by E. L. Todd
“You said you would talk to Kat, so talk to her. What the hell are you waiting for? It’s not like I can just go out and pick up a girl at this point. I have a celibate relationship with Denise, and it fucking sucks.”
“I will talk to her. It’s been a busy week—” Busy fucking Dax.
“Yes, I’ve noticed. I have to sit there and listen to you talk about all the good sex you’re getting, while I’m sitting with Denise and trying to stay soft. You’re the biggest cockblock in the world.”
“How dare you! I am not a cockblock.”
“Then talk to Kat and get it over with. I know you. I know you’re procrastinating.”
“I’m not a procrastinator. I get my articles done early—not just on time.”
“You procrastinate for shit you don’t want to do. Remember when it was your turn to clean the apartment, and you dragged your feet for three months?”
I crossed my arms over my chest and rolled my eyes. “So not the same thing.”
“I have to listen to you and Dax go at it tonight while I’m sleeping alone. I’m happy for you, I really am, but I want to be happy too. Come on, think about it. The four of us could go out together all the time. How awesome would it be if Denise and I ended up together? I would be your brother-in-law.”
Yes, that did sound like a dream come true. Charlie was already my brother, already my family, and I was actually closer to him than my own sister. It might bring Denise and me closer together. “You’re only focusing on the good, not the bad. If I don’t handle this right, we might lose Kat as a friend. Do you want that?”
His eyes became clouded with irritation. “Of course I don’t. But Jesus Christ, it’s time to move on. Get it done within three days, or I’ll tell her myself.”
It would be way worse coming from him than me. At least with me, she could cry and not be embarrassed about it. At least she could show her full heart without having to contain it. “I’ll talk to her tomorrow.”
“Yeah, you said that last time.” He turned back to the kitchen and finished cleaning, giving me the cold shoulder.
Dax came back inside and walked to the sink. “You guys hash it out?” He washed his hands and patted them dry before he turned around to look at us.
“You could say that.” Charlie grabbed his phone and headed to the hallway. “I told Carson to grow some balls.” He was gone from our sight, and his bedroom door shut a moment later.
After Dax watched him walk away, he turned back to me. “Kat?”
I nodded.
“I understand. If I couldn’t be with you, I’d be losing my mind too.” He left the kitchen and moved closer to me, his arms circling my waist and bringing me in close. “Ready for bed?”
“Yes. And I’m not ready to go to sleep…”
“Me neither.”
We went to my bedroom and shut the door behind us. I liked to go to sleep the second we were done with sex, so I did my nighttime routine before, like washing off my makeup and brushing my teeth. I know I didn’t look as good, but he didn’t seem to care. He seemed to want me just the same.
When I came back to bed, I took off my clothes and my panties and crawled into bed beside him, the sheets covering his waist but all his chiseled masculinity visible in the dark bedroom.
Once my back was to the mattress, he was on top of me, between my legs, his weight pressing me into the sheets.
My hands dug into his hair and cradled his face close to mine. “I was going to be on top.”
“You can be on top next time.” He positioned himself and entered, stretching me wide and making me moan. When he was balls deep, he released a masculine sigh, like it was so good to feel me like this. He paused for a moment as he looked at me, our bodies together, our souls wrapped into one.
My arms and legs wrapped around him, and I breathed against his mouth, loving how wonderful it felt to have this man so close to my heart. We hadn’t said those special words to each other since the first time, but I liked it that way. I liked knowing how he felt about me in the silent moments, when he went out of his way to do something for me and I didn’t have to ask, when he looked at me like I was the most special thing in the world. I knew how he felt without his having to say it, and that was better than the actual words.
And he knew how I felt about him, because it was obvious in everything that I did.
3
Carson
My phone rang on my desk in my cubicle at work.
I answered while keeping my eyes focused on the last words I was writing on my laptop. “Boss bitch.”
Vince chuckled. “I want to talk to you in my office.”
“Be there in a sec.” I hung up and spun around in my chair before I got to my feet and walked to the other side of the room.
Charlie intercepted me on the way. “Got plans tonight?” He turned around in his chair so he could face me, wearing a brown jacket with a black shirt underneath.
“Not with you.”
“Not with Dax either, right?”
“Well, I always have plans with him. He’s just my last appointment of the night.” I waggled my eyebrows.
He couldn’t suppress the smile my words caused.
“I’m going to Kat’s later. Don’t expect a happy ending.”
“I’m not. I just want some progress.” He turned around in his chair again and went back to his laptop.
I walked across the floor and entered my boss’s office. “Boss bitch is here. What can I do for you?”
Vince was a laid-back guy who knew how to take a joke. As long as you did your work right and submitted it on time, he couldn’t care less about your professional decorum. He was a great boss. “I’ve got something for you. I know you’re already juggling a couple things, but I thought this would be a good fit.” He set a folder at the edge of his desk, and that motherfucker was thick. It was stuffed with pages and pages.
“As long as it’s not the Lifestyle section, I’m good.” No offense to anyone who was interested in gardening tips, but I didn’t care about stuff like that. I grabbed the folder and took a seat so I could open it and take a look. “The pharmaceutical business.” I nodded slightly. “They’re more corrupt than the mob.”
“Definitely. They’re cutting opioids with dangerous levels of fentanyl, which is causing more people to either overdose or get sick, and then they end up in the hospital. Not only that, but the cost of insulin just increased by three hundred percent. And you know who benefited from that?”
“Oh, I know exactly who. The CEO.” These criminals were amateurs, thinking they could continue shady money moves and nobody would notice. In this day and age, people noticed everything. With the internet, there was no way to be secretive about anything anymore.
He gave me a look of approval. “Bring them down, boss bitch.”
“Oh, I will.” I stood up and flipped my hair before I strutted out of his office. “There’s definitely going to be some death threats.”
“But they won’t be able to shake you down.”
I turned around when I reached his door. “No, honey. I’ll be the one making the death threats.”
Kat and I sat in her apartment and ate the burritos I’d picked up on the way from the office. We sat at the dining table and had a couple of beers since our usual choice of wine wouldn’t pair with our Mexican food.
She seemed to be in mostly good spirits, but there was definitely a sadness to her eyes that never went away, even when she laughed. “I’m really glad you and Dax worked it out. I know what he did was shady, but I get it. I have a lot of rich clients who are super paranoid and private. They don’t want anyone to know they’re rich, and they only socialize with other rich people because they know they won’t care that they’re loaded.”
It was water under the bridge at this point. I forgave him and moved on. He and I were from different worlds, but when we were together, that didn’t really matter. “It’s fine. I’ve let it go. I know he’s more than that.”
“Good. So, now that you’re officially dating a billionaire, what’s it like?”
I shrugged. “Not any different from dating a regular guy. It’s not like he talks about how much money he has all the time. And I told him I don’t like fancy places, so we get sandwiches and stuff. Honestly, it doesn’t feel any different.”
“Doesn’t he have yachts and second and third homes?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never asked.”
She chuckled. “I bet he’s so glad he found you. I think ninety-five percent of women would be obsessed with his wealth, and you seem to forget about it.”
“All I care about is the man underneath the suit. So, yes, I think I do forget about it.” He didn’t need the money to compensate for any shortcomings. He would be the perfect man even if he were broke.
I knew Kat was in a tough place in life right now, and it meant a lot to me that she was still happy for me. That was the kind of person she was, somebody who thought about others instead of herself. That was why this was so much harder. “So, how have you been doing since…you know?” Since Charlie acted like a cartoon with his tongue hanging out and drooling over Denise as she walked by.
Her mood immediately dropped as if a bulldozer had knocked her over. “I mean…it’s been hard. I’m better now than I was that night, but it was still scarring to see the way Charlie was so hung up on her. I remember when he used to look at me like that…” Her eyes faded away, like she was living in the past, thinking of a cherished memory when they were happy together. She eventually came back to me. “But I guess I have to let that go.” She swallowed the lump in her throat, and her eyes watered slightly. “But it’ll pass. He’ll find somebody else, and then that’ll be it.”
At the beginning of her statement, I had high hopes for this conversation, but then it took a nose dive. “What do you mean?”
“Charlie will meet somebody else and forget about Denise. The man is gorgeous, and I’m sure he’s been with so many women since we broke up.”
I had to handle this delicately, so I tried to choose my words carefully. “Kat, I’m having a hard time understanding why you’re okay with him seeing other women…just not Denise. Do you have a problem with her?”
“No, not at all.” She shook her head. “Just that I actually know her. But with these other women, I can always tell myself they aren’t as good as me, stuff like that to make me feel better. But with Denise, I know exactly who she is, and that just makes it weird, you know? Your sister is great and everything, but I don’t see much of a difference between us. So if he wants to be with her, why not with me? It’s just uncomfortable. I thought Denise was a friend, so how could you be happy for your friend when they’re seeing the man you thought would be your husband?” She released a sigh as she shook her head. “This isn’t just some old boyfriend. He’s the love of my life.”
I could understand that last part easily. I talked about my relationship with Dax openly to everybody, and everyone else did the same when they were seeing somebody. It would be hard to hear Denise talk openly about how happy she was with the man Kat wanted first. But Denise would never do something so cruel.
“He’ll find somebody else. It’ll burn out.” She grabbed the burrito again and took a bite, but then she stared down at the inside of it like she wasn’t even hungry, she just wanted something to do to make her feel better.
The silence continued for a long time.
And I let it.
My heart palpitations were starting to make me sick. I didn’t get scared for any reason; I looked death in the face and didn’t blink, but this was terrifying. I was about to deliver the harshest news ever. “Kat…”
She looked up from the burrito and stared at me.
I almost chickened out. The trust in her eyes made me feel like shit, because the one person she felt the most comfortable with was about to shatter her entire world. But it was better to come from me than Charlie. “I don’t want to be the one to tell you this, but I think it would be better coming from me and not Charlie.”
Her hand lost its grip on her burrito, and it slipped onto the paper plate, bits of rice getting everywhere.
Fuck, where did I start?
“What are you talking about?” she whispered.
“I know you don’t want Charlie and Denise to be together, for valid reasons. But I think you need to understand that it’s not just some fleeting attraction between two people. It’s deeper than that.”
“Oh my god…they are already seeing each other. They’ve been seeing each other this whole time—”
“No,” I said quickly. “Nothing has happened between them. They’ve just been friends. But Charlie feels really strongly toward her, and while he doesn’t want to hurt you, this is what he really wants. This is what he’s always wanted…”
The look of death settled on her face, making her skin pale as milk, her lips white like she’d been drained of blood. “What are you trying to tell me, Carson?”
“He’s felt this way about her for a really long time…”
She started to breathe hard and then even harder. “How long?”
I didn’t answer her because I didn’t need to.
She knew.
“Oh my god…” Her palm rubbed against her chest, and she dropped her chin as she braced herself for the blow. She closed her eyes when she knew the painful truth, when it hit her like a bus. “That was why he broke up with me…” Her eyes filled with tears, and she cupped her mouth to silence her sobs and her shock.
I felt so fucking sick.
She worked through so many microemotions—pain, anger, even briefly…calm. It was a lot to process in one sitting, and she continued to rub her chest as she tried to calm herself down. Then she looked at me again as if she’d had an epiphany. “You knew…”
I could just lie and say I didn’t know until recently, but I didn’t like to lie; that wasn’t who I was. “You have to understand that I’m in the middle of this because I’m friends with both of you. This is why I didn’t want you guys to go out in the first place—”
“I can’t believe you knew this entire time and you didn’t tell me. You made me look like a fucking idiot! I’m sitting here telling you I’m still in love with him and I hope we get back together, and you knew he dumped me for Denise while I went on and on… What the fuck, Carson?” She dragged her hands down her face, trembling. “I didn’t even have the opportunity to keep some self-respect. You think I would have pouted over him and whined to you like that if I’d known the truth?”
This was why I didn’t want to do this. “Everything you told me, I never shared with him. And everything he told me, I didn’t share with you. I tried to stay as neutral as possible, so please don’t be so angry with me. Don’t focus on me, just on the message I provided to you. Charlie was the one who made that decision, he’s the one who hurt you, not me. He was going to tell you himself, but we both agreed it would be better to come from me. I knew it would hurt less.” I truly had good intentions, truly looked out for her more than she realized.
“It would hurt less that both the love of my life and my best friend lied to my face?”
I dropped my chin and stared at the table. “It wasn’t like that. I promise you. We both really care about you and wanted to handle this the right way.”
She shoved herself away from the table and got to her feet. “I feel so fucking stupid right now…”
“Kat—”
“Don’t fucking Kat me. You don’t deserve to call me that. The man I loved was in love with somebody else, and you didn’t even have my back.”
“He didn’t tell me until after he ended things with you. I kept pestering him for the real reason because we both knew he was hiding something, and then he finally told me…and I couldn’t believe it. He asked me not to tell you, so I couldn’t. And I also thought it would be cruel if I did.”
She was too emotional right now to see my side of things. “I was waiting around for months, hoping he would come
back, and you knew the entire time he wouldn’t.” She threw her arms down. “What the fuck, Carson? What kind of friend are you?”
“What was I supposed to do?” I yelled back. “I’m friends with both of you, and that’s made me a part of your relationship when I shouldn’t be in that position.”
“No.” She faced off with me, her eyes wide-open and livid. “Your loyalties lie with him. I get it. You live with him, you work with him, he’s your best friend. Well, he’s your real best friend. You made me look like a fucking dumbass. That’s fine. But fucking own up to it. I wasted so much time that could’ve been prevented if you’d had my back. But you didn’t.”
My worst nightmare was unfolding right in front of my eyes. I was about to lose my best friend—and it wasn’t even my fault. “It wasn’t like that—”
“Get out of my apartment, Carson. And tell Charlie I wish him and Denise the best.” Her eyes watered with angry tears until they dripped down her cheeks to her lips. “Let yourself out.”
When I approached the door to my apartment, I got a text from Dax. How’d it go with Kat?
I quickly fired a message back. It was a nightmare.
I’m sorry, sweetheart. Want to come over?
I just want to be alone. I slipped my phone into my pocket and stepped into the apartment.
Charlie stood up so fast he almost toppled over. “What happened?”
I set my laptop bag on the table and walked to the fridge because I needed a beer or glass of wine…just something with a decent alcohol content. “Read the room, Charlie.” I settled on a beer and twisted off the cap to take a drink.
He was in his sweats and a t-shirt, like he had no plans for the night except to sit in front of the TV and wait for the sound of my keys in the door. “That bad?”
I set my beer on the counter. “She thinks I’m a shitty friend for not telling her.”
“But you didn’t know until after I broke it off.”
“But I’ve known for ten months, Charlie. Every time she mentioned you, I kept my mouth shut. I knew this would happen.” I wanted to be mad at Charlie, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t even be mad at myself because there was no good way to handle this. No matter what decision I made, I was screwed. It was the situation, not me. “It’s fucking shitty…but whatever.” I drank my beer again.
