Passion And Fire (Passion #4)

by J. a Melville

  He’d told me he loved me and I’d thrown it back in his face. I think it was only now starting to sink in what it meant to have someone like Damien declare his love for me. He’d gone decades fucking his way through women, taking what he wanted with no regard for any of them, and yet he’d pursued me and we’d had the most amazing sex. Then he’d told me he loved me but his declaration had come at the worst time. I was still angry, hurting, filled with rage, self-loathing, I had been seriously pissed off and now when I was feeling more settled, more accepting of what I’d become, I suddenly realised what he meant to me, what he’d become to me but it was too fucking late.

  “Are we here to hunt or get all deep and meaningful?” I asked, suddenly wanting the conversation over. I needed to find someone to try and distract me from my thoughts of Damien.

  Francesca laughed. “Yeah, this heartfelt bullshit isn’t my usual style either. Guess I’m not accustomed to seeing Damien as such a miserable sap. Come on. Let’s hunt.”

  Damien

  “I think I’ll head off.” Damien turned to his sire as they stood watching Sirene performing. He’d been at the club with his sire and Sirene over an hour and was realising he’d made a mistake coming here. He would just grab himself a meal to go. In other words, just take someone outside, drink and go home, alone. He couldn’t seem to get interested enough to pick up a woman to take home and fuck. There were plenty of women around and one extremely persistent one kept coming onto him. She wasn’t bad, shoulder length blonde hair, quite short, but curvy figure, breasts that had probably cost her a small fortune. He didn’t give a shit that she was displaying the end result of a well done boob job at their best. So much so they were nearly falling out of her skimpy top. She was attractive, but he couldn’t seem to get his body to respond to her other than as a quick feed.

  “Come on baby, dance with me.” She whined pulling on his arm.

  “Oh dance with the girl.” Fabian said amusement in his strange pale eyes.

  Damien sighed. “Fine, come on.” He ground out, fighting his irritation when she squealed and threw herself into his arms.

  They headed for the dance floor and he tried not to think of the last time he’d been there, with Flame, balls deep inside of her, fucking her with people all around them. That had been the turning point of their relationship. She’d agreed to come home with him before it had all gone to shit on that fateful night when they’d been hit by the other car.

  “What’s your name baby?” She asked, blinking up at him through big blue eyes.

  “Damien and you are?” He honestly didn’t give a shit who she was, but he thought he’d better be polite.

  “I’m Bambi baby.” She drawled in some breathy voice and he struggled not to burst out laughing.

  “Of course you are.” He murmured and pulled her into his arms. Now if he wasn’t so fucked up by Flame he’d be making some joke about Bambi being the next top Porn Star but he wasn’t feeling his usual jovial self. In fact he wasn’t sure he’d ever be his usual jovial self again. Fucking women, they totally fucked a man up and not in a good; get his rocks off kind of way either.

  Fuck this; he just wanted to get out of here. Still, he had a warm, willing human in his arms, it was dark, he’d feed now. He met her eyes in the dimly lit room and watched as her expression went blank and her mouth slack.

  Lowering his lips to her neck, he breathed in her scent and wished he hadn’t as her perfume was heavy and strong, not at all pleasant. Then with the sound of Sirene’s voice as she sang a Whitney Houston song, everyone slow dancing to the more romantic lyrics around them, Damien bit down hard on her neck.

  As her blood began to spill into his mouth, he swallowed, savouring the sweetness of Bambi’s life force. He didn’t take as much as he might normally given they were on a dance floor surrounded by people and once he’d taken as much as he was prepared to, he licked her clean, rubbed some of his blood over her puncture wounds and ran his hands through her hair as he raised his head to make it look like he’d been merely kissing her and caressing her. He quickly lifted the mind control just as the music finished and Sirene’s sweet voice fell silent.

  Damien felt a shiver of awareness through his body and he lifted his head, meeting the bright eyes of Flame. She was in the arms of some tall, lean dark haired man and as he stared at her, he saw the man in her arms cup her ass cheeks and pull her into his body.

  Rage surged through him like a wave of red and he snapped his teeth together so hard he was surprised they didn’t snap. The jealousy running rampant through his body right now was overwhelming and in an effort to pretend he didn’t give a shit, he dropped his head and kissed Bambi.

  He immediately regretted that when she adhered herself to him like she was trying to become an extension of him. Subtly, but firmly he extracted himself enough to lift his head, and felt a wave of disappointment when he saw Flame was gone.

  “I’m sorry Bambi, but I need to go.” He pulled her arms from around his neck and stumbled backwards, before pushing his way through the crowds and off the dance floor. He didn’t even intend telling his sire he was going, just started walking towards the doors to the car park but Fabian pulled him up anyway.

  “Where are you going son?” He asked.

  “Home, I’m done with here.”

  “You’ve fed off that blonde girl? I smell blood on you.”

  “Yeah but she has no memory of that. I need to get out of here now.” He pushed past Fabian.

  “You saw Flame didn’t you with that man? Don’t read too much into it son. She’s not happy according to Francesca. She’s just testing her control and she needs to be close, physically close to humans to be sure she can do it. She’s doing remarkably well though. You should be proud of your child Damien. I know you love her but she’s also your child remember. You created her, you turned her vampire. You are her sire and you can use that position to control her if you wish.”

  “I don’t want to control her. I want her to be happy and to do things she wants to do because she genuinely wishes to, not because of some sense of obligation forced upon her.” He said quietly and walked away from Fabian.

  He’d nearly made it outside when he spotted Flame, alone with her human male. She was in his arms and he had her pinned up against the wall kissing her, almost devouring her. To see her like that, in the arms of another man, clearly having moved on and not wanting him, hurt unbearably. Unable to control himself a low tortured cry escaped his lips. The cry of a wounded animal, the cry of a man whose heart was being torn from his chest, and when she ripped her lips from the young man’s and met his agonised gaze, he saw her eyes widen. Not wanting to see the desire for the man or her enjoyment of his despair, he turned and rushed out the door, not stopping until he’d reached Fabian’s car. He collapsed against the side of it and for the first time in his vampire life and maybe even his human life, he allowed the pain of having loved and lost Flame rip through him and when the tears burned his eyes, he made no effort to stop them.

  Chapter Twenty Three

  Flame

  I realised when I saw Damien, when I saw the pain in his eyes that I was making a huge mistake trying to use other men to help me forget him. When the young man holding me began to kiss me again, it was the touch of his lips on mine, that lack of anything, no spark, no excitement, absolutely nothing, that made me see what a fucking idiot I was. I didn’t hate Damien. I didn’t blame him for turning me. Hell, I’d more than likely have done the same thing. I blamed myself for it all. I shouldn’t have distracted him in the car by looking to throw something at him using my mind. I’d spent all these weeks attacking him, hurting him and wanting to experience as much pain as possible to cover my guilt. It was easier to hide my guilt by turning the self-loathing I felt on him. I was so convinced he couldn’t seriously love me, not a man who had fucked probably thousands of women, but I also didn’t consider myself worthy of his love. I’d been such a bitch to him, right from when we first met.

&
nbsp; I knew a lot of my behaviour stemmed from my parents abandoning me. I was so afraid of being hurt, of being abandoned again that I pushed everyone who tried to get close, away. Poor Damien had been on the receiving end of my worst behaviour because I knew he had the power to hurt me more than anyone had ever hurt me. I was so fucked up.

  He was all I wanted, I loved him and I had probably just killed the last of his love for me, if the pain I’d just seen in his eyes was any indication. I was a fucking idiot, a fool, an A class moron for turning my back on him. I had been so hell bent on hurting him and rejecting him that I’d missed the most important thing, the point everyone had been trying to make. Damien had never loved anyone, he’d never cared and yet he’d told me he loved me. I cringed when I thought about how I’d thrown it back at him and how I’d been treating him all these weeks since.

  “God please don’t let it be too late.” I whispered.

  “What sweet thing?” The man kissing my neck asked. “Too late for what; too late to ride this?” He ground into me. “There’s still time for you to ride the beast sweet thing. Come on, let’s go somewhere.”

  “Well when you ask so nicely.” I smiled at him. “Now look into my eyes darl.” I drawled and felt a burst of excitement when his expression glossed over. I liked this mind control thing. It was fun.

  “Tell me you’re not going to feed from him here?” Fran’s voice warned, startling me. “You shouldn’t feed without one of us to keep an eye on you.”

  “Well keep an eye out now. I have to feed and get out of here. I’ve realised I’ve made a huge mistake with Damien.” I said and Francesca grinned.

  “Halle…fucking…lujah. It’s about time. I just spoke to Fabian and he said Damien’s here, or he was. He’s just left apparently. Poor bastard’s crushed. You’ve broken my brother and I’m not happy. Now feed, quickly and then get the hell out of here and go get him before I tear you apart.” She said, a smile curving her dark painted lips.

  I grinned and hastily fed, cleaned the man up, removed the mind control, told him to fuck off and headed for the door. It was good to see my young human hadn’t been too devastated by my desertion when I heard him trying to charm Francesca. “Good luck.” I whispered. She was a hard nut to crack and sarcastic as hell. That woman could cut a man down with a couple of well-aimed callous words.

  I rushed out the doors leading to the car park and stopped, raising my head to sniff at the air. I wanted to see if I could pick up Damien’s beautiful scent but I only got a trace of it. There was a light breeze blowing so it had blown most of his scent away.

  I began to walk through the cars, looking for signs of Fabian’s car. I knew Damien couldn’t have left in it as his sire would need it when Sirene finished work.

  As I walked, suddenly I caught his beautiful fragrance on the breeze and I spun around, heading in the direction of it. There was still no sign of him and I was beginning to think I might have missed him. I worried that he may have walked home since supernatural speed was part of being vampire, but then I spotted a figure standing alone. He was near a light which shone down on him almost like a spotlight but as I moved closer I realised, it was him; it was Damien.

  His head was bowed and he looked so alone, so forlorn. I stood and watched him, suddenly nervous about approaching him, suddenly worried he would reject me the way I’d been rejecting him.

  As I watched him, studying each beautiful line of his body, he lifted a hand, swiping at his eyes and realisation came crashing down on me. As I reeled in shock and dismay for what he’d been reduced to, I heard it, just one quiet sob. That one tiny sound tore my heart from me and I felt momentarily crippled with pain. That one sob; that near silent display of his sorrow screamed of his agony and it was nearly enough to bring me to my knees to see this beautiful man and vampire reduced to the broken creature I’d made him. It detonated the last of the ice from around my heart and the love I’d locked away burst forth, warming me, lifting me out of the cold and dark place I’d been emotionally.

  Slowly I stepped forward, one tentative step at a time, one hand lifting to reach out to him. I was beginning to think he’d never become aware of my presence, that the pain inside him was deafening him to my approach. Then finally, finally his head lifted and his gaze shot to mine.

  Hastily he wiped at his eyes again and I saw him tense up, a mask of indifference coming down over his face. If that had been the only expression I’d seen, I’d have given up. I would have accepted that I’d destroyed any love he had for me but I’d seen him, that unguarded moment when he didn’t know I was there.

  I stood for a moment, our eyes locked. He was not going to make this easy for me and I realised he’d been acting like a man who didn’t give a shit in an effort to hide that he really did care. I could wait for him or I could pull up my big girl panties and go to him. I could reveal my hand this time; I could be the one sticking my neck out and hope he didn’t bite my head off.

  Bracing myself for his possible rejection I walked the last few steps until I stood before him. I raised my eyes to his and through the bravado and the mask of indifference; I saw it, that hint of pain that shadowed those gorgeous green irises.

  We stared at one another, neither speaking, our eyes mirroring those emotions that stirred inside us. I was petrified, a vampire who was terrified. Something told me there was something wrong with that picture, but I didn’t feel vampire, I’d never felt vampire really except for when I fed. Right now I was just a scared insecure woman who’d lived with pain, rejection and abandonment. I’d protected my heart to avoid ever having to endure more pain, to avoid that feeling when losing someone I loved. Now facing Damien about to expose my heart to him, I was scared, so scared he’d reject me. I’m sure if my heart could beat it would be hammering frantically in my chest.

  Damien’s expression changed, a questioning look appearing in his eyes. Not breaking contact with his gaze, I reached up and cupped his cheek, feeling the abrasiveness of his permanent five o’clock shadow.

  “What do you want Flame? Why are you here and not fucking your little friend?” His eyes lifted from mine to look towards the club.

  “I don’t want him Damien. I…I…I had to see you. Oh god…” I broke off, an unexpected sob breaking free of my lips.

  That drew his eyes back to me again. “What do you want? Are you going to bully me and abuse me into fucking you again? Is that it? Are you feeling the need for some rough fucking again? Do you want my brother joining in again?”

  I stared into his eyes, listening to his words and I knew I had to say something, anything that would make him stop with the outpouring of words that hurt me to hear; not because what he was saying was hurtful to me necessarily, but because I could hear the pain in his voice. He was trying hard to mask it with sarcasm but I could hear it and see it on his face.

  I didn’t answer him; I simply reached up and gently placed my lips on his. He didn’t respond, instead he froze, not moving, his body rigid against mine. I put my hands on his hard chest, feeling the solid muscles under my palms and I deepened the kiss, pressing my lips more firmly against his. I thrust my tongue into his mouth and he opened for me, but still stood there, not making any effort to respond. I kissed him, pouring all my love into it, my lips moving softly on his, my tongue sweeping over his, but still, he made no effort to respond. His arms hung limply by his sides, and the longer I kissed him, the longer he remained unresponsive, the more I panicked. It was too late; I wasn’t getting through to him.

  I was just about to pull back and contemplate another attack on his mouth when I felt the tiniest response from him. It wasn’t much, merely a softening of his lips and body, but it was something, it gave me hope. I moved my hands up over his shoulders and into the hair at the back of his neck. With my fingers buried in the silky strands, I pulled him closer and finally his lips relaxed and slowly, almost tentatively he began to respond to me.

  I felt his hands slide down my back and cup my ass, pulling me into him,
where I could feel the hardening ridge in his jeans. Well, if nothing else, I could still arouse him. I wanted him, I felt hot and hungry for him but I had to stop this, I had to stop him distracting me. With a groan I pulled out of his arms and watched as the wary look came down over his face again. In an effort to reassure him, I took his hand in mine and kissed the palm before trailing tiny kisses over his long slim fingers. Again I raised my eyes to his and this time there was confusion mixed in with the wariness and desire in his expression.

  It was time, it was definitely time to reveal my heart to him and hope he didn’t throw it back at me, although I deserved it, if he did.

  “I’m so sorry Damien. I’m sorry I have been so horrible. I’m sorry I have been so angry and hateful to you because you turned me. I don’t hate you; I don’t even hate being vampire if I’m honest. It’s not proving as hard as I thought to control my urges and Fabian thinks I’ll be ready to go back to work soon. That’s not what I wanted to say to you though.” I raised his hand to my lips again and kept my eyes downcast, suddenly too scared to look up at him.

  “I’m so sorry for the way I’ve been treating you, for the abuse, the need for you to act out of character and hurt me and I’m so sorry for Adrian.” I paused again, needing to think before I spoke. “I blame myself for the accident. I distracted you; it was me, with my threat to use telekinesis on you. I put you in an awful position when I begged you not to turn me and for that, I’m sorry. I would have done the same. I know it’s probably too late. I’ve treated you badly and I don’t deserve your forgiveness, and I certainly don’t deserve your love after throwing it back at you. It’s no excuse, I know, but I’m so scared of being hurt, of loving someone and them not loving me, of them eventually leaving me. I’m sorry for being so horrible. I’m so unworthy of you, I know that.” Again I paused, meeting his eyes.