“Enjoyed is a very weak word. I was transformed and transfixed.” She laughed. “I’m too stunned to think up any more T words. Otherwise I would.”
He touched her cheek, her neck, her shoulders, almost as if he had to reassure himself she was really here, with him, and that she’d just climaxed for the first time in her life.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, gazing up at him. “You look funny. Not sad exactly, but… What is it? Did I do something I shouldn’t have?”
“Never,” he said, bending over her and forcing himself to smile. “I’m glad you enjoyed it. I thought it was great.”
Her mouth twisted in concern. “You’re not just saying that?”
“Elissa, touching you, knowing that I was making it happen, was about the best thing in my life. With my fingers inside, I could feel the contractions.”
She blushed bright red, but didn’t turn away. “So you know I wasn’t faking it.”
“Oh, yeah.”
“Then why the mysterious expression?”
Her hair fanned out on the bed, a blanket of golden-blond silk. He stroked the soft curls as he considered her question. “I’m sorry for all the time we wasted. I should have tried harder.”
“No!” She wrapped her arms around him and shifted, easing him onto his back, then pinned down his arms and stared into his face. “No, Cole. I won’t let you ruin this with self-recriminations. The past is over. We need to let it go. Tonight we’ve created a miracle. Enjoy that. And while you’re doing that, you can answer another question for me.”
Her generosity only increased his feelings of self-loathing. He should have made it better for her. When she’d resisted being touched, he could have…
What? Forced her? Damn, why wasn’t there an easy answer?
Rather than worrying about it, he looked at Elissa sprawled naked across his chest. Her hair tumbled over her shoulders and bare breasts. She looked like a pagan goddess.
“What’s your question?” he asked.
“Why do you have so many clothes on?”
At her words, the need between his legs tightened painfully. His blood heated and his mouth went dry. “Hell if I know,” he muttered, and reached for the buttons on his shirt.
“Uh-uh.” She brushed his hands away. “I’ll do it.”
She was as good as her word. While he lay there, she opened his shirt and rubbed her hands up and down his chest. It was only when she repeated the actions with her mouth that he began to worry about losing control.
In a matter of minutes she tossed aside his shirt and trousers. Now she tugged at his briefs, urging him to raise his hips so she could free him of his last article of clothing.
As the material slid down, his arousal sprang free. He was large and hot and faintly embarrassed by the fact. But instead of recoiling, Elissa knelt between his thighs. She tilted her head to one side, studying his maleness.
“It’s much nicer than the line drawings,” she said, and rested her hands on his knees. “Does it hurt?”
“Yes, but not in the way you think. More pressure than pain.”
She nodded. “Sort of an aching. That’s what I felt. It’s deep inside, but on the surface, too.” She slid her hands up his thighs. “I want to touch you. Show me what to do.”
“Just—” His muscles quivered in anticipation. When she reached the crown of hair surrounding his maleness, his breath caught in his throat. Warm, sure fingers encircled him. She began to move up and down.
“Like that,” he gasped.
Her technique was faulty. She kept stopping to explore, running her fingers over the sensitive head, dropping kisses on his upper thighs and belly, once kissing the very tip. But he didn’t correct her, or show her the quickest way to please him. That would be for later. For now, it was enough to have her touching him there. It was, he realized, a first for both of them.
He opened his eyes and looked at her. There were tears on her cheeks. Startled, he sat up. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” She wiped her face on her shoulder. “I love this. You’re warm and silky. It’s not scary at all. I could touch you forever and I never bothered before. I never wanted to see you naked or take you in my hands.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “Or my mouth.”
He shuddered with pleasure at the thought.
“I was a horrible wife. I don’t deserve forgiveness, so I’m not going to ask for it.”
He reached down and took her hands in his. “What was it you said to me? Don’t ruin this with self-recriminations. That applies to you, too. Come here and let me love you.”
She came willingly into his arms. He kissed her mouth, then her breasts. When her breathing had increased and her eyes were glazed with passion, he slipped on the protection she’d left on the nightstand, then moved to enter her.
Her tight body stretched to accommodate him. She welcomed him with a sigh, then caught his hips and pulled him closer.
Pleasure swept over him in an uncontrollable wave. “I can’t hold back,” he muttered. “Dammit, Elissa, I’m sorry.”
She smiled at him, then drew her knees closer to her chest, urging him deeper. “Don’t hold back. Give me everything right now.”
“But I wanted you to have another turn.”
“I will. Later.” Her smile turned impish. “I was hoping we could try that special kissing thing. You know, kissing down there?”
That image was all he needed to lose control. “Yes.” He ground out the word, plunging into her twice more before passion overtook him, ripping through him with the fury of a firestorm, leaving him sated and cradled in his wife’s loving arms.
* * *
Cole tossed his pencil in the air and leaned back in his chair. He wasn’t getting any work done and he couldn’t find it in himself to care. Not after last night.
They’d made love three more times, discovering each other, bringing each other mindless pleasure, sharing in ways he’d never thought possible. He had a feeling he was going to spend the entire day grinning like a fool.
That didn’t matter, he told himself contentedly. He refused to dwell on the past or the future. What was important was the present. Elissa in his bed and his arms.
There was a danger that she would creep back into his heart, too. The sensible plan would be to back off. But he knew he wouldn’t. Last night had been everything he’d ever dreamed his marriage could be. It was a miracle, for both of them.
He didn’t doubt that their fundamental problems remained the same. In time, Elissa would leave him. Until then he would enjoy all that she offered and give back as much as he was able. When she left him, he would survive. He wasn’t sure how, but he’d never heard of anyone dying of a broken heart. If nothing else, he would have his work. It had always been his salvation.
The phone rang, cutting through his thoughts. He picked it up. “Stephenson here.”
“Mr. Stephenson, I’m Cathy with Industrial Supplies. I wanted to confirm our delivery for tomorrow. You’re up in Ojai, right?” She continued without waiting for an answer. “We’ll load the truck tonight and make you the first delivery. With all the traffic, you can expect to see us between ten and eleven. Is that all right?”
“Industrial Supplies?” he repeated, then pulled open a file drawer and started flipping through purchase orders. “I don’t recognize the company name. What are you delivering?”
“Let’s see.” He heard the woman shuffling papers. “A restaurant stove. One of our nicer ones. And a freezer unit. Let me see. Huh. That’s weird. I don’t have a purchase order number. It just says per Elissa Bedford. I think she paid with a personal check. I’m not sure… Oh, you’re an orphanage. This is probably a donation. We get those sometimes. So is the time for the delivery okay?”
Elissa had bought them a stove and a freezer? “What? The delivery? Sure, that’s fine.”
“We’ll see you tomorrow, Mr. Stephenson.”
“Fine.” He hung up the phone.
Elissa? He rosé to his fe
et and crossed to the window. Outside several of the children played on the jungle gym. He remembered the anonymous benefactor paying for science camp. Had that all been her? Why had she done it? Where had the money come from?
He returned to his desk and picked up the phone. He had a couple of lawyer friends in Los Angeles. They would be able to give him a place to start. One way or another, he was going to get his questions answered.
Two hours later he set down the receiver. He knew about Elissa’s trust fund and had confirmed she’d been the one to pay for the sports equipment. Fallon had written the check to the science camp, but he was confident Elissa had made those arrangements. He remembered her wide-eyed, innocent stare as she had sworn she hadn’t been in touch with the camp director.
“Technically avoiding a lie,” he said softly, knowing it was so like her.
The money from her television show had been in trust until she turned twenty-five. He wondered why she’d kept the information from him, then he grimaced. After she’d listened to him rage against his grandfather’s wealth in particular and the rich in general, it was no wonder she wouldn’t want to confess that she had a trust fund waiting for her. At twenty-five, he hadn’t been very understanding.
But what about now? Why was she buying things for the orphanage and keeping it a secret? Was she still afraid he would judge her? Did she think he would want her money?
Neither of those sounded right. If anything, Elissa would keep quiet so he wouldn’t think she was trying to buy his affection. So what did he do now? Should he confront her or just let her continue with her anonymous gift giving?
There was a light knock on his office door. “Come in,” he called.
Elissa slipped inside, then turned and carefully locked the door behind her. When she faced him, she smiled, but he saw the trembling at the corners of her mouth. Despite all they’d shared last night, she wasn’t sure of her welcome.
“Hi,” she said, and tucked her hands behind her back. “I hope you don’t mind. I thought we could, um, talk and…” She motioned to the door. “This way we don’t have to worry about interruptions.”
He hated the questions in her eyes, the nervous way she nibbled her bottom lip. He hadn’t seen her since he’d left her bed at four in the morning. It felt like a lifetime ago.
“Come here,” he said, holding out his arms. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you, too,” she said, and flew to him.
He gathered her close, pulling her onto his lap and kissing her. Passion flared instantly. Their tongues mated and danced until they were both breathing hard, then he raised his head.
Her questions were gone, her mouth fully smiling. She laughed and touched his face. “You look different,” she said.
“How?”
“Happier. And a little tired.”
“Could it be because I didn’t get any sleep last night?”
A blush stole up her cheeks. “Maybe.”
“You didn’t get any sleep, either. How come you don’t look tired at all?”
She leaned close. “Makeup,” she whispered in his ear.
“Ah. You’re tricking the world with your feminine wiles.”
“Something like that.” Her humor faded. “Are we all right, Cole?”
He cupped her face. “Elissa. Jeez, I should have known you’d want reassurance. We’re more than all right. We’re great. In fact, if lunch wasn’t in fifteen minutes, I’d try to convince you to share a quickie right here on the desk.”
She looked over his shoulder as if gauging the logistics involved. “Okay.” She started unbuttoning his shirt.
“Wait.” He stilled her hands. “They’ll miss us if we don’t show up for lunch.”
“Maybe, but not enough to come looking for us.”
Her mouth followed her fingers and he found it difficult to think as she trailed damp kisses down his chest.
“You’ll be sore,” he protested, although not with as much conviction as he would have liked. He was already hard.
“Uh-huh. We’ll work around that.”
“Elissa, we can’t.” But as he said the words, he was tugging at the hem of her dress, trying to pull it up so he could touch her body.
They worked together to remove their clothing. When he lowered his mouth to her breasts and his fingers to her waiting warmth, he realized he didn’t care about the trust fund or the gifts. Maybe he should be angry. In a way, she was keeping something from him.
Yet as he stroked her sensitive core and heard her muffled moans of pleasure he knew the information she withheld wasn’t important. Not compared to how she gave to the children and to him. As her naked body trembled in his arms and she breathed his name when she reached for her completion, he knew he could not find it in his heart to expose her secret. He wanted her. Worse, he needed her. For as long as she was willing to be with him, he was willing to welcome her with open arms.
* * *
Elissa stretched her arms over her head, then rolled to look at the clock. Nearly five-thirty in the morning. She would have to leave soon, tiptoeing in the darkness, back to her own room.
“Don’t go,” Cole said, turning to her and tucking her naked body against his, so they lay like spoons in a drawer. One hand rested possessively on her hip.
“I have a little time,” she said, absorbing the feel of him next to her.
When she’d first arrived at the orphanage, if someone had told her she and Cole would be practically living together again, she would have questioned that person’s sanity. If she’d been told that not only would they be spending their nights in the same bed, but would also be making wild, passionate love to each other, she would have called for the guys in white coats.
But it was true. Since that night three weeks ago, they’d been together constantly. Their days were spent enjoying their work and the children. Their nights were spent enjoying each other. She’d learned her body was capable of incredible pleasure, both receiving and giving. She’d learned how to reduce her wonderful husband to mindlessness with just the whisper of her fingers or her tongue. They’d explored each other, venturing on a wondrous journey from which she never wanted to return. She wanted it to go on forever.
She wanted to tell Cole she loved him.
So far she’d been holding the words back, not wanting to move too quickly. There were still problems between them. They had to deal with their past, with issues of honesty and trust. For a while she could be content sneaking around, but eventually she wanted to share her joy with the world.
“I’m glad I sent the letter,” Cole said, continuing their previous conversation. “You were right to urge me to tell my grandfather that we should set up a meeting as soon as possible.”
“You’re so stubborn. Why did you take so long to answer him? It’s been nearly a month.”
“I wanted to be sure.”
She felt his lips on her shoulder and smiled. She liked to think that his decision to establish a relationship with his grandfather had something to do with them. Maybe by opening up to her, he would learn to open up to other people. Or maybe she was indulging in a little wishful thinking.
“He mentioned wanting me to visit him,” Cole said.
“You should go.”
“Actually, I was wondering if you would like to join me.”
She turned toward him and met his steady gaze. “You want me to come with you to New York and meet your grandfather?”
He nodded. “I think the trip would be fun for both of us. I could use the moral support.”
She wrapped her arms around him and rested her cheek against his chest. “I would be honored to go with you, Cole. I think things are going to work out great with your grandfather and you won’t need me at all. But I’m happy to provide whatever support I can.” She glanced up at him. “Do you think we can find a hotel in New York that has mirrors on the ceiling?”
He brushed her hair off her face. “I’ve created a monster.”
“I know. Ar
en’t you glad?”
“More than you’ll ever know.” His eyes darkened with emotion. “Will the bad memories be a problem? The last time you were in the city you weren’t very happy.”
“Neither were you, but thanks for asking. I’ll be fine. We’ll make new memories. Better ones. So much has changed. I’m not the same young woman I was five years ago.”
“Some things are different,” he agreed. “But not all.”
“Some things I don’t want to change.” She rosé on one elbow. “Cole, it’s time to stop sneaking around like this. I’m your wife. There’s never been anyone else for either of us. I really care about you.” She hesitated, then decided it wasn’t the time to discuss the fact that she was still in love with him.
“I know you care about me, too,” she continued. “I’m not saying we’re making promises to each other. There are things to work out. But I think it’s time to be open about our relationship. I would like us to tell the children and the staff that we’re married and I would like us to move in together.”
He withdrew so completely that if she hadn’t been naked and in his bed, she would have wondered if she’d simply imagined their time together.
He sat up and leaned against the headboard. His expression shuttered, his mouth straightened. In less than a heartbeat he’d become a stranger.
Her face stung as if he’d slapped her. Her stomach clenched tight. She’d been rejected before, but never like this. Never by him.
Is this what he’d felt all those years ago when she’d turned away from him in bed? Is this what it had felt like when she’d left him? Intellectually, she’d known that she’d hurt him, but until that moment she hadn’t realized how much. But she couldn’t react with compassion. Not when all she wanted to do was find her clothes and slink away.
“That’s not a good idea,” he said. “I don’t want the children hurt or confused.”
She pulled the sheet up to her shoulders and faced him. “What are you talking about? How would the children be confused? I know it’s a little complicated, but if we explained it—”
He cut her off with a shake of his head. “I don’t mean they would be confused by telling them we’re married. They wouldn’t understand when you left.”
The Secret Wife Page 19
