It brought back such painful memories. Memories he thought he’d reconciled.
He exhaled heavily, then returned to resume his place against the window. He would share this vigil with Shane, lending his own quiet support, as Shane had for him.
An hour passed, maybe two. Nurses came in and silently checked her vitals, disappearing again without a word spoken. Monitors and machines blipped and hissed in the private room; the only light came from neon lines on the screens and the automatic nightlight just inside the door.
* * *
It felt like only minutes had passed since the silvery mist had enveloped her. Gone was the ethereal sensation of being comprised entirely of light; in its place was an aching heaviness, as if someone had poured concrete into every one of her limbs. This was different from before, though. Instead of the muddled, painful disorientation she’d experienced at the cabin, this felt ...cathartic.
There was something strapped lightly over her nose and mouth - a soft, rubbery plastic. Each breath filled her lungs with the most wonderful cool, clean air. Gentle whirs and hums filled the quiet space around her, and there was the unmistakable scent of rubbing alcohol, noticeable even through the mask.
With some effort, Lacie opened her eyes. The room was dark, but there was no mistaking it for anything but a hospital room. And at her side.... Shane!
Relief and joy flooded through her at the sight of him, along with a pang of sorrow. He looked so sad, so weary, but still, he was the most beautiful man she had ever seen, and her heart lifted.
Hypnotic blue eyes blinked once, then widened. “Lacie...” he swallowed down the choking sob in his throat and whispered her name like a prayer. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ll get Mick,” Jake said quietly, disappearing from the back of the room.
Lacie’s heart pounded in her chest; tears formed in her eyes. All of the emotion of the last week flooded into her, overwhelming her. It was okay to let go now. Shane was here, and nothing bad could happen to her when Shane was with her.
“Don’t cry, Lacie,” Shane whispered, yet she clearly saw wetness on his own sinfully long lashes.
She reached up, attempting to remove the mask over her face, but Shane caught her hand in his and pulled it to his lips. “No,” he said, his voice hoarse. “Don’t say anything, sweetheart. Just...listen.”
Lacie blinked to clear her vision. Shane kissed each of her knuckles, then held her hand to his cheek. “I thought I lost you, Lacie. I don’t ever want to feel like that again. I won’t survive it.”
Lacie tried to stroke his jaw, but her fingers weren’t working properly. She could feel the growth of a day or more against her palm, however. It was surprisingly soft. How much did he know? Would he feel the same way if he knew what Craig had done?
Michael came through the door, hair still damp, smelling of soap and shaving cream. Jake followed closely behind. “Welcome back, Lacie,” he said with a smile. Lacie thought he looked tired, too, and realized that she was the source of his weariness as well. He lifted her lids – he had such a gentle touch – and peered into her eyes. “I’m Michael Callaghan. Do you remember me?”
She answered with a brief flutter of her eyelids, a slight movement of her head. Her fingers tried to grip the hand that held hers, filling her with warmth, but it was little more than a twitch.
“Good girl,” Michael praised. He felt her pulse, nodding. “Lacie, listen to me, sweetheart. Don’t try to talk; I want you to keep that mask on. Answer me with your eyes. One blink for yes, two for no. Can you understand what I’m saying?”
Another flutter.
“Excellent. You gave us quite a scare, but thankfully, you’re a lot stronger than you look.” He winked. Then his expression grew somber, but he kept his tone very soothing. “You had a hell of a lot of narcotics in your system, Lacie. In your weakened state, your body started shutting down. We’re flushing everything out, and you are doing beautifully. We’re going to have you hang out here for a while, make sure it’s all good.”
Michael proceeded to listen to her heart, then checked her reflexes with expert skill. “Okay, so here’s how it works. You rest. Period. We’ll take care of everything else. And if you feel any discomfort at all, you let us know. No heroics, no brave fronts. Got it?”
She blinked and nodded ever so slightly. Michael turned to Shane and grinned. “I wish all my patients were as accommodating as she is. I take it you’re staying?”
Shane nodded.
“Yeah, I thought so,” Michael said, but he didn’t seem annoyed. On the contrary, he seemed quite pleased. “We’ll bring in something more comfortable for you.”
“Mick...” Shane couldn’t find the words. Michael saved him the trouble. “Do me a favor, though. Eat something. And for God’s sake, take a shower, will you?”
Lacie’s eyes widened, but a quick glance showed Shane’s mouth twitching and Michael’s eyes dancing with amusement. She knew then that everything was going to be okay.
The next day, Lacie was quietly discharged under Michael’s care. Officially, she had been treated for dehydration, exhaustion, and a few minor bumps and bruises incurred while on a hiking trip with friends. There was no reference to Craig or anything that happened while she was kept at the cabin. Lacie wondered vaguely what kind of influence Michael had to do that.
She was still weak, but remarkably improved. Michael said it would take a few weeks to start feeling normal again, at least physically. Never in her wildest dreams had she imagined she would be a recovering addict, but essentially, that’s what she was now.
The other stuff, well, that was even harder to deal with. No organic mix of detoxifying ingredients was going to help with that.
Rather than make the long ride back to Pine Ridge, they took Lacie to Kane’s cabin to give her a chance to rest and prepare before facing her family and the police back home. It was a plan for which Lacie was grateful. She needed to try to wrap her own mind around everything that happened before she could even hope to discuss it with anyone else.
Rebecca sat by Lacie’s side, adjusting her pillows and blankets, speaking in that quiet, gentle way she had. Michael suggested that Lacie might feel more comfortable speaking to her about the events that had occurred. So far she had spoken very little to any of them, other than to answer direct, medically relevant questions. She was content to simply hold Shane’s hand. When her eyes were open, they were on him and nothing else; she was afraid he would leave if she looked away.
* * *
Shane stepped out to give them some privacy, but promised Lacie he would be just outside in the next room. Only then did he lean against the wall and close his eyes. It was impossible to see it for anything but what it was: a gut wrenching pain that went so deep he wasn’t sure he would survive it. He ached for her, for what she had endured, for what was yet to come, vowing that he would do anything and everything in his power to make it easier for her.
He heard the murmurs of Rebecca’s soft, comforting voice through the door, knew she was addressing some of the more horrific events Lacie had been subjected to. Things he couldn’t bear to ask himself. While Rebecca wasn’t a doctor, she’d spent more than a decade in relief and aid organizations all over the world. She had seen more than her share of cruelty and violence, and the unmistakable air of kindness and serenity that surrounded her invited others to confide in her. There was no one Shane would have rather had with his croie.
Shane gave Michael a grateful nod, taking some small comfort in the knowledge that his brother was doing everything he could to make it easier, for all of them. He was overseeing Lacie’s care, ensuring that she was comfortable while her body healed and re-adjusted. “Thanks,” he said, his voice sounding like sandpaper over glass.
Michael nodded. Kieran came through the door, the look on his face unreadable. Shane realized he hadn’t seen much of the youngest Callaghan over the past two days. Then again, he hadn’t been able to think about much of anything besides Lacie. His broth
ers, as always, had his back.
“How is Lacie?” Kieran asked immediately.
“Better than expected. Rebecca’s with her now,” Michael answered. “Where’s Davidson?”
Kieran’s eyes blazed the signature blue flames they all had in common. “Dead. Fucker somehow managed to off himself with a shiv he’d concealed. Messy as hell, though.”
“Saves us the trouble,” Kane said, his eyes cold and deadly. It was true enough. They hadn’t reached a consensus on exactly what they were going to do with him once Lacie was safe. They would have preferred to handle it amongst themselves – Shane in particular – but back in Pine Ridge the police were already involved and it might prove to be rather tricky. Davidson’s suicide tied off more than a few loose ends, if nothing else.
Shane’s eyes glowed with the fury of being denied his vengeance, but he had more important things to think about.
“You take care of it?” Kane asked, his voice sharp and cold. Kieran nodded. Kane grunted in approval – the closest he came to praise – and the youngest Callaghan beamed.
Rebecca had left a sandwich and some soup for him, but Shane couldn’t stomach it. Not when it was tied in so many knots. Yes, Lacie was here. Yes, she was safe. But he had come so close to losing her, and that had left him badly shaken. Shaken and filled with a sense of rage so hot it threatened to consume him from the inside out.
Michael watched him carefully as he sat at the kitchen table, looking weary and angry and scared and in love. “We think we’re so tough, so strong,” he said quietly. Kane, polishing his guns in the living area, paused momentarily in his stroke, but didn’t look up. “We train hard, spend hours, days, weeks in places no man should have to go, enduring all kinds of shit because life is so fucked up and people can be so unbelievably cruel to each other. And we’re so smug, because we’re above all that, and we’re the best at what we do. The fucking good guys.”
He paused and took a deep breath. “Then we find someone. Not just anyone, but the one we know we’re meant to spend the rest of our lives with. The one we simply cannot live without. And we finally know what real terror is. We finally feel the pain and hurt and suffering that we thought we understood before and realize we didn’t have a fucking clue.”
Shane looked up from the table, knowing Michael was speaking from his own experiences. Yet it applied to all of them. Kane’s eyes never left the gun as he rubbed the same spot over and over again. He, too, knew the truth of Michael’s words, and was no doubt remembering scarier times when his wife had been brutally attacked in the shelter at which she volunteered.
“But somehow, we get through it. And it makes us stronger, and we’re better men for it. Because now we really and truly understand. We get it. And it makes each day so much better than the last.”
No one spoke. Michael rose from his seat and paused by Shane to place a hand on his shoulder, then proceeded out to the porch, probably to call his wife, Maggie.
Like Shane, Michael was generally quiet by nature. Extremely intelligent with a special gift for healing. Definitely not prone to offer unsolicited wisdom or truths, but maybe this was a form of healing, too.
Shane sighed. Everything Michael said was true. Would he be a better man for it? He didn’t know. He did know that Lacie made him a better man, though. She filled a part of him he hadn’t even realized had been empty. To Shane, she was hope and love, comfort and home.
They would get through this. Somehow. Together. Because if there was one thing Shane knew for certain, it was that he would never, ever be without her again. He wanted to marry her, have a family with her, and spend the rest of their days getting the most out of life together. As long as they were together, they could handle anything life threw at them. Even this.
Was it a test? Or was it God’s way of revealing the truth to them? Being raised as an Irish Catholic had certainly shaped a big part of his life. He might not be a regular at Sunday Mass. He hadn’t been to confession since he left parochial school for public high school. But he never doubted in a higher power. Not once. Except maybe for a few brief seconds when Lacie lay lifeless in that bedroom while Michael pounded on her chest and Shane breathed his life breath into her lungs. And in those few moments when he was afraid he had lost his croie and possibly a child they had created - he had thoughts he was now acutely ashamed of.
They saved Lacie, and Michael said that she would make a full recovery. Physically, it would be relatively quick. But emotionally – that would take longer and require a lot of patience and support.
There was no child to consider, not at this point. Had there been? Perhaps it was better if he didn’t know. Jake had known. Taryn had been nearly three months along when she lost their first child. And Shane knew not a day went by that Jake didn’t think about his unborn son. Lacie wouldn’t have been anywhere near that point, but...
“She’s resting,” Rebecca said later, emerging from the side room where they’d taken Lacie. “Angus and Lily are watching over her.” Angus and Lily were the bear-sized canines Rebecca had adopted from the animal shelter. They had taken to Lacie instantly, and had appointed themselves her guardians. Since Lacie was okay with it, so was everyone else.
“Does she remember?” Shane couldn’t contain the question any longer. Given the shape she’d been in and the amount of drugs in her system, there was the distinct possibility that she might have been mercifully unaware for a good part of her captivity.
Rebecca’s face, ever a vision of serenity, clouded over. “She’s confused. She spoke of nightmares, but is having trouble distinguishing them from reality.” Rebecca paused. “I think she’s in denial.”
Shane felt as though someone thrust a blade straight through his ribs and twisted. He had hoped she was too out of it to realize what was happening. Rebecca’s hand touched his arm. “But a woman always knows in her heart, even if her head can’t process it,” she said in that quiet way of hers.
He exhaled heavily. “She’s more worried about you right now,” Rebecca continued, surprising him. “Me? Why?”
Big, soft golden brown eyes regarded him. “She feels stupid. Betrayed, Humiliated. I think she’s afraid that you see her as at least partly responsible, for failing to see the signs, for not doing enough to prevent it from happening.”
“Jesus Christ, Rebecca.” Shane was absolutely stunned. “How could she ever think that?”
“Because, Shane,” she said slowly. “It is what she believes.”
Shane stared at her in disbelief, but there was nothing but truth in her eyes. Truth and an unspoken request that he do something about it.
“Fuck. How do I fix this?”
“You can’t,” she said gently. “But you can be there for her. Make her understand that no matter what, you always will be. That when she looks in your eyes, she won’t see her own horror reflected back at her.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Kane and Rebecca told her she was welcome to stay for as long as she wanted, but Lacie declined. She thanked them, explaining that what she needed more than anything else was to be back in her own private space, surrounded by her own things. Rebecca said she understood.
“Can I call you?” Lacie asked quietly as she hugged Rebecca goodbye. “I love my sister, but I’m not really sure I’ll be able to talk with her about this. Not all of it, anyway.”
“Yes,” Rebecca assured her emphatically. “Please call me. Anytime. Kane and I are driving down next weekend. Maybe we can go out for lunch or coffee or something?”
Lacie nodded, relieved that she would not have to place her burden on Corinne, thankful she would have something solid to look forward to and get her through the next week. It was going to be tough, she had no illusions about that.
“Maybe Taryn can come, too,” Lacie said. Rebecca had told her that Taryn had been in a similar situation, and suggested that maybe Lacie could speak with her, when she was ready.
“I think she’d like that,” Rebecca said sincerely. “Having someone
who truly understands can make all the difference in the world.”
“Lacie,” Rebecca said before stepping away. Her glance slid over to where Shane waited by the car. “Shane loves you, honey. Let him help you through this. He needs it as much as you do.”
“I find that hard to believe,” she said with a little smile. She felt so fragile, as if any moment she was just going to shatter into a million pieces. And Shane was a rock. So solid. So strong. Unbroken.
“If you do,” Rebecca said when Lacie told her how she felt, “Shane will pick them up and put you back together. Trust in him, Lacie. The love a Callaghan man has for his croie knows no bounds. There are no limits, no conditions. It just is, and it is everything.”
The ride home was relatively quiet, but it was a nice silence. Neither of them felt the need to fill the time and space with senseless platitudes or polite conversation. Something much deeper, much more profound passed between them on that trip down the mountain and back into Pine Ridge. Lacie sat next to him, holding his hand, grateful for the warmth it was generating deep in her soul.
She had been so worried about what he would think, but there hadn’t been even the slightest hint that he was anything but thrilled to be with her again. It was in every word, every touch. When he held her, she swore she could actually feel his love pouring into her, infinite and unconditional.
“I love you, Shane,” she said as they crossed over the final ridge that would take them down into the valley. “Be patient with me, okay?”
He squeezed her hand. “Always and forever, a croie beloved,” he promised.
Lacie found herself thanking God for about the thousandth time for bringing him into her life. He was her rock, solid and warm, anchoring her to everything that was good and decent in this world. And she loved him so much it physically hurt. She hoped beyond hope that once all the dust settled, he would still be there.
Beyond Affection: Callaghan Brothers, Book 6 Page 19
