Throughout the evening, as they laughed and talked with the other couples and progressed from house to house through the courses of the meal, Kate continually had to pinch herself. She found it hard to believe that her life had changed so very much in so short a time. There were long stretches that evening when she actually forgot about Applesby and her past.
But not once did she forget about Reed—or Daniel.
The salmagundi progressive was a complete success by the time the couples had dessert and coffee at the home of Jack and Bette Manning, two of Lone Star’s first residents. Although their home was quite simple in comparison to Benton House, the couple seemed comfortable and happy there.
Partygoers sang while Bette pumped away, and her fingers flew over the keys of a lovely rosewood melodeon. Though Kate did not know the verses to many of the tunes, she was soon at ease and able to join in the chorus.
When Preston leaned back in his chair and declared himself too stuffed to walk and then immediately accepted another piece of apple pie from Bette Manning, everyone laughed. His gray eyes found Kate across the room, and she felt the warmth of his gaze as surely as she would a gentle, loving touch.
The salmagundi progressive came to a close as couples departed, calling out farewells and good-byes, disappearing down the lane to the various scattered houses. Preston tucked Kate’s arm in the crook of his elbow and started walking down Front Street toward the boarding house. She held fast to Aunt Martha’s nosegay.
The stars shone brightly despite the heat that enveloped them, the same stars she and Reed had slept under on the prairie. There was barely a sliver of a moon out tonight.
They had nearly reached the porch when Preston’s steps slowed. “You seem sad tonight, Kate.”
“Do I?” She truly was surprised to hear it. Whenever she fell into deep melancholy, she always tried hard not to let it show.
At the foot of the stairs, she noticed that Mrs. Brandon had left a lamp burning on the parlor table in the window and reminded herself to thank her landlady for her thoughtfulness.
She slipped her hand out of the crook of Preston’s arm, but before she could thank him for the evening, he took her hand.
“Marry me, Kate,” he said without preamble. “Let me give you a new life. I love you, you know.”
I love you.
A lifetime. She had waited a lifetime to be loved, to be cherished by someone. To hear those very words spoken just for her and now they had been, easily and certainly. Words straight from his heart, spoken with sincerity and hope. Calm and unruffled as always, Preston was waiting for an answer.
She was ashamed of holding his love when somewhere out there was a woman who would give anything to have it.
He was a good man. A kindhearted man.
She owed him the truth. “You’re too good for me,” she said softly.
“Nonsense. Don’t you think there are things that I’ve done in my life that I’m not proud of? During the war, long before I became a minister, I did things I’ll never forgive myself for.”
“That was war.”
“There is nothing you could possibly say that would make me think less of you, Kate. Nothing.”
“I’ve been with Reed. I’m not a virgin.” She blurted it out, sparing him nothing.
Better to have it said plain as day, without mincing words or dallying around the truth. She was not about to muddy the waters by telling him all the sordid details of her childhood with Meg Whittington. It was enough for him to know she was ruined. That she had given herself to another man without the benefit of a legal, binding marriage. Worse yet, without shared love.
Another man would have walked away. Instead, Preston was silent, thoughtful. “I thought as much,” he finally said. “I tried to ignore the way you looked at him whenever he was around. I know you wanted that marriage or you would not have come to Lone Star, but you can’t blame yourself for doing everything you could to make it work.”
“I wasn’t trying to make it work. I was just weak.”
“You are only human. None of us is without sin, believe me. I want you so badly right now, Kate, that I’m ashamed of the things I’m thinking. What’s past is past, leave it there and marry me.”
He was too good, too kind for her to let this go on. “I know what one-sided love is like, Preston, and I won’t do that to you. Ever.”
“That’s the real reason you won’t marry me, isn’t it? You still love Reed Benton.”
She was ashamed to admit aloud what her foolish heart had never denied. Dying of mortification, she fought to keep her head up, to look Preston in the eye and not at the ground. Ever since the day she had seen Reed in town, it had become harder and harder to put him out of her mind.
“I wish I could tell you different, but yes, I still love him. I wish I didn’t, but I still do.” She could barely whisper now. “I should leave Lone Star,” she said, thinking aloud.
“How far would you have to go to outrun your feelings, Kate?”
“I don’t know.” She dipped her head so that he could not see her tears. “I don’t know.”
“I can tell you from experience that you can’t run far enough. You’ll just take it all with you.” He dropped her hand, put his fingers beneath her chin, forced her head up. “Stay here. You don’t love me now, I know that, but—”
“I treasure your friendship, Preston. But I can’t be selfish. I want you to find the happiness you deserve, and if I stay—”
“Love doesn’t just end when we want it to. It doesn’t matter if you leave or not, I’m still going to love you. I told you before that I’m willing to wait, and that holds true now. I will be more than happy to be your friend until you can give me more.”
“And if I can’t?” She felt a tear slide down her cheek, cursing her own heart for condemning her to such aching loneliness.
He put his arm around her shoulder, drew her near, and she let him—needing the closeness, the comfort he so willingly offered. “If you can’t,” he said, “then I guess I’ll just have to be content—but forever is a long, long time. Things could always change. We have a saying down South. ‘The sun don’t shine on the same dog’s tail all the time.’ ” He shrugged. “Who knows? I just might get lucky here, Kate, as lucky as Reed. I promise, I won’t put you in this position and propose to you again. Just know, if you change your mind, I’ll still be waiting.”
He let her go, but Kate was so moved she stayed beside him, then reached up and gently slipped her arm around his neck.
“Thank you, Preston, for understanding.” She gave him a chaste kiss on the lips, wishing there were more she could give, wishing her heart was free. Somewhere not far away, a horse whinnied. The distant sound of piano music drifted out of Dolly’s to taint the stillness.
He did not try to take more than she offered. Instead, ever the true gentleman, he stepped back and straightened his hat. “You best get on in now, or Mrs. Brandon will be out here chasing me off with a broom.”
Knowing that she had hurt him did not make her feel any better, but his assurance that they would remain friends helped. “Good night then,” she said as she headed for the stairs.
“Take care, Kate. I’ll see you soon.” He shoved his hand in his pocket and began whistling a lonesome tune as he headed down the street.
Reed walked into Dolly’s crowded Social Club and Entertainment Emporium and let the door bang shut behind him. Everyone in the parlor looked up, from the scantily clad, satin-bedecked whores to local cowhands, a dry goods drummer, and a couple of gamblers just passing through. He sent one dark scowl ricocheting around the room and walked straight to the bar.
His sudden appearance sent Dolly herself hurrying to his side. “Well, hells bells and garters, Reed Benton, it’s been more than a month of Sundays since you been in to see us. What brought you back to town? Jonah and Charm?”
He shook his head, and ordered a whiskey. “Stupidity,” he mumbled.
“Did you just call me stupid, Reed-juna
h?”
“Naw. I was just telling you what brought me to town. Stupidity.” He picked up the glass of whiskey, held it to the light in an admiring fashion, and then drank it down with one swallow.
“One more.” He watched as the barkeep poured, and then he changed his mind. “Hell, might as well give me the whole bottle.”
He started to toss out some coins, but Dolly stopped him. “If it wasn’t for your daddy I wouldn’t have this place, Reed, so put that money away.”
A huge lamp adorned with antlers hung above the bar. The light set Dolly’s garish orange hair aflame. She cocked one hand on an ample hip, tilted her head, and gave him a wry half-smile.
“You interested in spending a little time with one of the ladies? That’s free to you, too.” She thumbed over her shoulder at the women in various states of undress who were draped across parlor furniture like decorative pieces.
“Nope. The last thing I need to get tangled up with tonight is a woman. The whiskey’s just fine, thanks.”
“It looks like you got your work cut out for you with that bottle, so I’m just gonna let you get on with it.” That said, she sashayed away and thankfully left him alone with his new purchase and his misery.
Within five minutes, he saw Jonah limping along the hall in back, leaning heavily on a cane, heading toward the parlor. Reed tipped his head and watched the captain rub his hip as he crossed the room.
“What are you doing here, Reed?” Jonah had lost weight, but aside from that, he looked content.
“Getting drunk.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
Jonah scratched his ear. “The way I figure it is when a good man wants to look at the world through the neck of a bottle, then there’s gotta be a powerful reason.”
Reed offered Jonah a drink, but was turned down. He asked, “How many times does a man have to be hit over the head before he learns, you reckon, Jonah?”
“I don’t know. It depends on how stubborn he is, I guess.”
“Or how stupid.”
“Is this about Kate?”
“Why do you ask?”
“Well, it’s been my experience that when a man tries to drown himself in drink the reason’s usually a woman, his conscience, or both every time. What happened?”
What happened was that he had let his guard down. He had dared to dream a little and let his heart soften to the consistency of pudding. Worse yet, he had been willing to smear it on his sleeve for Kate.
He had ridden into town prepared to tell her that he loved her and that he was ready to give her everything she wanted. All of it—love and marriage.
But when he was about to cross the street and tell her, he had seen her kissing the preacher outside the boarding house.
He’d wanted to show up earlier in the day, but then he had to ride halfway across the ranch and back to help settle a boundary dispute. Finally, unwilling to face another sleepless night thinking about her, he told Daniel and Scrappy good-bye, assured the wrangler that he would be back sooner than later, and headed to town.
The sight of Kate and Preston standing in the shadows of the porch had stopped him in his tracks. Unable to turn away, he had watched and cursed himself for waiting so long, cursed Kate for her fickle heart, even cursed the damn preacher for having enough sense to know when he was in love and to do something about it.
Thank God I never made Daniel a promise to bring her home.
He wasn’t about to tell Jonah any of that, though. No use making even more of a fool out of himself.
“You better slow down or you’re gonna be sorry,” Jonah warned as Reed poured himself another round.
“I’m already sorry. I know you’re trying to help, but how about leaving me alone tonight?”
He had expected an argument, but got none. “I’d be happy to. Just be certain you’re able to stand up in time for the wedding next week.” Jonah pushed away from the bar and walked off.
It was hard to see his friend in pain and dependent on a cane, but Jonah wasn’t complaining. And why the hell should he? The woman he loved was waiting for him in the back room.
She wasn’t down the road kissing some other man.
48
If God meant to punish Kate for her sins of the flesh, then standing up for Charm at the wedding was the perfect penance.
Not only did she have to be with both Preston and Reed at the same time, but Reed had brought Daniel with him. The boy would not budge from her side. He held her hand throughout the entire ceremony as she willed herself not to cry. Somehow, some way, she made it through.
Reed barely uttered two words to her. Nor had he looked her way once as the vows were exchanged. The ceremony crawled by for Kate until, with a dramatic flourish, Preston pronounced Charm and Jonah man and wife at almost the exact moment the sun touched the horizon. The sky erupted in vibrant hues, from orange to the palest pink, almost as if the entire universe were in accord with their union.
Dolly, decked out in a plum-colored confection adorned with yards and yards of ruffles and surrounded by her “ladies,” sobbed into her handkerchief. Jonah turned nearly as red as the sky when he kissed his bride and everyone erupted into cheers.
Charm, resplendent in a gown that Jonah had sent from Boston, looked like a china doll with fine blond curls cascading around her shoulders. Blushing like a virgin, she had eyes only for her husband.
For propriety’s sake, Preston declined the invitation to attend the celebration at the Social Club. He wished the bride and groom well, bade everyone, including Kate, a polite good-bye, and started back to town.
Reed and Kate stood in clumsy silence as everyone else followed suit, then Reed looked down at Daniel, who was still holding Kate’s hand.
“Would you mind taking him back to Dolly’s in the buggy with you?” he asked.
“Of course not.”
“I’m not sure I could get him to go with me yet.”
Their exchange was very polite, very cool. Gone were other days and times. Even the hunger in his eyes had been extinguished, replaced by a guarded chill and unspoken irritation.
It’s not your place to wonder why.
She turned and walked away with Daniel clinging to her hand.
Later, at the Social Club, Daniel was more intrigued with the wedding cake and bonbon dishes filled with assorted candies than with Kate. Dolly’s ladies surrounded him, pinching his cheeks, cooing, and offering him sweets.
Uncomfortable among them, thinking of how much different and yet the same her mother’s life had been, Kate had wandered away to stand alone at the end of the parlor when Charm caught her eye. The bride waved and slipped away from Jonah to come to her.
“How are you doing, Kate?”
“Why, I’m doing just fine,” she lied. “Who wouldn’t be on such a wonderful day? You make the perfect bride and groom, Charm. Anyone can see how much you two love each other.”
Charm blushed prettily and followed Kate’s gaze to where Reed and Jonah were leaning against Dolly’s lavish mahogany bar, lost in deep conversation.
“What are you thinking, Kate?”
Kate toyed with the glass of champagne in her hand and shifted her gaze to Daniel, who was beaming up at four well-endowed women trying to tempt him with treats.
“That I did the right thing. Look how much Daniel has grown. He and Reed are getting along now. Reed seems to be doing a fine job with him.”
“And what about you? Did you do the right thing for you?”
“Of course.” Kate took a sip of champagne, another first, and Sofia’s words came back to her.
“If you ever love a man the way I loved the señor, you will do anything for him.”
“He was in here last week,” Charm said.
“Who?” The champagne threatened to bubble back up Kate’s throat.
“Reed.” Charm was no longer smiling.
Kate’s heart stumbled.
He came to the Social Club looking for what he ne
eded.
What I can’t give him anymore—not without losing my soul.
“What he does is none of my business,” Kate said softly.
She couldn’t keep from gazing around the room, wondering which of the women he had taken upstairs. Had it been the petite, soul-eyed girl with dusky skin and a wreath of coal-black hair? Or maybe he was partial to the voluptuous redhead covered with freckles.
Suddenly she wanted out. Out of this room. Out of Lone Star.
Preston had been very, very wrong to talk her out of leaving. She was going to run as fast and as far as she could go. She might not ever outrun the hurt, but given enough distance, at least she wouldn’t have to be constantly tortured by seeing or hearing about Reed Benton.
“You don’t have to worry about which girl he was with,” Charm said, reading her mind. “He only came in to get roaring drunk.”
Kate carefully set the champagne glass down, wishing sweet Charm would leave her alone, wondering when she could slip out without appearing rude.
“Jonah told me that it had something to do with you,” Charm said.
“Me?”
“According to Jonah.”
When Charm looked across the room at her new husband, he smiled, and her face lit up like sunshine. Reed had his back to both of them, but when he raised his head, his eyes met Kate’s in the mirror behind the bar.
The hunger was back, so fleetingly that she was convinced she had imagined it.
“Go talk to him, Kate,” Charm urged softly.
“That would be too forward.” Of course, years of training had flown out the window before whenever her choices had concerned Reed. Why not now?
“You’re standing in a whorehouse, Kate,” Charm giggled. “Nothing’s too forward here.”
“I simply can’t.” Kate turned around. “It’s over.”
“Well, it looks like you won’t have to go to him because he’s headed this way.” Charm’s voice faded to a whisper. “I’m going to talk to Jonah.”
“Don’t go!” Kate made a grab for Charm but wasn’t fast enough. Before she knew it, Reed was there, standing close beside her.
Summer Moon Page 33
