Jason reached his hand up and pulled Vanessa’s head down to his lips, giving her a long, comforting kiss. “I am beat and hungry,” he murmured when their lips parted. “It is almost supper time. I’ll meet you downstairs in the dining room latter. I just wish to lay here and relax for a bit and try to collect my thoughts.”
“Then I will see you at supper,” Vanessa said, feeling a little disappointed that he was requesting she leave, yet eager to talk to Broken Feather, knowing he was planning on leaving, now that Jason had returned.
She left the bathroom and headed downstairs to look for Broken Feather. After seeking him out in all the usual places, where she thought Broken Feather would be working, and checking his room, Vanessa came up empty-handed. Finally, she stopped Morton, who was engrossed in a conversation with the other ranch hands, sharing the experience of the drive with him, and asked him if he knew where Broken Feather was.
“Oh, he left shortly after the crew returned,” Morton informed her.
“Without saying goodbye to me?” Vanessa gasped.
“I think he looked for you, but couldn’t find you. He told me to remind you he would be at the fort if you ever needed his help in the future. Then at the end of the year, he would be off to Mexico.”
It was something she already knew, Vanessa stewed to herself. He couldn’t even remain for supper, so he could see her one last time before he left, and now she would never see him again. She turned and fled, seeking solitude down by the river.
Nothing was turning out right, she lamented to herself, as she lay sprawled on the grass beside the bank. Her whole life had been disappointing. Between her mother and father hating each other for reasons Vanessa didn’t even know about, and her aunt’s indifference towards her, losing her childhood friend, and having to say goodbye to Seth, and now Broken Feather leaving, she felt like she had no safe port to call her own. Despite the fact that Jason claimed to love her, and she had a roof over her head, it did not comfort her. It had been an arranged marriage, and now she was stuck in it. She longed for happier days when she was in Louisiana.
Yet as she thought about it, even those days did not bring her happiness. Something was always happening that created sadness in her, her father leaving, her mother dying, the war taking away their livelihood, and then having to leave the plantation behind. Her life had been a perpetual struggle for her. Now she would have to find solace in the birth of her child, and pour all her love out on it, the same way her mother had poured her love out on her. The one thing that had been a constant in Vanessa’s life was the knowledge that, at least, her mother loved her. She let out a deep sigh. Perhaps she would learn to love Jason more, she told herself. She knew he loved her, and that gave her a little hope. Finally, she pulled herself up from the grass, and headed back to the house since it was about suppertime.
Vanessa sat and fiddled with her food. She had lost her apatite, and the conversation had turned to the death of Bradford. Everyone had their own version of why Bradford would have taken the wine, and they all had a hard time believing he actually fell down the canyon. Morton kept insisting there was no reason Bradford would have ridden out to the canyon, drunk or not.
Abruptly, Vanessa rose to her feet. “I can’t bear to listen to any more of this talk about Bradford’s death,” she cried. “Nothing you can say about it will change the fact, so why continue to mull over the whole event?”
“I am sorry if we upset you,” Jason said, quietly. “It just all seems so strange.”
“Life is strange,” Vanessa muttered. “I am going up to bed, and would like to be left alone. I am not feeling well.”
Jason stood up, and placed his hand on Vanessa’s back. “Is there anything I can do to comfort you? Do you want me to send Mags up with some warm milk?”
“No. I am just tired, and upset. Broken Feather left without even saying goodbye. I thought he was my friend, but I guess I was mistaken. He barely talked to me the whole time he was here.”
“Maybe the friendship was more on your side than his,” Jason suggested. “If I recall you were upset about him leaving before and vowed not to speak to him again. It is too bad he doesn’t value your friendship the same way you value his.”
“You are right. He doesn’t value me at all, so I suppose it is just as well he has gone. I understand he will be returning to Mexico in a few months, so it is just as well our friendship was not strong. None of us will probably ever see him again, once he leaves the States.”
“You have plenty of friends, right here on the ranch,” Jason smiled.
Vanessa looked around the table at the work crew and shrugged. “These men aren’t my friends. They are merely your workers, somewhat like the slaves were on our plantation, only you pay them. Friends are born out of having things in common.”
Vanessa turned and left the room, as Jason frowned at her. In spite of the fact that the men at the table all worked for him, he had plenty in common with them and thought of them as his brothers, whom he hadn’t been able to talk into coming to his ranch. Yet he had to admit, Vanessa probably didn’t have anything in common with them. He wondered what she had in common with Broken Feather, except for the fact he reminded her of her childhood slave friend. However, Broken Feather had saved her life on their trip out there, so maybe that is what had bonded her to him, even though Broken Feather didn’t seem to take it as seriously as Vanessa did.
Vanessa tried to put everything behind her, as the days stretched on. At first it was difficult to forget about Broken Feather and focus on Jason, but slowly, she managed to allow her feelings to grow towards her husband. He was still very busy with ranch work, but managed to find time to spend with Vanessa, enjoying her flower garden, listening to her play the piano, playing chess with her before they retired for the night, and talking over events of the day, as he held her in bed. They seldom spoke of Bradford, or Broken Feather, which suited Vanessa just fine.
Jason hired on a new ranch hand and made Morton the foreman. Branding of the calves rolled around, and it kept the crew busy for a couple of days beyond the other work that had to be done on the ranch. Jason left for a short time with some of the boys to bring in some new steers he had purchased, and Vanessa realized she actually missed him. She barely thought about Broken Feather any longer, and knowing he would be going to Mexico soon, gave her all the more reason to put him out of her mind.
As she grew bigger, she became anxious to finally deliver her baby. It was hard to walk, and she had to lean backwards just to maintain her balance. She often sat in a rocker on the front porch, watching one of the hands working the horses. This, brought fleeting thoughts of Broken Feather to the surface, which she promptly tamped down.
Mags helped her make baby clothes, and she enjoyed sorting them out and staring down at them, imagining her new child wearing the garments. As she sat in the rocker, she often worked on crocheting a baby shawl enjoying the feel of the soft fabric between her fingers, bringing it to her cheek and dreaming of the time it would be wrapped around her future child.
Now when the baby moved, there was no mistaken it, and on many occasions, she would place Jason’s hand on her stomach so he could feel the movement too. He would smile broadly, and kiss her belly, expressing his love to her and the child. Vanessa was beginning to believe that remaining married to Jason and raising her child there on the ranch would actually turn out to be more enjoyable than she had imagined. Instead of dreading it, she began looking forward to it.
Mags said she knew a little about delivering babies, even though she had not had any herself, because when she was a maid, she one time had to help the midwife deliver a child. She promised if the doctor couldn’t make it there in time, she was sure she could manage to help Vanessa bring her child into the world.
As the days grew closer, Vanessa became nervous and excited at the same time. It would be the beginning of a new era for her and Jason, and she believed it would pull them closer together. She had grown to appreciate Jason in more w
ays than one and believed she was actually, finally falling in love with him. Perhaps her father was right and she would end up being happy in the end. She had grown used to the Texas weather and living on a ranch, rather than a plantation.
Those plantation days seemed so far behind her now. When she was a child, she had enjoyed weaving in and out between the sugarcane plants, playing tag with Zack. Sometimes, Seth would cut off a stock and give it to the two to suck on. As she thought about it, it dawned on her that maybe Zack had been Seth’s son. He seemed rather upset when her father had sold the boy.
Being young, she hadn’t paid that much attention. Slaves didn’t actually own their own children, and couldn’t even name them. They gave their children their own names, but the plantation owner gave them their legal names, which they would be known by while working on the plantation, and used when the time to sell them came along. If there were duplicate names, they would be given a last name, usually after their owner, to tell the two slaves apart, when writing down the names of slaves for the selling blocks.
Memories of sitting on the docks of the Mississippi River, watching the paddle boats being loaded with sugarcane, to be transported to buyers throughout the region, sometimes filled Vanessa’s head. She had loved the excitement of it all. She had even gotten to ride in one of those paddle boats when she got older.
Texas was so different from Louisiana in so many ways. They were two different worlds. Here the land was only suited for pasture to feed the longhorn steers, which seemed to thrive on the grass and were hardy enough to live in such parched surroundings. Louisiana had rich loam fertile soil that would grow anything in abundance, but along the Mississippi River, was especially good for growing sugarcane.
Because the river often overflowed, it brought up the dark, rich silt, mixing it into the soil, which worked as a fertilizer for the crops. There were times, when too much flooding could ruin the crops, though, so while the river brought life to the crops, it could also bring death. Life was just a game of give and take, Vanessa thought. It was the same there in Texas, where droughts could cause as much havoc as a flashflood.
Vanessa lifted her head to attention, when she felt a sharp pain interrupt her thoughts. She had been sitting in the rocker, daydreaming about her past and visualizing her future, and hadn’t been paying much attention to the steady, contractions she had been having. Lately, for the past few days, they had become a part of her life, but she only noticed them more at night. During the day, she could distract herself from them. Only now they started to get stronger, and it dawned on her that it had something to do with having her child. There had been no one to talk to about what to expect, since Mags had never had children, and the rest of the people on the ranch were men.
She pulled herself up out of the rocker, but then plopped back down when another heavy pain shot through her body. Now she was frantically calling for Mags, but Mags was somewhere inside the house and apparently couldn’t hear her. When the pain subsided, she dragged herself from the rocker, and walked slowly into the house, calling loudly for Mags. Instead, MacGregor appeared.
“Mags went in with Jason to get supplies,” he told her. “What seems to be the problem?”
“I think I am having my baby,” Vanessa screamed, and then crumpled to the floor in pain.
MacGregor picked her up and started to carry her upstairs. “I’ll take you up to your bed,” he mumbled, only I don’t know the first thing about delivering a child.”
“If someone doesn’t help me, I am going to die!” Vanessa wailed in fear.
“I don’t think it will be that bad. Morton knows about delivering calves when the cows are having a hard time. Maybe I should bring him up.”
“Morton! He is just a cowboy. I can’t have him delivering my baby! I would die of mortification!”
“It’s all we have to offer,” MacGregor muttered.
Vanessa didn’t respond because she was screaming in pain instead, as MacGregor placed her on the bed.
“I’ll go get Morton,” MacGregor mumbled, scurrying out of the room, her screams disturbing him too much to stay.
A few minutes later, Morton was barging through the door, his arms filled with towles, coming to an abrupt halt when he saw that Vanessa had already delivered. He hurried to her side, cutting the umbilical cord with his knife, and tying it off with a strip of cloth he ripped off his shirt.
“It’s a girl,” he said, as he stared at her newborn child. He swallowed hard, but didn’t say anything.
Then Vanessa looked down at her daughter, and almost stopped breathing. Both she and Morton could tell at the very first glance that her child did not belong to Jason. Its honey brown colored skin indicated otherwise, and Vanessa knew it was Broken Feather’s child. She was torn between pleasure and fear. Now her secret could not be buried with Bradford. It was out in the open for all to see.
Morton said nothing, as he busied himself, handing her a towel to warp her baby in and collecting the afterbirth and wrapping it in in a towel to remove it from the room. He handed the rest of the towels to Vanessa to cover the bed and soak up the dampness, and then turned away. He only glanced over his shoulder briefly, as he went through the door, and did not return to offer her any added assistance.
Vanessa shivered as she clutched her daughter to her, and allowed it to nurse. What was Jason going to do when he came home and discovered her betrayal? She almost feared for her life, but she was certain Jason would not kill her, only he may decide to kill Broken Feather, instead, she dreaded. She had a hard time believing that Broken Feather was the father to her child. She had barely had intimate relations with him. She could only remember the one time when she tried to run away, and the time at the river, shortly after that. Even though her encounters with her husband were right around the same time, his efforts had not brought forth a child and now she needed to answer to him.
He would hate her, right when she was starting to love him. She wondered what kind of punishment she would receive. This was the worst thing that could have happened, especially when she was starting to look forward to remaining on the ranch with Jason and raising their children together. Only this was not his child, and she doubted that he would accept it as such, considering everyone would know it did not belong to him. Even if he was willing to adopt it, it would bring too much shame on him, which would end up coming between the two of them in the end.
Vanessa trembled in her bed as she waited for Jason to return. MacGregor brought her up some food. He did not ask to see the child. Vanessa assumed that Morton had already told him about it. The whole ranch probably knew before Jason had a chance to discover it. Vanessa could not eat. She could barely breathe. Her thoughts were in turmoil, as her stomach twisted in knots.
When she heard Jason’s footsteps coming down the hall, and the door was pushed open, he merely stood at a distance from her, remaining in front of the doorway.
“Morton told me about helping you with your daughter’s birth,” he murmured, his whisper strained and barely audible. “I do not wish to see it. I can barely look upon you. It appears that Broken Feather was more than just a friend to you, and it is no wonder you didn’t want him to leave. I was blind not to realize it, but I trusted the man, just as your father did. He should be drawn and quartered… only he did save all of our lives. Therefore, I won’t press for his punishment. However, I will not have you under my roof any longer than needs be. As soon as you have recovered from this birth, I will have Morton take you back to your father. I wish never to hear your name again.”
“I am sorry,” Vanessa mumbled. “My encounter with Broken Feather did not happen until I had run away and he found me. When he heard about the way you treated me on our wedding night, he took pity on me. He wanted to calm my fears by showing me that not all men treated their wives the way you chose to do. He convinced me to come back to you, even though I wanted to leave you and never return! It is no wonder I turned to him instead of you, but he left because he knew we could n
ever be together and insisted I make the best of it remaining your wife. You have him to thank for me staying and giving you a second chance.”
Jason laughed bitterly. “That is absurd! He makes love to my wife and then talks her into coming back to me? You were probably together every chance you could get after that.”
“Had I had my way, we would have, only Broken Feather left and that is why I was so upset. I love Broken Feather, only I can’t have him. What else could I do?”
“Whatever it is, you won’t be doing it here! I misjudged both of you!”
“Ha! The same way you misjudged Bradford as well. You seem to have a problem with finding someone you can trust! Do you really want to know how Bradford died? I begged you not to leave me with him but you trusted him. You said he wouldn’t touch me, so I tried to believe you. Your trusted friend got filthy drunk and tried to rape me. That is how he got the scratches on his back, and that is why he died. I hit him with a rock to defend myself. At least Broken Feather never tried to force himself on me like you did, in the beginning, and your dear friend, Bradford, did. Apparently the two of you had more in common than I thought!”
Jason’s face turned dark. “You killed my friend?” he roared.
“Not on purpose. It was self-defense. I suppose if he had raped me, you would have believed whatever lies he chose to tell you about it, rather than protect your wife’s honor.”
“My wife has no honor. You were already carrying someone else’s baby when Bradford was left here with you. And then when I return, your lover was here with you, the whole time I was away. How many times did you share each other’s caresses then?”
“It doesn’t make any difference. Broken Feather would not touch me unless I agreed to go with him to Mexico and leave you. I chose to remain, so he left once you returned. You misjudge Broken Feather, and trusted Bradford. I am the only one to blame in all of this, but in a way, you and my father drove me to it. So I guess we all have something to regret.”
“In three days, I will send you back to your father. I will wire him so he will be expecting you. Then he can decide what to do with you. I will file for divorce on the grounds of infidelity on your part. Then my hands will be washed of you,” he grunted, and turned from the room.
Broken Feather Page 19
