It was precisely because of her perfection that he couldn't allow himself to have her.
It wasn't just that he had no life to offer, no career that allowed for a wife. He wasn't the man she thought he was. He wasn't a man at all. He had been nothing more than a reputation. Now he didn't even have that.
He had no finer aspects of character, no deeply held convictions. He was for sale. He was no better than a woman who sold her body to any man with the price. He had always hoped there was something of value to him. He'd left Jake and Isabelle, hoping to find it. But the last sixteen years had only confirmed what he'd suspected from the start. His parents had been right.
He wasn't evil. He was simply empty. Hollow. A shell guarding nothing, shielding nothing, preserving nothing. Valeria deserved a chance to enjoy all that life in America could offer a beautiful and wealthy young woman. She deserved a husband who could expand her horizons, not bring them crashing down around her.
"I'd go to New York," Valeria announced.
Luke had nearly forgotten he'd asked her a question. "Why New York?"
"I have a friend there. Her husband's family immigrated to New York after the Prussians overran his country-"
"Are you sure they'd want you? I mean, not everybody welcomes visitors from home. It's dangerous sometimes."
"Not Lillie. She tried to get me to come to New York when Uncle Matthais lost his throne. She even tried to get me to escape from Hans and Otto."
Luke wanted to be cynical, to say he'd have been spared a lot of trouble if she'd followed Lillie's advice, but all he could feel was cold fear at what could have happened without someone to look after her. Lillie and her husband would never have guessed her uncle was trying to kill her.
"Where do they live?"
"Lillie said they have a house near a place called Central Park. Do you know where that is?"
"Yes." Only the wealthiest could afford to live there. "What does her husband do?"
"I don't know, but she says he makes a lot of money doing it."
That was exactly the kind of connection she needed, a wealthy, titled ex-nobleman who could introduce her into the highest levels of society. With her friends to watch out for her, she wouldn't be in danger of being cheated out of her money or marrying a fortune hunter. With her wealth and beauty, she'd be an instant success.
"I always wanted to visit New York," she said. "Will you take me there someday?"
"Yes." A lot sooner than she expected.
Unless she decided to marry Rudolf after all.
He couldn't get that possibility out of his mind. Once she finally understood he didn't intend to marry herand he would convince her if it took every minute until they reached the ranch-she would feel lost. It would be only natural for her to turn to someone of her own background, culture, and language, someone she'd have been content to marry only a few weeks earlier. She'd have a
home, a husband who probably wouldn't mistreat her as long as she didn't object to what he did with her money. She'd be safe from her uncle's plans to kill her.
He couldn't offer her as much.
"I think New York is a good idea," Luke said. "But right now I'd like you to concentrate on Rudolf. We've reached the top of the Rim. We will be at the ranch in about an hour."
They stopped for a moment to allow their horses a breather. Luke expected Valeria to be excited by the thick pine forest that covered the Rim. She ought to feel she was back in Belgravia. Instead, she turned to look at the panoramic view of the land they'd left more than two thousand feet below. Forests of oak, fir, and pine stretched across hills swallowed in a blue haze until they merged with the sparsely covered ridges of the distant Mazatzal Mountains.
"It's magnificent," Valeria said. "When I got off the train in Bonner, I thought everything was desert."
"You can find almost anything you want in Arizona," Luke said.
"Including happiness?"
He was afraid his own hopelessness showed before he could wipe all expression from his face. "You can find happiness anywhere, even in the desert."
"Have you ever found happiness?"
"Not everybody wants happiness."
"Why not?"
"Happiness isn't trustworthy. It can disappear in a moment or die a slow, painful death over years."
"But isn't the chance of happiness worth the risks?" "Only when the chance exists."
"Does it exist for you?"
"No."
"Are you sure you can't change that?"
"Yes."
"Have you tried?"
No. He'd lived too long without love. Now, even if Valeria could love him, it was too late. Whatever value he'd brought away from Jake and Isabelle's ranch had been used up long ago. "I never had a reason to try. Now it's too late."
"Why?"
"Valeria, we've been over this time and time again. Talking about it isn't going to change anything. I'm not the right man for you."
"But I love you." "That's not enough." "Then what is?"
How could he explain to her what she wouldn't believe until bitter experience brought home the truth of his words?
"I've told you I have nothing to offer you, that I can only-"
"You haven't given me any reasons."
"Yes, I have. You just won't listen to them."
He turned and started into the pine forest. After being in the open with the sun blazing down on their heads, the contrast was dramatic. The temperature, twenty degrees cooler up here than in the Verde Valley below, dropped ten more degrees. After the desert heat, he wondered if Valeria might feel chilled.
"Okay, I'm listening," Valeria said, apparently impervious to the towering ponderosa pines that surrounded them.
Maybe it would be better to tell her. His own resolve had been slipping. Every time he looked at Valeria, made love to her, thought of leaving her, he felt himself reaching for excuses to believe a future as her husband might be possible. Maybe if he heard the reasons all over again, he would stop trying to convince himself he could be mistaken.
"You come from a hundred generations of royalty. I come from two parents who were barely better than vicious animals. They had no morals, no standards, no limits. There was nothing they wouldn't do for money, a drink, momentary gratification. I don't know if my brother and I even had the same father, though my mother swears we did. But she would swear to anything. She did nearly a hundred times a day. She died of pneumonia because she was too drunk to come in out of the rain, and the man she was with didn't care whether she lived or died.
"My father cheated at cards. He was fast with a card and fast with a gun. One day he cheated a man who wasn't as fast with cards or a gun, so he shot my father in the back. That's my heritage, Valeria. Is that the kind of man you want for your husband, for the father of your children?"
"You're not your parents. You're-
"I'm a gunfighter!" Luke exploded. "I kill people for a living. Do you understand that?"
"I'm sure you haven't-"
"You don't know the people I've run off, shot, or killed. You haven't seen the faces of their families. I have, and I kept right on doing it. Do you know why? Because I'm just like my parents! There's nothing inside me to save, so get that missionary look off your face. I wish there were. I'd hoped there would be, but there isn't. I won't marry you, Valeria, not now, not ever."
He didn't know when their horses had stopped, but they sat their motionless mounts, staring at each other in silence. He'd expected her to argue, but she didn't say a word. Twice he saw her lips part to form words, but she changed her mind both times.
So he waited, wondering what she was thinking. He'd hoped she would argue with him. As long as she still wanted to marry him, he could tease himself with the possibility that he might figure out how to make it work. If she decided she didn't want to marry him, or that he wouldn't marry her no matter what she said, the door would close. He knew it was best, but he didn't want to lose that last glimmer of hope.
"If I ask you on
e question, will you answer it truthfully?"
His stomach did a flip, warning of danger, but he had to answer. He owed her that much.
"Yes." He held his breath.
"Do you love me?"
It was worse than he'd expected. He hadn't asked himself that question. There were some things too painful to know. Yet he'd known the answer for some time. He'd been telling himself it didn't matter what he felt, that he wasn't going to marry Valeria, so there was no point in thinking about it, but he'd promised Valeria an answer.
"Yes. But-"
"That's all I wanted to know," she said, cutting him off. She spurred her horse forward. "We'd better get started for the ranch. It's chilly under these trees."
She had surprised him again. He didn't think for a minute that was the end of it. Valeria was a very stubborn woman with a powerful liking for getting her own way. She had something up her sleeve.
But suppose she agreed with him!
Suppose she'd finally given up, accepted his conviction that he wouldn't make a good husband. Luke could stand knowing Valeria could never be his own-at least he thought he could-but he couldn't stand knowing she thought as badly of him as he did of himself.
Valeria was so angry it took her nearly half an hour before she could formulate a rational thought. It did no good to lose her temper. She wasn't a royal princess who could send Luke to the guillotine, but she would have exchanged her best emerald necklace for a rack and some thumb screws.
He was not a stupid man, but to go around saying he was unworthy of marriage because he had rotten parents was stupid. She didn't believe for one minute he'd killed innocent people just for money. He might have strayed close to the line-he might even have leaned rather far over it on occasions-but she was certain he'd never crossed it. She'd seen too many instances of the good in him. He'd truly grieved over Hans's death. He'd agreed to help Neely and Albie. Despite trying to appear indifferent, he had strong feelings for his adopted brothers. There was good in Luke Attmore, and she didn't understand why he couldn't see it.
Maybe his parents had convinced him he was rotten. Maybe something else had happened. It didn't really matter. He'd tell her someday, but right now she needed to figure out a way to convince him to marry her. If he thought she was going to be miserable for the rest of her life just because he'd gotten on a misguided high horse, he could think again. She wasn't the scion of a house of successful generals for nothing. When someone in her family wanted something, he or she got it.
And she meant to have Luke Attmore.
But it wouldn't do any good to keep badgering him. He'd dug in his heels. She had to think of a way to get them undug. In the meantime, she would deal with Rudolf and decide what to do about her ranch. She really liked the idea of using the ranch to breed her horses. Nearly everything in her life had been controlled by men. This was one of the few things she'd been allowed to do on her own. She was studying the terrain for good grazing when they came upon a small meadow.
"You'll see more and more of these as the trees thin out," Luke said. "The farther you get from the Rim, the closer you get to desert."
She should have known they weren't far from the desert. She hoped Rudolf had chosen a spot in the forest to build the ranch house. She loved the clean scent of pine.
"Have you decided what to do about Rudolf?" Luke asked.
"There's nothing to do. I'll tell him I don't want to marry him, and he'll leave."
"How are you going to make him leave if he doesn't want to?"
"That's your job."
"My job ends once you reach the ranch."
"But you won't leave me there," Valeria said, throwing him a knowing look. "You'll stay to make sure nothing happens."
"So you plan to let me take care of everything."
"Yes. Isn't that what men are for? I'm just a poor, helpless female." She nearly burst out laughing at his expression. Maybe he hadn't thought she could catch on to being an American so fast. Neither had she, but it just came naturally. The more angry she got at Luke, the more natural it became.
"I'm beginning to think you've been playing me for a fool all along," Luke said.
"Why should I when you're so determined to do it yourself?"
She didn't care if he got angry. It would do him good. Maybe it would melt some of that icy control, let some feelings out. She was certain he had them. He'd just buried them so deeply he'd forgotten about them.
"Is that the ranch?" she asked, pointing to some buildings visible through the trees.
"It looks that way. Get ready to meet your ex-fiance."
Valeria hadn't noticed the riders approaching through the trees north of the ranch buildings. She saw at once how Luke knew it was Rudolf. He wore his army uniform. Even the men riding with him were in uniform. Obviously, being in America hadn't changed Rudolf.
His greeting contained none of the friendliness that had characterized their meetings in Belgravia.
"Where have you been? I had begun to think this man had run off with you."
He said this man as though Luke were some nameless servant beneath his notice. It shocked Valeria to realize that only a few weeks ago she wouldn't have noticed his attitude. She cringed inwardly at the memory of her own behavior.
"After the second attack, he decided to bring me by a different route," she explained.
"It was extremely rash of you to leave the wagons. Anything could have happened."
"I could have stayed with the train and been killed in the next attack. I nearly was, you know."
"Those men who brought the wagons told me what happened. Have you no more appreciation of what is due your rank than to be traveling with people like that? And what happened to your clothes? You look like a gutter wench."
Valeria had been feeling a little guilty about refusing to marry Rudolf after having promised to do so, but his attitude changed that. Even if they didn't go back to Belgravia, he would expect her to behave the way her mother had behaved, her mother before that, and countless mothers back into the mists of history. Their marriage would have been a disaster, even if they'd loved each other. She had changed, but he'd stayed the same.
"You can't ride horseback in court dress," Valeria said, impatient to be done with this greeting. "Did Zeke tell you Luke tore up the marriage contracts?"
"I don't talk to people like him. Or the other one. He was an Indian."
"You should have talked to him, Rudolf. He was supposed to tell you I've decided not to marry you."
"One of my men told me he said something like that. Naturally I didn't believe it."
"It's true. I've decided I don't want to go back to Europe, not even if you could regain your throne. I want to stay in this country. I want to choose my own husband."
"You're suffering from too much sun," Rudolf said. "Come up to the house. You'll feel better in a few days."
"Didn't you hear a word I said? I'm not going to marry you. This is my ranch. I'm thinking about living here and breeding horses. You'll have to leave."
Rudolf looked at her as though she'd suddenly gone stark raving mad. "Elvira said you hadn't been acting like yourself since you got off the train."
"Elvira is still here?"
"Yes. And a good thing, too. From the way you look, even she will have a difficult time making you presentable by dinner." He reached out and took hold of her horse's bridle. "I've had a priest waiting for nearly a month. We'll be married immediately after we dine."
Valeria tried unsuccessfully to break Rudolf's hold on her mount's bridle. "I've already told you I'm not going to marry you, Rudolf. Not tonight or any other night."
"As soon as I can arrange for the transfer of your money to my bank, we'll return to Europe. It'll take at least a year to make preparations for an invasion." He pulled on the horse's bridle, forcing it to follow him.
"Let go of her horse," Luke said.
Rudolf looked at Luke as though seeing him for the first time. "You may leave. Your services are no longer nee
ded."
"Let go of her horse," Luke repeated.
Rudolf turned to the four men who'd accompanied him. "Take care of him," he said over his shoulder as he started toward the ranch, forcing Valeria's mount to follow.
At Rudolf's command, the four men drew their swords and started toward Luke.
Chapter Twenty-four
A volley of shots shattered the silence, sending birds squawking through the trees. Four swords flew through the air. The shots had been so close together, it was impossible to tell how many times Luke had fired his gun, but Valeria knew it was only four. Luke didn't miss.
"Now I will tell you once more to let go of that horse's bridle," Luke said to Rudolf. "If you don't, I'll put a bullet through your hand."
Rudolf looked stunned. When his hand fell to his side, Valeria turned her horse back toward Luke.
"Don't bother telling your men to draw their pistols," Luke advised Rudolf as he drew a second gun. "I can shoot them out of their saddles before the first one can get his pistol out of his holster." Luke turned to the soldiers. "Go back to your barracks, your bunkhouse, or your kennel, wherever you stay. Collect anything that's yours and clear out. If you're here an hour from now, I'll kill you." One man glanced at his sword. "Leave them where they are."
Cowboys 08 - Luke Page 30
