Sara wondered how she would get out of Jude’s house without making any noise. The back stairway? Yes, that’s where she’d go. Sara had done this once before and managed to get out that way so she didn’t think it would be a problem that night. She scanned the room for her belongings, an effort to leave no evidence behind, and tiptoed through the hall toward the back of the house. In the darkness, she was able to find her way down the stairs nearly tripping over a box of recyclables that were left at the bottom.
The crisp, cold air outside contrasted the fiery heat that radiated from her face when she opened the door to exit the house. It was early October and it had gotten much colder during the three hours that they were together in Jude’s bedroom. Sara walked one block to where she'd parked her car. Still breathing heavy from the frenzied speed walk, she found her keys and unlocked the car. With her hands trembling a little from the adrenaline, Sara drove away. Once the fear of being caught had escaped her, and she was about a mile down the road, she began to think of how unfair it was. Sara loathed all of the sneaking around and she was madly in love with Jude Warner.
Sara’s cell phone rang faintly in the distance, distracting her from her daydream. She knew immediately who it was by the familiar ring tone that she’d set a few months ago to alert her when it was Eric on the other end of the line. Sara ran down the stairs and scanned the kitchen for her purse. It was times like these she wished they had a landline home phone instead of just their cell phones but at least she was done folding the laundry and needed to go downstairs anyway. She retrieved her iPhone and hit the “answer” button on the touch screen.
“Hey,” Sara answered.
“Hi honey, how's your day going?” Eric questioned.
“Okay I guess. You?”
“Pretty good. Um, I just wanted to see what your plans were for this evening.”
“Well, the usual, I guess. Jake and Lexi need their baths. Jake's napping right now so I’m guessing he probably won’t go down right away tonight. Why? What’s up?”
“Well, it looks like I’m gonna be at work a little late, so don’t wait on me for dinner, okay?”
Sara sighed. She hated when Eric worked late. His words forced an invisible weight onto her shoulders, which made no rational sense, but she always felt suddenly panicky and annoyed. To a certain degree she felt like her “relief” arrived when he came home; to know that there would be an extra set of hands if she needed them, which it seemed she always did. At least that’s the way it felt.
“Um… yeah…” Sara grumbled, “Okay… no problem. How late? Er, what time do you think you’ll be home?”
“Probably around seven, seven thirty at the latest. Okay?”
Sure, it was okay. Sara could deal with it and it’s not as if she had a choice in the matter really. This meant that she’d be eating alone. Well, okay, not totally alone. She would have Lexi and Jake to eat with, but the conversation wasn’t exactly what she’d had in mind. Eric’s late arrival home, which was typical these days, also meant that she would probably be cleaning up dinner and giving the kids their baths on her own. They’d likely have less than half an hour to spend with their father since their bedtime was 7:45 pm.
“K,” she replied. “I’ll see you when you get home. Love you.”
“Love you too. Bye.”
“Bye.”
2. A Path Crossed, Sara
Tuesday morning. Another useless day no different from the last, Sara thought. But what she didn’t know was that, in fact, something would be different about this day.
As she awoke, Sara heard Eric just stepping out of the shower and Jake on the baby monitor beginning to stir in his crib. She decided it was better to get up right away before he was totally awake and screaming. Sara rolled out of bed in one swift move, wrapped herself with a robe that had been placed at the foot of the bed, and clumsily scampered toward the master bathroom. When she opened the bathroom door to enter, the warm, moist air hit her face and made her even sleepier. She bent down and reached into the cabinet for a new razor blade to use in the shower. As she stood back up, Eric and Sara exchanged quick pecks on the cheek, a ritual that took place nearly every morning when they met in the bathroom at that hour. Eric’s pale, but muscular body and dark blond hair were still damp, and as he smeared deodorant on his underarms, the sweet scent of fresh blast quickly filled the room. Sara always loved Eric’s scent, especially when it was mixed with the warm, soapy aroma from his shower. He quickly combed through his hair, taking another glance at his reflection in the mirror before exiting the bathroom into the dressing area.
Sara spent the next few minutes in a sleepy daze while she brushed her teeth, hoping that the minty toothpaste swirling in her mouth would awaken her senses. Fully clothed, Eric popped his head around the door frame in the bathroom to spout a quick “Bye, honey. Love you” at Sara just as her robe fell to the floor and she continued to undress.
“Love you. Have a good day,” she replied with a cheery, albeit fake smile.
Shivering, Sara stood exposed to the now cool, moist air. Quickly, she reached into the shower and turned the knob counterclockwise until it was in the correct position to expel steamy, hot water. While she waited for the water to reach her preferred temperature, she stepped on the scale.
“Hmph,” she huffed. The scale read 152.3 pounds. Annoyed, Sara shoved the scale back into the corner with her foot. It had been over eight months since Jake was born and she still weighed more than she had before she got pregnant. Her friends kept telling her not to worry; she’d just had a baby and had plenty of time. But Sara felt that by eight months she ought to be able to shed the pounds. She was a solid twenty pounds heavier than she wanted to be. At this point, she would settle for losing ten, or even five pounds. She just couldn’t understand why she had lost almost all of the weight from her pregnancy with Lexi within four months, but was unsuccessful in her weight loss efforts after Jake. This was a daily, nagging reminder of yet another example of how she wasn’t living up to her model of perfection.
Sara stepped into the shower, allowing the fierce blast of scalding water to hammer at her backside and hair until she was comfortable with its temperature and pressure, at which point she turned, the water pelting her face and chest. She continued her predictable routine of washing and conditioning her hair and soaping her body. Her thoughts were focused on the tasks of the day while Sara reached for her razor blade and began to shave her underarms.
Tuesdays were usually grocery shopping days. She ran through a quick list of things she needed to get, promising herself she'd not forget the garbage bags. There was only one bag left in the box a day earlier when she took out the trash. Sara continued her mental list of the day’s tasks. After she returned from the grocery store, she would need to feed Lexi and Jake lunch, and then stop at the clinic to sign up for mandatory CPR training, a yearly requirement for all patient care workers employed by the hospital.
----------
“Mommy, can I push the button?” Lexi asked excitedly as they entered an elevator at Berkshire Medical Center.
“Go ahead, sweetie. Push number two,” Sara instructed. Jake squirmed and babbled in his stroller as the doors closed in front of them. “Mommy just has to talk to some people she works with,” she said to Lexi. Standing idly, Sara wondered why it was that when she spoke to her children, she referred to herself in the third person. Surely they understand that I, me and my all meant the same thing when she’s talking about herself. “Mommy needs you two to be on your best behavior, k?”
“Yes, Mommy,” Lexi sang in that angelic tone that made Sara wonder if she was being sincere or if she had recently learned how to mock her.
The elevator doors opened and they stepped onto the floor of the dialysis unit. Sara pushed the stroller to the right toward the central nurses’ station and Lexi followed behind like a little duckling waddling behind its mother. Sara stopped briefly and talked with her co-worker, Allison, one of the younger nurses that still had a l
ot of enthusiasm and a borderline annoying level of excitement for her work. Unlike most of the other staff, Sara still enjoyed working with her when Allison volunteered to work a weekend shift.
Jake became restless in the stroller, which was his not-so-subtle cue to keep them moving. Irritated by Jake’s restlessness, Sara quickly said goodbye to Allison. Lexi followed as Sara pushed the stroller down a brightly lit hallway, passing several patient rooms and a supply closet until they reached the office of the nursing manager, Janet. Sara lightly knocked on the door, which was partially ajar.
Janet, a fifty-something year-old woman with gray hair, sat behind her desk writing on a pad of paper and quickly looked up to address Sara upon hearing the knock on the door. “Come in,” she said.
“Hello. Sorry to bother you,” Sara timidly said.
“Oh, hi, Sara! How are you?” Janet asked cheerfully.
“Good, thanks. And you?”
“Good, good. What can I do for you?”
“I just needed to get a slot in the CPR class, sometime next month, if possible. I know my renewal’s almost due.”
“Sure! No problem. Uh… Let's see,” she said as she pulled a file from her desk drawer. “You need an evening class, right?”
“Actually, Lexi starts school in a week and I might be able to find a sitter for Jake so perhaps I’ll try to do a weekday. I just need to know in advance.”
Janet scanned her list of classes. “Well, I've got a few openings for the sixteenth of September. That's a Thursday. Or we can put you in the class on the twenty-seventh. Both are from ten to three with a lunch.”
“Put me down for the sixteenth. If I can't get a sitter, I'll let you know.”
“Okay,” Janet said as she held out a packet for Sara, “Here’s a study guide for you to look over before you get to the class.”
“Great. Thanks,” Sara replied as she grabbed the packet of papers with one hand. She looked down and saw that Jake had dropped the teething biscuit he'd been working on since they got in the car and left the house. Sara bent forward and retrieved the biscuit from the floor before reaching for her wipes to clean up the mess it left on the industrial carpet of Janet’s office. One of the advantages of being the mother of a baby is that you almost always had wipes on hand for cleaning up little messes. “Well, I've gotta get Jake home for his nap. Thanks.”
Janet nodded and smiled as they left her office and strolled toward the elevators.
Lexi sprinted ahead of them to push the button that displayed a down arrow on the wall between the elevator doors. When they reached the elevator doors, Jake screamed and writhed in his seat, annoyed that they'd once again stopped their motion to wait for something. Sara debated in her head the pros and cons of taking him out of the stroller. He loathed the confinement, but it kept him safe and allowed her to have use of her hands from time to time. Her efforts to quiet Jake were futile as she moved the stroller forward and backward in short increments, tracing the same path with the wheels on the tiled floor.
Finally, the doors opened and in her haste to get moving in order to quiet Jake from his tantrum, Sara entered the elevator and brushed arms with a man as he exited onto the second floor. “Sorry,” Sara shot a quick glance up at him to apologize and their eyes met for a second just as the doors were closing. Stunned, she froze. Sara’s thoughts ran rampant through her head while Jake began screaming again. Those eyes; the face. They were so familiar, yet nothing else was recognizable. She had only a moment to perform a quick scan of the stranger and clearly, she didn't scan well enough. Like a photo taken out of focus in poor light, Sara struggled only briefly with the hazy picture in her head to identify the familiar man. Could it be? Jude?
3. A Path Crossed, Jude
“Dad, I'm going to get a coffee. I'll be back in a few minutes,” Jude said as he stood up and turned toward the nurse’s station. “Want anything?” he asked his father.
“No, thanks,” his father replied.
Jude’s legs felt stiff from the lack of movement after sitting for nearly two hours with his father, Tom, who had been receiving dialysis treatment. His thoughts were focused on the couple that he'd met with earlier that morning before he picked up Dad to bring him to the hospital. After only six years of marriage, the young couple had been experiencing marital problems that were common in their stage of love in marriage. During their session, Jude could sense the wife’s heart ache every time the subject of children was discussed. Verbally, both clients would tell Jude that it was something they'd planned for and wanted, but emotionally he felt resentment in the wife’s heart. There was something that Jude was missing and it bothered him to no end that he couldn't figure it out. Jude wondered if it was something from her past. An abortion, perhaps? Or maybe she was feeling some insecurity about her capabilities of being a good mother? Either way, she was not opening up, not outwardly, anyway. Jude knew that whatever she was hiding would come out eventually, but having a better sense of what it was always made his job a little bit more predictable.
Jude was so mentally distracted that he’d made his way to the elevator and down the hall of the first floor to the cafeteria, yet he couldn’t recall the steps getting there.
Breaking Jude’s thought process as he approached a food counter, a young cafeteria attendant asked, “Can I help you?”
Jude looked up at the display board behind the server for a moment. “Sure, Chris,” Jude smiled softly at the server as he read his nametag. “A medium coffee, light n sweet.”
“Anything else?” questioned Chris.
“That should do it, thanks,” Jude replied.
Jude waited for a moment while his cup of coffee was prepared, thinking now about his schedule for the rest of the week. His father was finally beginning to show signs of accepting his new routine of receiving outpatient dialysis treatments three times per week, a routine that began roughly two weeks earlier when Tom was discharged from the hospital. Since his father didn't drive anymore, and there was no other family close-by, Jude had been taking him to all of his appointments recently, and he felt rather unsettled with his new responsibilities. This is why he'd moved back home two years ago and joined a private practice, he reminded himself. Jude had taken a one-month hiatus when his father became ill and this morning was his first day back at the office. Hmm, he thought. Realizing that his schedule would need to be adjusted to meet his father’s needs, Jude made a mental note to look ahead on his calendar and re-work his schedule so that he didn't have any appointments on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons indefinitely. He was thankful that Saturdays were one of the three days that his dad was scheduled for treatment, which Jude knew wouldn't interfere with his work schedule.
“$3.19,” Chris stated as he placed the cup of hot coffee on the counter in front of him.
Jude reached into his pocket and grabbed four single dollar bills. “Keep the change,” Jude offered as he placed the bills in Chris' open palm and took the cup from him. The warmth of the cup was a welcome contrast to Jude’s cool hands, which he had trouble keeping warm while sitting for hours in the air-conditioned rooms of the hospital. Jude inhaled deeply and the distinct aroma of coffee flushed Jude’s nasal passages clean of the pungent and sterile smell that permeated the air.
Feeling the steam rise from the uncapped cup into his face, Jude gingerly took a sip as he entered the empty elevator and pushed the button for the second floor. He waited for a moment to see if anyone else would join him and then, suddenly feeling uncomfortable in the stillness, pushed the “door close” button, which forced the elevator doors shut. He placed a lid on the cup, took another sip of coffee and noted that it wasn't as sweet as he'd prefer it. Chris must have put only one sugar in it. Next time I’ll be more specific, Jude noted.
As the elevator doors opened, Jude heard the screeching of a baby's anxious voice and instantly saw the source of the noise. A baby boy squirmed in his stroller, obviously not content, while the woman behind the stroller ushered a little girl into the elev
ator behind her. Jude couldn't make out her face entirely. Although the woman’s head was turned away from him and she was looking down at the little girl as they entered, there was something familiar about her medium brown hair and slender profile. While he maneuvered his way around the circus that took place in the elevator, Jude ran through a haphazard list of previous and current patients in his head. Lacey Wright? She was one of Jude’s patients three years ago. But Lacey didn't have any children and clearly, the little girl with this woman was older than three, so it couldn't be Lacey. Jennifer Adams? Hmm. Jude thought he'd heard that she moved away. No, he must not know her as a client. Definitely not, he convinced himself. Although he was usually pretty good with placing a face with a name, it would be awkward if he were wrong about the woman that now stood beside him in the elevator. However, Jude was relatively certain that she was not a client of his.
Jude was sure that she didn't notice him as he squeezed by her to exit the elevator, because as she attempted to re-position the bulky stroller, her arm brushed against his. Unexpectedly, an electrical shock-like sensation surged through his body. Jude was impaired by the woman’s feelings of anxiety and frustration as they touched. This was not just any heart that he felt. The specific warmth and rhythm of hers was one that Jude knew all too well. In the past, it would alter the beating of his heart ever so slightly. He became overwhelmed with a flush of heat. In one large stride Jude stepped off the elevator and turned his head, his heart aching to catch a glimpse of the familiar face and confirm what he knew to be true.
“Sorry,” the woman murmured as the elevator doors began to close. She lifted her head to meet Jude’s gaze and her apologetic smile washed into curiosity. Jude became momentarily paralyzed and speechless, and before he could gain control of his mind long enough to realize that he wanted to say something to her, the doors closed in front of him. Suddenly, all he could think about was Sara Alton. He longed to know how she was doing; why she was anxious; and he wondered about the source of her frustration.
What Sara Said Page 2
