by Rae Matthews
As we all strolled through the park, stopping every so often for photo ops, I hear Bash’s phone ring. He presses the ignore button and pretends like it didn’t happen. A few minutes later, the phone rings again. I look back at him and ask, “Emma?” he shakes his head yes. I tell him to go ahead and answer, so he walks off to take the call privately.
“Is she still calling him all the time?” Megan asks.
“Yes, and it is really starting to piss me off. This chick is testing my last nerve. Bash still hasn’t told me what her deal is, and so I can’t really say if this is necessary or not,” I respond.
“Well I say it’s time to find out. If she is going to keep pulling him away every chance she gets, you are never gonna be able to build a real relationship with him,” Megan warns.
I know she is right; I just don’t want to push him about it. I just really hope I’m not getting played here. I mean, maybe she is his real girlfriend, and I’m someone he likes but doesn’t know if I’m worth it to leave her for. He could just be testing the waters with me. I pause to think about that for a moment, just as Bash is walking back over to me.
“Level with me here. Is she your girlfriend?” I blurt. Off with the Band-Aid.
Bash is shocked by my bluntness, but as he gets ready to respond, I continue.
“I’m sorry, that was rude. My imagination has been running wild lately, and I am just having a moment of female over-thinking, coming to the worst possible conclusion on my own, type of thoughts,” I confess to him.
“No, she is not my girlfriend. You are.” He says smiling, giving me a sweet kiss. “Emma is just a friend, I promise,” he continues. “And she happens to be a friend who needs me to drop what I’m doing right now and go over there.” He says, wincing like he is waiting for a slap across the face.
I want to scream NO! Not today, of all days. But he just called me his girlfriend. I’m partly in shock and partly pissed off. That fucker did that on purpose to soften the blow, and I opened the door for him to do it.
“Well then, I guess as your girlfriend I should have the right to keep you here for this very important event.” I tease, while batting my eyelashes and silently begging him to stay.
Bash smiles and lets out a chuckle. He pulls me close and tells me that if it wasn’t really important, he would stay. I quickly cave and let him go guilt free about ditching me on the day of one of my best friend’s wedding. I figure that since I will be spending the day with him tomorrow at Jesse’s BBQ, I have to be on my best girlfriend behavior, so I should probably start now.
After Bash leaves, the rest of us spend what is left of the evening parading Sadie and Will around downtown, telling everyone we can that they just got married. We end up getting free drinks and a few of our favorite shots, called ‘Leg Spreaders’, then dancing our asses off with random people. I must say, tonight is not ending up half bad, given Bash’s sudden departure. I was just about to start dancing with one of the bartenders who looked like a thin slice of heaven, when I hear my name being called behind me. I turn to look through the crowd and see Dustin walking toward me. Oh no, not Dustin. He’s a great friend and all, but when he sees me out without a date, he always thinks that it’s his chance to make a move, and I don’t know if I have it in me to deal with his drooling over me tonight.
“Oh, hey Dustin. How’s it going?” I shout over the music, trying my best to be nice.
“It’s going great, now that you are here with me.” He replies with a big, shit-eating grin on his face.
Eww, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. That is one of the cheesiest lines out there. If he bothered to really get to know me at all, he would have learned that even if I were interested, that crap would never work on me.
“You here with friends?” I ask, hoping against hope that the answer is yes, and that it reminds him to go hang out with them.
“Not anymore, they just left. I told them I saw someone I knew and had to say hi.” His grin got even bigger.
I can feel the words forming in my brain and there is nothing I can do at this point to stop them. I have a habit of becoming extremely blunt the more I drink. I can’t ever help myself; my internal filter just disintegrates with the introduction of alcohol into my system. My friends are used to it, and have come to appreciate my drunken honestly. Dustin, on the other hand, will probably not like it as much.
“Ok Dustin, listen up. I’m a little drunk, so I’m sorry if this comes out worse than it is meant to. I’m not interested in you. It is never going to happen between us. We tried, it sucked, and now you’re a good friend, but that’s it. I have a boyfriend now, so I need you to back off. I’m never gonna have sex with you,” I manage to get out, hoping I didn’t slur my words too embarrassingly.
Dustin’s smile turns hard and forced. I feel so bad. Even in my current state, I know that I have hurt him. I also know that he has just been waiting around for me to cave and accept another date with him, so he can prove that things can work out for us. He is such a good person, and I feel like such a shit bag telling him the truth.
Before I know it, I’m spinning, and the floor seems awfully close and blurry.
Waking up slowly Saturday morning, I realize that I’m not in my own bed. As I stare up at the ceiling, I wonder, what the hell happened last night, where the hell am I, and how the hell did I get here? I start to panic and lift up the sheets. Thank god, I’m still fully clothed. But let’s get back to where the hell am I? And whose apartment is this?
I hear a very somber good morning coming from the doorway. I spring up in bed and see Dustin leaning against the frame. Fuck a monkey in church, what the hell am I doing here?
“I, um, so, uh… Fuck!” I garble, grabbing my head. I should never, ever drink that much again, two nights in a row.
Dustin brings me over a glass of water and what appears to be some Advil. I politely take them, pop the pills and chug the water, trying like hell to avoid any and all eye contact. I feel like I may have done something pretty stupid last night, so I close my eyes and silently pray that I just passed out before anything bad happened.
“Uh, we didn’t, um…” I whisper awkwardly
“No, we didn’t.” He snaps, walking away.
“If we didn’t do anything, then why did I come over here?” I ask, perplexed.
“You finished telling me that you were never gonna have sex with me, and then pretty much passed out at my feet. You seemed like a good candidate for death by vomit, so I brought you back here so you could sleep it off.” He says in an annoyed tone.
I’m so embarrassed. It’s all coming back to me now. I really want to throw on my shoes and run away, except that I need to apologize and try to explain myself. Also, I’m pretty sure that if I run right now, I’ll vomit.
“Dustin, I am so sorry. I had so much to drink, and seeing you caught me off guard. Please know that I didn’t mean to hurt you,” I tell him sincerely.
“Don’t bother. You made yourself crystal clear last night. I just wanted you to be safe, so I brought you here. You obviously want to just get out of here, so go ahead, you can leave,” he says abruptly, hanging his head low.
He was right; I did want to run for the hills and never have to deal with this again. But now I couldn’t just leave. I had hurt him terribly, and he is and has been so sweet to me that he does not deserve that from me.
“Dustin, I am sorry! I’m just not the right girl for you. You will find the right girl, I know it, but we are just meant to be friends,” I plead.
Dustin interrupts my second attempt at an apology. “I got a ride from a friend downtown, so I drove your car home last night.” He says as he tosses me my keys and turns to walk out of his bedroom.
I jump out of bed and chase after him, grabbing my purse off of the chair next to the bedroom door.
“Dustin! I’m sorry, I really am. I was drunk and not myself. I don’t know what else I can say,” I try again.
“Sasha, last night you did me a favor.
You made it very clear that I was not ever going to be the guy for you, so I made up my mind. I’m moving to Chicago. I was offered a lead bartending position there, but hadn’t decided if I was going to take it yet. You helped me make up my mind last night. So thanks,” he says as he opens the door, giving me my cue to leave.
“Ok, well, congratulations Dustin. I really do hope that it is the right move for you and that you find someone who will love you the way that you deserve.” I say honestly and make my exit.
Today’s morning-after walk of shame is worse than ever before. I had hurt a friend, and there was no coming back from it. At least he was moving away so I didn’t have to see the hurt in his eyes again. If he could only find a needy girl who would hang on his every word and worship him for the clingy, over attentive guy that he is. One day he will make some girl very happy.
Cue the light bulb. Hello! Why didn’t I think of this before? Emma. Hell to the yes. I will find a way to convince Bash to let me meet her, make sure she is right, and then set her up with Dustin, thus solving two problems at once. Yes, this is the perfect plan. What could possibly go wrong?
AS I GET MYSELF READY for the BBQ at Jesse’s house, I start to get nervous all over again. What if they don’t like me? What if I make a fool of myself? What do I do if Jesse asks me about our last conversation? I want to puke. I can feel nausea festering in my stomach, but before I can focus on it, there is a knock at the door.
I rush to open the door and expect to see Bash, but it is only Betty.
“Hi, dear. Oh my, don’t you look pretty today? Big date?” she asks.
“Yeah, Bash is taking me to meet some of his friends today,” I affirm.
Then I see it. The big, blue vibrator in her hands, confirming that she was in fact at the bachelorette party. Oh holy hell. What could she possibly want, holding a dildo? Oh god, what else did she buy or see or hear that night. Fuck, I need to move.
“Oh that’s nice dear, I won’t keep you. I just have a question about this thing I bought from your friend the other night. It seems to have stopped working, and I’m not sure why.”
Oh fucking Jesus, I did not need to know that. Well, maybe she thinks it’s a mixer or something. I turn bright red as I ask,
“Oh. Um, well, how have you been using it?”
“Well, how do you think dear? It’s a vibrator. Grannies have needs too, you know. Do you think it could be the batteries?” she bluntly blurts, unashamed.
Betty tries to hand it to me, but I quickly back away, holding my hands up. I do not want to go near the thing, especially if she has already killed the batteries.
“Uh, you know Betty, it probably is. I have some batteries in my kitchen drawer. Help yourself to them,” I laugh.
She thanks me and goes to look for the batteries. I walk back to the bathroom to take one more look in the mirror. I touch up my mascara and hear Bash calling my name.
“I’m in here,” I shout back.
I can hear him talking, only it’s not to me. Oh shit, Betty. I hurry out of the bathroom, only to see Betty showing Bash her new vibrator, and telling him that this little thing really drains the batteries.
I rush to his side, and I can see the relief in his eyes when he sees me coming.
“Hey Betty, did you find the batteries?” I exclaim
“Oh yes dear, thank you. I was just telling your boyfriend, here.”
Great. “Well, we have to get going,” I interrupt, not wanting to hear any more about her vibrator situation.
“Oh, right. Don’t let me keep you, dear. I have to get back to things anyway.” She declares and walks out the door.
I turn to Bash and cannot find any words that would convey to him just how sorry I am that he had to see that. I think he understands, because he just shakes his head and we both release an involuntary shiver.
As we pulled up to Jesse’s house, I can feel my palms growing sweaty. Meeting the boyfriend’s friends was a big deal, and was not something to be taken lightly. I feel Bash looking at me as I continue to stare at the house.
“Don’t worry, this isn’t an ambush,” he assures me.
“Yeah well, it sure feels like one.” I snap back at him.
Bash lets out a chuckle then opens the car door to get out.
“I changed my mind, I’m staying in the car.” I pout for a moment before giving him a small smile.
I know that eventually, I do have to get out of this car and meet the friends. I slowly open the door and exit, making my way to the house next to Bash. He opens the door without knocking, and before I can say anything, we are in the kitchen with three sets of eyes all trained on me.
Bash does the standard bro hellos with the guys then turns to me.
“Guys, this is Sasha.”
“Hi guys,” I say, giving a wave.
Bash points to a guy with blonde hair who looks like he belongs on a football field and tells me that his name is Pete, then points to the shorter one with brown hair, and says his name is Justin. Finally, he indicates to Jesse, “And of course, you remember Jesse.”
I look Jesse in the eye, but his immediately dart to the floor.
“You told him!” he shouts out of nowhere.
“What?” I ask, feigning shock.
How the hell does he know that? I haven’t said a freaking word. And Bash promised he wouldn’t, either.
“I’m a Cop. I can read you like a book, and you fucking told him!” Jesse exclaims.
A cop! Bash might have mentioned that his friend was a cop, and that there was no way in hell that I could get anything past this fucker.
“I, um, it was… It slipped. It’s fine!” I babble, like a five year old caught in the cookie jar.
Jesse shakes his head and laughs. “Yeah, you can’t lie worth a damn.” He and the others continue to laugh as my jaw is on the ground and my eyes look like a deer caught in headlights.
I finally relax and smile, embracing the laughter at my expense. Pete tosses me a wine cooler. I give him a nod and pop the top to take a long sip. The smooth liquid cools my throat and I realize, I got this.
After a few hours of getting to know each other, I realize that I had nothing to be worried about. Bash’s friends are great, and he has been an attentive boyfriend, without hovering. They share some embarrassing stories about Bash, and relive my river-douche version of a high dive for Pete, since he wasn’t there to see it for himself. We are just about to put the food on the grill when Bash’s phone rings. I look over and meet his eyes. Emma. Really, again? This seriously needs to stop. Bash answers the phone and walks into the house. I look over and see that Jesse is staring at me. I give him a smile and pretend like I don’t care. He smiles back, knowing full well that I’m full of shit.
When Bash comes back out, he is holding his head down and avoiding eye contact with anyone. He finally looks over at us and says, “Hey guys, I’m sorry, but I have to run for a little bit. Sasha, can I talk to you for a minute?”
I walk over to him and sit down on one of the patio chairs.
“Again? Can’t you just tell her you’re busy and you will come by later?” I say, slightly pissed off.
“Sasha, I tried. Please, don’t. I will only be gone for maybe an hour. At most. I’m sure you can stay here until I get back,” he pleads.
“Can’t I just come with you? That way I can meet her, and maybe then she will realize that you have other commitments, too.” I can’t just let it go, again.
Bash pauses and looks over at Jesse. I look back to see what is going on, and Jesse is giving him a shrug and then waves his hands as if to say it’s ok with him to leave me here.
“Fine, I will stay here, but don’t be long.” I finally growl.
Bash leans over and gives me a kiss, while telling me he will hurry. As I walk back over to the others, I try to put my happy face on. Unfortunately though, as Jesse has pointed out, I can’t lie worth shit, so I’m pretty sure they all knew I was pissed.
“Hey, don’t worry Sasha, B
ash will introduce you when the time is right. It’s complicated,” Jesse says with a conciliatory smile.
I give him a quick, sure smile and take another sip of my wine cooler. As I hear Bash drive away, I think I hear his phone ringing. I look over to the patio set and see that he left it on the table. I look over at Jesse. His eyes tell me no, but my legs tell me yes. Before I know it, I’m running for his phone, with Jesse close behind me. Before he can catch me, Bash’s phone is in my hand and I’m pressing accept. I put the phone to my ear, and before I have a chance to talk myself out of it, I’m yelling.
“Listen here, Emma, you need to back off. He is already on his way, like he is every time you call him. This needs to stop now! Maybe it’s time you go find a boyfriend of your own, and leave mine alone!”
There is silence for a moment. Then I hear, in a sweet little voice, “Grandma! There is some lady on the phone yelling at me!”
I FEEL THE PHONE SLIP through my fingers, and my heart starts to beat uncontrollably fast. I think I might be having a panic attack. My knees weaken, and the ground is getting closer to my face. Jesse rushes to my side and catches me before I hit.
“He has a kid? He has a freaking kid and didn’t bother to tell me!” I scream.
Pete and Justin rush over to us. Everyone is talking, but I can’t understand a fucking word coming out of their mouths. A kid! A fucking kid that I just got done bitching out. She is probably crying right now, scared of the mean lady who answered her daddy’s phone. Yeah, that’s going to go over real well. I know this will be the end of Bash and I. Because really, who would be able to forgive someone who screamed at their kid for wanting to spend time with her daddy? I start to get up and try to compose myself for a nice knowing you speech, but before I can say anything, Jesse’s voice rises above the noise.
“She’s not his kid.”
I look up at Jesse, who is now holding me steady. I feel very weak in my knees and a little light-headed. I’m not sure if it’s shock, extreme anger, or what. I’ve never felt like this before.
