmth of his body so close to hers, heat washed through her.
“Matt, I’m sorry. I never should have allowed Ileana’s lie to shatter my trust in you, but … what that man did…” Her words faltered as she remembered the harsh lines of the man’s face as he’d chained her to the wall, then the sharp slash of the whip against her skin.
“Kate…”
She drew in a deep breath and pushed her shoulders back. “I don’t understand why Ileana lied to me, or that stranger did what he did, but … I never should have believed them.” She gazed at Matt, willing him to see into her soul. “I want you to know that I do trust you.”
Anger blazed in Matt’s eyes. “If I had known what was happening…” His hands clenched into fists. “If I had gotten my hands on the guy…”
He wasn’t hearing what she wanted him to hear. She wanted him to understand—to believe—how deeply she did trust him. The man at the party had drawn on her trust of Matt, and betrayed it. Despite what happened to her, if Matt wanted to chain her to the wall now, she would totally trust him. She knew he would never hurt her, even if he wanted to punish her. Because his punishment always led to shared pleasure.
Her insides heated at the memory of Matt’s hand slapping across her ass, leaving her skin tingling.
Maybe she could prove to him just how much she trusted him.
“Matt, never mind that now.” She held out her hand. “Come with me.”
He watched her for a moment, his glinting gaze piercing through her. Then he took her hand.
Oh, God, the feel of his strong, masculine fingers wrapped around her smaller ones sent heat pumping through her. His bedroom was huge, and she led him to a big couch facing the large window that overlooked a ravine behind the house. Moonlight cascaded over the icy landscape, illuminating it in a soft, white glow.
She walked to the back of the couch and released his hand, then she leaned over the couch, slowly drawing up her nightshirt as she bent over. She could feel the cool air on her naked behind. She only wore a thong, so he would have a full view of her naked ass.
* * *
“What the hell are you doing?” Matt had trouble keeping his voice steady with her leaning over the back of the couch, her deliciously round, naked ass totally exposed.
“Punish me, Matt.”
His pulse quickened and his fingers itched to reach for her. To stroke along that smooth, white flesh.
Fuck. “But, Kate, after what you went through…”
“I trust you, Matt. I know you’d never hurt me.”
Her words reached inside him and tore at his heart. How could he turn down her show of trust?
He stared at her creamy, round flesh, the moonlight caressing it in soft light. He stepped closer, unable to resist the need to touch her, his cock swelling painfully.
But he shouldn’t get involved with her physically, since starting a romantic relationship with her again was not an option. Having sex, or whatever this would be, was a bad idea. A really bad idea.
But she trusted him. And this would be a healing step for her—to get past what that guy had done to her. He couldn’t say no.
Fuck, he didn’t want to say no.
* * *
As Kate felt him draw near, she thought she might feel anxiety, given her experience with Victor, but she really did trust Matt. Completely.
She felt Matt’s hand on her ass. She expected an immediate slap, but instead, he stroked. Gently. Tenderly. His big hand cupped her, then glided sideways. As he stroked her buttocks, heat washed through her at his masculine touch. He was so big and strong. She wanted him to touch more of her. Her nipples peaked at the thought, and her insides tightened.
Then his hand drew away. Suddenly, it smacked across her ass, making her gasp. It didn’t hurt, but it smarted. Her skin tingled where his hand still rested against her.
Then he drew back his hand and smacked her again.
* * *
Her gasp sent heat thrumming through him. His cock swelled even harder. He smacked again, then left his hand resting on her heated skin. Her ass was so round and perfect. He raised his hand and smacked again.
He could hear her accelerated breathing. She was turned on. He smacked again and she gasped again, then moaned.
“Do you like this, Kate?”
“Oh, yes, Sir.”
Oh, fuck. His cock jerked to full mast. He wanted to drive into her so badly.
“Do you want me to keep spanking you?”
“Yes, please, Sir.” She squirmed, her glowing red ass beckoning to him.
* * *
Kate couldn’t believe how this made her feel. His smack stung, making her skin tingle. And she wanted more. Excitement churned through her and she could feel the moisture pooling between her legs.
“Please, Sir, punish me.”
* * *
Matt stifled a groan. Her words were killing him, sucking the strength from him. She owned him. But he didn’t care right now. He wanted to give her what she wanted.
He smacked her again and she moaned. Again and again his hand clashed with her flesh, the smacks sounding loudly in the silence of the room.
“Oh, yes.” Her breathy words ground through him.
God, he wanted her right now. He would love to pull aside the crotch of her thong and drive right into her. But he wouldn’t. That’s not what she’d invited him to do. He smacked again and her ecstatic moan thrilled him.
He sensed she was close to orgasm. He didn’t know if the spanking would take her all the way there or not. And he didn’t want to keep hitting her. To bring her release, he’d have to go harder, faster. Her skin already sported an angry redness.
He wanted to caress her. To bring her pleasure. So as he smacked her again, he stroked her ass with his other hand. Then glided his fingers between her legs. Fuck, she was wet. He smacked again as his fingers slid beneath the crotch of her thong.
* * *
Kate’s breath caught as she felt his fin
gers glide under her thong. He smacked and she cried out, then the rising pleasure blossomed as his fingers slid over her slick opening. She gasped at his sure stroke, pleasure pummeling through her. Smack.
“Oh, Sir. Oh—” She gasped as he found her clit. “Oh, please, yes.” She sucked in air as his fingers glided inside her, his other hand smacking again. Her whole body vibrated in need as she relinquished herself to him. A swell of intense sensation rose within her and she moaned her release. Ecstatic joy blasted through her and she arched against his hand, then wailed. The agony of her release shattered through her.
* * *
Matt couldn’t believe the intensity of her orgasm. He practically ejaculated on the spot. But he held it back. That wasn’t what this was about.
But what was it about? Did she just want to assuage her guilt for walking out on him? Did she just want to get off?
Two years ago, he’d been sure she’d been as in love with him as he was with her, but he’d grown to realize that wasn’t true. And she hadn’t denied it a few minutes ago when he said he’d believed she’d wanted to end the relationship with him.
But right now, he felt close to her. Just like he had before. He felt love for her.
Damn fool that he was.
He put his hands on her waist and drew her to her feet. She turned and faced him. Her face was aglow. Soft. Feminine. Radiant from the pleasure he’d just given her.
God, he wanted her so badly.
She gazed deep into his eyes and seemed to recognize his need. She tipped her mouth up. The tip of her tongue glided over her lips.
Fuck, he couldn’t help himself. He took her in his arms and kissed her. Her soft mouth yielded to his. He drove his tongue into her, needing to possess her.
* * *
Kate melted against him. He took her mouth with confidence, his tongue gliding deep, exploring her with authority. Her insides ached in need. Her nipples drove into his chest, longing for his attention.
But there was something she needed even more.
His mouth withdrew and he gazed down at her.
“Fuck, Kate, the way you’re looking at me…”
“I want you to…” She drew in a shaky breath. “I need…”
His hands tightened around her shoulders.
