by Unknown
When he was finished, I made my way up the stairs to start getting ready for my date. Agnes eased into the room behind me and perched herself on the bed.
“I am sorry for hurting you, sweet cheeks. It wasn’t intended,” she said, looking down at her hands, dejectedly.
I dropped some clothes onto the bed then reached over and hugged her tight. “Agnes, let’s not fight about it anymore. You’re all the family I have now, and I want us to enjoy our time together,” I said, still hugging her. She tightened her grip then slapped me on the back, signalling the end of our interlude. When she pulled away, her eyes were suspiciously moist.
“I’ll go run you a bath. You need to shave your legs,” she said and walked out the room.
I couldn’t help but laugh at her, cheeky mare. I turned back to my task, trying to decide on a knee-length, black number, or jeans and a silk top. I went with the dress and hung the other clothes back in the wardrobe.
I pulled out fresh underwear from the drawers, going with a black Basque with bikini briefs. Not that I was intending for anything to happen, I wanted to feel sexy for me. Spending too much time with a man who constantly rejected you can do that to a girl.
Agnes was really trying to make it up to me, I realised when I walked into the bathroom. The tub was full to overflowing with deliciously scented bubbles, and I climbed in gleefully as she returned with a large glass of red wine and winked at me.
“Enjoy!” She smiled as she left the room.
I was just putting the finishing touches to my makeup when I heard the doorbell. That would be Samuel, I thought, and strangely enough, I got the butterflies I usually associated only with Daniel. I heard Agnes invite him in and rushed to get down the stairs, just in case she decided to go back to her old tricks.
I walked into the living room to find Samuel seated in the armchair and Agnes holding his coat over her arm. Cat was curled up on the armchair, eyeballing Samuel and waving his tail around, a sure sign he wasn’t happy another male was invading his territory.
“Ah, here she is now,” Agnes said, looking relieved. Small talk with strangers obviously wasn’t her forte. Samuel stood up, beaming at me, his dimples and lovely green eyes reminding me instantly why I had agreed to go on this date.
“Shall we just go now?” I asked quickly. “I feel the need for some fresh air!” I was desperate to get him out of the house before Agnes could change her mind, or Natalia showed up and Samuel changed his!
“Where’s Natalia?” I asked as I pulled on my coat.
“She’s erm, going to be busy tonight,” Agnes replied as she handed Samuel his jacket. I took that to mean that she was to be my invisible escort and nodded.
Agnes said goodbye to Samuel and we made our way to his car, a Mercedes convertible. I was suitably impressed. He opened the door for me and I climbed in as he made his way round to the driver’s side. I stretched across and opened the door for him.
“I’ve booked us a table at the Fisherman’s Lodge,” he said in his lilting Irish accent as he started the engine. “I hope you like seafood.”
“I love it,” I responded. This was going great already! Maybe I was overreacting. Maybe Samuel really could be the one…
Then the engine died.
I looked at Samuel expectantly. He glanced at me and smiled, going slightly pink in the face. He turned the key in the ignition again. Nothing happened.
“Sorry about this, let me just check the engine,” he said, ducking out of the car. He lifted the bonnet and leaned inside, studying the mechanics. There was a little banging noise, and then the bonnet suddenly dropped down, apparently on top of Samuel, judging by the groans. I jumped out of the car and helped him to lift the bonnet back on to its bracket.
“Sorry, that’s never happened before!” He rubbed his head.
“Don’t worry about it. Do you want to try it again or shall I call us a taxi?” I asked.
“I’ll give it one more try.” He dropped the bonnet back into place and got back into the driver’s seat. He turned the key in the ignition, but still nothing happened. He climbed out of the car looking perplexed.
“Look, let’s not let this spoil our evening. I’ll call us a taxi,” I offered.
“Yeah, that would be a good idea.” Samuel grimaced. “I’ll just call the garage to have this towed. Can we leave the keys wit your gran?”
Just at that moment, the front door opened and Agnes stood there with a worried expression on her face. I took the keys from Samuel and approached her while he took out his mobile to contact the garage. Once he was distracted, I grabbed Agnes by the arm and pulled her into the living room.
“You had better not have anything to do with this,” I said, sternly, looking in to her face.
“I swear on my…. I swear on your…I give you my word this is nothing to do with me,” she insisted. “I told you I wouldn’t interfere; you have to trust me!”
I frowned at her and picked up the phone to call the taxi. I had just finished when Samuel made his way back in and took the keys from me, handing them to Agnes with instructions to give them to the tow truck driver when it arrived.
“Well, looking on the bright side, at least you can have a drink now!” Agnes said. “Would you like one while you wait?”
“The taxi will be here any minute, I don’t think we have time,” I said, hastily. I didn’t want to give her the chance to slip something in his drink, despite what she’d promised. She eyeballed me, knowingly, and walked out of the room.
Twenty minutes later and we were still waiting. “Perhaps we should have that drink?” said Samuel, resigned.
“Of course, just give me a minute and I’ll call the company again,” I replied, picking up the phone and making my way to the kitchen as I dialled.
Agnes sat at the table, watching me as I pulled a fresh bottle of red wine out of the cupboard. Silently, she got up and started pouring three glasses as I questioned the desk clerk about the taxi. Once I had secured a promise that the taxi was on its way, I ended the call and found that Agnes had already taken the drinks back to the living room.
She was chatting amiably with Samuel about the merits of a four-four-two formation and I groaned. The only thing Agnes knew about football, to my knowledge, was what she had gleaned from Natalia but Samuel seemed to be quite impressed, so I sat on the armchair and listened whilst I sipped the wine. He seemed to be putting the wine away at a rate of knots and Agnes rushed out to collect another bottle.
“She’s quite fascinating” he said, smiling at me.
“Oh, she has her moments!”
By the time the taxi had arrived we had finished the second bottle of wine, but I was still on my first glass. I observed Samuel as he climbed into the back seat. Possibly a little wobbly, but he seemed ok. I breathed a sigh of relief.
We chatted in the back while the taxi driver drove, and I was pleased to see that the camaraderie I had felt on our first meeting was still there. The traffic seemed to be a little heavier than usual, but eventually, we arrived at the restaurant.
I jumped out of the car and peered up at the restaurant just as the driver took off. It looked a little deserted and there were no cars parked in the car park. Not a good sign for a Saturday night and I felt a knot form in my stomach.
“You are going to love this place! It serves the best seafood this side of London,” said Samuel, taking my arm to escort me across the car park. I navigated the potholes carefully in my heels, but not carefully enough and I went over on my ankle. Samuel caught my arm and managed to pull me up before I fell over, but I felt the pull of the muscle and my ankle throbbed.
“Are you ok?”
“It’s fine, just a little sprain.” Bloody great, six inch heels and now I could hardly walk.
Samuel took one look at me and swung me up into his arms, carrying me the rest of the way as I giggled. Now this I could get used to!
We arrived at the big oak doors and Samuel attempted to pull them open with one hand, still
holding tightly to me with the other. It didn’t budge. He lowered me to the step and tried again, this time with two hands. Nothing.
“Wait here,” he said as he disappeared around the side of the building. He returned moments later looking grim. “I can’t believe it! It seems to be closed! I only made the reservations on Tuesday, it doesn’t make sense,” he muttered, still looking confused.
“That’s strange,” I considered. “This place has been open for years!” I looked up at the building, trying to hide my suspicions from him. Agnes had seemed so sincere; surely she wouldn’t sabotage this date?
“Look, let’s not let this spoil our evening. I’ll call a taxi and we can go into town somewhere and find a table,” said Samuel, looking at me and surprisingly, still smiling.
“I don’t think we can get a taxi quickly at this time on a Saturday,” I answered. “Perhaps we should try walking.”
“There’s a restaurant about half a mile from here, but we need to cross the fields to get there.”
We set off walking, Samuel holding on to my arm as I hobbled along.
“This isn’t turning into the first date I wanted it to be,” Samuel said as he grimaced.
“Think of it as an adventure,” I replied, trying to be kind. He smiled at me, rewarding me with a peek of his delicious dimples.
“So tell me more about yourself. How come you decided to go into computing?” he asked. I told him about my failed attempt at bakery and he laughed.
“So what do you do?” I asked him. He frowned.
“Not sure I should tell you. I don’t usually get a favourable response.”
“Try me.” Now I was dying to know.
“I’m a gynaecologist.”
“Oh!” I looked up at him surprised, and then groaned inside.
He laughed. “No, just joking. I’m an accountant.”
I laughed with him, relieved. At least he has a sense of humour.
We were halfway across the field when the heavens opened, drenching us both in seconds. We looked at each other then he swung me up in his arms and started running across the grass. I was jiggled about so much one of my shoes fell off and as he bent to retrieve it, he dropped me in the mud.
“Oh my God, Lauren, I’m so sorry!” he said, trying to pull me up as I slipped.
Finally back on my feet, he retrieved my shoe and handed it to me, the rain still belting down. I put my muddy foot back in to the shoe, not really caring that they were ruined now, and we hobbled the rest of the way across the field, eventually making it to the other side and on to Jesmond Dene Road. At this point, neither one of us was in a fit state to go to a restaurant.
“How about we try flagging down a taxi and I just take you home?” he said, dejectedly.
I sighed. “I think that would be best”
Miraculously, a taxi came down the road at that moment, and Samuel jumped out in front of it, giving the driver no option but to stop. He took one look at the state of us, and when Samuel pulled to the side of the car, he took off like a bat out of hell. By this time, I was ready to cry. Trying valiantly to keep it together, I pulled out my mobile and called Selina.
9 - Madness is contagious
Back at home, Selina had helped me to strip off, teeth chattering, before I jumped straight into the shower to wash off the mud. The hot water warmed my frozen bones and I groaned in pleasure. I stayed under the hot spray until I was sure I had turned into a prune, then lathered shampoo into my hair, getting some in my eye in the process.
Eventually cleaned, dried, and dressed in a fresh pair of jeans and sweatshirt, I stomped down the stairs into the kitchen where Agnes, Selina and Natalia sat drinking hot chocolate. I took the last remaining seat and lifted the mug left for me to my lips and took a sip.
“You’re sure you had nothing to do with this, Agnes?” I said, deceptively calm.
“I gave you my bloody word, didn’t I? What do you want? A declaration signed in blood?” she snapped back.
“If it wasn’t you, then who?” asked Selina, also eyeballing Agnes with suspicion.
“Perhaps it was just your dumb luck?” Natalia jumped in to defend her.
I turned on her. “Where were you?” I demanded.
“Oh now I’m to blame? I was with you the whole time! And I have to say, I bloody enjoyed watching you flop around in the mud with your knickers on display for all and sundry,” she snapped, slamming her cup down on the table.
I put my head in my hands and slumped forward, resting my elbows on the table.
“Well, I don’t suppose it matters now. I doubt he’ll want to see me again,” I said as Selina rubbed my back.
“Why don’t you try calling him tomorrow and see how the land lies?” she coaxed.
I rested my head on the table. “Yeah, I suppose.”
“For fuck’s sake, stop feeling sorry for yourself!” said Natalia. “I’m starving, let’s order in and have a little party for the girlies,” she said, jumping up.
Three hours later and four sheets to the wind, I lay across the floor in the living room as Selina and Natalia argued over whether Matthew McConaughey was sexier than Channing Tatum.
“Channing is younger and cuter, I give you that, but Matthew has that old southern charm. I bet he knows how to treat a lady.” Natalia grinned.
Selina giggled. “They’re both from the south, you nugget!”
“I wouldn’t kick either one out of my bed for eating biscuits,” I slurred, stroking Cat who had curled up beside me.
“Just boys, both of ‘em,” Agnes said from the armchair, as she reached for the bottle of wine and tried to pour the last few drops into her glass. “Now my Matthew, he was a real man! I could tell you stories…”
“Not if you want another drink, you won’t!”
I stood up, unsteady, and weaved into the kitchen to pull another bottle of red from the wine rack, then teetered back to the living room, handing it to Agnes.
“Where’s the bottle opener?” she demanded as she pushed the specs back up her nose. I looked at the bottle and the cork exploded out of it, almost hitting her in the chin on the way up, then landing on her head on the way down, before finally rolling under the table where we left it.
“There you go,” I said triumphantly, and slouched back down to the floor, sitting cross-legged and reaching for my glass.
“You like Irish men, Lauren. What about Colin Farrell?” said Natalia, flat out on the sofa. Selina, propped up on the floor next to her, downed the rest of her glass and tried to place it back on the table. After several failed attempts, Natalia reached over and took it out of her hand, setting it safely on the surface.
“I’d definitely do him!” said Selina, smirking. “Phoar, sexiest brown eyes on the planet.”
“I’ve seen better,” I said, thinking about Daniel.
“No, you’re more in to green eyes and dimples now.” Selina threw a cushion at me and laughed.
I sighed. “Yes, If things had gone differently, I could have been lying with my legs in the air right now, instead of shooting the breeze with you three horny bitches.” I launched the pillow back at her. Cat jumped up and shot out of the room.
“Hah, so says the twenty-five year old virgin! They should make a film about you!”
“You have got to be kidding me,” Natalia sat up in shock.
“It’s not my fault!” I whined. “Someone keeps sabotaging my dates!”
“Well, there was that one time with Wayne,” Selina butted in.
“That doesn’t count,” shouted Agnes.
I looked at her, stunned. “So you were there then too?”
“Who do you think trapped his winky in his zipper?” she grinned slyly over the rim of her glass and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Agnes Rutherford, you rock!” said Natalia. She reached over and high-fived her a little too forcefully, and both Agnes and the chair when flying back over.
“Yeh, he was a bit of a dickhead. I’m glad you did it now,” I repli
ed, reaching for the bottle of wine as Agnes’ head appeared over the top of the upturned furniture.
Natalia leaned forward in her seat. “Seriously, Lauren, we have to rectify your current predicament.”
“I am not doing it with a male prostitute,” I said pre-emptively, as I topped up my glass then handed the bottle to Natalia.
“Damn,” she cursed as she took the bottle and sat back down.
“You know, Daniel is a nice man,” said Agnes, slyly. “If I was forty years younger, I would give him a run for his money!” she chuckled.
“Give it a rest, Agnes, I’m not his type, remember?” I remarked, not liking the turn the conversation was taking. I downed the contents of my glass in one go then stood up on wobbly legs. “Got to go to bed now, people. Selina, you want to stay tonight?”
“Don’t worry about me, I’ll take your parents’ old room” she replied, reaching for more wine.
I struggled up the stairs, bouncing off the walls and flopped face down on the bed. And it was brown eyes that were the last thing on my mind, not green.
Banging noises from the kitchen woke me and I raised my head and opened one eye. The light streaming in from the open curtains hurt my head and I flopped back down, struggling to free my hand from beneath me so I could cover my eyes. I rolled over and realised I was still wearing the clothes I had put on the day before. The banging got louder and I struggled upright and made my way gingerly down the stairs.
Agnes was wearing her naked male apron again and whisking the shit out of something in a large mixing bowl.
“Morning, sweet cheeks,” she shouted as I mooched over to the kettle and switched it on.
“Don’t shout, head hurts.”
I walked over to cupboard and fished around until I found a packet of painkillers then went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water.
“You young’uns can’t take your drink!” she replied, still pulverising whatever she was trying to cook before slamming the bowl down on the table in front of her. It sounded like a cannon going off.
