by Leanne Banks
Tears welled in her eyes. Sara crumpled up the piece of paper and threw it across the room. She’d settled nothing and she’d never felt so alone in her life. Alone. And scared.
By the following evening she’d reached two major conclusions. She wasn’t telling Daniel right away, and she wasn’t going to see him until she’d settled something in her mind. She had her excuses all lined up, and because Daniel was distracted by some problems at the farm, Sara got away with it for five days.
Five days, five pieces of paper, and she still had no answers. She was beginning to run out of excuses.
“I haven’t seen you in five nights, Sara,” Daniel said.
“I know. We’ve both been busy.”
“I can bring over some dinner and wine, rent a movie if you want.”
Sara’s chest tightened. “I don’t think so. I’m a little tired tonight.” That was the truth. She now had three symptoms of pregnancy. She was tired, her bladder seemed to have shrunk and her breasts were tender.
Daniel sighed. “Then I’ll watch you sleep. I just need to see you.”
Sara closed her eyes. At the very heart of her being she needed to see Daniel, too, to have him take her in his arms and reassure her that she didn’t need to worry, that everything would be okay. She also knew, however, that for her own peace of mind she needed to reach a decision and make some plans. “I’m sorry,” she finally said, “but I think I need a little space.”
Dead silence settled on the line. Sara heard Daniel take a breath.
“Space,” he repeated in a deep, lethally calm voice.
Sara’s panic rose to the surface. “I’ve got a lot on my mind. I can’t really explain it, but—” Her voice cracked, and she swallowed hard. “There are some things I need to think about.”
“I don’t like the sound of this.”
“I’m sorry.” She patted Pavi. His silky hair offered a little comfort in this comfortless situation. “I don’t like it either. It’s—”
Daniel’s voice sliced across hers. “When can I see you?”
Sara bit her lip against the loss of his gentleness. Even before she opened her mouth, her words tasted bitter on her tongue. “I don’t know.”
Sara waited, dreading his response.
“Goodbye, Sara,” he said quietly, then hung up.
A cold, hard knot formed in her chest, making it hard to breathe. His words had sounded so final. God help her, she didn’t want to lose him. The knot clenched painfully. Her whole body seemed to rebel at the thought. Pavi even sensed her distress, whining and rubbing against her hand.
Though she hovered near tears, Sara tried not to overreact. She took deep breaths and attempted to reason with herself. It took thirty minutes, but she finally managed to calm herself. She was sipping herbal tea when the doorbell rang.
Her hands immediately began to shake. She knew who it was. Setting down the tea, Sara made her way across the room and opened the door. He wore jeans and a denim jacket, and he looked tired and unhappy. She wanted to put her arms around him and soothe away the tiredness. She wanted to make him smile. Instead she made herself stand by the door.
Daniel didn’t wait for an invitation, since he suspected he might not get one. He walked through the doorway into Sara’s den and turned to face her. “Are you gonna tell me what’s going on?”
She crossed her arms over her chest, and Daniel noticed she had faint circles under her eyes. She looked vulnerable, beautiful and miserable.
“I can’t,” she confessed. “I just can’t.”
His gut tightened at the desperate sound in her voice. “This sounds serious.”
She looked down and bit her lip. “It is. But it’s something I’ve got to figure out for myself. I don’t know how my future will be affected and—”
“Future?” Daniel narrowed his eyes. Something was going on here, and he didn’t like the direction the conversation was taking. He had the unsettling impression that Sara might be pulling back permanently. The notion was completely unacceptable to him. He walked closer to her and tilted up her chin, urging her to meet his gaze. In her eyes he saw pain and secrets. Both made him restless. “Is this your way of brushing me off?”
“No,” she answered immediately. “But I’m not sure what’s going to happen with me.”
He saw the sheen of tears glistening in her eyes and swore, then folded her into his arms. “Honey, why can’t you tell me?”
“I can’t. Please don’t ask me to. I just need a little time to figure things out.” She snuggled deeper into his embrace.
The only thing that gave him any comfort in this situation was the way she was clinging to him as if she never wanted to let go. Wishing he could do more, he stroked her hair in a soothing gesture. “How long do you need?”
She breathed deeply and pressed her cheek against his chest. “I don’t know.”
“I don’t know” was too vague. He wanted this situation over and done with. He wanted Sara back even if she was hurting. The several days he’d already gone without her felt too long, as if something vital had been missing from his life. The realization of how much she’d come to mean to him shook him. He swallowed hard. “I’ll give you a week. Is there anything I can do?”
“Just hold me for a few minutes,” she said, her voice muffled by his shirt. “Please.”
Daniel wrestled with the odd feeling that she was asking him to hold her for the last time.
Sara spent the week evaluating her choices. Sometimes the pregnancy seemed surreal, as if it weren’t really happening to her. Her body hadn’t changed in any measurable way. For the most part she didn’t feel any different. But she never forgot it, not during her waking or her sleeping hours when she dreamed about it.
She forced herself to consider all her options. It was incredibly difficult, and the pro-and-con lists didn’t work quite so well with her emotions so involved. One by one she eliminated her choices. She didn’t think she had the strength to carry a baby for nine months and put it up for adoption, although she admired those women who did.
She wondered if she was a wicked person to consider ending the pregnancy before she got too attached to the idea of having Daniel’s baby. But she was already attached. And the idea of losing her baby frightened her.
With each passing day it was becoming clearer that she would have this baby and, God help her, raise it with all the love and care she could muster. It was also becoming clear that Sara might have to move away from Beulah County.
On day seven, D-day, Sara sat at her desk wondering what in the world she could say to Daniel.
Carly put a mug of coffee in front of her. “I’m worried about you.”
Sara managed a slight smile. “Thanks. It’s nice to know you care enough to worry.”
Carly lifted a dark eyebrow. “I’m not the only one. Daniel has called every night this week to ask how you are. Since you haven’t confided in me, I haven’t been able to tell him much.”
Sara looked down at the papers on her desk. “I haven’t really confided in anyone yet,” she confessed. In a way Sara wished she could talk about her problem with Carly, but since Carly was Daniel’s sister, it didn’t feel right. “I’ve gotten myself into a situation that will necessitate some big changes and I needed to make some decisions.”
Carly sat on the corner of the desk. “And have you?”
Sara nodded slowly. “Some.”
“Do you mind telling me how this could affect me or Daniel?”
“I might not be staying in Beulah County.”
Carly’s eyes widened. “Why not?”
“It might be best.”
“Not for me it wouldn’t. And I’m sure Daniel wouldn’t want you to leave.”
Sara sighed and looked directly at Carly. “You’ve been a great boss and an even better friend, but there are some things about my past that I never told you. Things that might change your opinion of me. I can’t begin to tell you how much I care about Daniel, but I’m trying to do what�
�s best for everyone.”
“I don’t give a rip about your past, and I bet Daniel doesn’t either.” Carly frowned. “There’s obviously something else going on here. Something you’re not ready to talk about. I wish you felt you could, but I can respect your privacy if you promise not to do anything rash without telling me first.”
Sara knew she wouldn’t leave without first telling Carly, so the request was no problem. “I promise.”
Carly nodded. “Okay. And one more thing.”
“What?”
“I’m taking you out for an early dinner after work tonight. You look too pale.”
Sara thought about her seesaw appetite. “I don’t know—”
Carly pressed her hand over Sara’s. “You’re making me feel helpless. If you won’t talk to me, at least let me feed you.”
Appreciating the comfort of Carly’s friendship, Sara relented. “Okay, but I’ve got to get home early.” She wondered if she’d be able to eat a thing. Dread wove through her stomach. After dinner Daniel would be waiting for an explanation.
Chapter Twelve
Responsible, mature, even-tempered Daniel Pendleton was ready to throw a fit. He slammed the receiver down and swore. This was the fourth time he’d called Sara and gotten her answering machine. He prowled from one side of the den to the other, muttering under his breath.
Troy made a noise and slunk farther into the sofa cushions.
“Did you say something?” Daniel asked sharply.
Shooting Daniel a wary glance, Troy shook his head. “Not a word. I was clearing my throat.”
Daniel jammed his hands into his pockets and brooded.
“I take it Sara’s not home,” Troy said cautiously.
“You take it right.”
“Have you tried Carly or Russ?”
“No.” He’d been too intent on Sara to call his sister tonight as he had every other night this week. “Good idea, Troy,” he said, heading for the phone.
From Russ, Daniel learned that Carly had taken Sara out for dinner at a local restaurant. He waited fifteen more minutes and grew tired of cooling his heels, so he headed for the restaurant. Under normal circumstances he’d feel foolish, but he’d spent the entire last week racking his brain about what could be upsetting Sara so much and he’d come up empty.
Empty was how he’d felt when he realized he couldn’t hold her or make love to her or talk with her. A few nights ago he’d nearly gone nuts just wanting to hear her voice or smell her skin.
Drumming his fingers on the steering wheel, he sat in his truck for a few minutes and watched the front door. He chewed his way through a whole pack of mints, all the while wondering if he should have worn more aftershave. Leaning his head back, he closed his eyes. He hadn’t ever been this nervous about a woman. Never. Not with his first date nor with his first lover. Funny thing, though, he felt as if he’d learned the true meaning of the word lover only with Sara.
His edginess grew too big for the cab. He stepped out into the brisk winter night, and after pacing off his restlessness next to the brick restaurant, he leaned against the wall outside the door.
She walked out, and his heart stopped. She was talking to Carly and she didn’t see him at first, so he said her name. “Sara.”
She stopped midstride, her expression a mixture of surprise and apprehension. “Daniel.”
He cleared his throat. “It’s been a week.”
Sara nodded. “So it has.” She turned to Carly and murmured, “Thank you.”
Carly squeezed her shoulder and shot Daniel a warning look. She walked away and elbowed him in the ribs to get his attention. “Watch your step, big brother.”
After that confidence-building remark, Daniel considered throwing Sara over his shoulder and hauling her back to his house with no discussion. He exhaled in frustration. “You want to go for a ride?”
“Okay.”
He helped her into the truck and headed for the lake. They made the entire trip in silence. He caught sight of her hands clenched together in a white-knuckle grip and felt his uneasiness mount. After he pulled to a stop and cut the engine, he covered one of those small, tense hands with his and intertwined their fingers together. He felt the connection. It was more than sizzle and fire. It was warmth and affection, and everything that Sara had become to him.
“Have you got something to tell me?”
She looked out the window. “I’ve tried to find a good way to tell you this.”
Despite his hurt, he was growing tired of her reticence. Suddenly all the strain he’d felt from the week overwhelmed him. His patience snapped, and he released her hand. “How about ‘It’s been fun, but it’s over’?”
Sara jerked her head around. “I wasn’t going to say that.”
He arched an eyebrow. “No? The words might be different, but the message is the same. Did you finally get bored with the farmer?”
Sara felt as if she’d been slapped. “No! I haven’t been bored with you since the first minute we met. This is about something else.”
“Sara, I’ve been in bed with you every night I could manage for the last six weeks. We got closer than close. I can read your face, baby.” His gaze slid down to her chest. “I can read your body. Can you tell me that you’re not trying to tell me goodbye?”
Unable to deny it, she fell silent. She saw a flash of aching vulnerability in his eyes and felt a stabbing sensation cut through her.
“Well, I guess that says it all.” He got out of the truck and slammed the door behind him.
Full of frustration and her own gripping pain, Sara stared after him. She hadn’t wanted to hurt him. That was the point of all this, wasn’t it? It was why she’d decided to leave Beulah and raise the baby somewhere else. She didn’t want to burden him. It had been the hardest decision of her life, and she was scared to death, but she had never wanted to hurt him.
She went after him. His hands were in his pockets, his back to her as he stared into the black night. “I’m sorry,” she said softly.
“Why didn’t you just tell me instead of jerking my chain all week?”
“This hasn’t been easy for me.”
He gave a snort of disgust. “You could’ve fooled me.
Sara felt tears spring to her eyes. “You have no idea how hard this is for me.”
He cocked his head to one side, and the light from the moon revealed his clenched jaw. Then he turned around. He hooked his thumbs in his pockets and strutted toward her until he stood an inch away. His face was hard, his eyes unhappy. He was all hurt and anger mixed with the inherent power he wore like a second skin.
The combination seared her heart and soul.
He narrowed his eyes. “Prove it.”
Sara’s heart raced. “Prove what?”
“If this is so hard for you, then prove it.”
His gaze was predatory in a way she’d never seen in him before. Her mouth went dry. “What do you mean?”
“I want one last time with you.” He rubbed her lower lip with his thumb. “One last wild time when I watch you come apart and feel myself pumping inside you.” He lifted her hand and held it against his chest. “You always liked my body, Sara. You always liked the way I kissed you.” He shifted his hand to her breast. “You always liked my hands and mouth on you. Do you like the farmer enough to give him one last time?”
Sara sucked in a quick breath of cold winter air. To her dismay her nipple puckered immediately, and she felt a shattering swell of arousal. “This isn’t a good idea. It’s not what we need.”
Daniel slid his hands beneath her coat and circled her waist. “Don’t tell me what I need, darlin’. I’ve gotten used to having you, and it’s gonna be hard as hell for me to quit cold turkey.”
He lowered his mouth to hers for a kiss that turned her knees to liquid and provoked a visceral tension within her.
“So tell me, babe,” he muttered in a rough I-gotta-have-you voice, “do I do anything for you anymore?”
Sara closed
her eyes against the need that hummed through her blood. “This is insane, Daniel. We’re breaking up.”
He covered her mouth with his fingers. “No. No more talk of breaking up tonight. Tomorrow’s soon enough. I want to know if I can still make you moan. I want to know if you ever feel like begging as much as I have.”
He undid the buttons on her blouse, pushed open the silky material and slipped his palm over her breast. Sara gasped at his speed and the shot of cold air.
Rubbing her nipple between his thumb and forefinger, he gave a gruff sound of approval. “I always liked your breasts, Sara. They’re so sensitive to my hands, just like you are.”
Every touch of his fingers against her nipples made her more and more restless. “Daniel,” she pleaded, unsure of what she wanted anymore.
“What do you want, honey? Do you want my mouth?” He nuzzled her neck. “You always liked that. Or do you want to say no? It’s a little word. Easy to say. You say it a lot. But not to me. If you don’t want me, just say no.”
She’d never seen him this way, taunting and teasing. Maybe it would have turned her off if she hadn’t seen the hurt in his beautiful eyes and heard the hint of desperation in his voice. His pain mirrored her own. Familiar, warm and strong, his body pressed against hers was the sweetest agony. For all his macho cockiness Daniel was miserable. And she was too. She felt a sudden surge of greed.
What could one more time hurt? It wouldn’t change anything in the long run. It wouldn’t alter the course she’d chosen. But maybe they could help each other through one last dark night.
Something inside her broke free. She met his gaze straight on. “You know I can’t say no to you, Daniel.”
She barely blinked before he picked her up and carried her to the truck. After shoving the seat back, he slid in the passenger side, and his mouth fell on hers with primitive hunger. Distantly she was conscious of the door slamming.
Her head swam with the scent of him. Somehow everything felt different, as if their civilized coverings had been stripped off. There wasn’t an ounce of hesitation in him. His hands were determined and purposeful. His mouth was an instrument of seduction and possession. This was no gentle, loving goodbye. It was a blatant demonstration of his need for her.
