by K. J. McPike
“Oxanna and Kala are welcome to use whatever they want, too,” she added.
“I’ll let them know,” I said. “Thank you.” As much as Bianca got on my nerves, I had to admit that she wasn’t giving me evil vibes.
And that only made her more frustrating.
I scurried out of there, but not before I heard Kai tell her how cool it was of her to share her clothes with me. And not before she got out one last giggle.
My shoulders tightened as I power-walked down the hall. Ugh, why did the two of them bug me so much? It wasn’t like I wanted anything to do with Kai. He just had an annoying way of inserting himself into my life, and I wanted him out of it the first chance I got.
Didn’t I?
I forced the thought from my mind and turned into the bathroom, the tile cold against my bare feet. There were much more pressing issues to worry about—like if I could really be okay with going after Salaxia in another timeline. I’d debated with myself for hours as I lay awake after Elliot and Truman showed up in my dream. Would the guilt be worse than the sharp ache that hit at random times throughout the day?
I stared at my reflection in the mirror that took up half the wall. When had I become this immoral person? Did this happen to everyone who went through loss?
Of course not. Everyone who went through loss didn’t have the option of traveling through time to fix it. But we did. And I couldn’t stop the voice that kept insisting we had that option for a reason.
I shook my head to clear it. I was going to drive myself crazy. Dropping the bag of clothing onto the floor, I eyed the handful of different face washes waiting on the little shelf behind the row of sinks. I grabbed the closest one and went to work rubbing the cleanser over my cheeks until it turned into a mess of bubbles.
Heaving a sigh, I rinsed my face with the chilly water and dried my skin before digging through the selection of Bianca’s clothes. Everything was much girlier than what I was used to, but at least it was better than my oversized shirt from yesterday. I decided on a long pink top with billowy sleeves and a pair of black leggings.
The outfit would look silly with my Converse, but there wasn’t much I could do about that. Shoving the rest of the clothes back into the bag, I stood and studied my reflection again. I’d restrained my hair into a low ponytail before going to sleep, which, combined with my makeup-free face, made me look like I was barely old enough for high school. Normally, all I would use was colored eyeliner, but a stab of annoyance jabbed me in the gut. I’d be walking around completely barefaced with a basic ponytail when Bianca looked like she had her own hair and makeup team. How was I supposed to compete with that?
I’m not competing, I reminded myself. Still, I tugged my hair out of the band and did my best to fluff it so it looked somewhat presentable.
An alarm blared from one of the bedrooms, and though it startled me, I was thankful the others were waking up. I needed all the distractions I could get.
I made my way into the girls’ bedroom across the hall and dropped the bag of Bianca’s hand-me-downs near the door. Kala and Oxanna were sitting up on the bunk beds to my left, Amber-Ann was starting to stir on the air mattress now in the middle of the room, and Macy was rolling out of the bottom bunk to my right. Bianca’s bed above Macy’s was already neatly made, and I realized I hadn’t bothered to fold the blanket I’d used last night.
“What is that?” Kala asked, swinging her legs over the side of the bottom bunk. She had slept in the sweatpants and t-shirt she’d claimed as an outfit yesterday, and the combination of that with her tousled hair almost made me forget she’d spent most of her life in another realm.
“Bianca said we could borrow some of her stuff,” I explained.
Oxanna climbed down from the top bed, hopping from the last rung to the floor. “Thank God for Bianca.”
“Yeah.” I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. “I’ll meet you guys out there. I’m going to see if Paris needs help with breakfast.”
Turning out of the bedroom, I headed to the kitchen. Thankfully, Kai had pried himself away from Bianca, and the two were no longer cuddled up on the couch. He must have headed to the bathroom to wash up with the other boys.
“Morning!” Paris looked up from stirring a giant pot of oatmeal and smiled as I turned into the kitchen. “How’d you sleep?”
“Very well, thanks,” I lied, my eyes shifting to where Bianca was digging bowls out of the cabinets. “Can I help with anything?”
“Sure, sweetie. Help Bianca set the table, would ya?”
“We just need spoons and napkins.” Bianca shut the cabinet, and her face lit up when she caught sight of me. “Aw, you look so cute! I’m glad that shirt fits you. The color looks great against your skin.”
Caught off guard, it took me a minute to recover. “Er, thanks.”
“I thought that shirt looked familiar,” Paris noted. “Nice of you to share your clothes, Bianca.”
“No problem.” She winked at me as she passed on her way to set the bowls out on the table.
Paris went back to stirring the oatmeal. “I’ll take you kids shopping this weekend so you’ll have some decent stuff to wear.”
“Oh. You don’t have to do that,” I said. We didn’t have a dime to our names. There was no way we could go shopping. “I mean, thank you. I appreciate the offer, but we’re fine borrowing clothes.”
“Don’t worry about it, sweetie.” Paris waved a hand. “All the adults who live here contribute some of their earnings to keep everything running. It’s their way of giving back for our help getting them on their feet and giving their kids somewhere to grow into their abilities.”
I bit my lip. Even if that were the case, I still wouldn’t feel right taking their money. There were so many of us that getting clothes wouldn’t be cheap, and we weren’t going to be staying long enough to justify the expense.
“It’s really fine,” Paris said, apparently reading the worry on my face. “Besides, you’ll need good clothes for when you start school in a couple weeks.”
“School?”
“Of course.” She looked at me like I’d grown another head. “You can’t do anything in life without an education.”
“But…you know we’re not planning to stay.”
“Doesn’t matter. You’ve gotta do something productive with your day. Might as well learn something. As soon as I get some documents sorted out for you, I’m putting you in school. We can’t neglect your education when there’s no telling how long you’ll be here.”
“Actually…” I wrung my hands in front of me and glanced over my shoulder to where Bianca was dragging the ottoman over to the table for extra seating. I’d been wanting to ask Paris about the other semmies we hadn’t met. I was still hoping one of them would have an ability that could help us get to our proper timeline. There just hadn’t been a good time to bring it up. Even now, it felt wrong. But I had to know.
“Speaking of how long we’ll be here,” I said, “I wanted to ask if any of the semmies who live with their families have abilities that might be able to help us get back to our proper time. Do any of them have time traveling powers at all?”
Paris cringed. “Your brothers are the only ones I know who can move through time.”
Well, crap.
“Lali, I know you hope things go a certain way, but you have to prepare yourself for the fact that things might not turn out exactly how you want. There’s nothing wrong with having a Plan B, just in case. You can have a nice life here, too, if it comes down to it.”
I swallowed my response. I knew we could have a decent life here, but I didn’t want to think we would have to. I couldn’t handle the thought of losing my parents on top of everything else. Having Mom in this timeline was better than nothing, but she wasn’t my mother as I knew her. And Dad—if we stayed in this timeline, would I ever see him again? Or Nelson?
Doing my best to snap myself out of my spiral, I kept quiet as we finished setting up breakfast. Once everyone sat down, El
liot snatched the brown sugar just as Amber-Ann’s fingers were about to close around it. Saying nothing, he fought back a smile as he made a show of taking his time to sprinkle it over his bowl.
Amber-Ann smacked her brother on the arm. “Ugh, you’re such a butthead!”
The words snapped my mind back to the last one-on-one interaction I’d had with Salaxia, and the wind went right out of me. I inhaled slowly through my nose, determined not to reveal any weakness—especially not in front of Elliot.
Paris scolded Amber-Ann for name calling, but I would have given anything to hear my youngest sister call me all the unflattering names she wanted. As long as I could hear her voice.
That annoying insistence in the back of my mind said I could make that a reality, but I forced it away. I glanced at Kai, who was too lost in his own head to notice. Was this what he felt like when he was trying to justify everything he did in his attempts to get Kala back? Was it why he eventually caved and did what he wanted despite the repercussions?
I didn’t know whether to be disgusted with him or envy him. If I could adopt his mindset, maybe little things like the word butthead wouldn’t sting so much. I wouldn’t have to live without my baby sister, or be the bad guy in Oxanna’s eyes because I wanted to do the right thing.
At this point, I wasn’t sure what was right anymore.
Chapter 18
Forgiveness
That Saturday, Paris took our group out shopping while the other kids stayed behind to finish their homework. Kai and Kala fell into step beside her on the sidewalk, while Oxanna, Dixon, Ulyxses and I followed wordlessly. The sun hadn’t managed to do much in the way of warming the air from the overcast sky, but no one seemed to mind as we took in the sights of the city. The massive buildings, the hills, the constant flow of traffic, the diversity of people out and about—it was all so different from what my siblings and I had grown up knowing. Though I’d lived in San Francisco for the first two years of my life, Mom and Dad had chosen to move before I could form any real memories.
The thought of my parents made me wince. Though this timeline’s teenage version of Mom had come by to check on us nearly every day since her first visit to The Hill, I missed my parents. But more than that, I worried about them. I still didn’t fully understand how the parallel timelines worked, but I assumed their lives were going on without us. What would they be thinking after hearing a message telling them not to go home and then not being able to get ahold of us? And what if they did go back to the house despite our warning? Seeing the disaster left behind after the attack would surely make them assume the worst. And if the Astralis army returned while Mom and Dad were there…
I shivered, but it had nothing to do with the chilly breeze drifting through my hair. I shrugged into my oversized jacket as we trudged through a crosswalk in front of a white and orange bus. I had to believe our parents would be fine when we got back. If we showed up just a few minutes after we’d left, it would be like we never left in the first place. Right? Or would that splice time again so there was a version of time where they continued living without us?
All this time travel stuff still boggled my mind. But even if we showed up close to when we left, we would still have to explain the call and the house.
And Salaxia.
My stomach bottomed out. How could I tell my parents that Salaxia was gone? That I hadn’t been able to keep her safe? Would they hold it against me that I hadn’t agreed to take her from another timeline the way Oxanna seemed to be holding it against me? She’d hardly spoken to me since she stormed out of the bunk room when I tried to get her to talk about it. She didn’t even know that I’d been swaying closer and closer to going back on what I’d said. Every day that passed without Salaxia pushed me toward giving up on morality for the sake of making the hurt go away.
“Here we are,” Paris announced. I stopped short, snapping back to the moment as she gestured to the white and blue storefront of the thrift shop in front of us. “I have some errands to run, so you kids stick together. I’ll meet you back here in a couple hours or so.” Pulling out her purse, she passed a wad of cash to Kai.
I studied the sidewalk, still uncomfortable with spending other people’s money—especially when I hadn’t even met them.
“Try and get items that you can work into multiple outfits,” Paris instructed, swiping a stray lock of graying hair behind her ear. “And if possible, get items that you can share with each other.”
“Thank you,” I said, the others chiming in their appreciation, as well.
“My pleasure.” Paris reached out to pinch our cheeks, her own still rosy from the walk in the brisk air. “Have fun.” She turned down the sidewalk, moving back in the direction we’d come from as Kai opened the door.
The rest of us moved inside the store, and I surveyed the overstuffed racks of used clothing. Other than two main aisles, there was hardly any room to move between them.
“We’ll be in the guys’ section.” Dixon grabbed Ulyxses’ arm before he could protest and dragged him toward the back of the store.
“I guess I’ll head that way, too.” Kai trotted after them, and I turned to find Oxanna already buried in the nearest clothing rack. Kala stood frozen, looking around the store like a lost puppy.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“I do not understand. How do you know what to look for?”
It took me a moment to figure out how to respond. “Um, you just find what you like, I guess.” I studied her face. “Have you never been shopping before?”
“I had no reason to buy anything. The lab provided everything I needed. That was a benefit of studying and working there.”
“What about when you went home?” I asked softly, hoping I wasn’t offending her.
“The lab was my home.”
Oh. “So that house we stayed at back in Alea—you didn’t have one like that?”
She lifted her chin, giving me a don’t be ridiculous look. “I do not have a family. It would not make sense to give me a house. The bed they gave me was plenty. I am fortunate they allowed me to live at all.”
My heart sank. I couldn’t imagine growing up believing it was a privilege not to be murdered. My family had been through our share of nightmarish ordeals, but there were worse circumstances we could have suffered. But Kala didn’t speak as if she had a tough time with her lot in life. Everything she said was matter-of-fact, as if that was just the way things were. Had she never thought of changing them?
“I was also fortunate to have avoided trying to choose clothing from such an overwhelming selection,” she added, her green eyes surveying the racks again. Though she kept her posture stiff, there was a vulnerability in her face.
“Do you want me to help you?” I asked. “You’re probably a size or two smaller than Oxanna.”
“Is that good or bad?”
I smiled. “Neither. I’m just trying to determine what will fit you.”
“I see.” But her expression indicated that she didn’t. “Yes, I would like some help. Thank you.”
“No problem.” I led her to the rack Oxanna was still perusing, thankful for a simple task to focus on instead of the moral conundrum that had been haunting me for days. As much as I had tried to redirect my thoughts, it didn’t seem to quiet the what-ifs playing through my mind about Salaxia.
What if we did take her from another timeline?
What if we did it and then regretted it?
What if she resented us for it?
The circling questions threatened to run off with my sanity.
I’d just sent Kala into the dressing room with a collection of stuff when Kai pushed a blue shopping cart over and parked it next to me. The handful of t-shirts and shorts he’d picked out didn’t exactly surprise me. Aside from the clothes we had to borrow, I’d never seen Kai in anything else.
“How’s it going over here?” he asked.
I shrugged. “Good, I guess. Kala now understands shopping basics, so I’ll call that a wi
n.”
“Yeah?”
“I guess I never really considered that she’s never bought clothes before,” I said. “She and Oxie are trying stuff on.”
“So are your brothers.” Kai quirked a brow. “Why do I feel like we’re the parents here?”
“Welcome to my life.”
He looked toward the white swinging doors leading to the dressing room and sighed. “I’m just glad to be a big brother again. I think I’m a little rusty, though.”
“Rusty?” I blinked up at him, realizing I’d been so caught up in my own issues that I hadn’t bothered to ask how he was doing since our first day at The Hill. “Are things not going well with you and Kala bonding as brother and sister?”
He shoved his hands into his pockets. “It’s kind of slow. Which I get. She’s dealing with a lot, so I’m trying not to crowd her. But I think she still resents me for ripping her out of the life she knew.”
Though I didn’t think he intended any double meaning, I couldn’t help but find one in his words. Was that how Salaxia would feel if we took her out of her proper timeline?
“I think it’s been good for her hearing stories of how the Eyes and Ears affected the kids we met,” Kai went on. “At least she knows what they’re capable of now, you know? And I’d rather she be safe and pissed than the alternative.”
“Definitely. I’m glad you got her back.” A bitter voice in the back of my mind couldn’t resist adding in at the price of mine. It was unfair and I knew it, but I couldn’t help it.
Kai seemed to pick up on my tension, and his face fell. “I know what you’re thinking. Lali, you have no idea how sorry I am about what happened.” He started toward me, but I wrapped my arms around my waist and stepped away.
I pressed my teeth into my bottom lip, but I couldn’t hold back the question that burned on the tip of my tongue. “How did you do it?”
“Do what?”
“Put aside feeling bad? I mean before, when you were doing questionable stuff trying to get Kala back.”
He looked at me like I’d just punched him in the gut. “I did feel bad. But the way my uncle described what was going on with Kala…” He bumped the bottom of the shopping cart with the toe of his sandal. “Everything he told me was a lie, but at the time, I thought I was doing all that to save her. So in my mind, it was for a greater cause.”
