by Alex Matsuo
These levels are based on my personal experiences and observations. The rule of thumb I go by is that if you can't say these things to a living person, then don't say it at all.
Level One – Annoyance
Annoyance is the one level of provocation that I may engage in if the situation is appropriate. However, I am passive when I do this. When I was investigating the Tenth Avenue Theatre in San Diego, California, I became aware of a woman named Carol who was haunting one of the bathrooms. Yes, this is an odd place to haunt. In life, Carol was a dedicated member of the church that resided in the building before it became a theatre. She was also one of those members who cared so much that she would often bother the pastor and deacons when things were amiss. According to those who knew her, there were times she was a bit obnoxious. One of the biggest annoyances for her was the cleanliness and consistency of the architecture of the building, even down to a tiny, crooked nail.
One of Carol's biggest grievances was the bathroom stalls. In her life, several of the doors weren't put on the same hinge, meaning one door swung to the left, while another door swung to the right. This was something that the new owner has yet to fix.
Her funeral took place in the area where the main stage is now at the Tenth Avenue Theatre, and my team quickly discovered that Carol was still hanging around. This was particularly noted after we hosted a ghost hunt and a few of the attendees left the bathroom stall rather filthy. It was nothing gross, but paper towels were on the floor, toilet paper rolls not on their pole, toilets unflushed. Okay, maybe it was a little gross.
Anyway, when we were doing a routine cleanup, we had our equipment off to the side, still on. That's fairly typical of us to do in case something happens. In this case, we quickly learned that Carol was eager to get this bathroom cleaned up...because she was telling us to.
So, moving forward, anytime we were in this particular bathroom, we would purposely dirty up her favorite bathroom. We turned on faucets, put paper towels on the floor, and put toilet paper in the commode. Our efforts always worked because Carol always had something to say about our behavior.
This was our passive provocation of Carol. She was not upset to the point where she was throwing things off the walls or making the lights go off. If you decide to provoke in this fairly gentle way, I feel it is innocent enough to where you are not traumatizing the ghost.
Level Two – Invalidation
Invalidation can make a living person feel pretty terrible. If they're feeling nervous, worried, stressed, etc., the last thing they need is for someone to invalidate their feelings. Invalidation leaves a person feeling helpless and questioning their own sanity. It doesn't help, and it doesn't contribute to progress.
In recent years, the term "gaslighting" has escalated into the mainstream. Many people who heard the term could immediately relate to it after learning the definition. We finally had a name for this awful feeling and experience.
Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that causes the victim to question their own sanity. While it sounds severe, gaslighting is actually quite common. People use it to get their way and to exert control over another person’s actions. In terms of communication with a ghost, using words and phrases that invalidate their feelings and makes them question their own sanity isn't good.
From personal experience with ghost communication, we can assume that the afterlife isn't like in our current physical state of existence. It's a different world. Imagine being in a new country where you don't know the language and you don't know where you're going.
Some people might see gaslighting as a useful and harmless communication tool. If we look at it from the perspective of the living, would this make the ghost feel good, neutral, or bad? If we want to beckon communication with the other side, we have to create a positive and safe environment. Investigators who say things like, "There's no reason to be afraid of us," or, "You're being silly for not wanting to talk to us," shouldn't be shocked to hear the words, "Get out," in response.
On the other hand, validation and empathy can be powerful tools to foster an environment for communication.
Level Three – Demoralization
This method should be avoided at all costs. Too often do I see ghost hunters try to put a ghost's manhood on the spot, accusing them of not being "scary" (like that is their goal?), and even questioning their life choices. I've heard commentary on a ghost's parenting abilities, demoralizing their family members, and all sorts of hurtful things.
If you have a ghost with a combative personality, then you will likely get a response. I've noticed that this method is often used by those who are seeking proof of the paranormal.
If your intent is to collect data and try to prove the existence of ghosts, then angering the entity so much that it finally responds seems like a good idea, not to mention consistent. However, what is the cost of this? Why do we want to make a person feel bad as a result? What does it mean for our own character that we would harm another in order to get our way?
Level Four – Intimidation
This level should never be used, in my opinion. You're basically bullying an unseen force at this point. If you manage to get a response from this, it will likely be negative. Often in these situations, people end up getting touched, scratched, pushed, or physically assaulted by an unseen presence. Now, getting touched can happen even if you're not provoking. However, if you are going to go into an investigation with vitriol, you need to take a seat.
Intimidation can be any of the following:
"If you don't respond, we're going to force you to cross over."
"Talk to us, or we're going to destroy your prized possession."
"Do XYZ, or else we'll bring in a priest to cast you out."
"In the name of _______, tell me who you are."
You get the idea. Anytime you do anything that can be seen as a threat to the presence, you will likely not get the answer you were looking for. Unless you're dealing with something evil and inhuman, you shouldn't be saying that last demand at all.
What If You're Dealing with a Ghost Who Was a Bad Person? Or a Demon?
You may be thinking that it’s ok to provoke the spirit of an evil person, or that encountering an evil inhuman entity gives you a free pass to provoke. But you need to consider an alternative way of thinking about it. Remember that you are not the only person who has access to the space. If you have this situation during a residential case, or in a group ghost hunt, the people around you can also be affected.
In the situation of a residential case, you're not the person who lives there. You can go home to your safe living space and sleep in your safe bed. Meanwhile, the entity you riled up is going to take it out on the home's residents. The entity can also lash out at your fellow investigators in response and not address you directly. And don’t forget, a provoked entity can follow you home.
What is the Solution?
Since ghost hunting is such a weird practice, I can't guarantee there is a method that will get a ghost to respond consistently. If there were, we would already have proof that ghosts exist. We would be able to have that controlled environment and be able to conjure up a ghost at will.
The most effective approach that I've employed and will continue to do so until it doesn't work anymore, is approaching with empathy. This strategy works for me when it comes to interacting with human spirits as well as the more benevolent inhuman entities. When you can gain the trust of the presence, you can have a much more productive interaction with the spirit.
For example, I noticed that when my teammates (falsely) took certain eyewitness accounts seriously, we decided to approach a negative entity with aggression. The only team member that protested this was my medium. She kept telling me that this person was misunderstood, and we shouldn't believe everything that we hear.
The eyewitness was the owner of the building, and she had a personal relationship with the ghost while he was alive, and it wasn't a positive one. In short, her husband left her for this man, wh
o died at the location. She told us that he was a pedophile and overall a terrible person. We felt brave enough to take on this entity in the basement, so we were a bit overconfident.
Even as we were interacting with this man, he was saying the names of the children of our team members. We were, of course, aggressive in our line of questioning that would fall under level two and level three. Our medium kept insisting that we were misunderstanding him and there were two sides of the story. We didn't believe her.
Fast forward to several years later, and it was revealed that the owner had lied about this individual in order to disparage his name and reputation even in death. With this discovery, I sent a message to my medium with my tail between my legs to tell her the news; she was right.
Had we listened to her, and kept more of an open mind during the investigation, who knows what other information we could have discovered? Perhaps we would have had an investigation that was less angry and negative and extended a hand of understanding.
This won't always occur. Sometimes you will have confrontational investigations with an entity that is harassing people. Even so, you don't want to poke a dragon.
In all situations, I recommend going in with an open mind and try not to let the experience of others dictate how your own investigation should go. If you don't have the same experiences, that's okay. People interact differently with others depending on mood and personality
CHAPTER Twelve:
working with psychic mediums & abilities
I have a running joke about psychics: if you throw a rock, you're bound to hit someone who believes that they have some sort of psychic or mediumship abilities. One of the most common things I hear about having abilities is that we all had abilities when we were children. Apparently, youth makes us more open to the other side before growing up teaches us to build those walls around us. This can certainly make a good case for the reason why so many kids have imaginary friends growing up, especially the imaginary friends who have independence and act on their own, much to the frustration of their human creators.
I meet people every day who believe they have some sort of gift. When they ask to read me, I will often grant permission, as they took that extra step to not cross that boundary with me. I have also had my share of alleged psychic mediums who will just go ahead and read me without getting my permission, and it will not only turn me off. I build my own psychic wall around me so mediums can't pick up anything. When this happens, I'm not happy about it. I will usually confront that psychic and ask them why they think it is okay to try to read someone’s personal story and intimate thoughts without their permission. What is probably my biggest turn-off is when a medium tries to contact a deceased relative and use it as a reason to read me. After my mother died, I had countless psychics contacting me claiming that they were talking to my mom. I told them to ask her what my nickname was, and they never replied. My mother's nickname for me was unique, and something you would never pick up on by reading my name.
You may suspect that the one message I have for psychics reading this book, is to always ask permission before using your gifts and abilities on a person’s behalf. I know we have all seen psychics on television who will approach random strangers and start reading them. But reality TV is not real life. The people being approached in those shows have already signed contracts, are told where to stand and largely what to say. In “reality TV,” the entire encounter is staged. Real-life is not a TV show where you can approach people in a grocery store and tell them that their deceased grandma has a message for them. Plus, I am sure it's even more awkward when the medium finds out that their grandma is still alive. Approaching people at random is never a good idea. I can imagine exceptions could be made when a spirit nagging you to go talk to their relative or friend with a specific message to be passed on. I would say to use extreme caution when doing this.
A Chance Encounter
I have a dear friend and colleague who had the spirit of a recently deceased elderly Jewish man start making contact with her in her apartment. The man only spoke a language that sounded like Yiddish, so she had her work cut out for her. Through messy translations and scanning the local paper, she discovered the man's son. She managed to send him an email that was very gentle in its approach, and she included her phone number in case the son wanted to call. The son ended up calling her as he was on his way back from burying the old man. This was a non-confrontational approach, and it left the ball in the son's court on whether or not he wanted to proceed. My friend told me that if the son never contacted her, she would let the matter go and explain to the old man what happened. What is interesting is that until that day, my friend would have said she doesn't possess abilities.
I find working with a medium and balancing that process of the investigation can be challenging. If I find myself in a group of people while I do a public ghost hunt, I'll take the lead if someone else hasn't already. I use the medium as a tool, just as I use any other piece of equipment. What is interesting is when the medium and the equipment start to align in responses during an EVP session. If we can get something more concrete for correlating data, then perhaps we might find ourselves a step closer to possibly validating the existence of the afterlife. There is a good chance that when you go on your first ghost hunt, there will be at least one person who believes that they have abilities. This can honestly make or break your ghost hunt for a number of reasons. First, I'm going to talk about some key traits to look for so you can keep an eye out for it, and I'll offer some solutions to ensure everyone continues to have a good time.
Different Readings from Different People
Often when I work with more than one medium on a case or an investigation, I get different information from each one. Not only do I need to discern what this means for the investigation, but we also have to think about what this means for the mediums’ abilities. I have a theory about these experiences.
Let's look at how we make friends. We find something that connects us to each other. The connection might be a common interest, a personal tragedy, or even just being at the right place at the right time. Some may say fate is the reason we have certain people in our life; could this mean the same for people in the afterlife? Since we can't make sense of why certain ghosts connect with some investigators more than others, perhaps we're all able to be a beacon. Some people may have brighter lights than others; in my theory, these would be the psychics. On the other hand, some may emanate a particular light that attracts certain people. What if that same thing that attracts people to us in this life transcends into the afterlife? Perhaps this is why some people can connect with certain ghosts over others. This also means that the readings can differ from person to person.
Problem: Alpha Psychic
I've found that with ghost hunts that rely on psychic mediums, the process of the investigation ends up being dictated by the psychic. Meaning that because they have an "in" with one of the resident ghosts, they can lead you down a completely different path from what you planned. You can easily fall into the trap of letting the psychic run the investigation from that moment on. Another issue with the "alpha psychic" is that someone else may be picking on a completely different reading, and they might not want to speak up. I want to emphasize that just because psychics are encountering different experiences, it doesn't necessarily mean they're wrong. They might have different gifts. Someone who sees spirit may not be able to hear them. Or, a child spirit may not want to talk to the male psychic but will gravitate towards the female psychic because she reminds them of her mother. If a psychic isn't feeling confident in their abilities, then they may just go along with the alpha regardless of whether they are right or wrong. Of course, if the psychic is way off base, not even picking up on the correct context of the space, etc. then redirection is a must.
A way that you can work with this is to listen to your own intuition and gut. I don't mean to bring out your own abilities and engage in psychic-warfare. This means that you shouldn't let the psychic d
ictate how your investigation goes. If you feel they are off-base, and you're able to separate yourself from the madness, I highly recommend finding another group to link with for the rest of the investigation. Some people are followers and will need someone like a psychic to be the alpha in the group. Misleading psychics can result in chasing a shadow that may never be anything more than that...and that shadow belongs to the chaser.
On a similar note, if you're working with a person who is new to their abilities, then they might be on high alert. They are aware that they can sense things that no one else can, which can make them feel especially vulnerable. I've had a few times where someone sensitive became terrified over what they were experiencing, and I told them to step outside and separate themselves from the location for as long as they needed. Sometimes, this resulted in them leaving the premises permanently. Other times, they went back into the building after working on their courage and looking for other ways to cope with unexpected communication. But, anytime that someone steps outside, it can be concerning, and it can affect the flow of the investigation. While they may not be an alpha psychic, their needs are just as demanding and can change the course of the investigation.
To help deal with this, you have to keep your own boundaries in mind. While you can offer to be a support system and reassure the new psychic that they are safe and they are able to step away as needed, you don't want to inhibit your own ghost hunting experience. Be sure to tell them this so that the boundaries and expectations are clear.
