Never.
“Miss?”
Lin directed her attention back to the woman behind the administration desk. “Yes?”
“If you’ll sign here and initial here.” The woman slid a single sheet of paper across the desk.
Lin signed the paper, releasing the hospital from any liability. Since she had no health insurance and refused public assistance, she could only afford to stay in the hospital for twenty-four hours. She’d spend the next two years paying a hundred dollars a month until her debt was paid in full.
The woman behind the desk reached into a drawer and pulled out a thick envelope. “Here, take these. You might find them useful.”
Lin took the envelope, peered inside. Coupons for diapers, formula, baby lotion, and anything else one might need. She gave the woman a wan smile. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
Throughout her pregnancy, she had visited the local dollar store once a month. She’d purchased generic brands of baby items that were on the list of layette necessities she’d read about in the baby book given to her by her obstetrician. Lin didn’t have extra money to spend on a homecoming outfit for the baby, so she’d gone to Goodwill and found a secondhand pale blue sweater set. She’d carefully hand washed it in Dreft detergent. Subsequently it had looked good as new. Someday, she swore to herself, her son wouldn’t have to wear secondhand clothes.
The orderly wheeled her back to her room, where she dressed in the maternity clothes she’d worn when admitted to the hospital the day before. She ran her hand across her flat stomach. Now she would be able to wear the uniform Jack required, thus saving wear and tear on her few meager outfits. She gazed around the room to make sure she wasn’t leaving anything behind. Had it only been twenty-four hours since the taxi had dropped her off at the emergency room? It seemed like a week.
Lin carefully removed the sweater set she’d placed in her overnight bag. With ease, she dressed her son, smiling at the results. Will looked like a little prince in his blue outfit from Goodwill. Briefly, she thought of his father and their weeklong affair. What would his reaction be when he saw his son for the first time? After months of indecision, she’d finally written him another letter two months ago, the first one since she had been on her own, and mailed it to his parents’ address in New York, the only way she knew to contact him. She’d begged Nancy Johnson, a girl Will’s father had introduced her to, for his phone number as well, but the woman had been adamant about not revealing more of her friend’s personal life. She’d told Lin that if Nicholas wanted her to have his phone number, he would have given it to her. The harsh words had stung, but there was more at stake than her raw feelings. She had a child to consider. She’d written a lengthy letter, revealing her pregnancy, telling Nicholas he would be a father shortly after the new year. Weeks passed without a response. Then just last week she’d trudged to the mailbox only to find the letter she’d sent unopened and marked RETURN TO SENDER.
What’s one more rejection? she’d asked herself.
Her father hadn’t accepted her, either. Her mother had once told her that he’d always dreamed of having a son. At the time, Lin had been terribly hurt, but as the years passed, she learned to set those feelings aside. She’d been the best daughter she knew how to be in hopes of gaining some kind of approval, and maybe even a bit of love and affection from both parents, but that was not to be. When she told her parents about the decision to keep her baby, they were mortified and humiliated. She’d been tossed out of the only home she’d ever known with nothing more than the clothes on her back.
A soft, mewling sound jerked her out of the past. “It’s okay, little one. I’m right here.”
With the quilt that Irma, Jack’s wife, had made for him, Lin gently wrapped Will in a snug bundle. It was below freezing outside. Lin had halfheartedly listened to the local weather report as it blared from the television mounted above her bed. An ice storm was predicted. Meteorologists said it could be the worst in north Georgia history. With only two small electric space heaters, her garage apartment would be freezing. How she wished she could take Will to her childhood home. While it wasn’t filled with love, at least it would be warm.
But Lin recalled the torturous evenings of her childhood. She would rather die than subject her son to such a strict and oftentimes cruel upbringing. Every evening, as far back as she could remember, she’d had to pray while kneeling on the hardwood floor in the living room as her father read from the Bible.
A die-hard Southern Baptist who considered himself a man of God, her father had constructed a pulpit for himself in the center of the living room from which he would gaze down at her with disdain, as though she weren’t good enough. Then, as if that weren’t bad enough, he’d make her recite the names of all the books of the Bible in order. If she missed one, he would make her start from the beginning until she named them correctly. Once, when she was about seven or eight, she remembered spending an entire night on her knees praying. She’d prayed hard, her father watching her the entire time. Little did he know she’d been praying for his immediate death. Many times she’d wet herself while on her knees in prayer. Her father wouldn’t allow her to change her clothes or bathe afterward.
“The devil lives inside you, girly! Taking a shower ain’t gonna cleanse your dirty soul!”
She’d winced the first time she’d heard those words. After a while, she became immune to his cruel words. She’d even gotten used to smelling like urine. The kids at school were relentless, calling her Miss Stinkypants. And she would do what she always did when she was hurting.
She prayed.
Every night that she knelt on that cold, hard floor, she prayed for her father’s death. Not once in the seventeen years that she had lived in her father’s house had he ever relented on this evening ritual. She had thick, ugly calluses on her knees to prove it.
When she left home, or rather when she was thrown out, she made a promise to herself: she would never, ever kneel again.
Freezing definitely held more appeal.
She checked the room one last time. One of the nurses waited to wheel her downstairs, where the hospital’s courtesy van would take her and Will home.
In the lobby, the automatic doors opened, and a gush of icy air greeted her, smacking her in the face. She held Will close to her with one arm and carried her small suitcase with the other. The driver, an older black man, opened the door and reached for her bag. “You best hop inside, miss. This here cold ain’t good for the young’un.” He nodded at the bundle in her arms.
Shivering, Lin stepped carefully up into the van. Thankful for the warm air blowing from the heater’s vents, she sat on the hard vinyl seat and realized she was still very sore from the delivery. Her breasts felt as though they would explode. She couldn’t wait to get home to nurse Will. She’d only be able to do so for the week she was home. Then she’d have to resort to formula. She’d calculated the expense, and while it was very costly, she would manage. Unfortunately, she had no choice.
“Thank you,” she said to the driver as she placed Will in the car seat beside her. When Lin had discovered she was pregnant, she’d been frightened, fearful of having inherited her parents’ harsh and unloving manner. However, when Will was placed in her arms, the love she felt for him was the most natural thing in the world. Her worries had been for naught.
When mother and son were secure in their seats, the driver made his way through the parking lot. Waiting at the traffic light, he perused a stack of papers attached to a clipboard. “Tunnel Hill, ma’am?”
“Yes, just make a left on Lafayette, then take the second right.” Lin hated having to take Will home to a one-room garage apartment. Someday they would have a home with a big yard with flowers, a white picket fence, and lots of trees for him to climb. Will would have a swing set, and she’d watch him play. Yes, she would see to it that Will had a good home, and, whatever it took, she would make sure he had an education.
Lin remembered her father t
elling her years before that it was foolish for women to go to college, a waste of money. He’d assured her then that he would not contribute to her education, so after she’d preenrolled at Dalton Junior College during her senior year of high school, she’d saved enough money for the first year.
Having spent three terrifying nights alone in a cheap motel after her father threw her out, she’d made her first adult decision. Instead of using the money for college, she’d paid three months’ rent on an apartment. In retrospect, her father’s attitude had worked out well since it forced her to save for her education. If not, there wouldn’t even be a place for her to bring Will.
The driver parked in her landlady’s driveway. She hurriedly removed Will from the car seat and took her bag from the driver. “Thank you. I appreciate the ride.”
“Jus’ doin’ my job, miss. Now scoot on outta here. That ice storm’s gonna hit real soon.”
“Yes, I know. Thanks again for the ride.”
Lin felt rather than saw the driver watching her as he slowly reversed down the long driveway. She didn’t feel creepy at all, because she knew he was good and decent and just wanted to make sure she made it inside safely. A stranger cared more about her well-being than her own flesh and blood. Sad. But she smiled at her thoughts. She had the greatest gift ever, right here in her very own arms.
Holding Will tightly against her chest, she plodded down the long drive that led to the garage apartment. She felt for the key in her pocket, then stopped when she heard a whining noise. Putting her bag on the ground, she checked Will, but he was sound asleep. She heard the sound again.
“What the heck?” she said out loud.
On the side of the garage, at the bottom of the steep wooden steps that led to her apartment, Lin spotted a small dog and walked behind the steps where he hovered. Holding Will tightly, she held out her hand. Its brownish red fur matted with clumps of dirt, the ribs clearly visible, the poor dog looked scruffy and cold. He or she—she wasn’t sure of the animal’s gender—whined before standing on all fours, limping over to Lin, and licking her outstretched hand.
She laughed. “You sure know the way to a girl’s heart.”
“Woof, woof.”
With the ice storm ready to hit, there was no way Lin could leave the poor dog outside. She fluffed the matted fur between its ears and decided that the dog was going inside with her.
“Scruffy, that’s what I’m going to call you for now. Come on, puppy. Follow me.” The dog obeyed, staying a foot behind Lin as she made her way up the rickety steps while holding Will against her chest.
Unlocking the door, Lin stepped inside and dropped her bag on the floor. Timidly, Scruffy waited to be invited in. “Come on, Scruffy. You’re staying here tonight. Something tells me we’re going to get along just fine.”
Two unwanted strays, Lin thought.
Scruffy scurried inside and sat patiently on the kitchen floor. With Will still clutched to her chest, Lin grabbed a plastic bowl from her single cupboard, filled it with water, and placed it on the cracked olive green linoleum. She took two hot dogs out of her minirefrigerator, broke them into small pieces, and placed them on a saucer next to the bowl of water. “This should tide you over for a bit. I’ve got to feed the little guy now.”
Scruffy looked at her with big, round eyes. Lin swore she saw thankfulness in the dog’s brown-eyed gaze.
With her son still clutched in her arms, Lin managed to remove her jacket before loosening the blanket surrounding him. Making the necessary adjustments to her clothing, Lin began to nurse her son. Reclining on the floral-patterned sofa, she relaxed for the first time in a long time. Her son was fed and content. She’d inherited an adorable dog, however temporarily, and she was warm.
For a while, that would do. Someday their lives would be different.
Lin stared at the sleeping infant in her arms. “I promise you, little guy, you’ll have the best life ever.” Then, as an afterthought, she added, “No matter what I have to do.”
Chapter 1
Friday, August 31, 2007
New York University
Will’s deep brown eyes sparkled with excitement, his enthusiasm contagious, as he and Lin left University Hall, a crowded dormitory for freshmen located at Union Square. If all went as planned, Will would reside in New York City for the next four years before moving on to graduate school to study at North Carolina State University College of Veterinary Medicine, one of the most prestigious veterinary institutions in the country.
“I just hate that you’re so far away from home. And in New York City, no less,” Lin said for the umpteenth time. “With all the remodeling and holiday parties going on at the restaurant, I doubt I’ll be able to make the trip north for Thanksgiving. I don’t want you to spend your holiday alone.”
“Mom, I said I’d come home if I could. And I will. I promise,” Will said. “Besides, I’m a big boy now. I just might like spending some time alone in this big city full of hot chicks.”
Laughing, Lin replied, “I’m sure you would.” She watched her son as they rode the elevator downstairs. Over six feet tall, with thick, raven black hair, Will was the spitting image of his father, or at least her memory of him.
Lin recalled all those years ago when she’d first met his father. She’d fallen head over heels in love while he’d been visiting a friend in Georgia. Briefly, Lin wondered if Will would follow in her footsteps or his father’s. She prayed it wasn’t the latter, though she had to admit she really didn’t know how he’d turned out. But she didn’t want her son to take after a man who denied his son’s existence. Lin knew he was very wealthy, but that didn’t mean he was a good man. Good men took care of their children, acknowledged them.
Three weeks after she’d brought Will home from the hospital, she’d sent his father a copy of their son’s birth announcement along with a copy of the birth certificate. She’d shamelessly added a picture of herself just in case he’d forgotten their brief affair. Throughout the years, she had continued to send items marking Will’s accomplishments, the milestones reached as he grew up. Photos of the first day of school; first lost tooth; then, as he aged, driver’s license; first date; anything she thought a father would have been proud of. Again, all had come back, unopened and marked RETURN TO SENDER. After so many years of this, she should have learned, should have known that Will’s father had no desire to acknowledge him. To this very day, she’d never told Will for fear it would affect him in a way that she wouldn’t be able to handle. Recalling the hurt, then the anger each time she and her son were rejected, Lin tucked away the memories of the man she’d given herself to so many years ago, the man she’d loved, the man who had so callously discarded all traces of their romance and in so doing failed to acknowledge their son’s existence. When Will had turned twelve, she’d told him his father had died in an accident. It had seemed enough at the time.
But as Jack, her former employer and substitute father, always said, “The past is prologue, kiddo.” And he was right. She’d put that part of her life behind her and moved forward.
The elevator doors swished open. The main floor was empty but for a few couples gathered in the corner speaking in hushed tones. Most of the parents were either visiting other dorms or preparing for the evening banquet. Will hadn’t wanted to attend, but Lin insisted, telling him several of the college’s alumni would be speaking. She’d teased him, saying he might be among them one day. He’d reluctantly agreed, but Lin knew that if he truly hadn’t wanted to attend, he would have been more persistent.
She glanced at the exquisite diamond watch on her slender wrist, a gift from Jack and Irma the day she’d made her last payment on the diner she’d purchased from them eight years ago. “I’ll meet you in the banquet hall at seven. Are you sure you don’t want to come back to the hotel?”
Will cupped her elbow, guiding her toward the exit. “No. Actually, I think I might take a nap. Aaron doesn’t arrive until tomorrow. It might be the last chance I have for some time
alone. I want to take advantage of it.”
Will and his dorm mate, Aaron Levy, had met through the Internet during the summer. Though they hadn’t met in person, Will assured her they’d get along just fine. They were studying to become veterinarians and both shared an avid love of baseball.
“Better set your alarm,” Lin suggested. Will slept like the dead.
“Good idea.” He gave her a hug, then stepped back, his gaze suddenly full of concern. “You’ll be okay on your own for a while?”
Lin patted her son’s arm. “Of course I will. This is my first trip to the city. There are dozens of things to do. I doubt I’ll have a minute to spare. Though I don’t think I’ll do any sightseeing today, since I made an appointment to have my hair and nails done at the hotel spa.”
Will laughed. “That’s a first. You never do that kind of stuff. What gives?”
“It’s not every day a mother sends her son off to college.” She gently pushed him away. “Now go on with you, or there’ll be no time to relax. I’ll see you at seven.”
Will waved. “Seven, then.”
Lin gave him a thumbs-up sign, her signal to him that all was a go. She pushed the glass door open and stepped outside. The late-afternoon sun shone brightly through the oak trees, casting all sorts of irregular shapes and shadows on the sidewalk. The autumn air was cool and crisp. Lin walked down the sidewalk and breathed deeply, suddenly deliriously happy with the life she’d made for herself. She stopped for a moment, remembering all the struggles, the ups and downs, and how hard she’d worked to get to where she was. Abundant, fulfilled, completely comfortable with her life, she picked up her pace, feeling somewhat foolish and silly for her thoughts. She laughed, the sound seemingly odd since she was walking alone, no one to hear her. That was okay, too. Life was good. She was happy, Will’s future appeared bright and exciting. The only dark spot in her life was her father. Her mother had died shortly after Lin had moved into Mrs. Turner’s garage apartment. She’d had to read about it in the obituaries. Lin had called her father, asking how her mother had died. He told her she’d fallen down the basement steps. She suspected otherwise but knew it would be useless, possibly even dangerous to her and her unborn child, if she were to pry into the circumstances surrounding her mother’s death. She’d tried to establish a relationship with her father on more than one occasion through the years, and each time he’d rebuffed her, telling her she was the devil’s spawn. Her father now resided in Atlanta, in a very upscale nursing home, at her expense. Lin was sure his pure meanness had launched him into early onset Alzheimer’s.
14. Razor Sharp Page 27
