by Linda Ford
Gil followed her gaze around the landscape then settled his attention on her.
She darted a look to him and then was drawn back to the view.
He stood at her side and took her hand. “Does it make you feel small?”
“Small, but also strong. It’s like I am seeing a future filled with possibility.” Perhaps now was the time to tell him of her decision to limit her search for Frank’s stepbrother, but before she could speak of the matter, he tugged her hand.
“This is a place the Pawnee, Kiowa and Comanche tribes use as a lookout,” he said.
“Is that why it’s called Pawnee Rock?”
“No, it’s named because of a fight between some soldiers and some Pawnee Indians.”
She looked around. “Are there hostile tribes around here?”
“Haven’t seen any.”
She noted that he hadn’t said no and she gave the surrounding land closer study.
He caught her hand. “Come on, let’s carve our names on the rocks.”
She saw dozens of names in the face of the sandstone.
Gil carved Gil Trapper then handed her his knife. “Your turn.”
Her tongue caught at the corner of her mouth as she concentrated on making the letters for Judith Trapper. It seemed so strange not to use the name Russell. Stranger still to think of herself as married.
Done, she stood back to admire her work.
“Maybe Frank’s stepbrother’s name is here.” Surely, amidst all the names scratched into the rock, she’d find a Jones and assure her the man actually existed.
“Go ahead and look.” Gil’s tone let her know he didn’t care for her to do so, but she must, and she leaned over to examine carved signatures. After a few minutes, she admitted defeat. “Guess he didn’t care to add his name.”
She wished she hadn’t looked because the sweetness between her and Gil had vanished. “I had to check.”
“I know.” But he didn’t sound convinced.
The fact that she still searched for the man while he wanted her to forget about him hung between them like an invisible wall. She thought again of telling him she didn’t intend to look for him forever, but maybe there was an easier way to restore the good will between them.
“Should we add Anna’s name?” she asked.
“I’d say so.” He scratched Anna below their names. Judith went to the edge of the rock to look again at the distant horizon and try and recapture the earlier feeling of strength and joy. She heard a rattling sound. Touch her pocket to quiet the rattle in her pocket.
The rattle continued.
“Don’t move,” Gil said in a low voice that left no doubt about her danger.
Her heart stalled. Her lungs refused to work. Despite the cold wind sweeping over the top of the rocks, sweat beaded on her forehead. She couldn’t see the snake but knew it must be close enough to find her a threat and to constitute life-and-death danger to her.
Out of the corner of her eye she saw Gil dash forward, a stick in his hand. He swung the stick. Only then did she see the snake to her right. And saw Gil kill it.
Her knees melted and she sank to the ground, gasping and crying.
Gil sat beside her and pulled her to his knees holding her. “You’re safe. You’re okay. I’ve got you.”
She shuddered and clung to him. “I never saw it. What if it had bitten me?” Another shudder. “I hate snakes.”
“Guess this one never got the message to stay away from you.”
His droll tone surprised her and then she started to laugh. He laughed too. She laughed until her stomach hurt. They ended up lying side by side on top of Pawnee Rock looking up into the sky. Apart from the snake, Judith knew a contentment she hadn’t known in a long time.
She realized she hadn’t said since Frank’s death. Was Warren right? Had she not been as happy as she pretended when she was with Frank? To be honest, she had never felt the sense of peace and satisfaction she knew at this moment. Frank always sought something more. A new adventure. The opportunity to be seen in public and, she admitted, to be admired. He liked new clothes. Appearances mattered a great deal. More so, she confessed, then applying himself to any sort of work. She’d thought herself generous and patient to let him take his time, to be lulled by his explanation that his shipment had been delayed. For the first time, she allowed herself doubts.
Gil turned to his side and tickled her nose with a blade of grass. “A penny for your thoughts.”
“What if I think they are worth more than a penny?”
“All I have is yours. Is that enough?”
She stared into his dark, promising gaze. No fancy words. No flowery promises, but this man spoke truth from his heart and his words meant more to her than a hundred fancy ones.
“My thoughts aren’t worth even a penny,” she said.
“They are to me.” He dropped the grass and instead, trailed his finger along her jaw line. “Tell me what you were thinking to make the skin around your eyes tighten.” He rubbed the area he meant, his touch reaching deep into her being and throwing open doors of caution.
“I was thinking how much I like your gifts.”
He blinked. “What gifts?”
“A rattlesnake rattle for one. Our names in the rock. And didn’t you just tell me everything you have is mine? That’s pretty generous.”
“I wish I could give you more.”
She cupped his cheek with her hand. “Like what?”
He covered her hand with his. “If I could, I would give you a house full of joy, a life of contentment and a happy family. I would give you flowers at every window and a swing on the porch. I would give you a river with crystal clear water and trees that blossomed one after another so the air around you was always filled with the perfume of a thousand blooms.”
Her mouth grew so dry she had to swallow twice before she could speak and even then could barely get her voice a whisper. “Gil, that is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. I am going to write it down so I never forget one word.”
She pulled him down so she could reach his lips with hers and offered her thanks in a warm, claiming kiss.
He settled down beside her, holding her hand and they looked to the sky. She couldn’t speak for him but she looked toward a future such as he promised. After a gift such as he’d just given, she had to assure him that she shared his dreams for the future.
“Gil, I don’t know if constantly flowering trees are possible, but I’ll settle for a house full of joy and a happy family.”
She felt him draw in a breath and hold it. Knew he tried to understand what she said.
He pushed up to his elbow. “I hope it is possible.” Guessed he feared to make too much of it.
She understood that he didn’t believe she would abandon her search for Frank’s stepbrother. But she would once they’d reached Santa Fe. Either she would have found him by then or she would no longer try and locate him. She could let it go at that point knowing she had done her best.
He got to his feet and pulled her up. “We don’t want to be finding our way off the rocks after dark.”
She wished he would have gone further in response to her offer, but once they started to make their way down she was glad they left when they did as the descent required searching for careful footing. She was grateful Gil held her hand and guided her down.
He was the sort of man she knew she could trust to hold her hand and walk with her through the life he had offered.
Gil went over Judith’s words again and again the next day as he watched for signs of raiders and checked for places to stop at noon and then later, to spend the night. I’ll settle for a house full of joy and a happy family. He grinned. Could she mean it? Well, of course she did. But what exactly did she mean? She’d settle after she found the Jones guy? He’d hoped she might be willing to give up the search, but yesterday on Pawnee Rock it was clear she hadn’t. She’d spent several minutes searching through the many names.
He was tired of lif
e on the trail and wanted to settle down. There was only one thing for him to do. Help her find the Jones man so they could have their happy home and family. The only thing that bothered him about his decision was how it affected Anna. Life on the move, especially in the area Judith searched for the Jones man, was hard and dangerous. Anna deserved better and he had promised more than constant travel when he agreed to see she got a good home.
But he couldn’t make a home without Judith. Home meant life shared with her. There’d be no chance to tell her of his decision tonight. They would put in a long day for their journey took them across a difficult crossing. Moreover, it was the Sabbath and Reverend Shepton would have a sermon prepared.
As he predicted, the crossing was tough. The banks were steep and required branches to be cut to stick through the spokes of the wheels to act as brakes. Then the teams had to be doubled up to pull the wagons through sand up to the hubs. The afternoon was almost spent by the time the wagons were all safely across.
Buck, Warren, Luke and Gil took stock of the situation. The men were tired. The animals exhausted and everyone wet from fighting their way back and forth across the river.
Gil gave his opinion. “We’re near water, there are woods to the Southwest. I think we should spend the night here.” Ahead of them were two days without a good water source. “Let the animals get their strength back and fill up with water.”
Buck studied the landscape and adjusted his hat twice as he made a decision. “We’ll camp over there.” He pointed toward the woods.
The wagons were ordered to move that direction and then circled.
For his part, Gil thought a Sunday rest of a couple hours couldn’t go wrong.
Despite his wash in the river last night, he was in sore need of another scrubbing and he went into the river, clothes and all and removed the mud and sand of the day’s work.
Dripping wet, he made his way to the teamsters’ fire. Not until he had dried off would he join the smaller group.
After fifteen minutes of shivering, he changed his mind and dug a change of clothes out of one of his freight wagons, put on the dry ones and hung the wet. Then he sauntered over to where Judith held Anna on one hip and stirred a pot with the other hand.
He paused to watch her, picturing her in a warm kitchen with Anna and two or three other little ones nearby. He imagined her in the house full of joy that he had offered her.
She lifted her head, saw him and smiled. He knew the promise of that joy depended on her.
He hurried to her side and took Anna from her arms. Without thinking about what he did, he leaned forward and kissed Judith’s cheek which immediately flooded with color. Feeling rather pleased with his life, he sat down to play with Anna.
They ate early then Reverend Shepton called for their attention. “It’s Sunday. Let’s worship the Lord and thank Him for traveling mercies.”
The teamsters sat quietly, happy enough to accept whatever church service was offered.
Judith sat beside Gil, Anna in his lap. She was drowsy so didn’t protest at having to be still.
The reverend led them in some familiar hymns. Pete played the harmonica to accompany them, but nothing compared to hearing Judith’s sweet, clear voice blend with his deeper one. He decided she shared the feeling when she sent him a little smile before turning her attention back to the reverend who spoke about Moses leading the children of Israel across the desert. He concluded with the verse, “‘The eternal God is they refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.’”
As the others dispersed, Gil whispered to Judith, “Was that one of the verses you memorized?”
She smiled. “That and ninety-nine others.”
“It’s a wonderful thing your mother had you do.” He thought of the few times she had recited verses, and how the words meant so much coming from her. “I look forward to hearing all of them.”
“Maybe not all at once.”
He agreed, recognizing it as a promise for the future. Tomorrow, he reminded himself, he would tell her of his decision to help her find the Jones man. The sooner she found him, the sooner they could start their home together.
With Anna asleep in his arms, Gil was in no hurry to end the evening, but the other men went to tend the evening chores and he was on first guard duty so he took Anna to the wagon and bade Judith goodnight.
Reverend Shepton had reminded Gil of God’s care and how He answered prayer and he prayed that they would find this Jones fellow as quickly as possible. Perhaps before we get to Santa Fe. If they found him in Bent’s Fort perhaps they could join Luke and Donna Grace in heading west to start ranching.
He smiled as he circled the wagons doing his duty as the night guard. The future held the promise of home and family.
16
Judith barely saw Gil the next morning. He ate early then set out. Warren said water was scarce ahead and Gil had gone to scout out possible spots where they might find some.
“Otherwise we will be forced to follow the Arkansas. That route is less direct and harder travel.”
“I pray for success for him.” Judith didn’t add that she was far more concerned with the risk of rattlesnakes, raiders, angry Indians and any number of things than whether or not they had to take the easiest, fastest route.
They nooned without any sign of Gil. She did her best to hide her concern, but perhaps not as well as she hoped for Donna Grace joined her as she looked to the west hoping to see him riding back.
“He’s an experienced scout,” Donna Grace said.
“Doesn’t stop me from worrying.”
Donna Grace chuckled. “One of the perils of love.”
Judith was about to deny love had anything to do with it, but stopped herself. Let her sister-in-law think what she would. But as she turned her attention to other things, she considered the assumption. She’d grown fond of Gil, looked forward to the day they could make a home together, and missed him so much it hurt when he was away. Was that love?
She sat on the wagon seat beside Warren as they continued. The afternoon grew unbearably hot. “How can it be so cold at night and so hot in the day?” She wiped sweat from her brow and wished they were closer to the river. A dip in its cold waters sounded mighty enticing at the moment.
Warren studied the sky, a worried frown on his face.
“What’s wrong?” She looked at the sky too but saw nothing. A few clouds to the west but that wasn’t unusual. In fact, they were quite beautiful with the sun’s rays poking through. Like the fingers of God, she thought.
“I don’t like this weather. It’s too hot for this late in the year.”
She’d never considered her eldest brother to be a worry wart and his concern sent trickles of tension through her. She rehearsed all the disasters bad weather could bring.
If only Gil would return.
To calm her fears, she mentally quoted the Twenty-third Psalm. Peace returned, especially when she thought of how much Gil like to hear her say her memorized verses.
Over the rattle of the wagon and the beat of the mules’ hooves she heard a horse coming up beside them and turned. Gil. She almost shouted his name and stopped herself in time, offering a welcoming smile instead. Had he come to tell them they would soon stop for the night? She hoped so. Maybe he would ask her to walk with him again. He might even have brought her another gift and she tried to think what it might be. Perhaps a pretty rock that looked like a jewel. Or a fragrant bit of greenery.
He grinned and touched the brim of his hat in greeting.
Why did such a simple gesture turn her insides to molten honey?
He rode at her side. “Where’s Anna?”
“Papa,” the child called, peering out from behind Judith. Polly stood beside her.
“The girls like to play together.”
“Hi girls,” he said. He leaned forward in his saddle. “Hi Warren. Is everything okay?”
Warren glanced at the sky. “You tell me.”
The clouds had grown dark and
heavy. Lightening flashed in the distance and thunder echoed. Too far away to be of any concern, Judith wanted to say, but the worry on both men’s faces made her wonder if they knew something she didn’t.
“We could be in for a soaker,” Gil muttered.
“Or worse,” Warren said.
“You guys are making me nervous. Why would a little rain bother us?”
“Hopefully it won’t. I’m going to check on the wagons.” Gil rode down the line.
Judith turned to her brother. “What are you concerned about?”
“Storms out on the prairie can be unpredictable.”
She understood that but they had ridden out several storms already and apart from the rain and wind, it had been bearable. A wind tugged at her clothes. The heat she’d recently complained about vanished. She shivered and reached behind her for a shawl. “Are you girls warm enough?”
Polly nodded. “We’ll make a tent of the blankets if we get cold.”
Dark clouds raced toward them with lightning and thunder coming from the swirling midst.
Warren’s grasp on the reins tightened.
“Are they going to bolt?”
“Not if I can help it.” But the mules skittered as lightning flashed so brightly that Judith found herself momentarily blinded. Then thunder roared.
“Mama,” Anna cried.
“Stay with Polly. Polly, wrap her up and hold her.”
The lightning flashed so close that Judith wondered if they would be struck. They were the highest objects in the wild, flat prairie.
She wondered why they didn’t stop for the night and circle the wagons.
Thunder snapped close on the heels of each flash. The air filled with static and the smell of gunpowder.
“Something’s been hit,” Warren said and turned the wagon about to look behind them.
Flames lit the canvas of one of the wagons.
Buck rode down the line. “Pull out. Secure your wagons and find something to fight fire with.”
