by Anne Ashby
“He was coming home for Christmas from Wellington. His car blew a brake hose and he lost control.”
Shal shook his head in exasperation. So it wasn’t the circumstances surrounding his actual death that Jodie was screwed up about. “Thank you. I’m sorry to bring back unhappy memories.”
“That’s all right, dear. But why did you want to know about Rhys?”
“Jodie’s memories of him upset her. I just wondered why.”
There was a lengthy silence before Lynette replied, “I didn’t know that.”
Shal heard the concerned sigh before he asked again. “Will you tell me where she is?”
“I’m sorry, Shal, but no.”
The disappointment was so acute he felt physically sick, struggling to swallow the bile that rose in his throat.
He’d thought his declaration had swayed Lynette, and she was going to help. But why should she? These were Jodie’s parents. Obviously they’d protect her.
Shal barely heard Doug’s urgent voice as he coped with his own frustration.
Lynette’s snapped, “Shush, I know what I’m doing,” penetrated his disheartened spirit. “You do understand we can’t betray her trust?”
“Of course.”
“But try the Internet.” Shal’s hand tightened around the phone as he heard the hesitant encouragement in Lynette’s voice above the noise of his pounding heart. “Google her.”
The phone went dead.
Chapter Thirteen
Staring at his computer screen, Shal’s fingers drummed in time with his heart’s racing beat. Cursing his earlier lack of forethought, he couldn’t believe how easily he’d found her.
Jumping to his feet the chair flew backward and tipped over, a castor nipping at Shal’s ankle. He slammed his fist against the wall. Agonising days and she was right here in Auckland.
He strode to the window, yanking back the curtains. He could see where she worked from his apartment. Well, part of the university anyway, although where the School of Geography and Environmental Science might be was anybody’s guess. He glared down at busy Symonds Street. She’d probably been walking that route each day, while he’d imagined her in some bush-clad country back-block.
Righting the chair, Shal returned to the computer. The web page verified Jodie was a senior lecturer in geography—a doctor no less. He shook his head, still stunned that she lived here in New Zealand’s biggest, bustling metropolis. So much for her often touted feelings about “townies.” She was one herself.
Even seeing her photo alongside her name and stated research interests—which he’d have to study up on, not having a clue what restoration ecology, conservation restoration or conservation biology even were—he couldn’t believe she was here. So close.
Reaching out a finger to trace her face, Shal felt relief flow over him. He’d found her.
His finger stilled. What shall I do now?
See her. He jumped up, eyes searching to find his car keys lying on the bench. Something made him pause as he checked that his wallet was in his pocket. He sank back into the chair.
None of this made sense. Why would she use her dislike of “townies” as a reason to ignore what we found together? It was crazy thinking.
And her career—why work in a field that by its very essence demanded a city lifestyle when she supposedly hated the city so much?
Amidst his simmering anger Shal felt a stirring of sympathy as he imagined Jodie suppressing her dreams, stuck in a job she must hate. Her love of the bush and the wide-open spaces would never allow her to be happy stuck inside a classroom or lecture hall.
Pacing across the small lounge, controlling his impatience, Shal forced himself to think slowly and carefully. Whatever reason Jodie had for ditching me must be major in her eyes. No matter how trivial I think it is I must respect her feelings and—he smiled grimly—concentrate all my efforts into changing her mind.
Right. He rubbed his hands together and laughed out loud at the sheer relief of needing another plan. How should I approach Jodie? Angrily? Distraught that she’d left without a word? Or casually pleased to run into her again?
No, definitely not anger. He smiled. In fact, she’d expect anger, after ignoring my calls and texts. She’ll expect me to be livid.
He laughed. Behaving contrary to the character mould she’s put me in might provide an edge. She thinks she knows me well enough to put me into a box. Well, I’ll show her just how very little she does know.
I’ll be casual and friendly, he decided. Maybe wait outside her office until she appears and then just say hello.
But how long might I have to wait? Someone might take exception to me hanging around. Think I’m up to no good. And what of her reaction when she sees me? If she fusses, passersby might think I’m stalking her or something.
No, I can’t put her in that situation. I’ve got enough to contend with, without giving her more to hold against me. I need to be open and honest and hope someday soon she’ll be the same.
If not, he smiled, well then I’ll come up with a new plan.
****
Jodie couldn’t wait for the new semester to start. Liaising with other faculty members and preparing for the influx of students wasn’t filling her mind. Too often her thoughts would stray and she was filled with a sense of loss she hadn’t known since Rhys’ death.
Looking at her tidy desk she cringed. I don’t want to go home. At home it was even worse, there was nothing or nobody to distract her from remembering how alive she’d felt with Shal.
Now she’d returned to existing. Existing just like she had for the last however many years—pretending to be content with her lot.
She buried her face in her hands, for the millionth time wondering if she’d made a terrible mistake. I’m not content at all, I’m utterly miserable.
Forgetting those hours at the Sanctuary hasn’t worked yet, but soon they’ll dull, she reassured herself. Driven by the romantic setting, the proximity, and mutual lust their very short liaison had been nobody’s fault, but it would never have led anywhere. She couldn’t be involved with someone like Shal.
The jangling of her phone shook her out of her melancholy before she became too despondent. She picked up the receiver.
“Hello, Jodie.”
Just as well she’d been sitting down. Jodie felt her whole body collapse as if the skeleton had been extracted. Shaking uncontrollably as she gripped the phone to her ear, her mouth opened, but no sound escaped.
“How are you?” the voice from her dreams murmured into her ear.
“How did you find me?”
She’d sworn her family to secrecy. She’d ignored every one of his calls, and deleted each of his texts immediately, in case she weakened and replied.
“Why have you been blocking my calls?” If possible her fingers around the phone whitened even further. “You must know I’d keep looking until I found you.”
God help me, but half of me had hoped for exactly that. She shook her head to clear the tumble of confusing thoughts and feelings racing inside.
This is all a dream—a dream without any hope of becoming a reality.
“Are you almost finished for the day? Can I take you to dinner?”
“No.” Stiffening, she drew deep breaths into her lungs hoping to calm her racing heart. A clear head was essential right now.
“No, you’re not finished, or no you won’t come to dinner?” His voice teased.
Teased! “No to both.” Angry adrenaline surged through her.
“Come on Jodie, come to dinner. We need to talk, thrash out why you took off like that.”
Her hand ached from the pressure she exerted on the phone. I can do this, I can refuse to see him.
“I’ll pick you up from work whenever you say.”
She could hear a smile in his voice. A smile! How typical he’d think he can call me and I’d grab at his magnanimous offer.
“No, thanks,” she repeated, firming her voice. “I don’t see any point in t
his. We have nothing to say to each other.”
“I have plenty to say to you,” he replied. His vexation was now obvious in the snap of his voice.
She heard him take a deep breath, before asking in a strange, but gentle tone. “Jodie, would you join me for dinner? Nothing fancy, just come as you are now. Please?” Shal paused, “We’ll be finished by nine, or even eight if you insist. I’ll drive you back to wherever you have your car parked and be gone.”
Jodie hesitated, swallowing hard. I could just hang up the phone. Increasingly uneasy as guilt surfaced, Jodie wondered if he was offering a simple meal without any strings. I took a coward’s way out last time. He deserved an explanation.
Straightening her back even more Jodie made a decision. This week away from him has given me control over my feelings. I’m much stronger now.
Taking a deep breath, her nerves still coiled tightly despite her efforts to relax, Jodie replied. “All right, but I have a heavy schedule, I need an early night.”
“Thank you.”
Arranging a time just thirty minutes away, Jodie was left staring into space with the phone buzzing in her ear. Thumping it back in place she grabbed her bag and flew to the ladies restroom. I’ll be damned if he’s going to see the darkening shadows under my eyes. He’s arrogant enough to think he’s caused my sleepless nights.
****
Thirty minutes later Jodie was unprepared for the impact of seeing Shal again. His car slamming to a halt outside the geography campus building’s large glass doors made her heart begin to race.
Mesmerised, her eyes hungrily searched his face. It seemed thinner before. Then she remembered she was used to his sexy stubble.
Heat flooded her face as he strode toward her. She didn’t want him to touch her, couldn’t let him touch her, she realised. Her body swayed back from his approach.
“Hello, Jodie,” he whispered, leaning over to kiss her hard on the lips before she could object.
Her stomach ached as a quiver flashed through her entire body. She doubted her voice would work to return his greeting so she kept her mouth closed. Watching his eyes dart down and up her body, she bit the inside of her cheek, knowing this was crazy. She was crazy for agreeing to this meeting.
“Red really suits you.” His gallant words only registered after he’d ushered her into the car.
Jodie glanced at the top she’d thrown on that morning. Now she was thankful she’d chosen something bright and vibrant to accompany the black skirt. As long as it didn’t accentuate the pallor she was certain would now be apparent in her face. She pinched at the cheek hidden from his view.
“Do you have a favourite restaurant?” Surprised at his casual tone, she shook her head.
“Well then, what would you prefer? European, Chinese, Korean, Turkish?”
“I don’t mind. You choose.” She couldn’t contemplate mundane things like cuisine when he was sitting this close.
Glancing sideward at him, Jodie realised what else was different about him—other than his clean, stylish clothes. She’d never smelt aftershave on him before. I’m not sure if I like it as much as the fresh manly aroma... She gulped, forcing her thoughts away.
“There’s a Moroccan restaurant on Wellesley Street. Have you tried it?”
Jodie shook her head, surprised by the touch of excitement in his voice. Then she remembered his mother was Arabian. He’d probably cut his teeth on Middle Eastern cuisine.
“We’ll go there. It’s a great way to eat. I think you’ll enjoy it.”
Two hours later, Jodie blessed his foresight. Selecting their own small portions and watching them being individually cooked on the enormous hotplate took the tension out of the evening.
The food was delicious, and Shal’s accounting of some Middle Eastern customs intrigued Jodie. Soon the hostility she’d harboured drained away and they enjoyed a relaxed meal together. Something she would never have thought possible.
Their conversation remained light and impersonal all through the meal. Although Jodie knew this wasn’t erasing her guilt nor politely ending their relationship as she’d intended, she couldn’t bring herself to destroy the harmony by mentioning the past.
On the return to his car, however, the air became tight with tension.
“I want to see you again, Jodie. You must know that.” He didn’t allow a response, but instead asked where her car was located in an emotionless tone.
Jodie hesitated. The knotted muscles visible along his jaw hinted at the agitation he was hiding.
If she directed him to a city car park, he would drive away and leave her alone to get on with her life. While she knew that was the sensible course, those words wouldn’t come. An admission she walked to work popped out of her mouth.
His insistence on calling a taxi was crazy, so she reluctantly accepted his offer of a ride home.
“You renting a place?”
Jodie grimaced, hearing his businessman’s brain ticking over. Parnell was an older part of Auckland. Its close proximity to the city made real estate highly sought after.
Jodie shook her head, trying hard not to let her aversion to townies’ absorption with material things spoil their surprisingly pleasant evening. “I was in the right place at the right time.”
“Lucky,” he mused, “you’ll get a great return, should you ever decide to sell.”
“Why would I sell my home?” she demanded. She turned away without waiting for a reply. Stupid man, she cursed under her breath, money doesn’t matter to me. It’s only a means by which to survive, nothing more. Money would never be her god.
As if realizing her change of mood, Shal remained quiet until parking in front of the villa she indicated.
She was irritated that he jumped out of the car and joined her at the little picket gate. Jodie opened her mouth to thank him for the evening, and to make it clear there’d be no invitation inside.
“I’ll just see you to the door.” She ignored the shiver as he slipped a hand around her arm. It was the first touch since that disturbing kiss.
Glad that shadow from the streetlight hid her shaking hands as she fumbled with the key in the lock, Jodie could feel the heat from his body. He was standing close, much too close.
Turning to say a hurried goodnight, she sucked in a deep breath. She held herself stiff, fearful that touching him would erode her tight rein of control.
Why does he have to be so damned sexy? Jodie bit her lip as she tried to increase the space between them. She bumped into the hard panels of her front door. She swallowed hard as her heart hammered. Jodie’s resolve began to crumble.
“Are you busy on Saturday?”
Jodie stared open-mouthed at him.
“Let’s do something.” Jodie heard excitement in his voice. “I’m not sure what, but may I call you?” His teeth flashed as he smiled. “You won’t ignore my call, will you?”
There doesn’t seem much point now, does there? Her head shook from side to side. He’s found me and for better or worse, we need to clear the air.
After managing to spend a surprisingly pleasant evening together, she could see him once more to reaffirm this...this thing they’d had, wasn’t going any further.
Jodie wasn’t prepared for Shal’s hand slipping under her chin so his lips could devour hers. His kiss was so persuasive it consumed her with a burning hunger she made a vain effort to struggle to ignore. As something inside stirred, she felt the door behind her swing open.
“I’ll ring you,” he murmured against her lips, before edging her inside. Shal closed her door.
Sagging against the wall, trembling legs scarcely held her upright. Her mind swam through a haze of confusing emotions. Jodie looked around the lounge blankly. What am I getting into?
With a shaky breath she dragged herself upright and stumbled toward the kitchen.
The screeching alarm shocked her out of the daze and she rushed to the touch pad to disable it. He’d have heard it. He must have.
Well, he could assu
me whatever he liked about her alarm ringing. If he wanted to imagine his kiss sent her into a state of euphoria, let him. It’s not as if it was true.
As she prepared for bed, the sound of her cell phone indicating she had received a text no longer filled her with dread. She picked it up and couldn’t resist the smile as she read the simple message. Cradling it against her breast she relished his “tks 4 a luvly evening” for a moment, before reality returned. Tossing the phone onto the bedside table, she snorted, disgusted at her display of soppy emotionalism.
I’m not going back there. I mightn’t find the strength again to step away from a casual fling with Shal Gregory. That’s all it would ever be.
He epitomises everything I dislike in men—arrogant, conceited, manipulative, and controlling. Worst of all, his life revolves around money, and the need to make more of it, no matter what or who is hurt. Better to be alone, than be involved with that sort of man.
Decision made, or re-made, Jodie determined to meet with Shal on Saturday and categorically convince him there was no going forward.
****
Jodie found her ability to concentrate strained during the next few days. This inattention had drawn concerned looks and even a verbal enquiry from the Dean yesterday. She must knuckle down and ignore these childish flights of fantasy that arrived from nowhere to wash over her—the ones where she and Shal would be together, naked, at the Sanctuary.
Shal’s suggestion of a midday meeting forced Jodie to change her weekend routine. Cutting her early morning run to two hours, she used the gullies and knolls of One Tree Hill and Cornwall Park to exercise before heading for the gym. Unable to stop clock-watching, she’d done less than half her regular schedule when she decided she might as well leave.
Slamming the door as she entered her house, she flopped onto the sofa. Burying her head in her hands, she accepted that a week hadn’t helped her forget anything. After seeing him again, she doubted if a year would erase the memories of his fingers, his lips.
Being at the mercy of contrary feelings annoyed the hell out of her. Her life was neatly structured, with both short- and long-term goals defined. For God’s sake, I have them pinned to the wall beside my bed. And nowhere is there room for any townie, especially Shal Gregory. Today, I’ll tell him that.
