He nodded. “I’m sorry to bring it up now. I know you’re dealing with a lot, but Steffi-Anne is bound to ask us about it tomorrow and I thought we needed to be on the same page or even be proactive and go talk to her in the morning.”
“Talk to her about what?” Zoe didn’t even try to hide the irritation in her voice. She was too busy trying to recover from the emotional whiplash. First, he did the two-step about their family situations, saying she should tell when he had no plans to fix his own. He said he was falling in love with her, then he objected to signing a simple form stating that they were in a consensual relationship.
This day was becoming her worst nightmare. Everything was falling apart.
“I’ve been thinking about it this morning,” he said. “I’m still not sure where I’m going to be when this project ends in a couple of weeks. Actually, I’ve been doing some thinking since Steffi-Anne thrust that consensual relationship agreement on us. I think the world of you, Zoe. You are one of the most amazing women I’ve ever met in my life. You are just sweet and unjaded. You still believe in fairy tales and happy endings, and you deserve someone who can give that to you. I meant what I said last night about falling in love with you, but I just don’t know if I can be the man you need. The man who deserves you.”
Standing there with her hand on the doorknob, Zoe felt her heart shatter into a million irreparable pieces. This was the first time she had found someone who seemed so right, someone who actually did make her believe she could have her happily-ever-after, and now he wanted out.
Through the tears and the fog in her head, she heard herself telling him, “Please don’t do this, Joaquin. I love you. Take some time if you need to figure out what you want, but I won’t give up on you.”
She heard him say something about doing this for her own good, about protecting her from worse heartache down the road. But she simply opened the door and let herself out. He didn’t come after her.
He let her walk away.
Even though it was ridiculous to keep pursuing a man who had made it perfectly clear he didn’t want her, the tiny shard of her heart that held the illogical belief that love would triumph over all was still hanging on by a thread.
She meant what she’d said. No matter how hopeless it seemed, she loved him and she wouldn’t give up on him.
Chapter Twelve
If Joaquin thought his heart had ached when he had caught his fiancée, Selena, in bed with his best friend, it seemed like nothing compared to the black tar of despair he sank in to Sunday night after ending things with Zoe.
One of the conclusions he’d come to during his sleepless night was that he had made a big mistake by letting her go. The conundrum was, it was a mistake for him to not have her in his life, but reason reminded him she was better off without him. She was such a light in this world. She didn’t need him and all his darkness snuffing out her flame.
He felt like such a jackass for being so hard on her yesterday. She hadn’t deserved that and he would apologize once he got back to work. She had come to him looking for support, but he had let the stress of knowing he had to tell her he wasn’t going to sign the relationship document, and the nerve that her situation with her father had struck in him, turn him into a beast.
That in itself proved he didn’t deserve her.
Who was he to tell her what to do—so arrogantly, too—when he couldn’t even figure out his own screwed-up life?
Still that didn’t mitigate the way he missed her. It hadn’t even been a full twenty-four hours and his heart felt as if it would bleed out. He had plenty of time to think about it as he drove to visit his father in Horseback Hollow.
After stewing on Zoe’s words all night, he realized she was right. There never would be a perfect time. The only way he was going to lose his baggage was by talking to his father.
Since Orlando was an early riser, Joaquin knew it was okay to call at five o’clock on Monday morning. In fact, it would probably be the best time to reach him, because it would be before he got to work at the Redmond Flight School.
When he’d asked his dad if he had plans for lunch, that he would like to drive up to see him, Orlando had said even if he’d had plans, he would’ve canceled them to have lunch with his oldest son. He sounded so happy that Joaquin would take the time to come visit him. As he got closer to Horseback Hollow, Joaquin started second-guessing his decision to finally ask his dad about the paternity issue, but Zoe’s words echoed in his head.
There will never be a perfect time.
He may have already blown it with Zoe. The way he’d acted yesterday, he was certain he had. But he would never be at peace with himself if he didn’t have this conversation with his father.
Rather than having everything unfold in a public place, Joaquin stopped at a gourmet sandwich shop in Vicker’s Corners, a small, funky town located right next to Horseback Hollow. He picked up two roast beef, arugula and béarnaise sauce sandwiches, some red potato salad, a large bag of kettle chips and a gallon of freshly brewed peach iced tea.
He picked up his father from work and they went to Hanging Moss Park, a scenic little oasis not too far from Redmond Flight School. They sat at a picnic table and enjoyed their feast. Joaquin waited until they were both finished before he brought up the paternity question.
As Orlando gathered up his fork and the paper his sandwich had been wrapped in and stuffed them back into the empty sack the lunch had come in, he said, “Now, this was a treat and such a nice surprise. It isn’t every day that I get to have lunch with my oldest son.”
It seemed the perfect segue into what Joaquin had come to talk about.
“We don’t get to spend enough time together, do we?” Joaquin said. “I was thinking the other day, I don’t know that I’ve ever thanked you for the way you raised me.”
Orlando looked slightly bemused. “You’re welcome. But where is this coming from?”
It was now or never.
“You know, that no matter what, I love you and nothing can ever change that fact.”
Now, Orlando was scrutinizing him through narrowed eyes.
“There’s something I’ve needed to talk to you about for a few years now. I haven’t, because the time simply never seemed right. And I finally realized that there never would be a perfect time. That’s why I decided on a random Monday to drive six hours and have lunch and a heart-to-heart with my father.”
He emphasized the word, wanting to see if Orlando would have a reaction, but his demeanor didn’t change. He still sat there, watching Joaquin, as if he wasn’t quite sure where the conversation was going.
“Remember at the hospital when Mom needed the blood transfusion? I gave her blood because mine was a match and yours wasn’t.”
He saw a flicker in his father’s eyes.
“I’ll cut to the chase, Dad. Simple genetics show that there is no way your and Mom’s blood types could’ve produced a child with my blood type. Mine is consistent with hers. That means you’re not my biological father. I’m not sure what this means. But I’ve worried for years it meant that Mom was having an affair when I was conceived.”
Joaquin held his breath as he waited for a reaction from his father. Each second that ticked by was a dagger in Joaquin’s heart as he anticipated Orlando’s response.
Finally his father said, “I’m sorry you’ve shouldered this burden for so long, son. I wish you would’ve come to me sooner. Ah, hell, I should have opened the dialogue with you after you gave blood for your mother. There’s really no excuse, except that I knew you were grieving. I was grieving. We lost her so soon after that and then it seemed like everything, life as we knew it, had been sucked into a black hole. I didn’t know how you would take the truth and since you didn’t bring it up again, I figured you didn’t want to know. I used the excuse of all the change in our lives, of all the gr
ief that we were suffering, to chicken out of leveling with you. But if you would like to know the truth, I’m willing to tell you everything.”
Joaquin’s heart beat so fast and furiously he could hear it in his ears.
“I do want to know, but I don’t want it to change anything between us. Someone else may be my biological father, but you will always be my dad.”
Orlando forced a smile as he nodded. Joaquin could see his dad’s throat work as he swallowed.
“Nothing could ever change the love I have for you,” Orlando said as he picked at a rough grain of wood on the picnic-table surface. He was quiet for a long, excruciating moment before he continued.
“Esteban is your father, but it’s not what you think. Your mother was not cheating on me with him. Nor did she deceive me about your paternity. I’ve always known that you were Esteban’s son.”
Joaquin’s mind whirled. “I knew that Mom briefly dated Esteban, but I never knew what happened or how the two of you ended up together. It seemed like a taboo subject. I mean, the two of you were soul mates. It seemed like there was nobody else for her before you. Will you tell me what happened? Because if she didn’t cheat on you, I don’t understand how she could conceive a child with him.”
Orlando nodded. “That’s a fair question. It’s sort of complicated, but I’ll do my best to explain.”
His dad took a long swallow of iced tea, set the glass down and looked him in the eyes.
“I’d always, always had a crush on your mother. We’d known each other since we were children. I think my first memory is of falling in love with her. But Luz always carried a torch for Esteban. Your uncle, he was kind of a scoundrel and a rake. He led your mom on a merry chase. She used to confide in me about her feelings for Esteban. I loved Luz so much it was enough for me to be her confidante because it was the only way I could be with her. Esteban used to always take Luz for granted. He knew he could have her, but he was a popular guy. He had all kinds of girls after him. But Esteban and Luz did eventually date. It nearly killed me. Because he was not really in love with her and he still carried on with other women. In fact, he and I used to fight about that all the time, but he justified it by saying that that he and Luz were not exclusive.
“Well, your mama wound up pregnant, but she didn’t discover it until after Esteban had run off and eloped with somebody else. When Luz told me about the pregnancy, I married her and vowed to raise the child as my own. I knew I had enough love for the two of us. Esteban was married. What good would it have done to tell him? Your mama and I promised each other we would never tell a soul that the baby wasn’t mine. And as far as I’m concerned, you are as much mine as your brothers and sister.”
Joaquin knew Orlando was a good guy. He had always thought so much of his father that he didn’t think there was room to idolize him any more than he already did. But in the moment following his confession, Orlando Mendoza—his father—became a saint in his eyes.
“What about the bad blood between you and Esteban? Does he know the truth? Is that why you two don’t speak?”
Orlando sighed. It was the sound of discontent, resignation.
“Because of Luz’s pregnancy and premature delivery, Esteban believes that Luz and I were sleeping together while he was still dating her.”
Joaquin balked. “That’s ridiculous and pretty damn hypocritical. He was cheating on Mom left and right, according to what you say.”
Orlando nodded. “Yes, he was. But all he could see was that I betrayed him. I was never interested in anyone beside your mother, so I didn’t date very much. Oh, I tried here and there, but my heart belonged to your mama. Since Luz and I were close, he automatically assumed that I’d been sleeping with her when he was dating her.
“You know, for years, I felt justified in not telling Esteban that you were his son. I wanted to protect your mama from further pain, because you know it was bound to get sticky once anyone found out. Luz was the love of my life. I worshiped that woman and I would’ve given my life to spare hers. I didn’t think I was ever going to survive losing her, but over the past few years that she’s been gone I’ve realized that we were wrong to keep the paternity from both you and Esteban. I didn’t know how to undo that mistake. So much time had passed, I didn’t know if it would make things better or worse. I don’t expect you to ever forgive me, but I hope someday you will understand why I did what I did. When you love someone the way I loved your mama—the way I love you—you’d do absolutely anything to protect them. Life is short, son. Way too short not to do everything in your power to take care of those you love. But, son, I will do whatever you want. If you want to tell Esteban, we can. We’ll handle it however you think we should.”
The midday sun streamed through the branches of the live oak tree that shaded their picnic table. Rays of light, like beacons of hope, streamed down and a gentle breeze blew in like a comforting kiss from his mother.
“There’s nothing to forgive,” Joaquin said. “You did the best you could with the situation you found yourself in. If not for you, who knows what might’ve happened to Mom and me? There’s no way I could ever be anything but grateful.”
The look of absolute relief on his father’s face nearly did him in.
Joaquin cleared his throat. “However, Esteban needs to know the truth. When do you think we could go to Miami to talk to him?”
Orlando nodded. “If you’re available, we can go right now. We can take one of the Redman planes and be there in a couple of hours.”
“Let’s do it,” said Joaquin.
* * *
Three hours later Joaquin and Orlando landed at Miami Executive Airport. They had called Esteban before they’d left to make sure he was around and willing to see them. Joaquin told him they had urgent family business to discuss, and Esteban agreed to see them.
In Miami they rented a car, checked into the hotel they had booked after confirming their visit with Esteban—Orlando didn’t like to fly at night—and set out to mend some fences.
It was strange how Miami, with its electric-neon lights, royal palm trees and colorful bougainvillea, was so familiar yet felt so strange. On the drive to his uncle’s home, they passed many places that used to be Joaquin’s local haunts, but now they felt unfamiliar, like acquaintances from another lifetime.
He hadn’t expected Miami to feel so distant. It definitely wasn’t home anymore. Funny, sometimes you had to leave your own backyard to discover how much it meant to you. In this case, Austin was now his backyard.
They arrived at Esteban’s brick ranch-style house right on time. As Joaquin killed the rental car’s engine, he glanced over at Orlando, who looked a little green and subdued.
“You all right?” Joaquin asked.
Orlando gave a resolute nod. “I should’ve done this a long time ago. Even if he tells me he doesn’t want to see me again, at least I know I tried. At least he knows the truth.”
Both Joaquin and Orlando had been surprised by how happy Esteban sounded when they told him they were coming for a visit. Actually, they had been amazed by Esteban’s warm greeting, which had made it much easier to get down to business and tell him what they had come to say.
“When my mother was sick, she needed a blood transfusion,” Joaquin said. “My mom and I both had O positive blood, which meant I was a perfect match for her, but Orlando couldn’t be a donor because he had type AB blood, which is incompatible with ours.”
Joaquin paused and saw the flicker of understanding dawning in Esteban’s eyes.
“I’m not a genetics expert,” Esteban said, “but if I remember high school biology, it’s impossible for types O and AB to produce a child with type O blood.”
Joaquin nodded.
Esteban’s brow knit, and he stared at a space somewhere over Joaquin’s shoulder for a moment before a look of resolute acceptance softened his bew
ilderment.
“Just last month, I had blood work done for my annual physical. The tech told me I should consider donating blood since I’m type O positive, and there’s always a high demand for that.”
His lips flattened into a thin line, but his eyes looked sad, rather than angry.
Orlando cleared his throat. “I should’ve told you a long time ago, but—”
Esteban shook his head. “No. I was already married to Ginger by the time you and Luz got married. It would’ve only complicated matters.”
His apologetic gaze swung back to Joaquin. “That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have wanted to be your father. It’s just—” Esteban’s voice cracked.
“It’s complicated,” Joaquin finished. “I know that.”
“I’m sorry,” Orlando said.
“You did the right thing,” Esteban said. “You stood by Luz and raised Joaquin as your own. I don’t know if I would’ve had it in me back then.”
They stood in silence for a moment until Esteban broke the silence. “You weren’t sleeping with her when we were together, then?”
Orlando shook his head. “Not until our wedding night.”
“I’m ashamed of myself for thinking she was fooling around with you while she was seeing me. I should’ve known that you would never betray me, and Luz had too much class to do something like that.”
Tears misted Esteban’s eyes. “I wanted to come to her funeral. I almost did, but in the end, I was afraid it might make it harder on you, brother. After the way I treated her, I didn’t think I deserved to be there.”
“I wish you would’ve come,” Orlando said. “I would have welcomed you with open arms.”
He closed the distance between his brother and himself and enfolded him in a hug.
“Now we both know that we could’ve saved ourselves a lot of angst if we had only spoken sooner,” Esteban said. “I’m so tired of fighting with you, Orlando. I don’t have any animosity left inside me. The simple act of you reaching out means a lot.”
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