by Audra Cole
My mom makes some kind of “harrumph” sound that borders on disapproval.
“He is very busy with his next film project right now, a lot of long hours.”
“It must get lonely, hanging around this big house every day.”
Tell me about it. “It’s not forever; it’s just for right now.” I almost say it more to remind myself than to my mother.
“Well, until the next movie, I assume.”
Ashley perks up in her chair, and I can sense she’s ready to go to war. “Actually, I think it’s nice that Charity has some space. She’s come up with a ton of new recipes for her cookbook.” She turns in her chair to face me. “When will you get the pictures back?”
“Oh! I forgot to show you. Emelia actually sent some samples already.” I jump up from the table, completely disrupting the cameraman who had been hovering over me. He jumps back as I rush to the kitchen and swipe a large envelope off the counter. It’s the perfect distraction to get me out of this awkward conversation.
It works like a charm. For the next half hour we go through the pictures and my mother is so busy making ’suggestions’ on the book layout, she completely forgets to pick up her previous rant about Brandon’s absence.
Kira seems to get the hint that we aren’t going to be giving her anything juicy for the rest of the night, so she wraps things up and the house is quiet by ten.
I slip into bed, alone, and lay awake as I watch the bedside clock. My mind won’t shut down and I can’t stop thinking about everything that is happening. It’s all such a mess. I go through each day, just pushing forward. I can do it, but I feel so much better when Brandon is by my side and I don’t have to push through it all on my own.
Eventually I must have dozed off because I wake up and several hours have passed. “Cherry, you awake?”
My heart flutters and I fling myself into Brandon’s arms, as he gets into bed next to me. “I missed you,” I mumble against his bare shoulder.
“I missed you too.”
Eventually he loosens his hold on me, and we snuggle down into the covers. In the silence, I debate telling him everything he missed: the dress fitting, canceling the tea party, the awkward dinner. But in the end I stay silent, and before too long I hear his breathing change and know he’s fallen asleep.
***
“He should be here by now. We are on a tight schedule!” Kira whines.
Kira, the crew, Ashley, my mom, and I are all seated in the consultation room of a very fancy bakery, waiting for Brandon to arrive so they can begin filming the selection of our cake. After this, we are scheduled to be at the florist for the better part of the afternoon to go over bouquets, boutonnieres, centerpieces, and who knows what else. And then the final stop is dance lessons to learn our choreographed first dance.
I need a quad-shot espresso just to conjure up enough energy to even think about it.
Somewhere along the way, the paparazzi seem to have gotten a hold of our schedule and a whole pack of them are standing outside, waiting. It’s weird to think there is a market for pictures of us being filmed for a show that’s going to be on TV in less than a month.
I check the clock on my phone in five-minute intervals, waiting and watching. Half an hour past the time we were supposed to start, I get a message from Brandon that he’s down the street and coming on foot. I quickly fire back a message to let him know about the flock of ’vultures’ in front of the bakery.
It’s a quick “WTF” followed by an “IDK” kind of exchange.
I spot him before the photographers do, as I pace back and forth in front of the large shop windows. He’s jogging down the street and seems to fly right past them before any of them even know what’s happening. Once they do spot him, the cameras explode. I’m temporarily blinded as a flash hits me right in the eyes, before Brandon is able to close the door behind him.
“Finally!” Kira practically pounces across the room. “Let’s begin,” she says with a nod at the baker, who has been standing off to the side of the room.
On cue, two assistants come into the room, each carrying two trays of tiny, ornately decorated cakes. They set the trays on the table before Brandon and me and instruct us to begin the sampling.
Brandon dives in like a caveman, and I can’t help but giggle as I watch him devour a whole plateful of the baby-sized cakes. I realize that it’s probably been hours since he’s had anything to eat. I pick at the cakes in front of me and don’t make much progress. Anxious thoughts of fitting into my wedding dress hold me back from really enjoying everything.
As we taste and sample, the baker tells us all about what we are eating, the ingredients used, and we also look over pictures to decide on styles. As usual, I get more comfortable with the cameras and relax a little. It feels nice to be with Brandon again and to be making decisions together.
Once the ordering is done, we take a small break and Kira gives us her feedback. “I’m having a thought for a moment here,” she begins. “Brandon, why don’t you feed Charity a piece of cake, like you’re practicing for the wedding, and then Charity, you can give him a piece and squish the cake on him a little. I think that would just be adorable!”
“Oh yeah, totally adorable,” Ashley says, making gagging gestures behind Kira’s back.
I roll my eyes at her. Kira looks upset, and I realize she must have mistaken my eye roll as being directed at her.
Oops.
“Sure, it could be sweet,” I say, hoping that will smooth things over.
We reset and Brandon offers me a bite of cake and I do my best to block out the fact that I have a camera zoomed in on my face as I eat. I let Brandon have a piece, but he grabs my hand and guides it to his mouth before I can smash it on his face. He eats the cake and then kisses my fingertips slowly, his eyes locked on mine, full of suggestion.
Whew. Someone must have turned on the oven, because it is getting hot in here!
Kira is practically bouncing up and down off to the side.
While Brandon is distracted, I grab another sample with my other hand and smash it in his face as payback for purposely getting me all hot and riled up on camera.
We both laugh and he grabs my wrists and kisses me before it can turn into a full-fledged food fight.
Kira calls it a wrap and we get cleaned up while the crew packs up and gets everything ready for our next stop: the florist shop. I leave the bathroom and Brandon pulls me into his arms. I relax into him and rest my head against his chest.
“That was actually pretty fun,” he says.
“Not too bad, although you’re going to be all sugar high for the rest of the day. Your body probably doesn’t even know what to do with sugar anymore.”
“I don’t know, with all the stuff you’ve been making lately, my tolerance has probably gotten much higher. I’m surprised you haven’t gotten a lecture from my director about trying to fatten me up.” He laughs. “What’s next on the agenda?”
“Florist shop.”
“Way less fun than cake,” he says.
Before I can respond, Brandon’s phone beeps. I close my eyes, willing it to not be work related.
“They need me back on set,” he says. “You can pick out flowers without me. I trust you,” he says, dropping a kiss on my forehead.
My heart sinks. But I know there’s no point in arguing it with him. “All right. But you have to tell her,” I say, nodding in Kira’s direction.
He grunts and then releases me to cross the room. He speaks in hushed tones, so I can’t hear the conversation, but I can tell it’s not going well.
“What about your dance lessons? This is the only time Ricardo is available!” Kira says, her tone frantic.
“I’m sorry, but I have to go.”
“But you HAVE to learn your dance!”
“I can’t. Don’t you get that?” With that said, he turns and leaves. I try my best not to take it personally that he didn’t even say good-bye, but it stings a little to watch him storm off alone without so m
uch as a glance back in my direction.
Kira is seething. I’m pretty sure she is going to need a prescription for blood pressure medication after she is done dealing with us.
“Ugh! Charity, do something,” she instructs. “It’s almost like you guys don’t want your wedding on TV!”
“Ding, ding, ding,” Ashley says under her breath.
I hold up my hands in a gesture of surrender. “I’m sorry Kira, but his work comes first.”
I swear I hear my mother “harrumph” again.
On second thought, I’m probably the one who is going to need the blood pressure medication.
“Let’s go to the florist. My mom and Ashley can help. You can film us. And if we can’t reschedule the dance lesson, then you can film Brandon and me practice dancing at the house. That would be better anyway—way more intimate, don’t you think?”
“Very impressive McAdams,” Ashley whispers.
Kira looks thoughtful for a moment, but then bounces right back to her cheery self. “That’s wonderful! Let’s pencil that in……” her voice fades off as she starts scribbling away on her list.
Crisis adverted…for now.
***
It’s well past midnight when I hear Brandon come to bed.
“Cherry, you awake?”
Sad how that’s becoming his standard greeting these days.
“Mmhmm.”
“Are you mad at me?”
I pause. Am I?
“I’m not mad at you Brandon, I’m just beyond frustrated with the situation.”
“I’m sorry I had to leave like that.”
I roll over and face him, just barely able to see him in the glow from the bedside clock. “I know it’s not your fault, but the rest of the day was exhausting. I needed you.”
“Ugh, don’t tell me that. It just makes me feel like crap.” He flops on his back.
“I’m not trying to guilt you or make you feel bad.” I chew on my lower lip, trying to figure out what to say. “Can’t you talk to the studio people? They’re the ones who want this show to succeed. Can’t you explain it to them that you need to have more time at home, just to get this done?”
“It’s not that easy, Cherry. There are a lot of other factors. Time is money and we are already over budget. Plus, seeing as how this whole wedding thing is actually a punishment, I’m not really in a position to be too demanding right now.”
“Our wedding is a punishment?” The words are barely out of my mouth before tears start falling.
“You know what I meant!”
“No, Brandon, I don’t know what you mean. When you say things like ‘our wedding is a punishment,’ it’s hard not to take it personally!”
“Damn it, Charity. I didn’t mean it like that and you know it. You’re being dramatic.”
“Dramatic? You want dramatic? Maybe we should just call the whole thing off. You know, that might work perfectly. A mysterious breakup is probably better at getting the media’s attention than a happy couple anyway, right?”
“I can’t talk to you right now. Not like this,” he says.
This time he rolls away completely.
Chapter Twelve
Things don’t get better the next week. The pace of planning seems to accelerate at the same rate as Brandon’s filming schedule. I think I’ve seen him less than ten hours in the last three days, leaving us no time to resolve the argument from the other night. And on top of everything else, the show’s first episode is set to air tonight and that is making everyone even more on edge.
The only good thing is that most of the planning is done, and the list of scenes left to film is dwindling down. That, and my mother finally went back to Seattle to stay with Valerie, so at least she isn’t here scrutinizing our every move.
This afternoon we are attempting to film Brandon and me practicing our first dance, per my frantic suggestion at the bakery. We are doing it in the living room and it’s not going well. There is no chemistry or connection and we are both stumbling over each other. We have been trying for hours and can’t seem to get on the same rhythm.
What was supposed to be a sweet, whimsical scene of us together is turning into a painful battle. Literally…
“Ouch. Brandon, that’s my foot. That’s the step where you go back.”
“Well, maybe if you would let me lead it would go better,” he snarls back.
I resist the urge to roll my eyes and instead offer up my hands again. He pulls me to him roughly and we start again. Less than ten steps in and we’re off track again.
“Ugh, this isn’t working,” I say. I step back and run my fingers through my hair.
“Well…maybe if you hadn’t skipped your dance lessons,” Kira says in a sickening, sing-song voice.
“Not helping, Kira,” I say.
“All I’m saying is that Ricardo could have sorted you two out like this,” she says, snapping her fingers for emphasis.
“Everyone out!” Brandon roars.
Everyone in the room seems to jump at once and scatter from the room. There is a rush of noise as they scramble to leave, but within minutes it’s silent.
The huge room seems incredibly small, even though it is just the two of us.
“What the hell Brandon? Now they all know something is wrong.”
He looks at me like I’m completely deranged. “You don’t think they already picked up on that? We’ve been going at each other all day.”
I shrug. “Maybe. I don’t know!”
Logically, I know they all know. Emotionally, I am hoping they are all really oblivious. It’s possible I’m a little bit in denial right now.
“We have to get it together.”
“I know.” I rub my temples and close my eyes. “I just need it all to stop.”
“Well it won’t.”
Thank you Captain Obvious.
“What is this even all about? Are you still pissed because of what I said the other night?”
For an intelligent man, he can be really, really dense sometimes.
“Of course it is! Our wedding is turning into a complete nightmare. You don’t want to be here; I don’t want to be here. None of this is going how I want. Not that it seems to matter what I want, or how I pictured everything. I get steamrolled at every turn. These people are everywhere, all the time. I can’t breathe. It’s suffocating me.
“The only thing that would make this entire fiasco slightly more tolerable, is if you were here. But you’re not. You’re always gone, and you just pop in and out to make an appearance and do your lines. Our life has turned into nothing more than just another movie for you. You show up, play your part, and then you’re gone again.
Hot tears of frustration spill down my cheeks and my voice loses control as I continue.
“But the thing is Brandon, this isn’t a movie. This is real life. This is our wedding. It’s supposed to be the happiest, most beautiful, special day of our lives and it’s a mess. A giant, horrific, gaudy mess.”
“And watching it all fall apart is just one more reminder that the way we live is not normal! Brandon, how can you not see that?” I pause and take a deep breath, desperately willing the tears to stop so I can focus. “This is completely insane. All of it.”
“What do you want me to do Charity? What do you expect me to do?” His voice is sharp, and I close my eyes against the harshness of his tone. “I can’t control everything. Hell, right now, I can’t control anything. I don’t have any say over my work schedule. I didn’t even ask to be on this show! As for the wedding, it’s not exactly what I want either, but whatever, it works.”
I reel back, my eyes pop open again. “Whatever, it works? Gee, that’s romantic.”
“You know what I mean,” he says.
“No, I’m not so sure I do. That’s the second comment you’ve made like that and I’m seriously beginning to wonder if you even want to go through with this. If you even want to get married.”
I stare him down, desperately hoping he jumps in
to correct me. To assure me that calling off the wedding is the last thing on his mind.
He’s silent.
My heart is beating so fast and hard I can practically feel each pulse reverberating through my body.
“I’m so angry right now that I can’t even look at you. I need a break,” I say, my frustration bubbling to the surface.
“So what are you going to do? Leave? Run back to Seattle?”
“No, I’m not leaving. I wouldn’t want to disappoint your adoring fans. And come to think of it, leaving is probably strictly forbidden in some sort of paperwork I signed somewhere along the way!”
I hear how ridiculous the statement is as soon as it’s out of my mouth, but I don’t bother to correct it. He throws his hands up and flops down on the couch.
Half of me wants to reach out and throttle him, and the other half wants to collapse into his arms and erase the last week from both of our memories and go back to the way it was before.
He doesn’t say anything else, and I can’t stand the silence for another moment. I pivot on my heel and stalk out of the room. “Tell Kira I’m off the clock tonight,” I yell back over my shoulder.
I go upstairs and lock myself in our bedroom. I pace around the room, ranting to myself, feeling like a caged tiger. Barely fifteen minutes pass before there is a knock on the door.
“Kira, I’m not in the mood. I’m done for the night,” I yell.
“It’s Ashley.”
I turn and open the door and she comes in and locks it behind her again.
“Sorry.”
“Totally understandable.”
“So, how much of that did everyone hear?”
“You want the truth?”
“Probably not.”
She nods in agreement with my decision and sits on the edge of the bed. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I shrug. “I don’t even really know what to say anymore. This whole thing just got so messed up, so fast. The day Brandon proposed was the best day of my life.”
“The first or second time?” Ashley asks.
I shoot her a look.
“Okay, okay, too soon. Sorry. Continue.”
“I never thought it would be like this. We should be so crazy, stupid happy right now, but instead we’re barely talking to each other, and when we do it seems forced. I mean we couldn’t even dance together. That’s a pretty bad sign! Like some sort of marriage readiness test. If you can’t even agree on how to dance at your wedding, chances are, you shouldn’t be getting married.”
